Last Year's Leaves, Laura/Kara, NC17
Fic: Last Year's Leaves
Pairing: Laura/Kara
Length: 7,709
Rating: NC17
Summary: Origin story for a Laura/Kara romance. They battle the demons of their past together. Idk, I suck at summaries.
Notes: Beta'd by the splendiferous mermaidfangs for whom there are not enough superlatives in the world! Thank you to the moon & back, lovely-face!
Warnings: Mentions of child abuse, vague ones.
Kara absolutely hated their story. She seethed whenever Laura told it, all the while shooting Kara apologetic glances that were in no way sincere. Kara rolled her eyes, but Laura lit up when she described the day she'd driven past this tattered, limping woman on the side on a wet mountain road and took her home to stay.
“I was fine, by the way,” Kara interjected, as she always did. “She makes me sound like a street urchin.”
Laura waved her objections away. “Not an urchin, dear, just another victim of Mount Caprica's vicious hiking trails. She hadn't even taken a phone with her! She was covered in mud and-”
Kara knew this story could go on for hours and having lived it herself, didn't need to hear it all again, so she tugged petulantly at Laura's arm until Laura finally conceded defeat and left the street vendor to his produce.
“Next time, then!” he waved after them as Kara pulled Laura away. Poking her in the ribs, Kara joked, “He's going to revoke our discount if you harangue him with boring stories like that.”
“No he won't, he asked!” Laura wrapped an arm around Kara's waist tugged her close. “He loves us. He always saves us the best pears and last week when I came alone he told me his Sunday just wouldn't be complete since you hadn't shown.”
“Liar,” Kara laughed. “That's all you projecting because you're still jealous I spent the weekend with Karl & Sharon.”
Laura tried unsuccessfully to mask her smile, then gave it up for a hopeless cause. “Anyone ever tell you, you're too smart for your own good?”
Kara shook her head vehemently. “Never once.
“Well then,” Laura grinned, grabbing Kara hand and squeezing as they strolled along past the other market booths. “Why start now?”
**
Back home, they cooked the produce they'd bought, theylaughed when Kara burned the sauce, they got naked, they laughed more, they took a walk to the park, they lazed on the couch watching old movies. This was how Sunday's worked. Sundays were theirs. No classes for Laura. No training for Kara. Sundays were little bubbles of time, saved up just for them to share.
Laura had chores to do. She should really get up. But with Kara sprawled and dozing across her lap, she had zero motivation for moving even an inch from this spot. The television buzzed softly before them, but Laura much preferred the entertainment she got from the twitches in Kara’s eyelids, the way she licked her lips when she adjusted position.
Eventually, Kara stirred. Catching Laura’s perusal, she groaned and lifted a lazy hand over her face, blocking her intent study.
“Gods, you’re doing it again,” her voice croaked as she fought her way to full wakefulness. “I hate when you watch me sleep.”
Laura pulled the obstructing hand away and leaned to kiss her, the sight of a grumpy and groggy Kara too alluring to resist. “Well, my options are limited when you’re using me as a mattress, sweetie. Not that I’m complaining.”
Kara sat up to free her, yawning deeply, “Don’t do such a good mattress impression then.”
Laura brought a load of sheets from the dryer and dumped them into Kara’s lap. “Here. Fold these or lose me forever.”
Kara snuggled into the warm ball of fabric and collapsed groggily back across the couch.
Hands on hips, in faux exasperation, Laura asked. “Are you a cat or a person?”
“I’ll be a person in five minutes.” Kara promised, voice muffled in the sheets.
Laura was throwing the second load into the wash when she found the receipt. She hadn't been snooping, just checking Kara's pockets for spare change or forgotten lighters. Kara lost lighters to the wash all the time. It drove her crazy. As she pulled another one from Kara's jeans pocket, her hand closed around a wadded bit of paper as well. She opened it. Time slowed and narrowed as she read the numbers, the date, the location. One minute her life was one thing and the next, another.
Her brain flashed back to a loud knock on her door one hung-over Sunday morning two years ago. But that was another lifetime, one that she didn't think about if she could help it. That was the last time the world had ended. Today time stilled around her again and coiled tight to a single point as it had that day. She recognized this feeling. The bottom was falling out again.
She walked in a numb daze to the living room where Kara was flipping channels and halfheartedly folding the sheets, still living another life that she hadn't yet realized had passed away. Laura held out the paper for her to see, all the while wanting to tear it up and make this moment go away. She ached to just wrap Kara in her arms, breathe her in and forget everything else. But she couldn't. This was not a human feeling. This was the purest devastation.
Kara looked up, “Zak called. He wants us to meet-” but cut off when she saw her face. “What's wrong?” She asked suddenly concerned and then, gesturing at the paper, “What is that?”
