Let war be waged 4
Serbia felt good about himself. Or rather, pretended he felt good about the situation. He was proud over the resistance his people had put up against Austria-Hungary but he had vaguely hoped the rest of the Balkans wouldn't be interested in fighting him. They had liked his ideas about Yugoslavia, tired of Hungary's insistence of how her ways of doing things were the best ever and everything would be great if they just shut up and listened. And spoke her language and were properly Magyar.
In truth, time was running out. His allies sent rude letters about how he should try a press a little harder since he was the one who got them all into this. Belgrade was under attack. He was tired. His people were tired. Austria was probably still embarrassed but his wounds would be healed by now. Serbia on the other hand was only standing straight out of spite, he refused to admit how Hungary's blows still hurt. He wasn't the kind of guy Austria was, who looked at maps with his commanders. Serbia let his commanders look at the maps and the numbers and went where they asked to shoot Hungarians. Just like Hungary was out there somewhere killing his people.
And Russia... Russia was doing what he promised but he was failing. It scared Serbia almost out of his wits. He always imagined Russia would crush his enemies when he finally decided to move, everyone was afraid of him and there had to be a reason for that beyond how Russia's social skills were a bit lacking.
When he heard Hungary had sent a messenger he was worried enough to receive the person instead of having the idiot executed on the spot. Lucky thing he did, it was Czech of all provinces. Much friendlier than expected.
“Why are you here?” Serbia wondered. Macedonia and Kosovo hurried to join in on the unofficial meeting too, either because they were that curious or to keep Serbia from saying something too insane. “I would hug you but I think a rib or two are broken. Maybe Kosovo can hug you from me?”
“No,” Kosovo said.
“I got messages from Austria and Hungary,” Czech said. “Sorry. I think they figured you were less likely to freak out and use me as target practice.”
“Austria-Hungary are evil. You should consider to join my theoretical Yugoslavia instead. And I don't shot messengers on sight, do I?”
“If I got out of their house I would be tired of empires. Even yours. Slovakia and I sometimes talk about how much better it would be to set up a house together, just the two of us. And yeah, you have a bit of a reputation like that in our house of some reason.”
“I can't imagine why.”
“Perhaps because you always traumatize Russia's servants even further?”
“They're afraid of their own shadows, I don't know what I should do to make them more comfortable except getting them insanely drunk. And since they're practically Russians it's an uphill battle.”
“And you slapped me.”
“That was long ago! And you hit me back even harder, I limped the entire day...”
“And then we were friends,” Czech said and smiled. “Maybe it isn't that strange how Austria claims he's never going to understand us... A theoretical Czechoslovakia would certainly continue be friendly with a theoretical Yugoslavia.”
“Good to know,” Serbia said.
“If you are that sympathetic, why would Hungary send you?” Kosovo said, who didn't believe in optimism.
“Because I have nothing encouraging to tell you, sorry. Austria and Hungary want you to surrender and spare us all the upcoming battles. I wish I had something to report to make you feel better, but even if both Slovakia, I and our people are horribly unmotivated there are a lot of us, Austria has an entire empire to draw from. Prussia can handle Russia, France and Germany are deadlocked, one Italy got himself captured almost right away and the second isn't doing that well. England tries but I'm not sure how that's going to turn out either.”
“Tell Hungary no,” Serbia said. “Ask her if she remembers the mess we made in Ottoman's house. Remind her I'm older and even more destructive now. If she catches me I'm going to dedicate my life to make hers a living hell.”
Kosovo groaned and Macedonia looked miserable as well.
“I love to,” Czech said. “Bearing bad news is my specialty.”
“I promise, uprisings against Austria-Hungary are even more fun.”
“I don't like pointless fights,” Czech said.
“It's never pointless to fight,” Serbia protested. “And if we win, it might be good if France and England and Russia remembered you made an effort.”
“Others made similar arguments,” Czech said. “We're considering it.”
