SPN RBB FIC: Hearts and Grace Entwined, Rated PG, Dean/Castiel 2/2
Continued from part 1
*****
Castiel pushed the hands away that had grabbed him and spun around, his own hands raised ready to smite-
Only to freeze when he saw who it was.
"Lenore, isn't it?" he asked, slowly letting his hands drop. She looked different than the last time he'd seen her, when she'd been all scared and anxious, hanging onto her sanity and her own will by her fingernails, covered in grime from hiding in a basement in a way she hadn't been able to hide from the voices in her head. Now she was clean and put together, and while her expression was worried, she also seemed calm and confident.
Lenore nodded. "And you're Cas. And you don't want to do what you were just about to."
Castiel frowned at that. "They are planning-"
"-to go after the Winchesters," Lenore finished for him. "I know." She gave a mostly humourless smile. "It's not every day someone breaches the barriers on Purgatory. It creates waves. They couldn't have announced their presence any more if they'd arranged for a dimension wide loudspeaker to repeat 'The Winchesters have arrived, film at 11' over and over. And they're hunters -- notorious ones at that. Of course there's going to be all kinds of monsters going after them for revenge, or bragging rights, or just because they're bored."
"That is why I must stop them," Castiel said implacably, while somewhere inside he was reeling at what Sam and Dean had done to come after him. He was so very much not worth the risks they were taking. Which just made him all the more determined to not let them suffer for it.
"Everyone is up in arms and on high alert right now," Lenore told him, voice low and demanding to be heard. "You start throwing around the kind of power you were about to and you'll draw the attention of all sorts of things. Big things. Hungry things. Things that would just love to have an angel for breakfast." She glanced upwards to the space above them that seemed to be the sole domain of the leviathan.
In spite of himself, Castiel had to restrain the urge to shiver at that. But his fear wasn't enough to get him to back down. "I will not put my own safety above my friends," he said with as much dignity -- and warning -- as he could manage.
Lenore gave him a strangely assessing look at that before seeming to relax a little. "There's better ways to keep them safe than making yourself a bigger target. Come on."
She began to move away, but Castiel stayed where he was. "Where are you proposing I should go?"
Lenore looked back over her shoulder at him. "To find the Winchesters and convince them that they need to get the hell out of Purgatory before every monster with an axe to grind descends on them."
For a moment longer, Castiel hesitated. The thought of seeing Sam and Dean -- especially Dean -- again made something ache in a not altogether unpleasant manner, but after everything he had done, it was not something he felt he deserved. Still, he knew the brothers and knew that if they had indeed come here after him they could be counted on to stubbornly refuse to leave until they had found him, no matter the danger to themselves. So if he wanted them safe, he was going to have to deal with this head on even if it was the last thing he felt he deserved.
"You know where they are?" he asked Lenore, watching her intently.
"I can find them, yes." Her mouth turned up at the corners in a barely there smile. "Like I said, they didn't exactly sneak their way in. The trick will be getting to them first."
"Alright," Castiel said, making his decision and falling into step beside her. "We best get moving then."
They began walking, Lenore leading them into what looked like deeper woods. Castiel watched her, wondering if he should be worried she was leading him into a trap. He didn't think so, his instincts said he could trust her, but with the many bad decisions he'd made lately, he wasn't sure if he should trust his instincts either.
Lenore kept casting sideways glances his way. "What?" she said finally.
It wasn't the first time his staring had made someone uncomfortable, but for once he didn't care that he was. "Why are you doing this?"
She was quiet for a moment before answering. "Because Sam and Dean are good people. They don't deserve what will happen to them if they don't get out of here." She glanced sideways at him again. "Neither do you."
"No!" Castiel stiffened and found himself shaking his head in denial before he made a conscious decision how to react. "I'm not- I don't-" He closed his eyes briefly and tried to gather his thoughts enough to speak in complete sentences. "You're right about Sam and Dean. Whatever happens, in the end they will make the right -- the good -- decision. But I... The decisions I've made, the things I've done, the damage I've caused... I deserve the worst this place could do to me. More, I deserve not to exist."
Lenore gave him another assessing look before saying, "If you really believed that, you wouldn't have been hiding in the bushes listening to a pack of vampires. You would have been heading for the Dark at the Center where they live."
"The leviathan you mean."
