.... comma more random info
Hello all, I am back writing to no one in particular. I keep hearing songs that make me sooooo sad. I can't believe I'm graduating on the 12th, it came and went way too fast. I feel like I'm never going to see anyone in this school ever again. I'm afraid to move on in my life. I'm so afraid that, like I'm going to end up losing contact with all my best friends. Like Heather, Deanna (although she seems to not want to be my friend anymore, she can't even make time to cut my hair, but she can make time to fuck her bf... i d/k maybe it's me), Amanda, Jessica, Cassy, everyone.... I'm so petrefied..... I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I'm going to start being completely honest with people from now on, I'm sick of lying so I don't hurt their feelings, i'm sick of staying quiet when I should be saying something to them about how they are acting and what they are doing....
I am going to start with one of the most important people in my life although he never reads this thing anymore. Nick, I love you, I want you to be happy, but I want ME to be happy too, and I havn't been happy in a long ass time. We have been together a long time, and have been through almost every possible situation together. I am so in love with you I feel like I am not me anymore.... like I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know where I should be. I don't know who I should be with, I hope to Goddess in my heart that it's you, but lately, these past 2 months or so, you have done nothing to prove to me that YOU should be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Every time I try to mention it to you that I am thinking about breaking up with you, you say everything is going to get better.... and I'm still waiting for it to get better. I love you, but I think I had to get this out somehow. And I know there is barely an chance that you are even going to read this, but it is here.
Next is to Meghan and Dan. I am sorry that all this "drama" has been going on since Dan and I started talking. I am sorry that we still have feelings for one another. The truth is.... I guess i thought I got over him, when he was really in the back of my mind the whole time. What happened between he and I is what made me want to wait to start having sex again, because I was so scared to get hurt like that all over again. I thought me and Dan were meant to be... and I think some part of me still wants to desperately think of that as true. It was such a chance of fate that we even met, that I had a hard time NOT believing that we were meant to be. I am still in love with Dan, and I think I am going to be for the rest of my life. If I ever do let him go, it's going to be extremely hard to do. Dan was who I lost my virginity to, he was my very 1st love, and I we went through so much shit b/c my parents and me and stress and etc., etc.. I don't know if I could ever honestly and sincerely say, "I hope you 2 are soulmates", because in my heart and in the back of my head, it's ME and him that I see. But I can honestly say, Good Luck.
And to Heather, I'd like to say, you are my best friend, but sometimes you make stupid desicions. lol I will always be there for you no matter what, and I will always love you....
To Stephanie DiGiovanni, I love you, you've been one of my best friends since I came here (excluding freshman year lmao). You've been there for me through thick and thin. And I hope sincerely that we stay incontact.
I'm outta here... much love to all my friends, andm much hate to all enemies...
Wolfrider
She~Wolf
Wolfette