ATTENTION ALL! BREAKING NEWS. BREAKING NEWS.
hokay. so as i sat at home watching Nick Cliche and Jessica Simpson's USO show, i realized how we can take down terrorism once and for all. It all lies in the hands of one Miss Jessica Simpson. No matter how stupid, or emotionally unstable people think she is, she has enraptured everyone with a television or radio in the world. She was on stage singing "These Boots are Meant For Walking" (very badly might I add) and i found myself not being able to take my eyes off of her. And as the song came to an end, she broke away from the original lyrics, and got the soldiers to sing along. Jessica Simpson had the power to get thousands of soldiers in Iraq, who have been praying each and everyday that they are not bombed at, or massacred or bitten by a rabies and tuberculosis infected rat ,and living in fear for the past 12+months, to sing a call and response that went something like this:
Jessica: "Can I get a yee haw!"
Soldiers:"Yee haw!"
Jessica: "Can I get a soooEEEE!" (soooEEEE-the noise often used to call pigs in)
Soldiers:"soooEEEE!"
Jessica:"Can i get a WILLY NELSON"
Soldiers:"WILLY NELSON"
Both:"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And they proceeded in watching her dance around in her boots and towel. So that's the answer to all of the world's problems: We must harness Jessica Simpson's powers, and use them to take down terrorism once and for all. All it takes is one bad, overly vibrato, performance of an old classic song, and than the world can live in peace forever! hooray! So run now minions, spread my teachings. We must offer a reward to whomever can catch Jessica Simpson, and than let the cleansing begin.
Hmmmm...all this talk of Jessica Simpson is making me feel kind of funny. Hey, i wonder if...uh oh...damnit, i did it i again! Well, i'm gonna change my pants, and ya'll are gonna spread the word. A'ight? Make Bye Bye.
Jessica: "Can I get a yee haw!"
Soldiers:"Yee haw!"
Jessica: "Can I get a soooEEEE!" (soooEEEE-the noise often used to call pigs in)
Soldiers:"soooEEEE!"
Jessica:"Can i get a WILLY NELSON"
Soldiers:"WILLY NELSON"
Both:"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And they proceeded in watching her dance around in her boots and towel. So that's the answer to all of the world's problems: We must harness Jessica Simpson's powers, and use them to take down terrorism once and for all. All it takes is one bad, overly vibrato, performance of an old classic song, and than the world can live in peace forever! hooray! So run now minions, spread my teachings. We must offer a reward to whomever can catch Jessica Simpson, and than let the cleansing begin.
Hmmmm...all this talk of Jessica Simpson is making me feel kind of funny. Hey, i wonder if...uh oh...damnit, i did it i again! Well, i'm gonna change my pants, and ya'll are gonna spread the word. A'ight? Make Bye Bye.