as you waste your days with thinking
Here are just some random things that've been running through my mind recently:
At my first "real job" out of college, my boss once told (spluttered half-coherently, really--this guy was no champion of articulation) me it bothered him that I didn't "take responsibility" for my mistakes. And he was right, kind of right, in his faulty way. Because when I did something wrong, I would say, "such and such went wrong, and here are reasons that it happened," including other people along with me in culpability, if other people were involved in the error. The once or twice that I biffed completely on my own, I said something like, "such and such went wrong, I'm going to fix it."
What I never did was say, "I'm so sorry, this is my fault." And that's what he wanted to hear. Which I felt was a problem; I accepted that his opinion on this was correct, for a long time after. I felt like it was a failing in me. But here's the thing: I knew exactly where it came from, my not saying sorry. I still remember messing up when I was a kid, and saying, "oh, I'm sorry!" and my dad saying, "don't be sorry; just don't do it again."
So. . .possibly you think that's some sort of crazy rigid upbringing. But it happened, and I followed the teaching. I internalized it; it made sense. What good, really, does prostrating oneself upon a dozen mea culpas do? It doesn't change the past and it won't change the future. Only actions will change the future, and I suppose while it became understood to me that I don't like making mistakes and I don't repeat them, it wasn't--isn't--apparent to other people who don't know me. Although I feel like if I've been hired to perform a task, it should be obvious that I . . .don't intend to make mistakes, and regret any that are made.
'Cause after entering the working world, I discovered a lot of people are real big on apologies, and these are usually the people who make a lot of the same mistakes, repeatedly. I find these people kind of silly.
And I still find it kind of silly myself, apologizing outside of a "whoops, stepped on your foot/drove over your mailbox" kind of situation. I'm never sure exactly how much to say, how to word it--I feel like time taken out for apologias is time wasted, when I could be fixing whatever problem occurred. Is a "oh dang, sorry" sufficient? Is it flippant? Should I go on and on about the error and self-flagellate? Is that foolish? I don't make many mistakes, either, and I'm sure unfamiliarity compounds the problem. But I do it, because once the most ridiculous, unprofessional manager I ever had freaked out about it. About how I didn't make him feel Like A Big Bossman, or whatever.
Now that I think about it, it's kind of a silly reason. What do you do when you biff it at work? What do you want from people who've messed up?
Just for a data point, I was going to give an example of how I feel when someone apologizes/doesn't apologize to me in the workplace, but I honestly can't think of one time where that's happened. I can't imagine that it hasn't happened, and I know people have screwed up on me AND screwed me over, so I have to think that I'm at least not hypocritical about this, because I don't care if someone says "I'm sorry" either. I just want them to learn and not do it again!
Eh, I think I was going to say more on other topics, but this is a long enough entry already.
At my first "real job" out of college, my boss once told (spluttered half-coherently, really--this guy was no champion of articulation) me it bothered him that I didn't "take responsibility" for my mistakes. And he was right, kind of right, in his faulty way. Because when I did something wrong, I would say, "such and such went wrong, and here are reasons that it happened," including other people along with me in culpability, if other people were involved in the error. The once or twice that I biffed completely on my own, I said something like, "such and such went wrong, I'm going to fix it."
What I never did was say, "I'm so sorry, this is my fault." And that's what he wanted to hear. Which I felt was a problem; I accepted that his opinion on this was correct, for a long time after. I felt like it was a failing in me. But here's the thing: I knew exactly where it came from, my not saying sorry. I still remember messing up when I was a kid, and saying, "oh, I'm sorry!" and my dad saying, "don't be sorry; just don't do it again."
So. . .possibly you think that's some sort of crazy rigid upbringing. But it happened, and I followed the teaching. I internalized it; it made sense. What good, really, does prostrating oneself upon a dozen mea culpas do? It doesn't change the past and it won't change the future. Only actions will change the future, and I suppose while it became understood to me that I don't like making mistakes and I don't repeat them, it wasn't--isn't--apparent to other people who don't know me. Although I feel like if I've been hired to perform a task, it should be obvious that I . . .don't intend to make mistakes, and regret any that are made.
'Cause after entering the working world, I discovered a lot of people are real big on apologies, and these are usually the people who make a lot of the same mistakes, repeatedly. I find these people kind of silly.
And I still find it kind of silly myself, apologizing outside of a "whoops, stepped on your foot/drove over your mailbox" kind of situation. I'm never sure exactly how much to say, how to word it--I feel like time taken out for apologias is time wasted, when I could be fixing whatever problem occurred. Is a "oh dang, sorry" sufficient? Is it flippant? Should I go on and on about the error and self-flagellate? Is that foolish? I don't make many mistakes, either, and I'm sure unfamiliarity compounds the problem. But I do it, because once the most ridiculous, unprofessional manager I ever had freaked out about it. About how I didn't make him feel Like A Big Bossman, or whatever.
Now that I think about it, it's kind of a silly reason. What do you do when you biff it at work? What do you want from people who've messed up?
Just for a data point, I was going to give an example of how I feel when someone apologizes/doesn't apologize to me in the workplace, but I honestly can't think of one time where that's happened. I can't imagine that it hasn't happened, and I know people have screwed up on me AND screwed me over, so I have to think that I'm at least not hypocritical about this, because I don't care if someone says "I'm sorry" either. I just want them to learn and not do it again!
Eh, I think I was going to say more on other topics, but this is a long enough entry already.