Pre-emptive?
Wow. I actually OPENED today...
Which means after a good 15 min of sleep before heading off to work again after staying up all night drinking, smoking, and generally sinning my ass off....i am VERY VERY tired.
But in regards to "everything": I don't even know this lady too well. There is much more to a woman than being an atheist, a bisexual, and a little crazy. (although, realistically....these things are almost essential).
and there are very real problems. Mostly on my end of things. I have some serious abandonment/acceptance issues. when i feel accepted or in charge, i am the most awesome kid on campus. if not....i self-destruct.
And then how all of this ties into my sexuality. and how it's blocked. Half of me worships sexuality. I DIG IT. but the other half acts just like the kid from Superbad. He just doesn't go with it. he just lets his logic rule it. "i'm so wet!" reply: "oh, they said that would happen...in...health class.". These are the sort of fuck ups that....i need to rid myself of.
and seeing a pyschologist would help. those guys....are professional atheist wtiches.....which is what I AM. (although, i don't say atheist....because while they are right on princible....i think they are missing something in perception. there is much more to this universe. but i don't think we'll ever find it....which is functional atheism. but....i've been inside my mind....and if you tweek it just right.....you will open the doors of perception and you will see what i mean. (seriously.....if you take living serioiusly....if you take yourself seriously....your existance seriously......and you wish to use your complex central nervous system to it's maximum potential.....please please please....just email me.)
but besides the point.
I should probably avoid a relationship with a person of her intense sexual nature. but....then again....for me, love is much more than sex. And while i can't say this.....my personality is so lax when it comes to that......she could have (safe) sex with just about anyone and i wouldn't mind. it happened to me in a previous relationship...(ish)....and i didn't care. Was not phased. the only part i cared about was is they enjoyed themselves. And if it was yes....then good.
Weird for a guy with acceptance issues, right? No....i care about the soul of a relationship. the part where true love resides. The part that emodies the two old senial farts still together after all that time. sexuality...is just human nature. But a person....is their own nature.
and not to say id be a complete failure at sex either. i've found myself drawn to many of the things she's drawn to in the corner of my sexuality. i'm going to make an active roll in embrasing them. that and i have an awesome wicked immagination.
so we will play it by ear. part of me wants to run away...again. part of me things i'm giving into social ideals. and part of me knows i AM capible of love if i can open myself up a bit more.
We will see. I am looking for nothing as of now. but if something does happen....i should not focus on impressing her. just do what i do naturally. BE WEIRD.
Which means after a good 15 min of sleep before heading off to work again after staying up all night drinking, smoking, and generally sinning my ass off....i am VERY VERY tired.
But in regards to "everything": I don't even know this lady too well. There is much more to a woman than being an atheist, a bisexual, and a little crazy. (although, realistically....these things are almost essential).
and there are very real problems. Mostly on my end of things. I have some serious abandonment/acceptance issues. when i feel accepted or in charge, i am the most awesome kid on campus. if not....i self-destruct.
And then how all of this ties into my sexuality. and how it's blocked. Half of me worships sexuality. I DIG IT. but the other half acts just like the kid from Superbad. He just doesn't go with it. he just lets his logic rule it. "i'm so wet!" reply: "oh, they said that would happen...in...health class.". These are the sort of fuck ups that....i need to rid myself of.
and seeing a pyschologist would help. those guys....are professional atheist wtiches.....which is what I AM. (although, i don't say atheist....because while they are right on princible....i think they are missing something in perception. there is much more to this universe. but i don't think we'll ever find it....which is functional atheism. but....i've been inside my mind....and if you tweek it just right.....you will open the doors of perception and you will see what i mean. (seriously.....if you take living serioiusly....if you take yourself seriously....your existance seriously......and you wish to use your complex central nervous system to it's maximum potential.....please please please....just email me.)
but besides the point.
I should probably avoid a relationship with a person of her intense sexual nature. but....then again....for me, love is much more than sex. And while i can't say this.....my personality is so lax when it comes to that......she could have (safe) sex with just about anyone and i wouldn't mind. it happened to me in a previous relationship...(ish)....and i didn't care. Was not phased. the only part i cared about was is they enjoyed themselves. And if it was yes....then good.
Weird for a guy with acceptance issues, right? No....i care about the soul of a relationship. the part where true love resides. The part that emodies the two old senial farts still together after all that time. sexuality...is just human nature. But a person....is their own nature.
and not to say id be a complete failure at sex either. i've found myself drawn to many of the things she's drawn to in the corner of my sexuality. i'm going to make an active roll in embrasing them. that and i have an awesome wicked immagination.
so we will play it by ear. part of me wants to run away...again. part of me things i'm giving into social ideals. and part of me knows i AM capible of love if i can open myself up a bit more.
We will see. I am looking for nothing as of now. but if something does happen....i should not focus on impressing her. just do what i do naturally. BE WEIRD.