Laura gulped, “You tell me. It's from your pocket. Last weekend. A receipt for gas in Caprica City.”
A beat. A lifetime. Kara paled. Laura missed nothing; not the way her eyes widened in shock, not the thick swallow as she tried to give herself time to craft an excuse, not the lies Laura saw forming on her lips. Laura couldn't stand to hear them so she pushed on to prevent them from ever being born.
“And Karl and Sharon live in Delphi which is nowhere near Caprica City,” Her voice was shaking. She could hear the tremble playing games with her words, making what she meant to be strong, weak and tinny.
For a moment their gazes held and everything was on the edge of salvageable...until Kara's head dropped, cornered and guilty. Laura's thin hope that there was some simple explanation for this, some failsafe emergency exit leading them back to a last bit of refuge, dimmed to form one into solid, awful truth in her gut.
“You lied to me,” she said flatly, dropping the paper to the floor. Kara didn't respond. Eventually, Laura became conscious of tears wetting her face. Ashamed of her wet cheeks and so many things, Laura stumbled to the small haven her bedroom her offered. Minutes later, she heard the front door close as Kara slipped out and she collapsed to the floor and wept in earnest.
It was much later when Laura gathered herself enough to go back to kitchen in search of vodka and oblivion. The receipt was still there, but moved, bellowing at her from the table. She approached it carefully. On the back, scribbled in Kara's messy hand were a few hastily written lines. 'It's not what you think. I'm sorry. I love you.' Laura tore it to shreds, tossed it into the fire. Such a silly thing, she thought, watching the paper curl and blacken, for something so insignificant to hold such weight. Laura had thought she was out of tears, but it turned out there were more waiting. Lots more. It was a long while before she ran dry.
**
She hadn't touched the vodka after all, which was a gods-damned miracle really. Instead, she'd sat and concentrated on forcing the breath to fill and empty her lungs until nature took pity on her and did the job itself. She paced the house and tried to think of anything but Kara. Tried not to feel anything, but her mind raced with questions she didn't want answers to. It was the lie that hurt the most. It hurt so much worse than the actual betrayal.
They'd talked about it before. Hadn't every couple, when they were first laying out the ground rules? Laura knew Kara was very young and very, well...horny. She'd told her that if she needed . . . more than she could provide, she'd understand. She'd honestly have been ok with it. Keeping Kara in her life and keeping her happy had been and was her only concern. But her one rule, her always rule, was that it not be a secret. Honesty. That night, Kara quieted her with kisses and pulled at both of their clothes and slipped between her legs and stayed there until Laura stopped trying to explain. Afterwards, Kara held Laura's trembling body tightly to hers and promised, “Don't be stupid. You're all I need. Okay?”Laura'd nodded her assent and they'd never spoken of it again. Looking back now Laura burned with shame because the gods-honest truth was that in that moment, she'd believed every word.
Eventually being conscious became too difficult. Laura's head ached with wondering and crying. She took the pills that the doctors had given her after her family’s 'accident', the pills that brought her sleep when nothing else would, she swallowed the promise of a temporary peace, lay down and drifted into blessed unconsciousness.
**
It had been a crisp October Sunday and Laura was driving to the mountain to see the change that the fall temperatures brought to the foliage. It was a tradition, going to see the colors. The whole family would pile in their dad's car to see the autumn leaves, bright and warm like the world had been set ablaze with reds and golds and rusty oranges. Even after they'd all grown up, every year they still met, still packed thermoses of cider, still argued about who got to sit shotgun, and took to the mountains. But this would be the first trip since, well since the point in time that all other points in time were described in relation to. Pre accident. Post accident. Laura was the only one left now. Her thermos held apple juice and brandy. Her passenger seat was empty. She hadn't known whether it would hurt more to continue the tradition without her family or to not continue it at all. Turned out, it was hell either way. She spent the drive choking on sobs and not seeing much of anything and hating everything and everyone that still had someone in their life to love or to love them back. When it started to drizzle, she gave it up, pulled a U-turn and aimed her wheels back to the city, back towards the vodka and the forgetting. That feeling she'd been looking for today was something she couldn't get back again now, she knew. Next year, she wouldn't be back. If she made it to next year.
And in that moment, a blonde train wreck of a girlstumbled into the road and without even meaning to, up-righted Laura's flipped world to rights. She was dripping with rain and mud, could barely walk on her clearly injured leg and by the look on her face, was majorly pissed off. Once Laura had convinced her to accept a ride, she spent the next ten minutes assuring Laura that she was perfectly fine and promising her that she could hike out of the woods on her own, no problem. It took even longer for Laura to explain to her that she should consider herself abducted because there was no way in hell Laura has leaving her on the side of the road to hobble off a mountain, injured and in poor weather. She relented, eventually. From there she flew into a long explanation of just how very NOT her fault all this mess was.
