(no subject)
I just wrote a huge four page letter to my mom. Enough is enough. I am going to snap.
THIS IS NOT A FAMILY!
I don't even know why we got a family portrait done this past weekend. We have ABSOLUTELY nothing nice to say to each other.
Dictionary.com says that the definition of family is:
a) a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b) two or more people who share goals and values and have long term commitments to one another and reside usually in the same dwelling.
Some parents I've got! My father physically beat me for my entire childhood, while you, my "mother" sat by. Oh, and I've got an unsupportive family, who doesn't see the good in people, places, or things. STOP HATING YOUR LIFE! I DIDN'T MAKE IT THAT WAY!
I am sick and fucking tired of being viewed as the most terrible child on the fucking planet. I don't need fucking psychiatrict help. I am perfectly fine, and if I'm not it's because you made me this way. You do NOT tuck your child into bed by telling them that "They are coming to get you."
I don't want t have to be a bitch all the god damn time but I have to be. Nobody gives me the chance to be a normal human being. How am I supposed to remain calm, collected and in control when I have the most close minded person in the world as my mother? It's almost 200 and fucking 9, and life is not like it was in the 1970s and you need to come to this realization. You can't be so fucking terrified of life all the time. Live your fucking life!
I'm tired of being so angry. I'm scared to get older and have kids. Why? Because I really do not want to be such an angry mother. I'm sorry to say it but I don't want to be YOU. It's sad to say that. This is not the way a family should be. My mother should be my number one role model but you are instead my #1 enemy.
I don't write or say these things because I want to hurt you. I do these things to try and get you to open your eyes because like I said earlier, you are too fucking stubborn and close minded.
A family should love and support one another no matter what. Do we do those things? No. I have not seen or had any support from any of you guys in my entire life, or atleast within the last five years.
If it weren't for Matt, I would be ripping my hair out of my head. I used to so badly want the fuck away from all this stress, bullshit, anger and hate. For awhile I thought the only way out that would guarentee the end of those things would be to kill myself. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM SUICIDAL so fuck off. I have never hurt my fucking self.
I honestly and truthfully think that NOTHING will change and that I will remain angry and miserable until I move out. I think that all of us would be better off not living together. You guys don't love me and don't you even dare try to tell me otherwise. If you did, you would support me and my decisions. You don't even love your own husband. You spend ZERO time together and the only reason he sleeps in your bed again is because you went to the basement and personally deflatted his air mattress.
Open up your close minded eyes and come to terms with the fact that Dawn needs help. You are the only one who thinks otherwise. Do her a fucking favour and help her. Stop focusing on fixing me and maybe you'll fucking realize this.
If there is any place on earth I would rather be, or even feel the most comfortable at, it should be my parents house, I'd imagine. Right? It isn't. You guys make me feel like a piece of shit, and accident. Maybe even a burden. Before I met Matt, did it ever cross your mind as to why I never wanted to be at home? I feel like a NORMAL person when I am out of this house. I used to dread having to come home.
I could go on forever! But I won't. I have shit to do. I chose to write this only because this is the only way you will listen. Bye.