New Year.
"The Sun hunkered low, the Moon looked wry,
The Tower was razed and lit up the sky
Never mind how and never mind why - I knew it was over.
Ten knives rattling loud at my door,
Three swords heart-deep in the corpse on the floor
Blood and silence too much to ignore - I knew it was over.
The Devil laughed itself to sleep,
The Mourner bled and continued to weep
The Star held a promise she couldn't keep - and I knew it was over.
So cut the deck and deal me ten,
I'll spread the cards again and again
But they still say now what they told me then - I know it's all over.
I don't need your words to tell me to go,
I've signs and portents showing me so
The Thunder snarls spitting lightning low - feed the Storm (I know)
Feed the Storm (I know, I know) Feed the Storm -
I know it's all over..."
Lyrically Bad Poetry by Raven.
2009.
What I've learned...
How to make old west biscuits and stove-top coffee. Real happiness makes you high as a kite. My father is apparently proud of me, even if I’m sure he’s not. I’m no better than those dumb faerytale girls. One Day Is Today is a pretty good philosophy if you can keep it up. Benefits and bureaucracy suck. I’ve managed to make rent for a year despite being certain I wouldn’t manage three months. The M7 drinking game and the scripting of subtext is a fine way to spend an evening. Don't slam your head against an oak door.
What I've done...
Drank a hell of a lot of tea and a fair amount of whiskey. Tried to teach myself how to whistle (again). Started smoking (again). Written a 100page M7 Shadows story. Visited Sir john Soanes house. Seen Dracula and Faust at the Greenwich theatre. Nicked open my vien (only a little) in one cut by mistake and woke up in a red duvet. Fallen in love a bit with MB (again) - or at least, let’s be honest, remembered just how very fine and gloriously watchable he is. Dyed my feathers red and allowed them to grow. Been utterly happy in a crazy-skipping-like-a-5yearold kinda way. Painted ten jackets. Actually sold a couple of them. Painted a guitar. Summoned a ghost into reality then failed to talk to him when he turned up. Seriously considered suicide as a logical action. Finished an oil painting. Drank white spirit (never again). Stole someone’s blood-spitting successfully but couldn’t make it stick to my lungs. Smoked in the snow beneath the stars and heard the Storm. Been sent cakes and snapps by post. Put a ring in my lip... taken it out again. Drawn Chavs. Felt a lot older than 30 and not in any way good. Been a bit of a wench but not a whore or an unprincipled bitch, so that’s mostly okay. Lent a soul, returned a soul I was looking after, then reclaimed my lent soul. Made a Tech-soldier's coat.
Best things...?
Friends whose good graces, company and generosity know few bounds. Gallivanting or talking rubbish with said friends. Laptops and ouija boards. Being paid for jackets. The Magnificent Seven series. Ghost summoning and other occasional glorious moments of unreality which ambush my life.
Worst things...?
My life constantly in binbags and on hold. My mother’s illness and worrying about my father. Being lonely.
What I want to do...?
Finish re-vamping my tarot deck. Do many screen prints, pictures, stories and Projects of Doom. Somehow make a passable amount of money out of jackets and Projects of Doom. Have a place of my own. Not become destitute through lack of rent. Not be so damn miserable. To find my ghost. To be a stunning gothic waif. To get consumption. To find a way to be happy being me, or failing that find someone else to be no one else objects to. To live with style and aplomb. Not to make any of the mistakes I've made in the past.
Me Generally: Zillah 8 Cups / Nephthys Queen Wands
Rejection of the past, jaded. Good judgment, weighing up potential.
Path: Blade Ace Swords / The Star
Beginning of a conquest, love and hate. Hope, courage, inspiration.
Past: The Sun / The Magician
Attainment, happiness. Opportunity, balance, power rightly used.
Basis of the Matter: Jude Queen Swords / Wheel of Fortune
Strong minded, perceptive, sorrowful. Chance, good luck.
