There is an empty feeling
I have this empty feeling in my stomach and I guess the worst part is that i myself caused it and made it there... to make more sense out of this... i was the one who fucked up on Bryan and now it seems like i have lost him. I don't have that sweet caring guy anymore.. sometimes i just feel like i am there and he is just there and it is like whatever. i just want it to be the same as it was.. the worst part is that everyone keeps putting things and ideas into my head.. and while it is easy not to listen or take what they say seriously you can only go on what you know right? i just want to be with him so bad and i don't want it to be over and done with.... i really care about him a lot and it kills me when he treats me like i don't matter or that i am just there.... i worry that he has already just shut me out and that is not what i want at all.. but at the sametime i know that he doens't feel strongly for me or if he does then he sure doesn't say anything... if i was just a little more important to him that would mean the world to me....... i just wish that all the shit had never happened and that it was all better again and that we were moving forward instead of stuck here in this thing... whatever this thing is.. the truth is that hawaii is my escape.. like always.. lol.. my escape from reality and the pits of life.... FUCK i just wnat him to look at me and want to be with him.. why do i care so much what he thinks? to be honest i have no clue.. that is the truth.. i just have no clue. there is just something about him as there has always been something about him.......