Letters I should write....
Dear Mr Beardsley,
I have always admired your art.
Currently I've been employed to draw two wedding invitations, one poster and seventeen illustrations in your stark aesthetic style.
I'm hoping not to loathe your work by the time I finish.
Right now, I'm sad to say, dear boy if you weren't dead I'd kill you.
Why? Well, for a start there's my jealousy over TB, but let's ignore that. Also the circles you moved in and the fact you had both fame and an amount of notoriety and money. But never mind that either.
No, what's really pissing me off is the fact that sometimes, you can't draw.
I've been studying your illustrations quite closely. Satyrs have sticks for legs, people have limbs at unlikely angles, your figures on horseback are like a Sindy doll on a MyLittlePony. And whilst your borders give the impression of intricate celtic knotwork, they're not. And your peacock feather patterns crop up whenever you were bored or needed to fill a gap and they don't even sit like proper feathers.
But (you might have guessed) what is REALLY PISSING ME OFF is that you were a stylistic genius and no one noticed when you had an off day. Where as I'm not, and if I have a less that brilliant day everyone squints at my stuff and mutters something like 'you can't get the staff these days'.
FUCK. Damn you for being able to draw crooked but still brilliant when I can't.
Admiration, vitriol and kisses,
Corvid
x
=====
Dear Barclaycard,
...........WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?
...Really? - REALLY?
.......
How the hell...? Hm. Fuck.
Okay. Okay.
Right.
Erm. I shan't go shopping for food then.
Screw you.
Impecuniously,
Raven
=====
Dear HMRC,
Please do not steal our CSA jacket.
We'd add a threat, but what's the point?
We have no money. If you held our jacket to ransom we'd be very unhappy and would have to beg and borrow to get it back. Please leave it be and send it home to us without further demands or menaces.
Yours scattily,
Raven's Neurons
I have always admired your art.
Currently I've been employed to draw two wedding invitations, one poster and seventeen illustrations in your stark aesthetic style.
I'm hoping not to loathe your work by the time I finish.
Right now, I'm sad to say, dear boy if you weren't dead I'd kill you.
Why? Well, for a start there's my jealousy over TB, but let's ignore that. Also the circles you moved in and the fact you had both fame and an amount of notoriety and money. But never mind that either.
No, what's really pissing me off is the fact that sometimes, you can't draw.
I've been studying your illustrations quite closely. Satyrs have sticks for legs, people have limbs at unlikely angles, your figures on horseback are like a Sindy doll on a MyLittlePony. And whilst your borders give the impression of intricate celtic knotwork, they're not. And your peacock feather patterns crop up whenever you were bored or needed to fill a gap and they don't even sit like proper feathers.
But (you might have guessed) what is REALLY PISSING ME OFF is that you were a stylistic genius and no one noticed when you had an off day. Where as I'm not, and if I have a less that brilliant day everyone squints at my stuff and mutters something like 'you can't get the staff these days'.
FUCK. Damn you for being able to draw crooked but still brilliant when I can't.
Admiration, vitriol and kisses,
Corvid
x
=====
Dear Barclaycard,
...........WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?
...Really? - REALLY?
.......
How the hell...? Hm. Fuck.
Okay. Okay.
Right.
Erm. I shan't go shopping for food then.
Screw you.
Impecuniously,
Raven
=====
Dear HMRC,
Please do not steal our CSA jacket.
We'd add a threat, but what's the point?
We have no money. If you held our jacket to ransom we'd be very unhappy and would have to beg and borrow to get it back. Please leave it be and send it home to us without further demands or menaces.
Yours scattily,
Raven's Neurons