Mom
Another big fight with my mom this week. Wanted to update with how the conversation "ended" with mom. It ended with me agreeing to back off if that's what she wants. That I don't support her decisions but will accept that she doesn't want my opinions or help. I told her that to me this means she doesn't want me to care, but whatever, that's her choice. She still hasn't told me anything about the cancer (which she told my sister in the middle of a heated argument that it was back - but she's such a drama queen that we don't even know if we should believe her ... Sad), only that she has "major medical decisions" to make.
She agreed to this, and thanked me for it. Told me she'd ask when she wanted my help (you know, when she's totally fucked up and needs someone to pick up the pieces ... can't wait). Of course, I'll pick up the pieces because I'll feel horrible if I don't. So I'll blame the mental illness that she's in such denial about, and I'll help her out, because she's my mother. But I'll hate her for it. I never really understood how you could simultaneously love and hate someone before ... but now I do. Unfortunately.
Whatever. I need this to be done. You can't help someone who wont help themselves. And every time I/we try to help, things get worse. Maybe we just need to accept that she's a disaster and try to love her anyway. We tried. It's not our job to "fix" her, and she doesn't want to be "fixed." I think we just need to live our own lives and include her for the sake of Cara and Emmett. I think this also means that we should stop buying her plane tickets, etc though (my sister had to pay for my mother's flight to come down for the baby shower) ... if she wants to make her own choices and decisions and be respected for that, I think that also means she needs to live with her own consequences and take responsibility for those choices.