My 'aha' moment when it comes to that inevitable 'why-am-I-writing-this-it-is-sewerage' feeling.
I just had an epiphany, and I thought perhaps I'd share it. I can't be the only one, after all...
I'm trying to write a piece for a deadline right now. And I have to do it, because at stake is My Name In Print. I've finally decided on the angle I'm taking and I've been plugging away at it, getting stuck on facts and then glossing over them, since I know I can check them later; getting frustrated because it's not going where I want it go, or not going there fast enough.
Now I'm at the stage where I think it is rubbish, and nobody will like it. I should just quit and find something else to write about, right? Why am I even writing in the first place?
And it occurred to me that I do this every time I write something of any length, or whenever I have a deadline to meet. With NaNo, it usually happens in the third week of the month, where I've written over half but still have so far to go. And suddenly, I understood why I do it!
It's a self-sabotage. It's my own way to try to get out of it. Thinking that it's stupid means I give myself an excuse to stop, and it means if other people don't like it, I've already come to that conclusion myself. Because by this stage it's hard work, and isn't writing supposed to be fun? If I were any good at it, I'd enjoy it, wouldn't I?
So there you go.
I don't know if this realisation will stop these feelings of failure and doubt - hopefully it will mean I can roll my eyes at myself and think, 'oh, you silly. It will be fine. You can just edit it later. Yes, that is Hard Work. Suck it up.'