In a galaxy far far away...
Now you may be aware of my awful luck with girls. Id like to think its not just the fact Im a terrible boyfriend; I also like to think its because I dont suffer fools gladly, and lets be honest... most girls are stupid. Really stupid. Ok, not most, but about 97 percent. Any girls reading this who think they are in that 3% of intelligent girls; you may be right, as I like to think my words only appeal to people of a certain IQ. Luckily this means all my exs wont read this.
Due to this fact, I dont get very much affection at all. I love hugs. Hugs are the best thing ever. Honestly, if you see me out, HUG ME! I will never pull away, in fact I may be locked onto you like a face-hugger from Aliens and never let you go... unless your boyfriend tickles me gently with the ring on his punching hand.
Anyway, as Im not getting any love I like to see love in others. That gets me by okay, and I feel love by proxy. I call it the Amelie Complex, but other people might call it the Jed Complex. Both are very apt.
Last night I went to the Launch Party of 'Republic Commando' which is the new star wars game from LucasArts. It was at the Marquee in Leicester Square and we were greeted by Stormtroopers as we entered. I was invited due to me being the 4th... cough.. i mean 5th member of Ash, and they were playing a set and were on the game's soundtrack. So it was FREE drinks and FREE food and I had given up my month long alcohol hiatus within seconds when I ordered 6 driks at once, you know, just in case I wake up from this free drink dream heaven.
Im trying to set the scene by the way... Im trying to give you as much information as possible so when I finally get to the point, you will empathis with me more. See? Im like Johnny Ball, explaining how things work. Or is it Clarissa? Hmmm...
Ok so ash played a blinder, I was completely fucking zonked out on my 60th double vodka with a double vodka chaser and my friends and I wandered up to the aftershow area. It was pretty empty besides ash, some people that work for ash, some random groupie looking girls, and a lady that looks like sarah cawood, but is actually called Pru. I had then realised I had been carrying around a lightsabre for an hour and a half, and had smacked people with it. As I mused this potentially embarrasing scenario I got that feeling... you know... that feeling you get when you realise you are surrounded by mates but feel really lonely? I made a mental note to write about this feeling in my livejournal as its the kinda shit people really lap up and saw awww to me about. I think I deleted the mental note about not writing about the 'kinda shit people really lap up' bit.
So onto the actual point of this intro. There was a girl who looked utterly miserable and very alone just holding herself in that way that I find endearing. Im a sucker for girls who look like they need saving. I know everyone who knows me is nodding right now. Im sorry, I know its a bad way to go about things, but I watch too many films where you just want someone to help the girl with problems but no one does. So I make it my mission to help people who need help.
Jed: Hi, whats wrong?
Jessica: Oh Nothing...
Jed: You look upset, Im Jed.
Jessica: Jess.
Jed: No, Jed.
Jessica: No my name is Jess.
Jed: Your name is Jed?
This is kinda one of the reasons I havent got a girlfriend. Ill continue...
Jed: Oh Jess.
Jessica: Yep.
Jed: So are you going to tell me whats up?
Jessica: I have to leave the country in 3 months as I havent got a Visa.
Jed: Ill marry you, that will sort it!
Oh yes, im sure you all propose to people within seconds of meeting them too.
Jessica: I have a boyfriend but its not likely he will ask me to marry him.
Jed: Why wont he marry you?
Jessica: He just wont.
Jed: Where is he? Ill go make him marry you.
Jessica: No, just leave it. He wont.
Jed: Im very convincing Jess. Show me the boy!
Jessica drags me across to a group of people at the bar and pulls her boyfriend from within them.
Jessica: Jed, this is my boyfriend Dominic.
Jed: Hi Dominic. Why wont you marry Jessica? She seems quite nice and she has 2 eyes.
Dominic: Hi, erm... hmmmm.
Dominic looks really uncomfortable at this situation as you may well expect. I wouldnt appreciate being forced to propose to a girl by a drunk guy with a lightsabre in his hand.
Jessica: See! He wont marry me! I told you he wouldnt.
Dominic: Its just never come up. We dont talk about it.
Jed: Why wont you marry her? She has to go back to America in a few months (she had an american accent see) so I think you should marry her...
This is where I pull the sucker punch.
Jed:... Dont you love her Dominic?
oooooooohhhhhh. Whats he meant to say?
Dominic: OF course I love her!
Jessica: Really? Thats the first time you've ever said that to me!
Dominic: Well I do.
I stand there and smile. I then walk away back to my friends and join in a discussion about homosexuals in music. They tell me I had just been speaking to Dom from Muse. I dont hate Muse anymore. At least I know oe of them hs a heart.
