Fearless Friday
One of the things I've been trying to do the past couple of years is be more fearless. Last year, for my birthday, I went soaring. This year I toyed with the idea of rock climbing for my birthday, but went to see Eddie Izzard instead, which wasn't exactly taking a risk. It wasn't until September that I figured out what challenge I'd take on:
Stand-up.
I'm taking a stand-up class from Josie Leavitt. So are 16 other people. Monday night we had ten minutes to come up with a short amount of material, which we then got to stand up and share.
I'm in front of students two days a week, ho problem, so you'd think it would have been more of the same.
It wasn't. The last time I was that nervous I was in either junior high or my freshman year of high school and I'd been chosen to do one of the readings for the Christmas or Easter service at church. I had to come down out of the choir, walk to the pulpit and read. I remember looking down at my choir robe and seeing my left, er, breastal area, quaking up and down, that's how hard my heart was pounding.
You see, I have a fear of solos. It goes back to first grade, when I was partially deaf due to swollen tonsils and adenoids and had to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" for music class--everyone did. We were graded by lines going up the blackboard. Mine barely cleared the chalk tray. Everyone laughed, but not the sort of laugh you want to get. I have not sung a solo, I have not put myself out there in that way since.
On Monday I didn't look down, so I can't tell you how hard my heart was pounding, but I can tell you that the 17 other people in the room were a great audience, and when they laughed at the spot I had hoped they would laugh, it was a rush the likes of which I have never felt. It was the sort of laugh you want to get.
Josie made that possible by creating a supportive climate--as did my classmates, by being supportive--we're a good group. I'm looking forward to the rest of these classes.
A while ago, I talked about how improv was similar to writing--creating a story out of thin air, except that writers get to do the creation in privacy, while improv does it in front of an audience. The same was true of the stand-up this last week, because we didn't have the chance to memorize our bits. We were so vulnerable. But here's the thing: being vulnerable and yet taking the risk means that the pay-off (that rush) is greater. That's something to remember for writing, too.
Also, comedy requires a notebook. Here's mine:
Because that's the way my warped mind works.
This is step one toward facing my fear of solo performance.