VENTING
I just need to vent, which is why this thing exists.
I've been so busy, and so caught up in trying to keep my sanity by spending as much time as physically possible with Jay. Things are in a very rough shape for me now. And it's just so hard. Granted not as hard was what I used to deal with, but still something that's pretty difficult. Amongst all my money issues, I have to now worry about where I'm going to live and how I'm going to live there.
My roommate moved this past weekend [fucking finally]. But that also means I need to pay her 100$ a month [25 a week], plus babysit as much as possible, and drive her to and from work... So really, I'm not going to be saving ANY money. I think the only part I'm going to save on is that I'm literally 1 mile away from my boyfriend's place so I won't have to drive 15 mins just to see him. And I'm not technically allowed to be living here [which I wasn't before, but it was a bigger property and easier to avoid the grounds people/managements]. Here, it's a much smaller property and on-site grounds person. So I've got a couple weeks at most. And I can't move in with Jay due to his roommates not allowing me. I could move back to RI, but with how tight money already is, I'm not sure if I could afford a 60-mile commute every day. If I do move back home, then I wouldn't have to babysit/drive her to/from work/every place she needs to go. Which is a benefit.
I've just been so stressed out over everything. I've cried more this past month or two than I have in the last year. I am also STILL waiting on whether or not I'm getting money from my father's house getting sold, even though the lawyer said I would hear something by last month. And I'm really really hoping I get a full tax refund this year because if I do, then I would be fucking golden and I'd be in my own place with my boyfriend. I just need to stay positive.. I need to remind myself that things are going to get better and that I have pulled through so much worse than this in the past. But tax season cannot come fast enough here... I'm pro'lly one of the few actually praying for tax season to come.
But man, no matter how horrible life feels, or I feel, Jay is always right there for me. Whether it's offering a shoulder to cry and sob on, or making me laugh, or rubbing sore muscles, or just offering to be with me and watch Supernatural. He's been such a strong, essential, and important part of my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without him. It feels so wonderful to be in a relationship like this. A relationship that I thought only existed in movies or feel-good TV shows. When I'm in his arms, the problems start to go away, and everything starts to feel okay again. No matter how bad it really is or how bad I imagine it to be, he can always make them wash away until the next time I have to face them. But even that little bit of time, where the world stands still and nothing is wrong... That has been a breath of fresh air. And it's been keeping me going, keeping me strong enough to continue powering on.
I cannot believe I'm finally this lucky, to have someone who cares for me just as much as I care for him. No one takes more than the other can give, we balance each other out so focus isn't just on one person all the time. We help when we can, offer support as much as possible, and we're always there for the other, either physically or through a text/call just to say "I love you" and "*hugs*". Whoever said it's the little things that matter, had it right. Because all the little things he does for me, just make me feel so happy.
I've been so busy, and so caught up in trying to keep my sanity by spending as much time as physically possible with Jay. Things are in a very rough shape for me now. And it's just so hard. Granted not as hard was what I used to deal with, but still something that's pretty difficult. Amongst all my money issues, I have to now worry about where I'm going to live and how I'm going to live there.
My roommate moved this past weekend [fucking finally]. But that also means I need to pay her 100$ a month [25 a week], plus babysit as much as possible, and drive her to and from work... So really, I'm not going to be saving ANY money. I think the only part I'm going to save on is that I'm literally 1 mile away from my boyfriend's place so I won't have to drive 15 mins just to see him. And I'm not technically allowed to be living here [which I wasn't before, but it was a bigger property and easier to avoid the grounds people/managements]. Here, it's a much smaller property and on-site grounds person. So I've got a couple weeks at most. And I can't move in with Jay due to his roommates not allowing me. I could move back to RI, but with how tight money already is, I'm not sure if I could afford a 60-mile commute every day. If I do move back home, then I wouldn't have to babysit/drive her to/from work/every place she needs to go. Which is a benefit.
I've just been so stressed out over everything. I've cried more this past month or two than I have in the last year. I am also STILL waiting on whether or not I'm getting money from my father's house getting sold, even though the lawyer said I would hear something by last month. And I'm really really hoping I get a full tax refund this year because if I do, then I would be fucking golden and I'd be in my own place with my boyfriend. I just need to stay positive.. I need to remind myself that things are going to get better and that I have pulled through so much worse than this in the past. But tax season cannot come fast enough here... I'm pro'lly one of the few actually praying for tax season to come.
But man, no matter how horrible life feels, or I feel, Jay is always right there for me. Whether it's offering a shoulder to cry and sob on, or making me laugh, or rubbing sore muscles, or just offering to be with me and watch Supernatural. He's been such a strong, essential, and important part of my life. I honestly don't know where I'd be without him. It feels so wonderful to be in a relationship like this. A relationship that I thought only existed in movies or feel-good TV shows. When I'm in his arms, the problems start to go away, and everything starts to feel okay again. No matter how bad it really is or how bad I imagine it to be, he can always make them wash away until the next time I have to face them. But even that little bit of time, where the world stands still and nothing is wrong... That has been a breath of fresh air. And it's been keeping me going, keeping me strong enough to continue powering on.
I cannot believe I'm finally this lucky, to have someone who cares for me just as much as I care for him. No one takes more than the other can give, we balance each other out so focus isn't just on one person all the time. We help when we can, offer support as much as possible, and we're always there for the other, either physically or through a text/call just to say "I love you" and "*hugs*". Whoever said it's the little things that matter, had it right. Because all the little things he does for me, just make me feel so happy.