I casually look back at Jess and Dom and she looked a tiny bit happier than when i first started to speak to her. Maybe it was because I wasnt pestering her anymore, but maybe, just maybe my drunken words made her realise just how much her boyfriend appreciates her and loves her. Is there any better feeling than that? One day Ill feel that first hand again, but until then I shall just write words to make people like me.
words.
Jed
xxx
Due to this fact, I dont get very much affection at all. I love hugs. Hugs are the best thing ever. Honestly, if you see me out, HUG ME! I will never pull away, in fact I may be locked onto you like a face-hugger from Aliens and never let you go... unless your boyfriend tickles me gently with the ring on his punching hand.
Anyway, as Im not getting any love I like to see love in others. That gets me by okay, and I feel love by proxy. I call it the Amelie Complex, but other people might call it the Jed Complex. Both are very apt.
Last night I went to the Launch Party of 'Republic Commando' which is the new star wars game from LucasArts. It was at the Marquee in Leicester Square and we were greeted by Stormtroopers as we entered. I was invited due to me being the 4th... cough.. i mean 5th member of Ash, and they were playing a set and were on the game's soundtrack. So it was FREE drinks and FREE food and I had given up my month long alcohol hiatus within seconds when I ordered 6 driks at once, you know, just in case I wake up from this free drink dream heaven.
Im trying to set the scene by the way... Im trying to give you as much information as possible so when I finally get to the point, you will empathis with me more. See? Im like Johnny Ball, explaining how things work. Or is it Clarissa? Hmmm...
Ok so ash played a blinder, I was completely fucking zonked out on my 60th double vodka with a double vodka chaser and my friends and I wandered up to the aftershow area. It was pretty empty besides ash, some people that work for ash, some random groupie looking girls, and a lady that looks like sarah cawood, but is actually called Pru. I had then realised I had been carrying around a lightsabre for an hour and a half, and had smacked people with it. As I mused this potentially embarrasing scenario I got that feeling... you know... that feeling you get when you realise you are surrounded by mates but feel really lonely? I made a mental note to write about this feeling in my livejournal as its the kinda shit people really lap up and saw awww to me about. I think I deleted the mental note about not writing about the 'kinda shit people really lap up' bit.
So onto the actual point of this intro. There was a girl who looked utterly miserable and very alone just holding herself in that way that I find endearing. Im a sucker for girls who look like they need saving. I know everyone who knows me is nodding right now. Im sorry, I know its a bad way to go about things, but I watch too many films where you just want someone to help the girl with problems but no one does. So I make it my mission to help people who need help.
Jed: Hi, whats wrong?
Jessica: Oh Nothing...
Jed: You look upset, Im Jed.
Jessica: Jess.
Jed: No, Jed.
Jessica: No my name is Jess.
Jed: Your name is Jed?
This is kinda one of the reasons I havent got a girlfriend. Ill continue...
Jed: Oh Jess.
Jessica: Yep.
Jed: So are you going to tell me whats up?
Jessica: I have to leave the country in 3 months as I havent got a Visa.
Jed: Ill marry you, that will sort it!
Oh yes, im sure you all propose to people within seconds of meeting them too.
Jessica: I have a boyfriend but its not likely he will ask me to marry him.
Jed: Why wont he marry you?
Jessica: He just wont.
Jed: Where is he? Ill go make him marry you.
Jessica: No, just leave it. He wont.
Jed: Im very convincing Jess. Show me the boy!
Jessica drags me across to a group of people at the bar and pulls her boyfriend from within them.
Jessica: Jed, this is my boyfriend Dominic.
Jed: Hi Dominic. Why wont you marry Jessica? She seems quite nice and she has 2 eyes.
Dominic: Hi, erm... hmmmm.
Dominic looks really uncomfortable at this situation as you may well expect. I wouldnt appreciate being forced to propose to a girl by a drunk guy with a lightsabre in his hand.
Jessica: See! He wont marry me! I told you he wouldnt.
Dominic: Its just never come up. We dont talk about it.
Jed: Why wont you marry her? She has to go back to America in a few months (she had an american accent see) so I think you should marry her...
This is where I pull the sucker punch.
Jed:... Dont you love her Dominic?
oooooooohhhhhh. Whats he meant to say?
Dominic: OF course I love her!
Jessica: Really? Thats the first time you've ever said that to me!
Dominic: Well I do.
I stand there and smile. I then walk away back to my friends and join in a discussion about homosexuals in music. They tell me I had just been speaking to Dom from Muse. I dont hate Muse anymore. At least I know oe of them hs a heart.
I casually look back at Jess and Dom and she looked a tiny bit happier than when i first started to speak to her. Maybe it was because I wasnt pestering her anymore, but maybe, just maybe my drunken words made her realise just how much her boyfriend appreciates her and loves her. Is there any better feeling than that? One day Ill feel that first hand again, but until then I shall just write words to make people like me.
words.
Jed
xxx