“I thought running these trails would be about the best cardio training there is, but the fucking mountain's a crumbling piece of shit and this rock, you should have seen this thing. Big as my head. The ranger's for this area should be lined up and shot in their lazy fucking asses for leaving it there! I mean, right around a bend. There wasn't even time to adjust, ya know? I mean-”
Laura cut her off. “What's your name?”
The girl caught herself, laughed. “Sorry, got a little carried away there, huh? I'm Kara.”
Laura reached out her hand. “Laura. And just so you know, these are hiking trails, dear. Not running trails. I mean, some of them get really treacherous.”
“Yeah well I'm not so much for boring ass hiking. When I go places, I like to go fast,” Laura looked over and caught a glint of challenge in Kara's sassy green eyes and cocking an eyebrow back at her, hit the accelerator. Kara laughed and Laura, feeling a wave of euphoria, smiled back.
“So,” Laura asked, “where should I take you? Do you need a hospital or-?”
Kara cringed, “Fuck no! Never go anywhere near them. It's just my knee. Old pyramid injury. I'll be alright.”
Then after an awkward beat, she added, “I was going to camp out tonight, but uh, well...anyways, my bike's at the trailhead if you wanna just drop me off I can drive out to the base in the morning.”
Laura scoffed, offended. The military base was a good hour away and riding to it on a motorcycle with a busted knee was not an option.
“What kind of person do you think I am? I'm not leaving you to suffer out here overnight and we both know you can't drive on that.” She gestured at the knee she knew must be swollen and aching beneath the sweats.
“Listen,” Kara snapped. “I don't need your help! Just-”
“Actually Kara,” Laura cut her off calmly. “My help is exactly what you do need right now so quit being a baby and get over it. You can sleep at my house for the night if you won't let me take you to the hospital. I live about 20 minutes away and I have good pain pills and ice. Tomorrow I'll take you back to your base and we can get your bike towed. Okay?”
Kara crossed her arms and fumed for a minute before offering a tight, “Sorry. I'm not so good at accepting help.”
“It's fine,” Laura answered back lightly. “I get it.”
She really didn't. She caught a flicker of it, a flitting shadow of the monster's head, and overwhelmed with her own sadness, let it pass quickly away.
**
Laura helped Kara hobble inside and led her to her bedroom. Kara, to absolutely no one's surprise, tried to argue that the couch was fine and that Laura didn't need to go to such trouble but one look from Laura had shut her down. Twenty years of teaching to unruly students had honed Laura's stern face to the point that adults almost always conceded to it as well.
“I sleep on the couch half the time anyways, Kara, it's completely fine.”
“But...” Kara tried, but Laura had already walked out heading for the medicine chest, ignoring any and all 'buts' from the gorgeous woman in her bed.
She came back with meds, a glass of water, bandages, a tee shirt, and two packs of ice. Laura shook three pills from the bottle and held them out with the glass of water. Though she looked uncomfortable, Kara swallowed them without comment. She pulled the tee over her head and whined, “I feel like a gods damned idiot being waited on like this. It's really not necessary.”
“Humor me,” Laura told her primly, adjusting the pillow behind her. When she gestured at her pants leg and asked if she could see it, Kara obediently lifted her sweats and her stomach went queasy. It was terribly swollen and the surrounding skin was mottled and bruising an alarming shade of deep purple that, in her professional medical opinion, looked to hurt like a bitch.
“Gods, Kara! How did you even walk on that thing? We needto get you to a hospital!”
“No, please,” she pleaded. Reaching out, she grabbed Laura's arm as she headed for the phone. “I can't, ok? I swear, I'll go to the base doctor tomorrow. Cottle will be in then, he's really good even if he is a grumpy son of a bitch. Just...not a hospital.” Her face was too earnest for Laura to argue.
“Okay,” Laura nodded slowly, confused but unable to denyher. “But we have to wrap it. Yeah?”
Kara gave a quick nod and didn't fight as Laura coddledand babied her the rest of the evening.
She sat with Kara for a while, talking about littlethings. Their jobs. Kara's running. Laura's students. When Kara started
yawning, Laura finally decided it was time for bed.
“I'll let you get some sleep. It looks like the happy pills are finally doing their job.”
Kara shifted nervously. “I don't need this whole bed to myself, Laura. I feel guilty enough about you having to put up with me tonight without having kicked you out of your own room.” Her eyes looked away hesitantly. “You can stay in here if you want.”