Leading to: Harbinger 7 Pentacles / CheeseApple 7 Wands
Reaping the whirlwind. Holding your own against the Storm.
Future: Velvet 9 Swords / Margin 3 Cups
Suffering, tested sanity, character assassination. Hospitality, friendship, art, love.
Me Specifically: Mercatante 5 Wands / Nebthuet Page Pentacles
Courage needed to overcome difficulties. Teacher and scholar, open minded.
Around Me: Judgement / Justice
Spirit awakening, renewal, souls. Learning, justice, wise judgment.
Hopes & Fears: Wraithwitch High Priestess/ Marik 10 Cups
Magic, independence, secrets. Friendship, happiness, lasting love, family.
Outcome: The Chariot / Lord Wagner Knight Pentacles
Conquest, balance, success. Patient, kind, dependable, readable.
And then: Nathaniel 4 Pentacles / Gideon 8 Swords
Trouble with money, or necromancy. Locked by indecision and circumstance.
Translation...
I’m thinking over the past year with dissatisfaction and weighing up the potential of new undertakings. My path is the beginning of a conquest I’m uncertain of but am willing to try for the sake of ‘have a little faith, darlin’’. Past times were never perfect, but fewer aspects of my life were broken or absent so I felt I had more room to maneuver. In the future I’ll have a rather polarized time of it: utter shit vs sterling friendships. At present I can see which way the wind is blowing and know exactly what I want; luck is on my side in the gaining of it. Stuff I set in motion is coming to a head, which will cause chaos of a sort but I’ll weather the Storm. There’s a lot of stuff I’m unhappy about and will just have to roll up my sleeves and deal with best I can. Someone I know has their brain/soul spring-cleaned and polished up shiny new in accordance with Ma’at. I desperately want art, love, happiness - all the good stuff - and will use magic to try get it if it doesn’t make an appearance in short order. In the end, conquest, success, balance and someone practical helping out. After that difficulties with either money or magic and no idea how to sort it; but that’s next year’s problem and I’m not on the borrow for more thanks =P
The Tower was razed and lit up the sky
Never mind how and never mind why - I knew it was over.
Ten knives rattling loud at my door,
Three swords heart-deep in the corpse on the floor
Blood and silence too much to ignore - I knew it was over.
The Devil laughed itself to sleep,
The Mourner bled and continued to weep
The Star held a promise she couldn't keep - and I knew it was over.
So cut the deck and deal me ten,
I'll spread the cards again and again
But they still say now what they told me then - I know it's all over.
I don't need your words to tell me to go,
I've signs and portents showing me so
The Thunder snarls spitting lightning low - feed the Storm (I know)
Feed the Storm (I know, I know) Feed the Storm -
I know it's all over..."
Lyrically Bad Poetry by Raven.
2009.
What I've learned...
How to make old west biscuits and stove-top coffee. Real happiness makes you high as a kite. My father is apparently proud of me, even if I’m sure he’s not. I’m no better than those dumb faerytale girls. One Day Is Today is a pretty good philosophy if you can keep it up. Benefits and bureaucracy suck. I’ve managed to make rent for a year despite being certain I wouldn’t manage three months. The M7 drinking game and the scripting of subtext is a fine way to spend an evening. Don't slam your head against an oak door.
What I've done...
Drank a hell of a lot of tea and a fair amount of whiskey. Tried to teach myself how to whistle (again). Started smoking (again). Written a 100page M7 Shadows story. Visited Sir john Soanes house. Seen Dracula and Faust at the Greenwich theatre. Nicked open my vien (only a little) in one cut by mistake and woke up in a red duvet. Fallen in love a bit with MB (again) - or at least, let’s be honest, remembered just how very fine and gloriously watchable he is. Dyed my feathers red and allowed them to grow. Been utterly happy in a crazy-skipping-like-a-5yearold kinda way. Painted ten jackets. Actually sold a couple of them. Painted a guitar. Summoned a ghost into reality then failed to talk to him when he turned up. Seriously considered suicide as a logical action. Finished an oil painting. Drank white spirit (never again). Stole someone’s blood-spitting successfully but couldn’t make it stick to my lungs. Smoked in the snow beneath the stars and heard the Storm. Been sent cakes and snapps by post. Put a ring in my lip... taken it out again. Drawn Chavs. Felt a lot older than 30 and not in any way good. Been a bit of a wench but not a whore or an unprincipled bitch, so that’s mostly okay. Lent a soul, returned a soul I was looking after, then reclaimed my lent soul. Made a Tech-soldier's coat.
