reugena
I felt you in my legs before I even met you, and when I laid beside you for the first time I told you, "I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you." And now we're saying bye, goodbye, goodbye. I felt you in my life before I ever thought to, I need to lay it down beside you and tell you, "I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you." And now we're saying bye, goodbye, goodbye. I flew home back to where we met. Stayed inside, I was so upset. I cooked up a plan I thought you could accept. I was all alone you were all I had. Love you. You were all mine. Love me. I was yours, right?
Call me.
i feel so confused. i've always had issues with trust, and i think that's pretty obvious.. but i feel so trapped. words. i can never explain how i truly feel, how profound my thoughts are. i can't describe my emotions because everything runs so much deeper than i can possibly describe. i'm in a fucking cage, i wish there was no way to communicate. just me in the world, at least i wouldn't know what i was missing out on. i wish i could be understood, inside and out, and reggie.. god, she knew me. she knew every thought. i wouldn't even change facial expressions, i wouldn't even change my tone of voice and she would know to ask "what's wrong?" all the times something was wrong. i would always say "nothing" but she would give me this look and god.. what am i supposed to do? i can't be close to anyone like i was to her, i can't because i know what i had, and i know it was gone. i never took our time together for granted and i guess that's something to be happy about, but how can i? she was my glue, my fucking universe and to have that taken away from you? it's so much worse than i could ever imagine.i'm just wasting thought after thought after thought about how i would feel if she was back in her old house, and everything would be okay.. it would. it was always okay. she was the best friend i've ever had. i've never loved anyone so profusely.. i feel like i have no one. i have jeff.. i have heather.. but they can't compare.. i can't tell if he can stand me or he just puts up with me because i love him, because i care so deeply about him and he can't break it to me. i know what i have for him is real, but i just...
god. i can't quit crying. sobbing. i haven't stopped since she called.. it was. god fucking damnit. i despise everyone, i just want her back. i can keep saying that, i can keep trying but it's never going to happen. i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and taken with her, and she can have it.. and keep it forever, but i can't deal with her not being next to me. i can't make it through this year without her backing me up, and she can't. nothing can compare, everything means nothing without her, i don't see colour anymore, i don't hear music, i can't watch the flowers grow. my world is grey, there's no way this can be comprehended by anyone, i dont think i can explain whats in my mind. what's in my soul. she was taken from me and its not fair, its not right. it's selfish of me but she was mine. there is nothing that means one fucking thing to me anymore, except her voice, her words. and i can't breathe anymore. every thought i have is suffocated my memories of her and the way we understood. there is nothing that will replace that. i feel so empty, so unwell. just a big black hole. i want to disappear, to fall into nonexistance. i don't want my heart to keep beating if she can't be facing me every day. i don't want to have to wake up every morning, face myself in the mirror, and say "today is going to be another hard day because there is no one." there is nothing left of me.. except the thought that i have to keep marching on. it's not worth it if i can't hold her hand. it's not if i can't see her face. it's not. i can't find reasons, i can't explain myself any further. i don't want to go on because i don't have a best friend anymore. i have no one.. just a shadow of a memory of being happy. cobwebs that held the best days of my life, the best friend of my life. i just can't keep doing this. i am not a human being anymore. i just take up space because without her, i am nothing. without her... i don't want to be anything.
Call me.
i feel so confused. i've always had issues with trust, and i think that's pretty obvious.. but i feel so trapped. words. i can never explain how i truly feel, how profound my thoughts are. i can't describe my emotions because everything runs so much deeper than i can possibly describe. i'm in a fucking cage, i wish there was no way to communicate. just me in the world, at least i wouldn't know what i was missing out on. i wish i could be understood, inside and out, and reggie.. god, she knew me. she knew every thought. i wouldn't even change facial expressions, i wouldn't even change my tone of voice and she would know to ask "what's wrong?" all the times something was wrong. i would always say "nothing" but she would give me this look and god.. what am i supposed to do? i can't be close to anyone like i was to her, i can't because i know what i had, and i know it was gone. i never took our time together for granted and i guess that's something to be happy about, but how can i? she was my glue, my fucking universe and to have that taken away from you? it's so much worse than i could ever imagine.i'm just wasting thought after thought after thought about how i would feel if she was back in her old house, and everything would be okay.. it would. it was always okay. she was the best friend i've ever had. i've never loved anyone so profusely.. i feel like i have no one. i have jeff.. i have heather.. but they can't compare.. i can't tell if he can stand me or he just puts up with me because i love him, because i care so deeply about him and he can't break it to me. i know what i have for him is real, but i just...
god. i can't quit crying. sobbing. i haven't stopped since she called.. it was. god fucking damnit. i despise everyone, i just want her back. i can keep saying that, i can keep trying but it's never going to happen. i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and taken with her, and she can have it.. and keep it forever, but i can't deal with her not being next to me. i can't make it through this year without her backing me up, and she can't. nothing can compare, everything means nothing without her, i don't see colour anymore, i don't hear music, i can't watch the flowers grow. my world is grey, there's no way this can be comprehended by anyone, i dont think i can explain whats in my mind. what's in my soul. she was taken from me and its not fair, its not right. it's selfish of me but she was mine. there is nothing that means one fucking thing to me anymore, except her voice, her words. and i can't breathe anymore. every thought i have is suffocated my memories of her and the way we understood. there is nothing that will replace that. i feel so empty, so unwell. just a big black hole. i want to disappear, to fall into nonexistance. i don't want my heart to keep beating if she can't be facing me every day. i don't want to have to wake up every morning, face myself in the mirror, and say "today is going to be another hard day because there is no one." there is nothing left of me.. except the thought that i have to keep marching on. it's not worth it if i can't hold her hand. it's not if i can't see her face. it's not. i can't find reasons, i can't explain myself any further. i don't want to go on because i don't have a best friend anymore. i have no one.. just a shadow of a memory of being happy. cobwebs that held the best days of my life, the best friend of my life. i just can't keep doing this. i am not a human being anymore. i just take up space because without her, i am nothing. without her... i don't want to be anything.