Laura couldn't remember the last time she shared a bed with someone. She hadn't even let, what was his name, Shawn, stay for the whole night. But for the second time that night, Laura found out just how hard it was for her to say no to this woman.
“If you're sure it's OK with you. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. You'd tell me the truth, right?” Laura tried to make the question teasing, but she wasn't sure it came out that way. It sounded too breathy for her own liking. She didn't talk like that.
Kara nodded, her face intent, “I promise. I'd tell you the truth. I want you to stay.”
She had.
Kara was right, the bed was big enough for both of them. Laura hit the lights and lay beside her, close but not touching. She wanted to though. Not reaching out to her caused an actual ache.
“What a weird ass night,” Kara whispered into the dark.
Laura nodded. “You could say that.”
“What were you even doing up there?” Kara asked suddenly, her mind retracing the events of the evening.
She rolled onto her side to look at Kara. She was so beautiful, though Laura suspected she'd hate being told so. Laura couldn't explain to Kara what she'd been doing on that road so she offered a half smile and teased, “I was looking for you, silly.”
Kara eyes narrowed slightly at the obvious lie, but she let it go. She was good at recognizing people's necessary secrets. She smiled back wryly, “My knight in shining armor.”
“Don't you forget it, princess.”
Kara rolled her eyes.
A few minutes later, Kara's fingers slid into her hand. Laura started at the unexpected contact, but she didn't pull away. The warmth of the other woman's skin was like a soothing balm. She felt a soft squeeze and then heard a whispered, “Thank you for finding me, Laura.”
Laura squeezed back, interlacing their fingers. “It was my pleasure, Kara.”
And she meant it. She hadn't slept through a full night in months, certainly not without some help from the pills or the bottle. For a moment, she thought about the vodka in the kitchen. She decided that maybe tonight she wouldn't need it. She didn't want to get up, to leave the warmth of the bed, to let go of the connection of Kara's hand. She tried to think of the last time she'd touched another person's skin. Kara's hands were dry and calloused. Laura drifted off picturing those rough hands busy at work on Viper machinery and motorcycle parts. When she woke eight hours later, both women had rolled to face each other with theirs hands still clasped tight.
**
As promised, the next day Laura took Kara to the base doctor. They awoke together and noticing their threaded fingers, had both pulled away embarrassed. Kara's knee was even worse that next morning and though Laura found some ratty old crutches of her sisters, getting Kara to the base was harder than getting her to Laura's house had been. Though she tried to disguise it, Kara was in a lot of pain.
Laura insisted on helping her to the infirmary. When they got there, Kara had tried to thank her and send her off, but Laura just waved away the idea and sat beside her, waiting. In the end, Cottle's diagnosis was that Kara would be laid up for up to two months and then in physical therapy for another couple months beyond that. Kara deflated. Did she have family she could stay with, Cottle asked? She'd need care. Well then, she could stay in the hospital for round-the-clock care. Kara had bawled Cottle out of the room at the very suggestion and when Kara's head dropped in the resignation of someone with no one to call and no place to go, Laura took her hand again and, in that moment, she'd decided to be both that person and that place and she took the woman home with her. Looking back now, it had been crazy, but at the time it seemed like the most natural choice in the world and with the alternative being a prolonged hospital visit, Kara barely fought her.
As they drove home, heavy with Kara's duffle, doctors instructions and pills and new crutches, Kara kept saying things like, “but you don't even know me,” and “why are you doing this,” and “I'm so sorry.” Laura smiled and waved away her fears.
“I like being useful, Kara, and you need me. Seemed like a good trade off. I think it's unlikely you're going to murder me in my sleep,” she said gesturing at the injured leg. She didn't know what it was about the girl, but she was glad to have her near.
“Plus you totally have a crush on me,” Kara told her with a cheeky grin.
Damn, thought Laura shaking her head, girl does like to go fast and although Kara was absolutely correct, she just laughed and told her, “Yeah, you and your sweat-soaked, dirt-encrusted self are almost too enticing to resist.”
Kara looked down and wrinkled her nose at herself stilldirty with the evidence from yesterday's chaos.
“I am kinda dirty,” She agreed, nodding solemnly. “Wanna give me bath?”
Laura ignored Kara's evil cackle as they drove on knowing full well that with Kara's leg as it was, she'd soon be doing just that. After a second Kara must've realized it too because she sobered and ran a hand over her eyes, “Oh,” She sighed audibly, “Right.”
“So,” Laura went on trying to change the subject, “Where's your family?”
She was trying lighten the mood, to change the subject, but instead had walked right into the hornet's nest that was Kara's past.
“Where's yours?!” came Kara's tight, clipped retort and then after a tense silent minute of Laura trying to gulp down her own panic, Kara conceded, “Everyone's gone, alright? I don't talk about it.”