Best things...?
Friends whose good graces, company and generosity know few bounds. Gallivanting or talking rubbish with said friends. Laptops and ouija boards. Being paid for jackets. The Magnificent Seven series. Ghost summoning and other occasional glorious moments of unreality which ambush my life.
Worst things...?
My life constantly in binbags and on hold. My mother’s illness and worrying about my father. Being lonely.
What I want to do...?
Finish re-vamping my tarot deck. Do many screen prints, pictures, stories and Projects of Doom. Somehow make a passable amount of money out of jackets and Projects of Doom. Have a place of my own. Not become destitute through lack of rent. Not be so damn miserable. To find my ghost. To be a stunning gothic waif. To get consumption. To find a way to be happy being me, or failing that find someone else to be no one else objects to. To live with style and aplomb. Not to make any of the mistakes I've made in the past.
Me Generally: Zillah 8 Cups / Nephthys Queen Wands
Rejection of the past, jaded. Good judgment, weighing up potential.
Path: Blade Ace Swords / The Star
Beginning of a conquest, love and hate. Hope, courage, inspiration.
Past: The Sun / The Magician
Attainment, happiness. Opportunity, balance, power rightly used.
Basis of the Matter: Jude Queen Swords / Wheel of Fortune
Strong minded, perceptive, sorrowful. Chance, good luck.
Leading to: Harbinger 7 Pentacles / CheeseApple 7 Wands
Reaping the whirlwind. Holding your own against the Storm.
Future: Velvet 9 Swords / Margin 3 Cups
Suffering, tested sanity, character assassination. Hospitality, friendship, art, love.
Me Specifically: Mercatante 5 Wands / Nebthuet Page Pentacles
Courage needed to overcome difficulties. Teacher and scholar, open minded.
Around Me: Judgement / Justice
Spirit awakening, renewal, souls. Learning, justice, wise judgment.
Hopes & Fears: Wraithwitch High Priestess/ Marik 10 Cups
Magic, independence, secrets. Friendship, happiness, lasting love, family.
Outcome: The Chariot / Lord Wagner Knight Pentacles
Conquest, balance, success. Patient, kind, dependable, readable.
And then: Nathaniel 4 Pentacles / Gideon 8 Swords
Trouble with money, or necromancy. Locked by indecision and circumstance.
Translation...
I’m thinking over the past year with dissatisfaction and weighing up the potential of new undertakings. My path is the beginning of a conquest I’m uncertain of but am willing to try for the sake of ‘have a little faith, darlin’’. Past times were never perfect, but fewer aspects of my life were broken or absent so I felt I had more room to maneuver. In the future I’ll have a rather polarized time of it: utter shit vs sterling friendships. At present I can see which way the wind is blowing and know exactly what I want; luck is on my side in the gaining of it. Stuff I set in motion is coming to a head, which will cause chaos of a sort but I’ll weather the Storm. There’s a lot of stuff I’m unhappy about and will just have to roll up my sleeves and deal with best I can. Someone I know has their brain/soul spring-cleaned and polished up shiny new in accordance with Ma’at. I desperately want art, love, happiness - all the good stuff - and will use magic to try get it if it doesn’t make an appearance in short order. In the end, conquest, success, balance and someone practical helping out. After that difficulties with either money or magic and no idea how to sort it; but that’s next year’s problem and I’m not on the borrow for more thanks =P