(no subject)
This has been a year of change for me, starting with my working situation then moving to my living situation and ending with my changed outlook on life and work and everything in between.
Since June, 1999 (when I left college), I've lived with my mother (except for a brief break). In April of this year, I moved out on my own to a small house with an even tinier yard. But it's been a great time living by myself. I cannot tell you enough about how much I love being here without constant arguing and belittle comments and my sister bitching all the time. My house is beautifully quiet, even with my awful neighbor (that no longer lives near me so more awesomeness).
Since December 2008, I worked two jobs, at about 80 hours a week. In February, I quit my second job and suddenly had tons of time to catch up on things like sleep! and writing! and watching movies! and suddenly watching tv shows! Time, who knew it was such a gift.
My main job has been full of suffering and awfulness for the past few years. Kaidan Alenko, no matter how cheeseball this sounds, made a difference to me. He said, "it's gonna be what it is" and encouraged Shepard to let go, that he had done enough at that point, and that made a difference. I can't change my boss. I can't change her dismissive derisiveness or her derisive dismissiveness. I can't change the fact that I am not as appreciated as I want to be let alone as much as I think I deserve. It's gonna be what it is. I put that up on my whiteboard and I look at it, every day. It's helped me to reach a more zen-state about work and life. I can't make others like me and I can't make others appreciate me. I can't change the fact that I work at an organization that doesn't appreciate their employees and does its best to beat them down. It's gonna be what it is.
I'm a lot happier now than I've been in so many years. Sure, things frustrate me but then I breathe out "it's gonna be what it is" and I feel better. Work pisses me off but then I breathe out "it's gonna be what it is" and the anger bleeds out. So I have Kaidan to thank for that change in outlook.
I'm still a work in progress but I finally feel like I'm making progress, that I'm growing as a person. It's a really good feeling.
Since June, 1999 (when I left college), I've lived with my mother (except for a brief break). In April of this year, I moved out on my own to a small house with an even tinier yard. But it's been a great time living by myself. I cannot tell you enough about how much I love being here without constant arguing and belittle comments and my sister bitching all the time. My house is beautifully quiet, even with my awful neighbor (that no longer lives near me so more awesomeness).
Since December 2008, I worked two jobs, at about 80 hours a week. In February, I quit my second job and suddenly had tons of time to catch up on things like sleep! and writing! and watching movies! and suddenly watching tv shows! Time, who knew it was such a gift.
My main job has been full of suffering and awfulness for the past few years. Kaidan Alenko, no matter how cheeseball this sounds, made a difference to me. He said, "it's gonna be what it is" and encouraged Shepard to let go, that he had done enough at that point, and that made a difference. I can't change my boss. I can't change her dismissive derisiveness or her derisive dismissiveness. I can't change the fact that I am not as appreciated as I want to be let alone as much as I think I deserve. It's gonna be what it is. I put that up on my whiteboard and I look at it, every day. It's helped me to reach a more zen-state about work and life. I can't make others like me and I can't make others appreciate me. I can't change the fact that I work at an organization that doesn't appreciate their employees and does its best to beat them down. It's gonna be what it is.
I'm a lot happier now than I've been in so many years. Sure, things frustrate me but then I breathe out "it's gonna be what it is" and I feel better. Work pisses me off but then I breathe out "it's gonna be what it is" and the anger bleeds out. So I have Kaidan to thank for that change in outlook.
I'm still a work in progress but I finally feel like I'm making progress, that I'm growing as a person. It's a really good feeling.