"singletons!" i shouted happily. "hurrah for the singletons!!!!"
i am in a hugely improved mood due to the fact that my supergenius/superhip aunt ellen lent me bridget jones's diary for healing purposes and for something to do besides watch my cousins get highly emotional over dumb videogames. it has given me some brilliant plans full of rubberbandosity and jane eyre and chocolate.
for example, there is the matter of my disastrous relationship problem. you all saw what happened at poho last time. boy was that not pretty. it was a royal pain in the neck, actually, and it took away from all my quality time with the people who actually matter, and who dont have really long dark eyelashes and smell like oldspice, just like every other guy i have ever had a thinger with.
so i have decided to use my magical madeline as a guru. just follow her example, and everything should end up fab (except for the whole travis thing, that was kinda messy, but we cant all be georgia nicholson, can we?). so. what would moogie do? well, for starters, she'd busy herself maninizing schroeder, and would give off a general air of not giving two hoots in cahoots. then, out of nowhere, snogetti would land next to her on the playground.
well. here is the problem with THAT. if i tried to maninize schroeder, he would probably laugh in my face, call me dumb, slap me around a bit, and then maninize ME (although it wouldnt be very manly, as i am technically not a man, but then, i do have an adam's apple, so why not?). and the whole not giving two hoots in cahoots bit? yeah right. i always start out that way, but i end up giving two zillion hoots in cahoots, and all the lurveys and sexy monkies and burmese princes of the world know it. and snogetti? ew...no way. i cannot believe he thinks i am interested in him! he is almost as cocky as LURVEY is (although not quite, i think).
hmm. maybe moogie is not the ideal guru for me. i need someone who's life is as big a debacle as mine is, but who has cleverly managed to pull themself out of it and is back on top of the world dancing the padi-padi and playing the tambourine, which is where i belong.
or maybe i have just eaten too much pie, and will be back to normal tommorow. that is one nice thing about the oltman family: the two most commonly used phrases are "what's cake without pie?" and "it's never too early for pie."
perhaps i am just a pie whore.