Serbia's provinces expressed their worries after Czech left.
“We're putting up a good fight,” Kosovo said. “But we're done for and you know it. Russia is going to lose to Germany and Prussia and we're going to be annexed.”
“You would love to be annexed to Albania, wouldn't you?”
“Don't fight,” Macedonia said. “What's your plan boss? It's about time to tell us.”
“Hold out for Russia. He'll come, France and Italy are more of a threat to our enemies too, they can't waste as many men as they need here. We can hold on.”
It used to feel like a good plan, until Russia started to get defeated by Prussia and Austria wherever he tried to press on.
“I hoped for something more impressive,” Macedonia said with a deep sigh.”Like a secret weapon?”
“Don't worry. My generals have more specific plans. We have mountains to hide in and armies to match theirs.”
***
The next time they met Hungary was perfectly fine. He should have shot her in the face when he had the chance but Hungary's shocked expression had stopped him, reminding him of when she looked at Ottoman with that face. It was stupid, Hungary didn't feel that way anymore. She had probably forgotten all about how they had been friends in misery, how she had helped him and gave him somewhere to hide from Ottoman at times when she got free before him. Now she thought only about how she was going to keep all her Slavic minions from running off to freedom and Yugoslavia.
“I told you I would be back,” Hungary said. “And I'll teach you to pay proper respect to Austria-Hungary.”
He shouldn't have kicked Austria in the balls that hard. Of course she would be pissed after not getting properly laid.
“And she got new friends.”
Serbia whimpered when he saw Bulgaria appear and he hoped none of them noticed it. Of course that bastard would betray them, he should have seen it coming miles away... Bulgaria would do anything to get Macedonia back.
Of course Serbia fought but he had been outmatched against Hungary alone. With Bulgaria covering her weak spots he had no chance whatsoever.
“Why don't you simply give up?” Bulgaria called out in frustration before he threw Serbia back to the ground and everything went dark.
***
“Hey, wake up.”
Serbia groaned, everything hurt. And he couldn't move.
“We're here to save you,” Macedonia cheerfully said as he poked Serbia with something. It took Serbia a moment to rearrange his mind and realize he couldn't move because he was tied up and Macedonia was cutting the ropes. Was Hungary developing some kind of fetish for tying him up?
“Let's go,” Kosovo said and poked at Serbia with his foot when he got free.
“You could help me instead.”
“What? I thought you were too tough to ever need it.”
The urge to put his hands around Kosovo's throat and squeeze made Serbia slowly get on his feet. Kosovo danced away before he could carry it out.
“Motivating, isn't it?” Kosovo said, almost laughing. “Come on! You can pretend you'll be able to strangle me if you can catch me.”
“Where the fuck are we?” Serbia said, still feeling dizzy. Bulgaria and Hungary had really worked him over. He was glad no one of his provinces had been around to see it.
“The enemy camp,” Macedonia said. “I told you, we're here to save you. Montenegro threatened us with unimaginable things if we weren't useful. I'm not sure if he can actually do it but I don't want him to even try...”
“Great to know you care.”
“Of course I care,” Macedonia said. “But you look alive enough for me to be pissed over how you done everything you could to annoy
Bulgaria, from trashing his furniture to call me South Serbia right in front of him. Don't do that by the way, you're annoying me too. Now Bulgaria's going to take it out on me. And I might have accidentally said of two quarreling idiots I thought you were the least disagreeable one...”
“Let's not have heart-felt discussions here,” Kosovo said. “Montenegro said he would distract Hungary but I'm not sure how long that's going to last. He's not nearly as scary as you Serbia and you got beaten into submission pretty fast.”
“Don't be like that,” Macedonia said. “But you're right, let's talk later.”
It all went a little to easy. Serbia's pulse spiked as he noticed the two guards outside. Kosovo grabbed his arm harder to make sure he didn't fall.
“Hello,” Slovakia said, waving friendly. “We're guarding you.”
