when will i stress less?
Probably not till I finally graduate. But there are two competing issues here: work my ass off as much as I possibly can in the near term so I can graduate sooner and move on with my life or actually try to relax and chill out so I can be a normal person again (well, sort of, as normal as I ever was) while in grad school. The thing is, right now, I feel like at any moment I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and just drop out of grad school. This week has been particularly hard for some reason. I had to take a day off because of insomnia leading to stress about my insomnia and my stress and my future and yadda yadda yadda. It's so circular. But, if I can't get anything done I'm never going to graduate and be back to myself. It would be really a shame to drop out now, since I'm really quite close.
The circularness is strong. Another aspect of it is that, for a month or so earlier this year, I was able to sleep on my own without medications and was doing ok. But, in order to get to that point I was following a strict regimin. I was listening to my meditation cd for an hour in the morning, excercising at lunch and had to stop working early in the evening so I could relax before bed. No late night blogging/facebooking. Oh, and I was taking melatonin before bed, then watching the daily show and/or colbert until I was nearly falling asleep. Another thing I had to do is not be on the computer this late :( It's a lot of work and I think it could slow my work progress down, though it's so hard to say. However, I was much happier. But then this conference was coming and I need to stay late in the lab sometimes to take data and then it all went downhill. I need to get back to those good habbits. Even if I was less productive, it's worth it for my mental well-being. But, I know that, whenever I have a deadline/stressy thing, i'm going to fall back into the old habbits. Which will make me unhappy and make me want to drop out of grad school. But maybe if I were stricter to myself, it would all be ok.
I'm a firm believer that, if you aren't happy, you probably need to do something about it. So when I feel unhappy, I'm very very tempted to just leave this whole PhD thing and change my life. But at this point I'm not sure what I would be happier doing. Maybe graduate school has changed my forever? But if I have very many more extremely shitty weeks, I may decide to start experimenting.
On a brighter note, summer is here! It's pretty. I wish I had the summer off and could go for bike rides and hikes and fun stuff like that every day. Another reason to finish grad school.
The circularness is strong. Another aspect of it is that, for a month or so earlier this year, I was able to sleep on my own without medications and was doing ok. But, in order to get to that point I was following a strict regimin. I was listening to my meditation cd for an hour in the morning, excercising at lunch and had to stop working early in the evening so I could relax before bed. No late night blogging/facebooking. Oh, and I was taking melatonin before bed, then watching the daily show and/or colbert until I was nearly falling asleep. Another thing I had to do is not be on the computer this late :( It's a lot of work and I think it could slow my work progress down, though it's so hard to say. However, I was much happier. But then this conference was coming and I need to stay late in the lab sometimes to take data and then it all went downhill. I need to get back to those good habbits. Even if I was less productive, it's worth it for my mental well-being. But, I know that, whenever I have a deadline/stressy thing, i'm going to fall back into the old habbits. Which will make me unhappy and make me want to drop out of grad school. But maybe if I were stricter to myself, it would all be ok.
I'm a firm believer that, if you aren't happy, you probably need to do something about it. So when I feel unhappy, I'm very very tempted to just leave this whole PhD thing and change my life. But at this point I'm not sure what I would be happier doing. Maybe graduate school has changed my forever? But if I have very many more extremely shitty weeks, I may decide to start experimenting.
On a brighter note, summer is here! It's pretty. I wish I had the summer off and could go for bike rides and hikes and fun stuff like that every day. Another reason to finish grad school.