I swallowed the light from the sun.
Current Music: Black Balloon- The Goo Goo Dolls
See, sometimes I worry.
"You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
Was it the things they never showed you
that swallowed the light from the sun
inside your room?"
I just need to keep reminding myself it's all about fake love. What is reality? It's all fake. Everything's fake. Magic!Love certainly is. So I need to quit. Like I decided this morning when I sucked all the hope out of my life, it's nothing. I'm making too much out of it, and all because of my desperation to fill some void I have. I'm holding the result of one of those episodes in my lap right now, and I can't start making a habit of screwing up like that. I have to stop making life decisions in an attempt to feel better. I'm going to start being as thoughtless and idiotic as everyone else in the world, and then I will hate myself. It is not a good idea for me to make an enemy out of myself, and if I don't stop acting on impulse I'm just going to keep digging myself deeper. I don't know what's wrong with me. I never do this. It's like I'm losing control of myself, like part of me wants to lose control."Why not? You're making life as depressing as hell anyway, so why not?"
Because I don't like having regrets.
"Ah, right. Better to regret something you didn't do than to regret something you did, right?"
Right.
"I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow ..."
"And I go on as you get colder..."
"And I'll become
What you became to me."
And see, this is how I felt after I got rid of the puppies the first time.
Not that this is Rocky's fault. This is all my fault. It's just that the realization came with getting Rocky. Before that I still had hope. Now I've killed it. Now I've seen what ignoring the voice of reason and being spontaneous does.
And that's depressing.
Because ignorance is bliss.
See, sometimes I worry.
"You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
Was it the things they never showed you
that swallowed the light from the sun
inside your room?"
I just need to keep reminding myself it's all about fake love. What is reality? It's all fake. Everything's fake. Magic!Love certainly is. So I need to quit. Like I decided this morning when I sucked all the hope out of my life, it's nothing. I'm making too much out of it, and all because of my desperation to fill some void I have. I'm holding the result of one of those episodes in my lap right now, and I can't start making a habit of screwing up like that. I have to stop making life decisions in an attempt to feel better. I'm going to start being as thoughtless and idiotic as everyone else in the world, and then I will hate myself. It is not a good idea for me to make an enemy out of myself, and if I don't stop acting on impulse I'm just going to keep digging myself deeper. I don't know what's wrong with me. I never do this. It's like I'm losing control of myself, like part of me wants to lose control."Why not? You're making life as depressing as hell anyway, so why not?"
Because I don't like having regrets.
"Ah, right. Better to regret something you didn't do than to regret something you did, right?"
Right.
"I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow ..."
"And I go on as you get colder..."
"And I'll become
What you became to me."
And see, this is how I felt after I got rid of the puppies the first time.
Not that this is Rocky's fault. This is all my fault. It's just that the realization came with getting Rocky. Before that I still had hope. Now I've killed it. Now I've seen what ignoring the voice of reason and being spontaneous does.
And that's depressing.
Because ignorance is bliss.