"Yes. Anyone around here who really wants to end it all, that's where they go. Nothing can survive the leviathan hunger in its true form when it's turned on them." She gave him a faint ghost of a smile. "Not even an angel's grace."
"I know," Castiel said quietly, remembering the feel of them inside as they beat against the barriers he'd put up to contain them with that unending, overwhelming hunger. He suppressed another shiver at the memory.
"The fact that you're here and not there means that there's something in you that still wants to fight," Lenore told him. "You're not ready to give up your existence, even if you're not entirely sure why." She gave a half shrug. "Same as me."
Castiel thought about that as they continued to walk. It was true that even though he may think he deserved for his existence to end, he didn't want it to, and he felt obliged to consider the reasons why.
At the heart of it, he decided, was the fact that if he ceased to exist, he could not make reparations for the wrongs he had caused either by enduring punishment for it, which was his first inclination, especially on finding himself here, or by trying to find a way to make up for everything. The latter would be far more difficult -- probably impossible if he remained in Purgatory -- but more... just in the end. As well as satisfying. After all, his wilfully submitting himself to punishment wouldn't do anything to alleviate the damage he caused to the world or to his friends. Or to Dean.
They all troubled him, but he found that the last troubled him the most. Dean was such a wonderful, bright, soul who had been forced to endure so much hardship and pain, the fact that Castiel had inadvertently piled more of both on the man was one of his biggest regrets. Dean didn't deserve any of it and if Castiel could do anything to fix what he had broken, no matter what it took, it was well worth doing.
If that involved not only finding Sam and Dean and getting them to leave, but allowing them to rescue him at the same time -- and Castiel believed he knew how Dean's mind worked enough to think that it most certainly would -- then that would be what he did. He wasn't certain if Dean would want anything more to do with him beyond that, but Castiel would, as they said, cross that bridge when he came to it and just hope it wasn't on fire at the time. He would do whatever Dean wanted -- leave or stay.
Some tiny part of his grace buried deeply under self recriminations and guilt glowed a little brighter at the thought of Dean asking him to stay.
*****
Dean scowled as he ducked under another low hanging branch. They may be better hidden traipsing through the creepy forest, but it was a lot easier going when they were following the road. The fact that he kept having to restrain himself from looking over his shoulder for rogue wendigo or something wasn't help improve his mood any either.
Also not helping was that weird innate sense of Castiel he seemed to have acquired when they came here. He supposed it was probably a good thing that it was getting stronger -- assuming that meant they were getting closer to finding the angel -- but in the meantime it was like an itch on the inside of his skull that he couldn't scratch.
He glanced ahead where Sam was walking alongside Madison -- who was being their guide now as much as Dean's Cas-dar was -- and talking quietly. He was glad he couldn't actually hear what they were talking about as he figured there was no way that conversation could be anything but painfully awkward, considering their history. What did you say to a girl that you slept with, who got turned into a werewolf that you then had to kill? Dean figured that small talk just wasn't going to cut it in that kind of situation.
But after some initial discomfort and stops and starts, Sam and Madison had seemed to settle into conversation far more easily -- and happily -- than Dean would have thought possible. It was weird, but if it wasn't giving Sam something new to traumatize and be broody about, the more power to them.
Dean knew he was concentrating on the terrain and on Sam and Madison and everything else he could think of because if he didn't actively keep distracting himself, he was going to just end up thinking about Cas, whether he wanted to or not.
Well, thinking about Cas more because even with all the distractions he could throw at himself, he found his thoughts going back to the angel every 30 seconds or so.
It was just... with everything that had happened, Dean wasn't sure what he should be thinking -- or, more to the point, feeling -- about Cas now.
Oh, some of it was easy -- he was glad that Cas wasn't gone, determined to reach him before anything else could happen, and scared that they might not make it, though that fear was fading the closer they got. And yeah, he was still hurt and angry over all the incredibly bad choices Cas had made that had got them all to this place. Though, again, those feelings had faded a lot over time and thinking Cas was dead and gone. Dean wasn't sure if finding out Cas wasn't meant those feelings would -- or even should -- be resurrected as well, and he didn't think he'd be able to figure that out until he was face to face with Cas again.
But beyond that, there were even greater questions about how he felt about Cas, questions that went back a lot farther than the whole leviathan mess.
