oh hidy hidy hidy what're you trying prove?
I've been meaning to update for weeks and weeks or days and days and they all seem to be melded into one long tired. Gosh i sound misreable! Gosh i feel like my stomach might just move out of me this time - leave for good. Maybe i don't treat it right? But still, you'd think a part of me would want to live forever with me. Gosh. I don't really treat it that bad, today i even gave it two meals. And both of them were "good for me". whatever.
I sometimes wonder, cos you see, i'm always so anxious about my friends eating - you know this - and i'm always on at them about eating better and eating properly and blah blah blah - you'd think i'd be able to do it myself somedays. Stupid Conor and his "If i could talk to myself like i was someone else maybe i could take your advice" nonsense (it is so true! so true!)
I have to finish an essay today. I may have not been able to submit an assessment for another class and that is making me crazy cos i have never not submitted an assessment in 3 years of university. I swear she said midnight sunday. it's in my notes. gosh.
Nevertheless my body is aching - all of it - from too much embroidery and my head is numb cos i've been hiding there for days. I think i'm getting sick - isn't everyone? It is not usual that it starts in the stomach though. Maybe i should have an apple. Maybe some Tums (you call them rennes here. I like to say tum. they should be called tums.) I wish i didn't ache so much. Maybe i need a bath. I don't want to need one. No Siree.
Last monday I slept over at Alison's after we saw Capote and while we were watching Arrested Development Season 2 on DVD a bird somehow got stuck in a jar that had some bird seed in the bottom of it. The bird had flown in face first and then couldn't move. We thought it was dead and i tried to cover it with a bag so Al could bring in the laundry but it moved. I hid behind the couch and Al hid in the study. We had to get Andre Al's upstairs neighbour to set the bird free cos we were too scared to go near it. It seems crazy now, it seems... less crazy and more crazy than when it happened.
I love the cold weather. I am falling (fast and hard) for hot tea (cos that is what you are, a hottie). Russian Caravan! oh boy! If only you were a man!
Things that are not helping my mood:
1. Aching
2. Assessment stress
3. Cat Power (Can't stop listening to Metal Heart. So Good.)
4. Jose Gonzalez (see above, change Metal Heart to Hearbeats though)
5. The fact that someone asked Jeremy to make them a cd to listen to in a dark room while smoking and i made it instead of Jeremy (as if i am not better qualified!) and can't stop listening to it in a dark room while pretending to smoke and wishing i had chocolate cigarettes.
6. The fact that i simultaneously love studying and improving my mind but can't be bothered.
7. Did i mention aching?
8. The fact that i realise this is the whiniest thing i have written since i was 17 (or thereabouts)
9. I can't drink tea now as it will keep me awake and that is bad news.
10. I haven't slept well all week. All wake ups all night.
11. The Smiths
Things that may just be improving my mood
1. My cat looking out my front window.
2. How pretty felt looks when it is embroidered.
3. Dancing as a form of worship - just alone in my room, or walking to the station just anywhere.
4. Having the ability to create things. Loving creating, loving creation.
5. Hearing Leonard Cohen sing "and all that jivin' around"
6. making lists.
7. It being cold enough to wear my mocasins again!
8. The fact that Helen and I decided which member of Fugazi we'd each have. I get Ian! hooray!
9. The Smiths
Grammatical things that are annoying me.
1. Panic! At the Disco - See, with the exclamation mark where it is the sentance makes no sense. "At the disco" is clearly an incomplete clause. It annoys me that if they put the exclamation mark at the end then it would be ok.
2. The fact that we passed a car which had "Honk if your horny" written on the back and i said "If you are going to write something stupid like that atleast be grammatical"
I sometimes wonder, cos you see, i'm always so anxious about my friends eating - you know this - and i'm always on at them about eating better and eating properly and blah blah blah - you'd think i'd be able to do it myself somedays. Stupid Conor and his "If i could talk to myself like i was someone else maybe i could take your advice" nonsense (it is so true! so true!)
I have to finish an essay today. I may have not been able to submit an assessment for another class and that is making me crazy cos i have never not submitted an assessment in 3 years of university. I swear she said midnight sunday. it's in my notes. gosh.
Nevertheless my body is aching - all of it - from too much embroidery and my head is numb cos i've been hiding there for days. I think i'm getting sick - isn't everyone? It is not usual that it starts in the stomach though. Maybe i should have an apple. Maybe some Tums (you call them rennes here. I like to say tum. they should be called tums.) I wish i didn't ache so much. Maybe i need a bath. I don't want to need one. No Siree.
Last monday I slept over at Alison's after we saw Capote and while we were watching Arrested Development Season 2 on DVD a bird somehow got stuck in a jar that had some bird seed in the bottom of it. The bird had flown in face first and then couldn't move. We thought it was dead and i tried to cover it with a bag so Al could bring in the laundry but it moved. I hid behind the couch and Al hid in the study. We had to get Andre Al's upstairs neighbour to set the bird free cos we were too scared to go near it. It seems crazy now, it seems... less crazy and more crazy than when it happened.
I love the cold weather. I am falling (fast and hard) for hot tea (cos that is what you are, a hottie). Russian Caravan! oh boy! If only you were a man!
Things that are not helping my mood:
1. Aching
2. Assessment stress
3. Cat Power (Can't stop listening to Metal Heart. So Good.)
4. Jose Gonzalez (see above, change Metal Heart to Hearbeats though)
5. The fact that someone asked Jeremy to make them a cd to listen to in a dark room while smoking and i made it instead of Jeremy (as if i am not better qualified!) and can't stop listening to it in a dark room while pretending to smoke and wishing i had chocolate cigarettes.
6. The fact that i simultaneously love studying and improving my mind but can't be bothered.
7. Did i mention aching?
8. The fact that i realise this is the whiniest thing i have written since i was 17 (or thereabouts)
9. I can't drink tea now as it will keep me awake and that is bad news.
10. I haven't slept well all week. All wake ups all night.
11. The Smiths
Things that may just be improving my mood
1. My cat looking out my front window.
2. How pretty felt looks when it is embroidered.
3. Dancing as a form of worship - just alone in my room, or walking to the station just anywhere.
4. Having the ability to create things. Loving creating, loving creation.
5. Hearing Leonard Cohen sing "and all that jivin' around"
6. making lists.
7. It being cold enough to wear my mocasins again!
8. The fact that Helen and I decided which member of Fugazi we'd each have. I get Ian! hooray!
9. The Smiths
Grammatical things that are annoying me.
1. Panic! At the Disco - See, with the exclamation mark where it is the sentance makes no sense. "At the disco" is clearly an incomplete clause. It annoys me that if they put the exclamation mark at the end then it would be ok.
2. The fact that we passed a car which had "Honk if your horny" written on the back and i said "If you are going to write something stupid like that atleast be grammatical"