Stubborn Book
The BookTM: What are you doing?
Me, crouched between two pieces of furniture and holding up a tasty chocolate morsel: I’m trying to get Book One, Series Two to come out.
The BookTM: Oh. Why is it in there, anyway?
Me: How the hell should I know? It’s not talking to me.
The BookTM: Want me to try?
Me: Be my guest.
The BookTM: Hey, Book, why are you in there?
Book One, Series Two (henceforth known as B1-S2, its voice small and tinny from being so deep in the dark hole): Watching the football game.
The BookTM: Oh? Who’s playing?
B1-S2: Some guys in white and blue and silver, and some guys in dark blue and grey and black. The only other thing on TV right now is The Mummy Returns on Space, and I’ve seen it seven billion times.
The BookTM: The Mummy Returns ain’t bad.
B1-S2: The kid annoys me. Plus, I have a crush on Ardeth Bey, and it pisses me off that he doesn’t get more screen time.
The BookTM: Totally with you on that one.
Me (whispering): What are you doing?
The BookTM (whispering): Talking to Book One, Series Two. It sounds like we’d get along.
Me (whispering): You’re supposed to get it out of there.
The BookTM (whispering): Oh, right. (louder) So, why are you in there if there’s nothing on TV?
B1-S2: Because she is busy working on you.
The BookTM: What? No, she isn’t. She finished me a while back, and she put me in the dry cupboard to ripe.
B1-S2: That doesn’t mean she’s stopped thinking about you. How the hell can I let her work on me when she’s not giving me 100%?
The BookTM (aside): Is that true? You can’t stop thinking about me? Aww, that’s so sweet!
Me (hostile): Get her out of there!
The BookTM: Well, I have it on good authority that she’s been working on you. There’s a stack of notecards with plot and scene items with your name all over them.
B1-S2: There is?
The BookTM: Sure is.
B1-S2: I don’t believe you.
The BookTM: Would I lie to you?
B1-S2: Yes.
The BookTM: I’m hurt.
B1-S2: No, you’re not. Plus, everyone knows that she’s going to work on you some more in another week or so, depending on when she hears back from her readers and her betas.
The BookTM: Oh. Well, that changes things. I’d feel the same way if I were you.
Me (hissed): What are you doing!!!!
B1-S2: Glad you understand. Hey, there’s room on the couch, and I’ve got plenty of beer. Want to join me?
The BookTM: That sounds great! Yeah, I’ll come in. Excuse me, boss. Outta my way.
Me (!!): Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!
The BookTM: The poor girl needs consoling. What do you want me to do? Ignore her like you’ve been doing?
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Crossposted from my website. Comment here or there.