Is It Safe?
Perhaps Marathon Man is not the healthiest of images to be conjuring with whilst having four of my teeth extracted but the thought still unavoidably came into my mind as I watched the dentist jabbing a variety of screwdrivers and pliers into my mouth. Unlike the beleagured Dustin Hoffman though I did at least have suitable quantities of anaesthetic such that the treatment was pretty much painless but it nonetheless remained what I might possibly call, an interesting visual experience. Gazing upwards into the shiny bright light I could catch only the odd glimpse of tools whilst I felt the tug and pull and listened to the entertaining sounds of crunching bone and snapping ligaments or whatever it might have been. Occasionally I did get a somewhat unhelpful glimpse of the damage in the reflection on the little metal bit around the light, whilst local radio played a banal mix of uninteresting news items and tedious pop songs. Most of the teeth came out fairly straightforwardly, although there was one that proved a little more stubborn and had to be drilled and came out in bits. That was perhaps the least fun moment of the operation, not that I felt anything, but each time the drill was taken it out it got in the way of the little water tube the nurse was holding for lubrication and I got a splash of water in my face. The little glimpse I got of the blood on the dentist's gloves also inspired a little spark in my mind although it was all very distant as for the most part my brain sort of wandered off somewhere and tried its best just to ignore what was actually going on at the time. Not what you'd call a pleasant experience, but largely painless and interesting in a strangely detached sort of way.
Anywho, after half an hour or so of drilling and poking and pulling I got an intriguing glimpse at the fangs which had been removed from my skull. Seen roots and all, they're suprisingly big things really, even with impressive holes or having been drilled to bits. I was something of a relieved puppy when I was finally able to leave and shuffled back to my flat with a rather numb face, chomping down on a piece of gauze to stem the bleeding. I was advised to spend the rest of the day doing as little as possible, but as I was feeling I didn't really need much advice to go has me a bit of a rest! So it was I curled myself up in bed, raising my head on extra pillows to lessen the bleeding and, after some time lying in the darkness, then getting up again to watch a bit of TV before going back to bed once more as the anaesthetic slowly wore off and the uncomfortable soreness started to become more noticeable I eventually managed to get myself some decidedly fractured sleep. The rest of the week then lay ahead as a gradual process of healing, not much helped by my innate nervousness that has probably been the cause of more discomfort than the actual loss of my teeth, but thus far at least the healing process seems to have gone relatively smoothly and been at least no more uncomfortable and problematic than I might have expected it to have been having had four of my fangs removed. Hopefully then I can continue to maintain some reasonable degree of stability over the weekend until I get to go through the whole fun process again on Tuesday when I return for more extractions and the fitting of my first set of replacement fangs.
In the meanwhile though, I've been doing my best to maintain as much of my world ticking over whilst I grew slowly less sore. I spent a somewhat dicomfitted but thankfully relatively quiet Tuesday at the shop. Most of the fun having apparently happened before I arrived as we had apparently had shoplifters run off with one of our delightful statues of Ganesh from the window display! It seems the culprit was later apprehended by police who, the last I heard, were trying to ascertain whether the man was somewhat unstable or possibly just under the influence of something or other. Apparently the statue had been talking to him and told him he'd been naughty and ought to return it! Hm, well I can't say I'm particularly surprised having long thought our atrociously hideous figurines might be enough to drive anyone to madness. Having said that, later that afternoon a seemingly normal couple actually willingly paid for an elephant and a Father Christmas in a rocking chair which adds yet a further dimension to the argument of just how do we define precisely what is sane and what isn't. Ganesh himself meanwhile sits safely back on our shelves, gazing down at passing customers through poorly cast features though as yet I haven't noticed him make any further observation about his adventures. The next day, feeling a but less sore and delicate, I had quiet morning at the Coliseum, managing to negotiate some restorative mushroom soup around my wounds, and shared discussions with the Overlady of interesting potential new projects which it has been suggested I could even get paid for, but that does run into complications as to how that would affect my other monies and whether I'd be any better off for it. Still, an intriguing development nonetheless and hopefully one I shall yet be in a reasonable enough condition to properly investigate the implications of later this weekend.