Laura nodded, unable to speak, still reeling from the aggressiveness of Kara's reflexive question. It was one she still got in public places sometimes from people that didn't know her story and it sent her into a tailspin every time. She turned to look out the window so Kara couldn't see her face. She took a steadying breath.
“You don't have to talk about it. I shouldn't have asked.”
Kara watched her silently the rest of the ride home. They never spoke of their families again.
**
The first weeks were the hardest, and they were pretty damned great from Laura's end. Kara wasn't supposed to be up, and being still made her snippy and rude. Laura didn't much mind. Kara cut the left legs of all her sweats at the knee so that they were able to access the bandages easily. She lounged in those sweats and an old tank almost exclusively. Most days, by the time Laura got home from classes, Kara was a giant ball of suppressed energy that translated into long-winded, explosions of chattering from Kara that often sent Laura careening into slap-happy fits of giggles. Kara would pretend to be insulted and shocked at Laura's amusement, but mostly she was just happy to have someone to finally talk to.
“You smell of the outside world!” Kara would bellow accusingly her, as Laura came through the front door, brandishing her pointed finger like a weapon. “Tell me what it's like out there! Is there pizza? What the kids are wearing these days!” Laura's face ached with smiling.
They spent most evenings lounging, watching TV and playing board games. Sometimes they'd read. Sometimes they'd just talk. Laura learned about Kara's passions for flying and art and Kara found out about Laura's political aspirations. They mostly saved all the darker bits of themselves. Laura only drank wine in front of Kara, leaving the vodka lonely & hidden in the top cupboard. Kara didn't smoke in the house, even though getting outside was a real bitch. They orbited one another, first hesitantly then less so until they moved in such a well-orchestrated motions, that it felt like Kara always been there.
The bath situation ended up being less awkward than they'd expected. Kara could wash herself if Laura only helped her into and out of the tub, which was still weird, but she tried to look away and eventually it turned into a kind of routine. After that first night, Laura had gone out to purchase a new bed and made her haphazard office into a spare room for Kara. Laura knew that sleeping platonically beside the her wouldn't be something she'd be able to manage long-term. Kara gave her a knowing look when the furniture delivery men showed up that afternoon with the new bed. Laura blushed and started directing them hastily towards the repurposed room.
Once Kara was able to use the crutches, she'd spend her long, lonely days learning tricks on the devices, stunning Laura with them each evening.
“Watch this one. This is my favorite one,” She'd say before spinning up on one leg and twisting half circles in the air. Laura would clap and cheer and Kara would bow unstably with a grin that would put Pan to shame.
**
The first time Kara kissed Laura was just like any other day. She was pretending to watch television while Laura graded papers beside her. But really she was furtively watching Laura from the corner of her eye. Eventually, Laura gave up the charade and set aside her papers.
“See something you like, Kara?” She asked tugging off her glasses and turning towards her. They'd been flirting innocently for weeks now with neither of them ever giving that final inch. But tonight, Kara didn't look away; she nodded slowly leaned forward to catch Laura's mouth. It was sweet and Laura sagged with relief at the long denied contact. Kara's lips tasted so good on hers and well before she was ready, it was over. When Laura opened her eyes, Kara was staring her down, gauging Laura's reaction.
Reaching out, Kara ran a thumb hesitantly across Laura's bottom lip. “Tell me I can do that again, Laura. Please.”
Not bothering to respond, Laura grabbed Kara by the back of her neck and tugged her roughly back to her mouth. She felt Kara groan into her mouth before opening her lips and running her tongue against Laura's. She responded eagerly and suddenly Kara was climbing over her, her hands running frantically all over Laura's body searching desperately for bare skin, hands sliding beneath clothes. Laura was this close to letting her keep going until they were both sweaty and sated but she could feel the metal weight of Kara's brace against her thigh. With effort, she ripped her mouth away with a gasp.
“Wait, Kara,” She begged, trying to catch her breath as Kara's mouth fell to her neck, licking a long messy stripe. Her resolve wavered as the pleasure of Kara's touch shot through her. “Kara, stop.” It took Kara a moment to register Laura's words.
“Why?” She breathed deeply in Laura's ear, her hands still roaming freely across her hips, tugging Laura's tight to her own. “I've wanted you since day one and don't pretend you don't want me back. I can feel how hot you are right now. I know you're already wet for me.” Her hand slipped between Laura's legs and it felt so fucking good. Laura had to shut this down now if she was going to shut it down at all. It felt too amazing to resist it for very long.
