Necromancy, life the universe and such.
And here are some thoughts and happenings in my life not for general public consumption.
Jez
I am no longer in his thoughts since we haven't talked in a month at least. This is kinda good because it's how it ought to be I guess. It's easier, makes me feel less evil - but more lonely.
Matt
He's been sending me more emails. We talked on the net once or twice. He called me cute when I bitched I was scruffy. His facebook stuff doesn't mention Leighia like it did. All this made me wonder if he'd broken up with her. I now don't think he has; and for no good reason this makes me feel very small and stupid.
I think in my brain if he is with her that makes me his dumped 'ex', which rather sucks. However if he is single or with a second different girl, that just makes me 'raven'. Yeah, I know this is just my odd take on things.
Dave
I stayed up with him 'til five when he got crazy upset drunk and was pretty much in tears, ranting about how his life was pointless and I was shiny. I ranted back at him and punched him (although it wasn't hard and it was on the shoulder and I'd even taken my rings off beforehand).
It's very easy to be in his company and (plus whiskey) I tell him all manner of things I probably shouldn't.
Then again he told me how he killed someone who'd got off assault charges three times after statements had been retracted and victims 'disappeared'. All I could think was, 'How Trinity! I was right, it can be easy to kill, you just have to pick the right target'.
Holliday
When he was in the Storm House I was pretty sure I irritated him. But it was okay, because at least I was useful and stuff. Now he's journeying to this world - is in this world in fact - and I'm sure I'm irritating the fuck out of him and he's disappointed in me at best, despises me for a coward at worst. I want to keep asking him 'are you sure?' and 'do you love me?' and 'is it worth it?' and yet I know to pester in such a way is to vex.
He's in America. Or possibly 'amicer' since by then I was drunk and knackered and conversation was difficult to take down. ('Amicher' is a place in Canada apparently, so even if my translation's for shit he's still State-side from my point of view.)
I so want him - to be with him here, keep him safe, know he loves me, know the colour of his eyes. But I really am so afraid he'll never appear; or he'll dislike me or i'll fekk it up. Yes, pathetic and paranoid. I guess I just get twitchy when there's something very important I can't help with and there's every chance I could fuck it up through ignorance...
Funny. I saw 'Aliens' the other day - Hicks is still rather fine. I realised he had a southern accent. Not refined by any means and obviously a different State, but still. Amused me to wonder how much of it all is the accent.
Flat
Still a mess, still full of bugs. (How do people live with them?! James and Sian wondered. The answer is: if you've no money and you have to, you do.) If I'm in my bed I get bit 2-4 times a night. On the floor in the little room I was clear for two weeks and happy... they bit me twice the other night. I'm no longer happy. I can't find pest people on the net because I hate the pics of them, make me twitch and close down the page. Kerrist. Next time I curse anyone I will curse them to forever be plagued by bedbugs.
===
People downstairs are moving out. I think I'd give the sight in my left eye to have Holliday move in. (Although, y'know, possibly not if he was living with some buxom lass called Kate.)
Money
I got commissions from Maz and Mike and was paid the money but haven't been given a full brief yet to start work. This puts me in the situation I keep trying to avoid - that of having been paid an' spent the money and still needing to do the work. Bleh. Oh, and my credit card bill is at least a grand. I'm rather living beyond my means. The only way I can live within my means is without buying anything extraneous, drinking, socializing or traveling - at all, ever, anywhere. Oddly enough this doesn't happen.
Me
I'm 8 and 1/2 stone which I rather hate and hope will diminish soon. I look old and tired and shit - or at least I do to me - I think this year has aged me five. My feathers are ear-length and blood/fox red and a squiggly mess since that's weirdly less bad than brushing or trying to style them. I wish for winter to come and make me thin and pale and allow me to dress well instead of someone who must get ID'd for alcohol because they look like a ragged shitty teenager. I haven't written (other than for JHH and the short piece on Cat) in at least a year. This saddens me. I paint jackets. Other than that, between the bugs and the no money my creativity has sunk down the drain. I miss it. And I fear brain rot.
I will die of consumption, I will not have brain rot, I will die of consumption fuck you all.
I'm kinda happy. And kinda miserable. Mostly I guess I'm just disappointed, hopeful and lonely. not a good combination.
