A very VERY bad aunt...
My iphone is called CheeseApple.
For anyone (is there anyone?) who doesn't know, CheeseApple is a shadow-wrought monster with shears for hands, a mouth full of deep-sea-monstrosity saber-teeth and a skeletal aspect with phosphor-white eyes and hair. He is also psychotic, loathes doctors and dodgy boys and anyone he sees as challenging him. He is a guardian monster - a kiabit - a protective demon for those in need. Sometimes he's called Khezapeth. Sometimes Coalbit. 'One of these Days' by Pink Floyd is his song and has his voice on track.
I tried to use him as a reason why my niece should not play with my phone - after all the background image for the phone is CheeseApple. I rather thought a drawing of a thin psychotic stabby grinning monster might put her off. She's only three, FFS... I wasn't banking on her being interested and then liking him. So I started telling her stories about him until Katie told me off. Then, 'cos Katie wasn't around and Delilah was very insistent, ('Wanna see applepie!' "What??" 'Pie-apple cheese!' "What?!" 'APPLE! You know!!!' "...You mean CheeseApple?!" 'Yeah!' "You can't see him." 'Cos he's hiding in the shadows?' "Yep. All you'll ever see are his bright white-burning eyes and his sharp white teeth." 'You got picture?' "Errr... yes?" Showme showme showme!') she got to see many drawings of him.
She especially liked that one - she wanted to know why the girl had blood on her.
I explained that CheeseApple liked the girl lots and wanted to protect her and there were mean nasty men he had to fight and snikk-snikk-stab out of the way just as Delilah had deaded all the monsters with swords the other day. Delilah was immensely satisfied with this explanation and then started saying how she was the girl with the blood and how CheeseApple would stab all the bad people.
By the time Katie returned this had got turned into: 'He's got the stabby fingers like this ((wiggle fingers threateningly)) and I've got blood on me 'cos Gaston-men were there. They were bad to her.' ((She's very into Beauty and the Beast. Gaston = biggest meany person ever. She is also keen on projecting. Any girl she see or reads of that she likes, that's her; hence slight confusions over pronouns.))
Katie is not entirely impressed with me.
But, well, that's what she gets for buggering off for hours on end and leaving Delilah with me when I'm trying to cook or work.
Also - for the record - I never suggested the game about slaughtering monsters by the dozen or the falling over and pretending to be dead in various ways, thank you very much. That was entirely Delilah - she is quite a fierce and boisterous little thing given half a chance.
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Half of my neurons are highly pleased and amused she likes CheeseApple and also that she can see SH (he's a specific monster, she usually calls him Pete). Other saner neurons are quietly fretting about how stories/ideas/insanities/magic can be just as contagious as any childhood disease and perhaps just as harmful... Oh well. If it is contagious I think she's already infected...
For anyone (is there anyone?) who doesn't know, CheeseApple is a shadow-wrought monster with shears for hands, a mouth full of deep-sea-monstrosity saber-teeth and a skeletal aspect with phosphor-white eyes and hair. He is also psychotic, loathes doctors and dodgy boys and anyone he sees as challenging him. He is a guardian monster - a kiabit - a protective demon for those in need. Sometimes he's called Khezapeth. Sometimes Coalbit. 'One of these Days' by Pink Floyd is his song and has his voice on track.
I tried to use him as a reason why my niece should not play with my phone - after all the background image for the phone is CheeseApple. I rather thought a drawing of a thin psychotic stabby grinning monster might put her off. She's only three, FFS... I wasn't banking on her being interested and then liking him. So I started telling her stories about him until Katie told me off. Then, 'cos Katie wasn't around and Delilah was very insistent, ('Wanna see applepie!' "What??" 'Pie-apple cheese!' "What?!" 'APPLE! You know!!!' "...You mean CheeseApple?!" 'Yeah!' "You can't see him." 'Cos he's hiding in the shadows?' "Yep. All you'll ever see are his bright white-burning eyes and his sharp white teeth." 'You got picture?' "Errr... yes?" Showme showme showme!') she got to see many drawings of him.
She especially liked that one - she wanted to know why the girl had blood on her.
I explained that CheeseApple liked the girl lots and wanted to protect her and there were mean nasty men he had to fight and snikk-snikk-stab out of the way just as Delilah had deaded all the monsters with swords the other day. Delilah was immensely satisfied with this explanation and then started saying how she was the girl with the blood and how CheeseApple would stab all the bad people.
By the time Katie returned this had got turned into: 'He's got the stabby fingers like this ((wiggle fingers threateningly)) and I've got blood on me 'cos Gaston-men were there. They were bad to her.' ((She's very into Beauty and the Beast. Gaston = biggest meany person ever. She is also keen on projecting. Any girl she see or reads of that she likes, that's her; hence slight confusions over pronouns.))
Katie is not entirely impressed with me.
But, well, that's what she gets for buggering off for hours on end and leaving Delilah with me when I'm trying to cook or work.
Also - for the record - I never suggested the game about slaughtering monsters by the dozen or the falling over and pretending to be dead in various ways, thank you very much. That was entirely Delilah - she is quite a fierce and boisterous little thing given half a chance.
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Half of my neurons are highly pleased and amused she likes CheeseApple and also that she can see SH (he's a specific monster, she usually calls him Pete). Other saner neurons are quietly fretting about how stories/ideas/insanities/magic can be just as contagious as any childhood disease and perhaps just as harmful... Oh well. If it is contagious I think she's already infected...