Pushing Kara back gently, she dropped a light peck to Kara's lips. “I'm not pretending. I do want to. But you're hurt-”
“I'm not!” Kara interrupted quickly, reaching for her again. “I'm fi-”
“Do not tell me you're fine when you can't even walk,” Laura chided, squeezing the injured knee above her once for emphasis. Kara visibly winced at the contact.
“Right,” Laura said with finality. “So we cannot do this now. Maybe when you're better if you still want-”
“I do!” Kara bit out sharply, interrupting her again. “I will.”
“Okay,” Laura smiled, reaching out to cup Kara's pouting face. “Well then, when you're better.”
“Promise,” Kara said. Not a question, a demand.
“Dear gods yes!” Laura laughed, letting her hand trail down Kara’s neck before falling to linger a moment between the fabric covering her breasts. “Like you said, you can tell how much I want it, right?”
For the first time Laura could remember, Kara blushed.
Pushing gently, Laura helped Kara lean back into a more comfortable position. Kara winced visibly as she adjusted herself and stretched her knee gratefully.
“Got more where that came from,” Kara goaded saucily, once she was settled, eyeing Laura with a sideways glance. “Just gotta ask and...”
“I yield, I yield. OK?” Laura told her, hands up in surrender. “A woman can only be expected to take so much.”
Kara reached to pull Laura to her side, before asking shyly, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Are you going to behave?” Laura responded coyly.
“Probably not,” she admitted, “but you'll find a way to keep me honest.”
It was difficult, but somehow, Laura did just that and Kara never went back to the spare room.
**
The next few weeks were a supreme effort in willpower with Kara doing everything she could to tempt Laura's determination to wait, always touching her in some way, kissing her slow and deep. Letting her hands wander freely over Laura's flesh until Laura would need to escape alone to the bathroom to rub herself off furiously. When she returned, Kara would give her a knowing look and ask innocently how everything had gone. Laura, skin flushed and damp, didn't even bother making up a lie.
Kara's need for physical contact was boundless. If they were both home, she found a way to be touching Laura. Pulling Laura between her legs, lounging chest to back when they were watching TV. Sliding her arms around Laura's waist from behind and whispering dirty secrets into her ear as Laura struggled to wash dishes. Some of the things that came out of her mouth left Laura blushing like she hadn't blushed since high school.
Sharing a bed was hardest. Kara was a hellion awake, but in her sleep, she lost what little self-control she possessed. Several times Laura had awakened to find that in her slumber Kara's hands had found their way into her top to cup her breasts. Almost daily she woke to Kara's hand slid possessively up the back of her nightie, cupping her ass and pulling her body tightly to her own.
Laura was addicted to her mouth. The taste. The fevered way it played needful games with her own. Kara's mouth found places on Laura's skin that no one ever had before. The sheer number of places on Laura's neck alone that Kara had discovered to make Laura moan was staggering. When Kara sucked deep at the hollow behind Laura's ear, Laura lost all reason. Made noises that really shouldn't be legal.
Kara had her pressed tight to the wall, her body now able to balance on just one crutch, their legs tangled, hips bucking wildly for friction. Laura tried, she did, begging for mercy, “Kara...I...please.” But Kara's mouth just opened wider dragged her teeth across the abused flesh roughly. Laura came with a surprised yell. Kara's head shot up in amazement.
“Did you just...?” She asked, panting.
Laura, still riding the wave of orgasm, tipped her head back against the wall and nodded a satisfied smile as her body calmed.
“Fuck, woman,” Kara whispered, awed. “I barely touched you.”
Laura pushed Kara off languid as honey.
“Tell that to my neck,” She murmured in a deep husky voice as she sauntered contentedly to the bathroom.
Kara leaned her forehead to the wall, sucking air. After a moment, she called down the hall.
“You’re gorgeous after you come, you know that?”
From the bathroom, where she stood before the mirror straightening wrinkled clothing and running trembling fingers through messy hair, Laura smiled.
**
That night in bed Kara wrapped herself around Laura from behind and whispered in her ear.
“You know, you don't have to suffer like this. Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean we can't take care of you.” Her hand was playing low on Laura's belly, rubbing circles with her fingertips. “I may not be very mobile right now, but parts of me still work alright.” She slid her fingers down a few more inches to finger the band of Laura's underwear, making it perfectly clear what parts she was referring to. “In fact, I've been told they work better than alright. Let me touch you, Laura. Please.”
Laura had been pushed too far and was, by this point, nearly quivering with desire to just give in and let Kara do as she would. She yearned to open her legs and let Kara in, but this waiting had been her decision, and it wasn't fair to let Kara be the only one to abide by it. She reached down to splay Kara's hand back across her taut stomach and held it still.
“Soon, baby,” She promised. “You're getting better every day. You should be off the crutches soon and we'll be able to do this without risking reinjuring you.”