After that was a reasonably straightforward afternoon at the shop, assisted by a small dose of tasty painkilling drugs, before wending a somewhat wearied way off to the caravan to indulge myself in parental and feline sympathies. There I was able to have some rather more substantial nibbles on the left hand side of my mouth, and had myself a largely reasonable time as my gums gradually grew increasingly more solid and reliable. Indeed, looking back over the week, the healing process seems to have actually quite smoothly which be fortunate. I somehow suspect that the great majority of the unpleasantnesses I've suffered over the past few days have really been down to my nervous anxiety that I was somehow going to get this whole aftercare thing wrong and do myself some much greater agony. Indeed, I thinks though it's not so much any potential pain that worried me but more that it would be seen I hadn't followed instructions properly and thus would be socially condemned. As with many of these things, it's not the physically painful or seriously damaging things I find myself worrying about, but the potential of social ignominy or failing to meet some perceived social standard that provokes the greatest unpleasantness in me. Rationally speaking, it is of course entirely the wrong way round but it's the way my brain reacts to these things. It leads me to wonder whether any of these experiences might potentially prove to have any worth in terms of teaching my subconscious what really matters and makes a difference, let alone what I might be capable of overcoming and adapting to. Well, all that remains to be seen I suppose, and of course I have a whole bunch of treatments to be going through yet.
So it is though, in the back of my mind, my most worrying thought is that I might go to next dental appointment thinking all is going find only to have the dentist be aghast at the terrible condition I have allowed my wounds to develop into! I know that is unlikely to happen, and were I going to develop some new infection, or a dry socket, or some other terrible complication that I've spent my spare time unhelpfully reading about and feeding my nervous mind with then I'd probably be in rather more pain and discomfort by now. Still, much like my brain seems to have learned little from all those trips to Scarborough I've survived, it's not going to let go of any anxious thoughts however irrational and ridiculous I might be perfectly aware that they be. It's interesting. Heh, it's also quite frustrating and sad too of course. There's probably some sort of poetic logic involved in all of this. It's seemingly largely my own thoughts creating most of my unpleasantness at the moment, but then it was my own depression that led to my long term neglect of my teeth that led to all this to begin with as well. Back then though I really just didn't care about my health and indeed to some extent purposefully sought to damage it through a vague desire to extinguish my existence or punish myself perhaps in the way I felt I deserved. The fear and depression and self-loathing were then the much stronger force in my personality though obviously never quite enough to entirely overcome the natural desire to cling to life. Now that balance of power in the persistent battle in mind has considerably shifted, but it is still inescapably ongoing. Odd though of course given that on top of all that I'm perfectly intelligent enough to know, more or less, what is really best for me and yet that conscious intelligence yet seems to remain some passive observer most of the time whilst it's the civil war in my subconscious that continues to be the controlling force in my actions.
Heh, so overally then, I suppose despite everything, nothing much really has changed. Since I was 6. Perhaps in my present condition I do seem to be noticing it a bit more than usual. Doing my regular thing at the Coliseum and shop, talking to humans, the fuzzy sense of detachment from it all has at times felt increasingly apprarent, but otherwise I'm not sure any of it is really anything new. Of course I'm always only ever looking from the inside out so mayhap I'm just not in any kind of position to tell when things have actually changed? Or maybe mine is the perfect position and everyone else knows nothing? Er, well, one thing I can say right now I think is that I haven't nearly enough energy at the moment to getting into that little circular argument so I think it's time I scampered away to see if I might actually be able to have any real fun this weekend and maybe even sample the swishy one-time-only special event in Guild Wars 2 this weekend. Heroic battles against monstrous sea monsters potentially await if I can find myself with the will to have a go at it rather than continuing to avoid a thing I know I would actually enjoy. Still, even these simplest of feelings are difficult and untrustworthy things. Complex intellectual judgements about theology, or whether I should be going to vote in an election for a position I don't believe should be decided democratically are fine, but deciding what I actually feel on the simplest of things? Hm, I somehow seem to be lacking an education in that field. Oh well, hopefully I may work it out somewhere along the line, preferably before mushrooms burst out of my eyeballs and all my arms and legs rot off. You know, sometime before I'm dead or otherwise rendered physically incapable of actually doing anything about it. That would be nice.
Well the magical mystery tour continues and the civil war rages on, so if nothing else, hopefully I may at least have a reasonably relaxing weekend before I get even more teeth out on Tuesday. Still, at least I shall have some entertaining replacement fangs to play with and I shall have a story of tell around whatever table I might happen to find myself at for Christmas dinner. Oh, is it Christmas again? Yes, they just turned the lights on in town this evening. How very depressing. Well, hopefully I shall find some time to put some thoughts towards that at somepoint though quite what I might be getting for presents let alone how I will be able to afford any yet remains to be seen. On that score though, I should also note the irony that it is perhaps fortunate my gums did explode now rather than before I got any kind of a job since were in work I would have had an exceedingly hard time affording what I would have to pay for the privilege of having my teeth pulled out. Heh, I'll really need to remain unemployed until this treatment finishes. Ahem. Oh well, enough jabbering for now, at least I can hold my head high knowing I haven't given away the location of Laurence Olivier's Nazi Gold, not that I knew anything about it in the first place. Oh wait, this isn't the film is it? Heh, it gets harder and harder to tell these days! Ah well, another week of slow recovery probably lies ahead, not to mention then another trip to Scarborough which I think is on Friday, so it will be interesting to see what condition I might be in then. For now though I scamper aways to tries and do the bests that I can with my weekend. Heh, I can't as yet be entirely sure as to where it is safe, but hopefully it won't be too bad. In the meantime I hopes all you nice folk out there have pleasantfully pleasant weekends ahead of you too. I do appreciates all the sympathies I have had thus far but you can be assured imma shares all the best wishes I might be able. So, shall we wander onwards and go sees what this future may yet hold for us? Well, not as if we have much choice is it really so we probably best get on with telling our tales together as best as we may. So, *proffers paws*, shall we? ....
