"Keep your eyes high on the horizon
All the clouds are falling
Between me and you
And you've grown so cold
Too numb to notice
That the sky has turned so blue..."
The other day, a close relative of a friend of mine died.
There was a call saying 'this is your 24hour warning', and then there was the news that they had died. The friend in question reacted by saying 'I should be in tears, but right now all I can think is I'm so glad - so privileged and thankful to have known them - they were amazing.'
I think that's probably the greatest compliment you can pay anyone. Yes, when I die I'd like to think someone sheds tears over me - it appeals to my ego (which, small and sad as it is, has always liked to be petted). But really, I'd far rather someone thought 'I'm thankful I had the opportunity to know you' than anything else.
In a story I read (or maybe a 3am thought I had, I really can't remember) there was a metaphor. It went like this: there's the everyday china, tatty and cracked and ill-matched, and the best china, fine bone porcelain, still perfect. The delicate cups we pull out for those we want to impress, those we want to make an impression on, yet (contrary-wise) they are likely the people we care least for. Our friends, our family, those whose opinion we court and pay heed to, they're stuck with the everyday stuff, the haphazard and imperfect. We save our finery, sharpest suits, neatest looks, most tidy habitat - the best of ourselves - for those who matter least. Best behaviour is never for those we hold in highest regard. (Leastways, not for me, maybe you lot are different.) It is, I think, why I grin when it gets to the point when I'm invited to someone's house and they haven't cleaned or tidied, when they run errands and are happy to leave me sitting in the corner reading a book, just another scruffy and accepted piece of their lives.
People have a nasty habit of getting everything the wrong way round. We'll fall over ourselves to call someone on some errand, some irrelevance that ought to be dealt with. And yet, the friend we hold in our thoughts, who deserves the call and whose attention we'd prefer, we never contact. We say 'oh, I'll call them - tomorrow, monday, the weekend, the one after' - like the bloody gardening - like a chore we ought to do but never get round to.
Time is finite. Sod the fine china - use it today. Dress up nice for no reason. Call your friend. Because there isn't always a tomorrow. And somewhen, time will catch you out: and when it does you'll regret all the effort you spent looking shiny and talking to those you don't give a damn about, whilst all those dearest to you were met in grubby jeans or not at all.
For my part, I don't give a shit about the grubby jeans, I kinda like them. (Although if I'm honest I like the dressing up even more, so long as it's theatrical.) Yes, I know I'm mixing my arguments and possibly contradicting myself - deal with it =P
I can't imagine that when I'm gone anyone will say 'I'm just so glad I shared time with her' - at least not with any degree of sincerity (I can however imagine them lying, and no, that's not a slur on anyone's character but mine). Would be nice if they did though.
Even better would be if we stopped being so stupidly backwards and made sure people knew we appreciated them whist they were around to appreciate it. ({Another parenthesis - sorry} that's not to say people don't. I mean, I'm not pointing a finger at anyone for this lapse, other than me maybe.)
Despite being certain I'm not worth anyone giving a shit about, I know that some people do. They send me random texts, say hi, deal with my crap, get me a drink, give me shiny things I likely don't deserve, that kinda thing. And I think they're darling for it. I ought to mention they're darling for it a hell of a lot more than I do.
So, pathetic and generic as this is, to those who've done things that make me smile, for those who've kept company with me and made my days or nights better (Trinity types, Chittens, Goblin Town tribe, those who reside in Shamblyland, Dennest denizens, LJ people, my ghost at the feast, and all the others along the way so far) - Thank you. You're darling.
Between me and you
And you've grown so cold
Too numb to notice
That the sky has turned so blue..."
The other day, a close relative of a friend of mine died.
There was a call saying 'this is your 24hour warning', and then there was the news that they had died. The friend in question reacted by saying 'I should be in tears, but right now all I can think is I'm so glad - so privileged and thankful to have known them - they were amazing.'
I think that's probably the greatest compliment you can pay anyone. Yes, when I die I'd like to think someone sheds tears over me - it appeals to my ego (which, small and sad as it is, has always liked to be petted). But really, I'd far rather someone thought 'I'm thankful I had the opportunity to know you' than anything else.
In a story I read (or maybe a 3am thought I had, I really can't remember) there was a metaphor. It went like this: there's the everyday china, tatty and cracked and ill-matched, and the best china, fine bone porcelain, still perfect. The delicate cups we pull out for those we want to impress, those we want to make an impression on, yet (contrary-wise) they are likely the people we care least for. Our friends, our family, those whose opinion we court and pay heed to, they're stuck with the everyday stuff, the haphazard and imperfect. We save our finery, sharpest suits, neatest looks, most tidy habitat - the best of ourselves - for those who matter least. Best behaviour is never for those we hold in highest regard. (Leastways, not for me, maybe you lot are different.) It is, I think, why I grin when it gets to the point when I'm invited to someone's house and they haven't cleaned or tidied, when they run errands and are happy to leave me sitting in the corner reading a book, just another scruffy and accepted piece of their lives.
People have a nasty habit of getting everything the wrong way round. We'll fall over ourselves to call someone on some errand, some irrelevance that ought to be dealt with. And yet, the friend we hold in our thoughts, who deserves the call and whose attention we'd prefer, we never contact. We say 'oh, I'll call them - tomorrow, monday, the weekend, the one after' - like the bloody gardening - like a chore we ought to do but never get round to.
Time is finite. Sod the fine china - use it today. Dress up nice for no reason. Call your friend. Because there isn't always a tomorrow. And somewhen, time will catch you out: and when it does you'll regret all the effort you spent looking shiny and talking to those you don't give a damn about, whilst all those dearest to you were met in grubby jeans or not at all.
For my part, I don't give a shit about the grubby jeans, I kinda like them. (Although if I'm honest I like the dressing up even more, so long as it's theatrical.) Yes, I know I'm mixing my arguments and possibly contradicting myself - deal with it =P
I can't imagine that when I'm gone anyone will say 'I'm just so glad I shared time with her' - at least not with any degree of sincerity (I can however imagine them lying, and no, that's not a slur on anyone's character but mine). Would be nice if they did though.
Even better would be if we stopped being so stupidly backwards and made sure people knew we appreciated them whist they were around to appreciate it. ({Another parenthesis - sorry} that's not to say people don't. I mean, I'm not pointing a finger at anyone for this lapse, other than me maybe.)
Despite being certain I'm not worth anyone giving a shit about, I know that some people do. They send me random texts, say hi, deal with my crap, get me a drink, give me shiny things I likely don't deserve, that kinda thing. And I think they're darling for it. I ought to mention they're darling for it a hell of a lot more than I do.
So, pathetic and generic as this is, to those who've done things that make me smile, for those who've kept company with me and made my days or nights better (Trinity types, Chittens, Goblin Town tribe, those who reside in Shamblyland, Dennest denizens, LJ people, my ghost at the feast, and all the others along the way so far) - Thank you. You're darling.