“Very effectively,” Czech added. “None shall pass!”
“Hungary is an idiot,” Serbia said. And he thanked god for that.
“She's busy with your forces and Montenegro who decided to join them,” Slovakia said. “There wasn't much of a choice.”
“Montenegro is a little scarier than he looks, isn't he?” Czech said. “We're absolutely terrified of you crazy people and we couldn't do anything. Except offering you sandwiches. Want one?”
Serbia paled a bit.
“D-don't you have anything else?”
“No time to be picky,” Macedonia said and took the food offering from the twins.
“Good luck,” Slovakia said.
“We like how you let our people fight for you if they wanted by the way,” Czech said. “It gives us interesting ideas. Maybe I wouldn't be this endlessly incompetent if I did something I cared the slightest about...”
They only got into a little trouble on the way out. Soon the humans figured going up against three anthropological personifications was a very bad idea, even if one of them was badly hurt and the other two only provinces.
***
Montenegro caught up with them not long after they were out of the Hungarians' sight. He looked like shit, more dead than alive. Hungary had beaten him up pretty throughly but he was still smiling like a maniac.
“Are you alright?” Serbia asked. Then he wanted to kick himself, of course it wasn't alright. He should have been able to protect Montenegro instead of the other way around.
“Got you back, that's what matters,” Montenegro said. “It's going to piss Austria off. I love it. I feel great.”
But the situation didn't change just because Serbia was in his own camp instead of captured in Hungary's.
“We're so fucked,” Macedonia mumbled, echoing Serbia's feelings.
“Sorry,” Serbia said. “But we held on pretty good, didn't we? Too bad Bulgaria is a backstabbing bastard and Prussia is almost as good at war as he claims...”
“I'm going to stay with my people,” Macedonia said. “I'll guess Bulgaria is going to pick me up and perhaps you'll be back later.”
“Without a doubt,” Serbia said.
“I'll make as much trouble as I can for him,” Macedonia promised.
Serbia tried to resign himself to the thought of living in the mountains with Montenegro, trying to avoid being captured again and fight a hopeless guerrilla war. His bosses had other ideas though.
“We're not surrendering,” Serbia's commander said. “We're going to retreat and regroup.”
“Where the hell are we going to go?” Serbia asked. “If you don't remember, we're surrounded by nations who hate us.”
At the time it had seemed like a good idea to put Bulgaria in his place and start to size up Albania...
“Greece.”
Of course. Greece was far away but Russia was even further. Regroup, receive assistance and reclaim everything they lost. It sounded far easier than it actually was.
***
It wasn't just the soldiers, it was the civilians, all the people who was running to an uncertain future because they thought Serbia could protect them. When he couldn't even protect himself. Montenegro had joined up with them too, promising to assist their escape as much as he could.
“I'll support you,” Montenegro said. “I'll cover your steps for as long as I can.”
“I need Russia,” Serbia said, not even caring how pathetic he sounded anymore. He had thrown up blood earlier and maybe Montenegro could guess but Serbia hadn't told him. Kosovo probably knew too, he was good at smelling weakness and he always assumed the worst. Thinking about all that Serbia couldn't hold back a sob.
“I'm what you got,” Montenegro said. “Stop wailing like a woman.”
***
Belgrade was falling behind them. Serbia thought about Montenegro's disdain and kept his face carefully blank. He told himself he felt nothing, he could reclaim it all later. Ottoman had called it a house of war. Serbia hoped Austria and Hungary would find their prize similarly spoiled.
“I don't need a heart anyway,” Serbia told himself and continued forward.
***
I read Czech and Slovakian forces in Austria-Hungary was generally very unmotivated. Serbia apparently started recruited from Czech/Slovak POW, which is is not that amazing from the Hague convention's way of seeing it. Russia was very hesitant but they seem to have wanted to so what the hell, Russia started to doing it too. It wasn't as if the other side followed the convention.