Well. This is fun. Ooooh - jam! Not jam. Balls.
We're waiting for our boyfriend to come on line so we can try desperately to be happy.
Meanwhile we're drinking cans of gods know what and trying to carve a hole in our side.
WTF?
Dear Neurons,
Please make up your minds.
Either strive for misery or happyiness - it's not emotional fucking hopscotch.
Cheers.
Me xx
Yes, yes it is immensely stupid.
It's that 'I love you please fix me and cheer me up but at the same time don't because you shouldn't have to and if you have to you might hate me arrgghh' sort of thing.
Or perhaps the 'Wanna talk to you wanna talk to you must talk to you..... hi! ummmmmmmm.... hi. heehee. Um. Bollocks.'
*sigh* Love is very contradictory.
And so am I.
Likely so is Kallian.
Fekk knows how we've made it this far =P
Ergghh. I want to go mental and bleed everywhere. But I can't because I have to be up at 5.30am tomorrow. Also I can't slice open my face or arms because of James's wedding. Yes, Kallian too. But, well, currently neurons are still of the opinion that if he doesn't see it and we don't mention it, it doesn't happen. Which is all shades of wrong, we know. Then again any time he has seven+ pints in him he likes to fekk about with sharp things whilst simultaneously telling us we can't which seems rather unfair...
Yes, yes I know I am being supremely childish.
I... I don't know.
I have a slight fear/premonition that I won't be able to ditch my crazy until Kallian's been through it once. (Gods help me I spent last sunday pretty much running through what would happen if I went mental in the US and got put in the Theo Lacey compound.) Which is both stupid and awful. In my (very scant) defense all I can offer is - it feels like story? It feels like a thing very likely to happen, as likely as getting married or having children or all the other bits of story. Yes, we make our own stories. But sometimes I think there's a deal struck: if you want a particular story you have to play the archetypes and pay the price - for good and bad.
That means there will be pits and traps and monsters, fights and rescues, spells and kisses and broken curses... If you call magic into your life and want to live a story, you have to live the damn story, or else it all crumbles.
No, I don't expect you to believe me.
But the fact is, I've always sought the strange, the unlikely, the impossible, the faerytale. I'd far rather the grace and drama of stories than the pettiness and flailing of everyday life. And I'll pay the price too.
...I just hope no one else has to pay too much on my behalf.
Meanwhile we're drinking cans of gods know what and trying to carve a hole in our side.
WTF?
Dear Neurons,
Please make up your minds.
Either strive for misery or happyiness - it's not emotional fucking hopscotch.
Cheers.
Me xx
Yes, yes it is immensely stupid.
It's that 'I love you please fix me and cheer me up but at the same time don't because you shouldn't have to and if you have to you might hate me arrgghh' sort of thing.
Or perhaps the 'Wanna talk to you wanna talk to you must talk to you..... hi! ummmmmmmm.... hi. heehee. Um. Bollocks.'
*sigh* Love is very contradictory.
And so am I.
Likely so is Kallian.
Fekk knows how we've made it this far =P
Ergghh. I want to go mental and bleed everywhere. But I can't because I have to be up at 5.30am tomorrow. Also I can't slice open my face or arms because of James's wedding. Yes, Kallian too. But, well, currently neurons are still of the opinion that if he doesn't see it and we don't mention it, it doesn't happen. Which is all shades of wrong, we know. Then again any time he has seven+ pints in him he likes to fekk about with sharp things whilst simultaneously telling us we can't which seems rather unfair...
Yes, yes I know I am being supremely childish.
I... I don't know.
I have a slight fear/premonition that I won't be able to ditch my crazy until Kallian's been through it once. (Gods help me I spent last sunday pretty much running through what would happen if I went mental in the US and got put in the Theo Lacey compound.) Which is both stupid and awful. In my (very scant) defense all I can offer is - it feels like story? It feels like a thing very likely to happen, as likely as getting married or having children or all the other bits of story. Yes, we make our own stories. But sometimes I think there's a deal struck: if you want a particular story you have to play the archetypes and pay the price - for good and bad.
That means there will be pits and traps and monsters, fights and rescues, spells and kisses and broken curses... If you call magic into your life and want to live a story, you have to live the damn story, or else it all crumbles.
No, I don't expect you to believe me.
But the fact is, I've always sought the strange, the unlikely, the impossible, the faerytale. I'd far rather the grace and drama of stories than the pettiness and flailing of everyday life. And I'll pay the price too.
...I just hope no one else has to pay too much on my behalf.