Anywho, after half an hour or so of drilling and poking and pulling I got an intriguing glimpse at the fangs which had been removed from my skull. Seen roots and all, they're suprisingly big things really, even with impressive holes or having been drilled to bits. I was something of a relieved puppy when I was finally able to leave and shuffled back to my flat with a rather numb face, chomping down on a piece of gauze to stem the bleeding. I was advised to spend the rest of the day doing as little as possible, but as I was feeling I didn't really need much advice to go has me a bit of a rest! So it was I curled myself up in bed, raising my head on extra pillows to lessen the bleeding and, after some time lying in the darkness, then getting up again to watch a bit of TV before going back to bed once more as the anaesthetic slowly wore off and the uncomfortable soreness started to become more noticeable I eventually managed to get myself some decidedly fractured sleep. The rest of the week then lay ahead as a gradual process of healing, not much helped by my innate nervousness that has probably been the cause of more discomfort than the actual loss of my teeth, but thus far at least the healing process seems to have gone relatively smoothly and been at least no more uncomfortable and problematic than I might have expected it to have been having had four of my fangs removed. Hopefully then I can continue to maintain some reasonable degree of stability over the weekend until I get to go through the whole fun process again on Tuesday when I return for more extractions and the fitting of my first set of replacement fangs.
In the meanwhile though, I've been doing my best to maintain as much of my world ticking over whilst I grew slowly less sore. I spent a somewhat dicomfitted but thankfully relatively quiet Tuesday at the shop. Most of the fun having apparently happened before I arrived as we had apparently had shoplifters run off with one of our delightful statues of Ganesh from the window display! It seems the culprit was later apprehended by police who, the last I heard, were trying to ascertain whether the man was somewhat unstable or possibly just under the influence of something or other. Apparently the statue had been talking to him and told him he'd been naughty and ought to return it! Hm, well I can't say I'm particularly surprised having long thought our atrociously hideous figurines might be enough to drive anyone to madness. Having said that, later that afternoon a seemingly normal couple actually willingly paid for an elephant and a Father Christmas in a rocking chair which adds yet a further dimension to the argument of just how do we define precisely what is sane and what isn't. Ganesh himself meanwhile sits safely back on our shelves, gazing down at passing customers through poorly cast features though as yet I haven't noticed him make any further observation about his adventures. The next day, feeling a but less sore and delicate, I had quiet morning at the Coliseum, managing to negotiate some restorative mushroom soup around my wounds, and shared discussions with the Overlady of interesting potential new projects which it has been suggested I could even get paid for, but that does run into complications as to how that would affect my other monies and whether I'd be any better off for it. Still, an intriguing development nonetheless and hopefully one I shall yet be in a reasonable enough condition to properly investigate the implications of later this weekend.
After that was a reasonably straightforward afternoon at the shop, assisted by a small dose of tasty painkilling drugs, before wending a somewhat wearied way off to the caravan to indulge myself in parental and feline sympathies. There I was able to have some rather more substantial nibbles on the left hand side of my mouth, and had myself a largely reasonable time as my gums gradually grew increasingly more solid and reliable. Indeed, looking back over the week, the healing process seems to have actually quite smoothly which be fortunate. I somehow suspect that the great majority of the unpleasantnesses I've suffered over the past few days have really been down to my nervous anxiety that I was somehow going to get this whole aftercare thing wrong and do myself some much greater agony. Indeed, I thinks though it's not so much any potential pain that worried me but more that it would be seen I hadn't followed instructions properly and thus would be socially condemned. As with many of these things, it's not the physically painful or seriously damaging things I find myself worrying about, but the potential of social ignominy or failing to meet some perceived social standard that provokes the greatest unpleasantness in me. Rationally speaking, it is of course entirely the wrong way round but it's the way my brain reacts to these things. It leads me to wonder whether any of these experiences might potentially prove to have any worth in terms of teaching my subconscious what really matters and makes a difference, let alone what I might be capable of overcoming and adapting to. Well, all that remains to be seen I suppose, and of course I have a whole bunch of treatments to be going through yet.
