Rest In Peace, Tim "Lemonade Coyote" McCormick...
I have trouble with names... Changing them, to be specific. When "Cy Deer" became "Lemonade Coyote", I struggled with it. I preferred nicknames like, "Mr. 'yote" to "Lemonade". In death however, he is Tim. I don't know why that changed in my head... But it was like a switch. I knew his name before, but it just never registered as him. Now,
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Hearing about him now, in bits and pieces shared from his friends and what is left behind, I regret never meeting him - whatever the drama was that he had to overcome, it certainly seems like he was well on his way, and all of us have our own obstacles and drama, whether public or private.
While it feels weird to say you enjoyed someone's personal account of the grief they are experiencing in the loss of a friend, in a way I cannot explain it allowed me to feel more for Tim than I could from just a handful of mostly generic tweets, even without knowing him. Supporting friends is one of the things in life that means the most to me, so I am glad that you guys have each other to make it through the pain together.
As for breaking down or "losing it".. I don't see anything wrong with that. Our society places way too much value in "being strong" as if restraining our emotions is something to be lauded. I say our emotions, and especially when we cry, are usually a very good indicator of how much capacity we have to love and care. You may wish you hadn't broken down, perhaps because you didn't feel you were close enough to him to warrant it, but clearly something touched you in a very profound way, and if nothing else no one can witness that and question that Tim didn't mean something to you, even if it took something horrible for you to understand and recognize it.
I hate that whenever someone dies, we are forced to endure the inevitable slew of "live each day to the fullest" and "cherish your friends" comments. Fact is, some of us already know and practice that, and if you aren't doing it, then I doubt someone dying, unless it's someone very close to YOU, is going to accomplish it. People need to treat each other with more love and make more effort every day, and no one should have to die to remind people how to live life and treat the ones they love.
I don't know if I could have gone if I was local because I most definitely would have felt like I didn't have the right to be there, even if I would have wanted to pay respects. I feel like these things are too raw and personal for people that were not close to the deceased to be there, it feels invasive. Take care and thank you for sharing your experience.
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