Kara whined into the back of her neck, running her tongue over the mark she'd left this afternoon. “I just want to fuck you so bad.”
Laura's core tightened reflexively at the words. “Fuck, Kara,” She moaned.
“Yes,” Kara breathed, sucking at the skin behind Laura's ear. “Fuck Kara.”
“You're hu-” Laura tried, the edges of her reason going hazy as Kara's tongue and lips set up house along the long line of her sloping clavicle.
“It hurts me more not to do this, Laura,” Kara promised. “Not having you hurts more than this damned knee ever could.”
Laura took a second to consider this, decided it was time to stop fighting this losing battle, turned over and kissed Kara with everything she had. “Okay.” She breathed into Kara's mouth. “But we do this my way, gently.”
“I'm not great with gentle,” Kara smiled wolfishly, tried to sit up and climb over Laura, but Laura pushed her back down carefully.
“Uh huh, sweetheart. We do this my way or not at all.”
Climbing to straddle Kara and careful to keep her balanced weight off the injured leg, Laura tugged her silk nightie over her head and tossed it away. Kara swallowed and reached to slide her palms up Laura's ribs. When she couldn't reach beyond, she panted, “Lean forward so I can touch you.” Laura complied and Kara's hands covered Laura's breasts reverently, thumbs expertly circling tight rosy nipples. Kara licked her lips, “Closer.” Laura tilted further down and Kara tried to sit again. Laura firmly pushed her back, shaking her head firmly. “Then come closer!” Kara snapped, “I need to put my mouth on you.” Laura shivered and dipped further until Kara's mouth closed hungrily around her tender flesh, sucking and swirling and slowly destroying all reason. She'd been waiting too long for this and she was nearly there again just from Kara's mouth on her. She reached for Kara's hand, too lost in her pleasure to care how desperate she looked and pulled it between her legs.
“Please,” She begged.
Kara released her captive nipple with a pop as her fingers began to move, eager to gauge Laura's reactions. She pushed aside the soaked crotch of Laura's underwear and watched with hooded eyes as she slid her thumb up and down the length of Laura's slit once, testing. Laura mewled, hips hitching eagerly towards the contact.
“Gods, Laura,” Kara murmured, eyes wide and awed. “Do you know how fucking hot you are right now?”
Laura could only sob Kara's name, as fingers parted her flesh and slid deep inside. Lost, or maybe found, she rode Kara's slippery fingers to heavenly distraction.
**
Her clock read 2:30am when she heard the frantic pounding at her front door. Rising from her bed cautiously, she tiptoed down the hallway careful not to make a noise. Her heart was pounding when she peered out the
peephole. She yanked the door open “For fuck's sake, Kara,” she
snapped, rolling her eyes. “You scared me to death! You have a key, you know?
Kara leaned heavily against the jam and shrugged. “Didn’t know if you'd want me to jus let myself in or what.”
“You're drunk,” Laura realized, seeing the slight wobble to Kara’s posture, hearing the unnatural slur of her
voice.
Kara nodded. “I wanna...” She broke off, peered up cautiously from the wooden slats of the porch to catch Laura's eyes. “I wanna tell you the truth. And I couldn't do it earlier, not sober. So I figured maybe this way...”
“So now I get the truth?” Laura asked icily, crossing her arms. “Little late, isn't it?”
“Laura,” Kara choked and she could hear the tears waiting behind the noise, just hovering on the edge of her throat. “I am doin’ the best I can right now. Please hear me out. I'll go once I'm done. If you want.”
Laura had never seen Kara cry, in the last year Laura had lost it a few times, when memories wouldn't stay down, but Kara had always been a rock. She looked very young. Laura stepped back and waved her tiredly in.
**
They sat across the dining table from one another, Laura stoically trying to maintain her dignity, Kara looking anywhere else. It took a while but eventually, Kara took a deep breath and started. “I didn't go to Karl & Sharon's last weekend.” She hesitated and added, “I lied to you.”
“I figured that out on my own,” Laura said coldly.
“Right,” Kara agreed. “But it wasn't because I was with someone else, Laura. Gods, I'd never...I have never.”
Laura looked down at Kara's hands gripping the table's edge. They were shaking uncontrollably. Laura waited, her mind shifting from anger and betrayal to fear and concern. And a good deal of regret. Because somehow she'd read this wrong. Kara wasn't lying to protect herself, at least not in the way Laura had thought.
“Kara,” she whispered softly, reaching out to steady the trembling hands with her own. “I don't know what's going on, but I can't take anymore lies right now. I can't. Whatever it is, you can tell me. It's me, Kara. It's just me.”
A tear fell. Just one. But that one broke the dam.
