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the more i think about what is going on right now the more i just want to collapse. i mean who doesn't want one. i've always wanted one. always. i won't lie and say that i wasn't prepared for it but damn. i mean it didn't have to happen like that. and can't even bring myself to tears. i want to so bad. i feel like i'm going to burst but they just won't come out. and right now that's all i need really. a good long hard cry. i care if i cry for a day. or to days. i know i'll feel better if i do. but it's just not happening. the thing is, it's not like i'm attached. it's just that for a while, no matter how short of a period if was, i was something that i wanted to be, but i didn't even know until it was too late. so i didn't even get a chance to be that person. i want to talk to someone. i need to talk to someone.