(no subject)
i should go to bed.
So why am i still sitting here? neither victorious nor at a loss but suspended somewhere in between.
Acknowledging that we could hear that song without twitching was a victory, certainly. But listening to it on a loop out of sick curiosity and to prove some sort of point with our newly-gained mental fortitude was a mistake.
why can a song absorb memory like fresh tree-sap bleeding over a thousand tiny insects? It has always seemed perverse to me that a song - a stacked collection of sound - should be ale to broadcast back to one the perfect picture of emotions left untouched and rotting for four years or more.
i don't care for it much. but still, i should be grateful: i'm mostly unscathed and it is still a victory of sorts.
everyone has their vices and i have mine. in it's way, that's what it is.
i think a vice is something you're loathe to give up, something somehow enjoyable on some level no matter the consequences. (it's hard to be alcoholic unless you like the taste and the burn - see?) still, none the less, how the hell did i ever make those marks on my arms?
.....
this is getting stupid.
i really should go to bed.
So why am i still sitting here? neither victorious nor at a loss but suspended somewhere in between.
Acknowledging that we could hear that song without twitching was a victory, certainly. But listening to it on a loop out of sick curiosity and to prove some sort of point with our newly-gained mental fortitude was a mistake.
why can a song absorb memory like fresh tree-sap bleeding over a thousand tiny insects? It has always seemed perverse to me that a song - a stacked collection of sound - should be ale to broadcast back to one the perfect picture of emotions left untouched and rotting for four years or more.
i don't care for it much. but still, i should be grateful: i'm mostly unscathed and it is still a victory of sorts.
everyone has their vices and i have mine. in it's way, that's what it is.
i think a vice is something you're loathe to give up, something somehow enjoyable on some level no matter the consequences. (it's hard to be alcoholic unless you like the taste and the burn - see?) still, none the less, how the hell did i ever make those marks on my arms?
.....
this is getting stupid.
i really should go to bed.