Jez
I am no longer in his thoughts since we haven't talked in a month at least. This is kinda good because it's how it ought to be I guess. It's easier, makes me feel less evil - but more lonely.
Matt
He's been sending me more emails. We talked on the net once or twice. He called me cute when I bitched I was scruffy. His facebook stuff doesn't mention Leighia like it did. All this made me wonder if he'd broken up with her. I now don't think he has; and for no good reason this makes me feel very small and stupid.
I think in my brain if he is with her that makes me his dumped 'ex', which rather sucks. However if he is single or with a second different girl, that just makes me 'raven'. Yeah, I know this is just my odd take on things.
Dave
I stayed up with him 'til five when he got crazy upset drunk and was pretty much in tears, ranting about how his life was pointless and I was shiny. I ranted back at him and punched him (although it wasn't hard and it was on the shoulder and I'd even taken my rings off beforehand).
It's very easy to be in his company and (plus whiskey) I tell him all manner of things I probably shouldn't.
Then again he told me how he killed someone who'd got off assault charges three times after statements had been retracted and victims 'disappeared'. All I could think was, 'How Trinity! I was right, it can be easy to kill, you just have to pick the right target'.
Holliday
When he was in the Storm House I was pretty sure I irritated him. But it was okay, because at least I was useful and stuff. Now he's journeying to this world - is in this world in fact - and I'm sure I'm irritating the fuck out of him and he's disappointed in me at best, despises me for a coward at worst. I want to keep asking him 'are you sure?' and 'do you love me?' and 'is it worth it?' and yet I know to pester in such a way is to vex.
He's in America. Or possibly 'amicer' since by then I was drunk and knackered and conversation was difficult to take down. ('Amicher' is a place in Canada apparently, so even if my translation's for shit he's still State-side from my point of view.)
I so want him - to be with him here, keep him safe, know he loves me, know the colour of his eyes. But I really am so afraid he'll never appear; or he'll dislike me or i'll fekk it up. Yes, pathetic and paranoid. I guess I just get twitchy when there's something very important I can't help with and there's every chance I could fuck it up through ignorance...
Funny. I saw 'Aliens' the other day - Hicks is still rather fine. I realised he had a southern accent. Not refined by any means and obviously a different State, but still. Amused me to wonder how much of it all is the accent.
Flat
Still a mess, still full of bugs. (How do people live with them?! James and Sian wondered. The answer is: if you've no money and you have to, you do.) If I'm in my bed I get bit 2-4 times a night. On the floor in the little room I was clear for two weeks and happy... they bit me twice the other night. I'm no longer happy. I can't find pest people on the net because I hate the pics of them, make me twitch and close down the page. Kerrist. Next time I curse anyone I will curse them to forever be plagued by bedbugs.
===
People downstairs are moving out. I think I'd give the sight in my left eye to have Holliday move in. (Although, y'know, possibly not if he was living with some buxom lass called Kate.)
Money
I got commissions from Maz and Mike and was paid the money but haven't been given a full brief yet to start work. This puts me in the situation I keep trying to avoid - that of having been paid an' spent the money and still needing to do the work. Bleh. Oh, and my credit card bill is at least a grand. I'm rather living beyond my means. The only way I can live within my means is without buying anything extraneous, drinking, socializing or traveling - at all, ever, anywhere. Oddly enough this doesn't happen.
Me
I'm 8 and 1/2 stone which I rather hate and hope will diminish soon. I look old and tired and shit - or at least I do to me - I think this year has aged me five. My feathers are ear-length and blood/fox red and a squiggly mess since that's weirdly less bad than brushing or trying to style them. I wish for winter to come and make me thin and pale and allow me to dress well instead of someone who must get ID'd for alcohol because they look like a ragged shitty teenager. I haven't written (other than for JHH and the short piece on Cat) in at least a year. This saddens me. I paint jackets. Other than that, between the bugs and the no money my creativity has sunk down the drain. I miss it. And I fear brain rot.
I will die of consumption, I will not have brain rot, I will die of consumption fuck you all.
I'm kinda happy. And kinda miserable. Mostly I guess I'm just disappointed, hopeful and lonely. not a good combination.