Cas had been his friend -- was still his friend? In his darker moments he had wondered, but if the answer wasn't yes, at the very least he wanted it to be.
But there was more -- there had always been more -- between them than just friendship. Cas had said once that they shared a profound bond and there was more truth to that than Dean had ever been willing to admit. Somehow Cas had wormed his way into a position in Dean's heart that was only rivalled by the one Sam held.
Cas was family in all the ways that counted, unquestioningly. Including, apparently, the Winchester penchant to let good intentions lead to devastatingly bad decisions. Hopefully it would also include the managing to come back from said bad decision against all odds as well.
It remained to be seen whether Cas fit in Dean's family as another brother, like Sam, or as something else. Something more. Dean thought it might be the latter, and if he was honest with himself, after everything that had happened, he wanted that something more. Or at least the chance at it -- even if every other time he'd tried to pursue something like that it had blown up in his face.
Things with Cas though had already blown up in his face, so maybe that meant they'd actually be able to make it work? Whatever form 'it' ended up taking, Dean wasn't going to count his angels before they were rescued.
All he was sure of was that whatever happened, he wanted Cas in his life in some shape or form. If that shape or form involved personal space issues and maybe even some naked touching, that would be okay with him.
Sam said something to Madison and fell back to walk beside Dean. "You okay?" he asked quietly.
Dean raised an eyebrow at that, wondering exactly what kind of expression he'd been projecting. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he said, deflecting instead of answering. "I'm not the one who's been talking with a dead former lover that I had to kill because she was a werewolf." The fact that that probably wasn't the strangest conversation Sam had ever had said a lot about the absolute crazy that was their lives.
Sam shrugged. "We're good, actually. Madison's doing well. I mean, Purgatory's not exactly Heaven, but she's got friends and a place for herself, and we know that even Heaven is kinda fucked up so..."
"That's good," Dean said, meaning it. He hadn't known Madison as well as Sam had -- obviously -- but he had liked what he saw of her and had hated the end they'd all been forced to.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "And you trying to change the subject isn't going to make me forget you haven't answered my question." Damn. Sam nudged Dean's shoulder with his own. "You've been awfully quiet. How are you doing?"
"The wyvern's not the greatest of conversationalists, and I didn't want to butt in on your tête-à-tête with the girl," Dean said with a shrug. "Besides, wouldn't you be more worried if I started talking to thin air?"
Sam gave a faint smile. "It would depend on what you were saying I think."
"Point." Then, because Sam's patience deserved some kind of answer, Dean added, "Just, y'know, thinking about Cas."
"We're going to find him, Dean," Sam reassured him immediately, so fast and sure that it pulled an involuntary smile out of Dean.
"I know," he said. "I was thinking more about what happens after we find him and get us all the hell out of here."
Sam nodded. "Ah." He paused for a moment before asking, "What did you come up with?"
"Well, first I'm pretty sure there's going to have to be one of those awkward sharing feelings conversations that always happen after someone accidentally almost ends the world." He glanced sideways at his brother. "And I can't tell you how wrong it is that those are kinda becoming a habit."
"Better that than the awkward conversations that happen when you do end the world," Sam pointed out.
"Point. But yeah, awkward or not, it needs to be had. Clear the air and all. And then..." Dean trailed off, still not exactly sure what he wanted to happen with Cas then.
"And then?" Sam prompted after a moment had passed and he still hadn't continued.
Dean shrugged. "We'll see what we'll see." He had to trust that as long as Cas was safe and well, the rest would work itself out.
The thought was more zen that Dean was used to having, but it felt right, a certain calm and peace seeming to settle over him. It took him a heartbeat or two to realize it wasn't just his thoughts, but the fact that the weird awareness of Cas he'd had since coming here had grown so much stronger it had smothered out all of his doubts.
Dean lifted his head like a dog scenting the air just as they stepped out of the woods into a small clearing. "Wait," he said, raising a hand as he slowed to a stop.
Sam, Madison and the wyvern all followed his lead. "What is it?" Sam asked as he looked around cautiously.
"Cas," Dean replied, suddenly aware that the angel was just feet away. He turned and stared unerringly at a spot at the far side of the clearing and counted the heartbeats he could hear pounding in his ears. By the time he reached three, Castiel had stepped out into the open.