So it is though, in the back of my mind, my most worrying thought is that I might go to next dental appointment thinking all is going find only to have the dentist be aghast at the terrible condition I have allowed my wounds to develop into! I know that is unlikely to happen, and were I going to develop some new infection, or a dry socket, or some other terrible complication that I've spent my spare time unhelpfully reading about and feeding my nervous mind with then I'd probably be in rather more pain and discomfort by now. Still, much like my brain seems to have learned little from all those trips to Scarborough I've survived, it's not going to let go of any anxious thoughts however irrational and ridiculous I might be perfectly aware that they be. It's interesting. Heh, it's also quite frustrating and sad too of course. There's probably some sort of poetic logic involved in all of this. It's seemingly largely my own thoughts creating most of my unpleasantness at the moment, but then it was my own depression that led to my long term neglect of my teeth that led to all this to begin with as well. Back then though I really just didn't care about my health and indeed to some extent purposefully sought to damage it through a vague desire to extinguish my existence or punish myself perhaps in the way I felt I deserved. The fear and depression and self-loathing were then the much stronger force in my personality though obviously never quite enough to entirely overcome the natural desire to cling to life. Now that balance of power in the persistent battle in mind has considerably shifted, but it is still inescapably ongoing. Odd though of course given that on top of all that I'm perfectly intelligent enough to know, more or less, what is really best for me and yet that conscious intelligence yet seems to remain some passive observer most of the time whilst it's the civil war in my subconscious that continues to be the controlling force in my actions.
Heh, so overally then, I suppose despite everything, nothing much really has changed. Since I was 6. Perhaps in my present condition I do seem to be noticing it a bit more than usual. Doing my regular thing at the Coliseum and shop, talking to humans, the fuzzy sense of detachment from it all has at times felt increasingly apprarent, but otherwise I'm not sure any of it is really anything new. Of course I'm always only ever looking from the inside out so mayhap I'm just not in any kind of position to tell when things have actually changed? Or maybe mine is the perfect position and everyone else knows nothing? Er, well, one thing I can say right now I think is that I haven't nearly enough energy at the moment to getting into that little circular argument so I think it's time I scampered away to see if I might actually be able to have any real fun this weekend and maybe even sample the swishy one-time-only special event in Guild Wars 2 this weekend. Heroic battles against monstrous sea monsters potentially await if I can find myself with the will to have a go at it rather than continuing to avoid a thing I know I would actually enjoy. Still, even these simplest of feelings are difficult and untrustworthy things. Complex intellectual judgements about theology, or whether I should be going to vote in an election for a position I don't believe should be decided democratically are fine, but deciding what I actually feel on the simplest of things? Hm, I somehow seem to be lacking an education in that field. Oh well, hopefully I may work it out somewhere along the line, preferably before mushrooms burst out of my eyeballs and all my arms and legs rot off. You know, sometime before I'm dead or otherwise rendered physically incapable of actually doing anything about it. That would be nice.
Well the magical mystery tour continues and the civil war rages on, so if nothing else, hopefully I may at least have a reasonably relaxing weekend before I get even more teeth out on Tuesday. Still, at least I shall have some entertaining replacement fangs to play with and I shall have a story of tell around whatever table I might happen to find myself at for Christmas dinner. Oh, is it Christmas again? Yes, they just turned the lights on in town this evening. How very depressing. Well, hopefully I shall find some time to put some thoughts towards that at somepoint though quite what I might be getting for presents let alone how I will be able to afford any yet remains to be seen. On that score though, I should also note the irony that it is perhaps fortunate my gums did explode now rather than before I got any kind of a job since were in work I would have had an exceedingly hard time affording what I would have to pay for the privilege of having my teeth pulled out. Heh, I'll really need to remain unemployed until this treatment finishes. Ahem. Oh well, enough jabbering for now, at least I can hold my head high knowing I haven't given away the location of Laurence Olivier's Nazi Gold, not that I knew anything about it in the first place. Oh wait, this isn't the film is it? Heh, it gets harder and harder to tell these days! Ah well, another week of slow recovery probably lies ahead, not to mention then another trip to Scarborough which I think is on Friday, so it will be interesting to see what condition I might be in then. For now though I scamper aways to tries and do the bests that I can with my weekend. Heh, I can't as yet be entirely sure as to where it is safe, but hopefully it won't be too bad. In the meantime I hopes all you nice folk out there have pleasantfully pleasant weekends ahead of you too. I do appreciates all the sympathies I have had thus far but you can be assured imma shares all the best wishes I might be able. So, shall we wander onwards and go sees what this future may yet hold for us? Well, not as if we have much choice is it really so we probably best get on with telling our tales together as best as we may. So, *proffers paws*, shall we? ....