(no subject)
Morning inspirations are the best, by which I mean the least lucid. In exhaustion, veritas. Or something.
It was suggested by a colleague of mine that what's going on in my life right now must feel a lot like an awakening. That's pretty close. There is definitely opportunity to unfurl. I've been thinking about what I want to do with that chance, and I have some fairly solid ideas.
At the same time, I've been sitting with my discomfort over the ambiguous nature of the title of this journal. Now, that ambiguity was part of what sold me on the name. But it's also uncomfortable to think that other people might be making unflattering snap judgements about me, on the basis of the way their own filters parse the word.
In the way of such things, of course I made it about everybody else, as soon as I could.
But here's what I think is up: Obviously, I'm concerned that other people might think I'm arrogant. Not the first time I've been beaten about the head with that particular assault weapon, and not going to be the last. But... perhaps because I have spent a great deal of time around arrogant people... I really don't mind a certain level of pride. I mind people who belittle, but that's a separate quality. I mind people who approach everyone else with contempt. I find it frustrating to deal with people who are blinded by their own self-confidence, from examining the full range of available alternatives. But I don't find a problem with overconfidence, itself. I do find overconfidence separable from those qualities. One can totally mis-assess the level of one's competency, while still being a really nice person.
Man, this post is twisty.
So another thing I've been thinking about is the way that this society treats happiness as a fixed resource. I really think there are a significant number of people who treat other people's happiness as if it is taking away happiness they might otherwise have had. (I think this infects our politics, as well as our close relationships.) It's a problem, because it means that we also treat things that lead to happiness as fixed resources, which gets in the way of evaluating all our options. So success becomes a fixed resource, and self-respect becomes a fixed resource, and skill and talent become fixed resources. Other people having them means that we no longer have the same access to them ourselves.
Hence our current, really competitive, capitalist system.
This is not a post about socialism.
Well, maybe it is a post about a socialism of the mind. Because I think there is an important case to be made for remembering that when people around us are happy, that can be a source of happiness. When people around us are successful, it can inspire us to succeed too, even if our interests are completely different. When we are successful, we can pass those lessons on to others, so they too can succeed, and we can all be made happier. Skills and talents are infinitely developable, through practice and hard work and passion. It's okay to recognize people for their accomplishments, and for what they are trying to do. It isn't necessary to pick one; you can appreciate both, which is a step closer to appreciating the entire person and their place in the world and the effect of their life on the universe.
I think we've reached a point of toxic competition. Rather than all striving to do the things we care about, we strive to do the things we think we should care about, to gain status over other people, so we can prove we're better than them. And put that way, it's just not cool. I don't think, beyond a certain point, that "better than" is valid or important. Because that "better than" is still based in "awesomeness" being a fixed resource, where you gain more for yourself by keeping it away from other people. And that is not the way awesomeness works. Awesomeness builds on itself, and on enthusiasm, and on love and encouragement and keeping trying.
There is something exciting about aspiration. There is something lovely and beautiful about people taking risks and trying things they aren't good at and chasing after their passions. And there is something equally ugly about shutting people down because they are still in the process of developing their own awesomeness, or because the ideas and skills they are interested in exploring are not the same as our own, or because they are taking risks and trying things that are hard, and developing skills at things that they are not already naturally amazing at doing.
I think we need to develop better skills for supporting other people, without sacrificing our own abilities to be awesome.
Finally: Every time I bring this topic up, somebody says "but it's just not pleasant experiencing things created by people who lack talent." So let me head that off at the pass: I think that is possibly the most sorrowful thing I've ever heard. If you're going to look for the flaws in everything, you're going to find them. If you're incapable of seeing past those flaws, to the love, or vision, or dream that was in back of them... if you're incapable of caring about people enough to look past their human failings and frailties to see the person they are that is worth cherishing, even at the sacrifice of a few moments of imagined idealized pleasure... then you're already living in a hell of your own perception, and I don't envy you it. We live in different universes, and I think mine is the more pleasant. Good luck in yours.
