I book a lot of package tours to Dollywood and Euro Dollywood - that's in Alabama

[wringhim]

Christina Aguilera isn't coming to Scotland on her new tour. On the positive side, neither is Steven Seagal and his band (I guess when you're too old to do kung-fu and all your muscles have turned to flab, you have to become a rock star, but do you really have to come to Britain, or tour, or perform?)

In light of the shootings in Montreal and the city's long history of college massacres, I think we need to ban the French language. You don't get that kind of nonsense in Vancouver.