Laura tried to catch it all through the sobs. It only took a couple words of explanation and Laura was coming around the table and kneeling to hold Kara to her. Everything came out in one long blur, starting slow and halting and then built, going on and on faster and faster like the only way for her to be ok again was to push and push and push until there were no more words left inside her. She told it all. Of growing up and her mother's abuse, a disgusting incident with her hands, the hospitals that never asked the right questions. Of her father's desertion and of the things that Socrata had said about her, how small she'd felt, still feels sometimes when she remembers those words. She shows Laura the scars that Laura has seen before but never really saw, the one's she hadn't wanted to see. There’s no end to them once you're paying attention. Tonight, Laura never once looks away.
“My momma died she died last week and I had to go take care of the funeral and her place and will and I couldn't tell you I just didn't know how to she was fucking evil and violent and hateful and no matter how many times she slammed me down and broke me apart and hurt me I fucking loved her. She was my mom, Laura and I fucking hate her so much I was just a kid you know what could I do and last time I saw her she told me about the cancer I knew she was dying and I just ran away and I ran until you found me and kept me and I never went back for her. Shit, I should have gone back shouldn't I what kind of daughter doesn't go back? I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sor-”
And then the words lost form and became sounds and sounds gave way to sobs and Laura just held on and whispered nonsense until every last drop of pain was spent.
**
When Laura looked back now, she saw how obvious it should have been that Kara had always been a little bit broken. But Laura's own pain had overshadowed every other hurt the world housed. Laura hated herself. She hated how good Kara had been at hiding everything from her and how quickly Laura had been willing to just close her eyes to the reality that Kara was a grown woman and that grown women had pasts, or that at least, they should and that if they didn't, it meant something. And Laura had had questions. Questions she buried because when Kara limped into her world like a blazing phoenix, born of the mountain and so ready to let Laura cast off her mourning shroud and play at hero, she hadn't wanted to see anything else.
Tonight Kara lay in her arms, the booze and the emotional exertion of the day having taken their toll. She breathed evenly, unconscious and untroubled, for the moment at least. Laura made love to her tonight. Guided her to their bed and kissed away her tears and touched her body so careful and slow that Laura half expected Kara to push her away in favor of her usual greedy urgency. But she hadn't and when Kara eventually released around Laura's fingers and with heated promises of love breathed fervently into her ear, the tears found their way out again.
“No one is going to hurt you, Kara,” Laura vowed, as Kara's body shook with emotion. “Not ever again.”
Laura looked down at the sleeping woman and tucked back a wisp of blonde hair that had fallen over Kara's cheek. There seemed a newness in the young woman's face and Laura knew she'd never again see her the same. She'd been a paragon before, a glorious profane angel sent to save her from despair. A reckless siren crafted by the very gods themselves. Something whimsical and overpowering, like a creature out of the old legends. Solid enough to tether you to it, but vague enough to flit away once you remembered to question its foundations.
Now, she looked down and took notice of a small scar decorating Kara's sleep-slack lip and didn’t have to wonder at its origin, she smelled the musky sweetness of her skin, felt the prick of Kara's unshaven calf against skin of their tangled legs. Tonight, for the first time, Kara was not some ideal, she was a person, real and fragile and strong and fierce. With pieces that didn't fit and memories of a time before their own story. For the first time, Laura thought of her sisters, remembered her father, looked down at Kara and was able to feel the weight of her past without the horror of it.
She thought about a not so distant future in which she'd share that past with Kara. That knowledge, she was surprised to realize, did not fill her with fear, but peace. She knew there were hurts to heal and messes to clean. She knew there
was a whole complex web of the actualities of life now intruding on their private world and she was glad for all of it. For the past couple years she had been of the world, had walked its streets, had followed its rules, but she had not been in it. She'd tried to hide, she'd tried to escape, she'd tried to forget but now, she thought she was finally strong enough to rejoin its messy ranks. Kara had shown her what indestructible strength looked like.
She didn’t even open her eyes. “I can feel you watching me, Laura. Your brain is making that whirring noise again.”
Laura grinned, “I can’t help it. You’re so gorgeous after you come.”
“Hey,” Kara laughed, blowing a raspberry on Laura’s neck. “That’s my line!”
“As the muse that inspired it, I claim partial ownership.”
With a heavy, put-upon sigh, Kara conceded. “Fine. I’m too sleepy to argue. You ready to quit watching me drool and go to bed yet?”
With a nod, Laura released all thoughts into the ether and let the night rush in. She squeezed Kara tighter.
For a moment the universe opened itself up to her and from its center, from her own, she felt the stirrings of an elemental truth. That they had saved each other that night on the mountain. That it didn't
matter who saved who. That together, somehow, they were saved.