It was suggested by a colleague of mine that what's going on in my life right now must feel a lot like an awakening. That's pretty close. There is definitely opportunity to unfurl. I've been thinking about what I want to do with that chance, and I have some fairly solid ideas.
At the same time, I've been sitting with my discomfort over the ambiguous nature of the title of this journal. Now, that ambiguity was part of what sold me on the name. But it's also uncomfortable to think that other people might be making unflattering snap judgements about me, on the basis of the way their own filters parse the word.
In the way of such things, of course I made it about everybody else, as soon as I could.
But here's what I think is up: Obviously, I'm concerned that other people might think I'm arrogant. Not the first time I've been beaten about the head with that particular assault weapon, and not going to be the last. But... perhaps because I have spent a great deal of time around arrogant people... I really don't mind a certain level of pride. I mind people who belittle, but that's a separate quality. I mind people who approach everyone else with contempt. I find it frustrating to deal with people who are blinded by their own self-confidence, from examining the full range of available alternatives. But I don't find a problem with overconfidence, itself. I do find overconfidence separable from those qualities. One can totally mis-assess the level of one's competency, while still being a really nice person.
Man, this post is twisty.
So another thing I've been thinking about is the way that this society treats happiness as a fixed resource. I really think there are a significant number of people who treat other people's happiness as if it is taking away happiness they might otherwise have had. (I think this infects our politics, as well as our close relationships.) It's a problem, because it means that we also treat things that lead to happiness as fixed resources, which gets in the way of evaluating all our options. So success becomes a fixed resource, and self-respect becomes a fixed resource, and skill and talent become fixed resources. Other people having them means that we no longer have the same access to them ourselves.
Hence our current, really competitive, capitalist system.
This is not a post about socialism.
Well, maybe it is a post about a socialism of the mind. Because I think there is an important case to be made for remembering that when people around us are happy, that can be a source of happiness. When people around us are successful, it can inspire us to succeed too, even if our interests are completely different. When we are successful, we can pass those lessons on to others, so they too can succeed, and we can all be made happier. Skills and talents are infinitely developable, through practice and hard work and passion. It's okay to recognize people for their accomplishments, and for what they are trying to do. It isn't necessary to pick one; you can appreciate both, which is a step closer to appreciating the entire person and their place in the world and the effect of their life on the universe.
I think we've reached a point of toxic competition. Rather than all striving to do the things we care about, we strive to do the things we think we should care about, to gain status over other people, so we can prove we're better than them. And put that way, it's just not cool. I don't think, beyond a certain point, that "better than" is valid or important. Because that "better than" is still based in "awesomeness" being a fixed resource, where you gain more for yourself by keeping it away from other people. And that is not the way awesomeness works. Awesomeness builds on itself, and on enthusiasm, and on love and encouragement and keeping trying.
There is something exciting about aspiration. There is something lovely and beautiful about people taking risks and trying things they aren't good at and chasing after their passions. And there is something equally ugly about shutting people down because they are still in the process of developing their own awesomeness, or because the ideas and skills they are interested in exploring are not the same as our own, or because they are taking risks and trying things that are hard, and developing skills at things that they are not already naturally amazing at doing.
I think we need to develop better skills for supporting other people, without sacrificing our own abilities to be awesome.
Finally: Every time I bring this topic up, somebody says "but it's just not pleasant experiencing things created by people who lack talent." So let me head that off at the pass: I think that is possibly the most sorrowful thing I've ever heard. If you're going to look for the flaws in everything, you're going to find them. If you're incapable of seeing past those flaws, to the love, or vision, or dream that was in back of them... if you're incapable of caring about people enough to look past their human failings and frailties to see the person they are that is worth cherishing, even at the sacrifice of a few moments of imagined idealized pleasure... then you're already living in a hell of your own perception, and I don't envy you it. We live in different universes, and I think mine is the more pleasant. Good luck in yours.