*****
As Castiel followed Lenore ever deeper into the wooded landscape and ever further away from the void where the leviathan swam, he began to feel something that was both completely new and tantalizingly familiar at the same time. Not exactly a calm, but more... a light? A direction? Like he was heading towards something... if not good, at least necessary.
He abruptly realized that the last time he'd felt like this had been when he'd been in Hell, trying to rescue Dean. While he was still trying to process that realization and wondering why he was feeling the same way here and now, he stepped into a clearing and saw Dean standing on the other side of it.
Oh.
Castiel was aware that there were other people in the clearing as well, but for that moment his entire being seemed focused on Dean. He stopped and stared at the human (his human some deeply secret part of him whispered in the back of his mind), unable to do more than just drink in his presence. He'd never thought he'd see his friend again, at least in anything more than dreams. He found himself almost afraid to move in case it shattered the reality of this moment and Dean's actually being here.
At first Dean seemed just as frozen as he was, staring across the clearing at him with eyes and expression full of some emotion that Castiel didn't feel qualified to put a name to. But before things could start to feel awkward, Dean was striding across the clearing with purpose, not stopping until he was directly in front of Castiel, wrapping his arms tightly around the angel in the kind of hug that Castiel had believed was only reserved for Sam.
It took a moment for Castiel to do something more than just stand perfectly still and be hugged, since it was an entirely new experience for him, cupids notwithstanding. But eventually he raised his arms and hesitantly wrapped them around Dean in return, still a little leery that he would somehow do this wrong.
But the way Dean's arms tightened even more in response told him that he had instead got something very right. He let out a small sigh -- of relief, of contentment; it was hard for him to say as his emotions were still all muddled and confused -- and let his head drop to Dean's shoulder for a brief moment.
Finally, at some unheard signal, Dean released him and took a step back. "It's good to see you again, Cas," he said with a strange lopsided smile and a gaze full of far too much.
It sent more of those confused warm feelings through Castiel at the same time it made him feel even more guilty. "You shouldn't have come, Dean," he told him. "I'm not worth the risk you're taking."
Dean gave him a brief glare. "Of course you're worth the risk. You're family." The word was said as if it meant everything and given what Castiel knew about how Dean worked, that was pretty much the truth. It humbled him to know that Dean still thought about him that way.
"Thank you," he replied. "After everything I did, I know I don't deserve such regard from you, but-"
"That's a load of bullcrap, Cas," Dean told him, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Yeah, you screwed up, but it's not like Sam and I haven't screwed up just as big. Just makes you more of a Winchester, really, because when we screw up the world literally tries to end. But then we buckle down, grit our teeth and find a way to fix it. And we did. Well, almost. Won't be entirely fixed until we get you out of here..."
"Speaking of which," Sam said, coming up to them and looking over his shoulder at the surrounding shadows, "we should probably get a move on before things get... complicated." He turned to face them at the end of his sentence and reached out to squeeze Castiel's shoulder companionably. "Hi, Cas."
"Hello, Sam," Castiel replied, having the same mixed feelings about him, if not quite as deep or confusing. "It is good to see you as well, even if the location is less than desirable."
"Well, let's blow this joint for somewhere less monstery," Dean said, then glanced over to where Lenore had joined a...wyvern and a werewolf if Castiel wasn't mistaken. "No offence, ladies."
"None taken," Lenore said. "None of you belong here, not like us."
"And if we tried to go back, we'd end up ghosts as well as monsters," the werewolf added. "Better to just make the most of the afterlife we've got." The wyvern growled softly in agreement.
"You do have a plan to get out of here?" Castiel asked because, while he didn't think the Winchesters stupid, they did occasionally run in where angels -- in some cases literally -- feared to tread without thinking things through.
"Same way we got here," Sam said, even as Dean pulled two amulets out of his jacket and put one on. "Through the portal we sent the leviathan back here through -- and you too, I guess. Sorry about that."
Castiel waved away the apology. "Even if it wasn't no less than I deserved, saving the world far outranks saving one very foolish angel."
"Not as much as you might think," Dean told him sternly. "Besides, we saved the world already, now it's the foolish angel's turn."
"Wait," Castiel said, frowning as he worked through the implications of what Sam had said. "If you're using the same portal that banished the leviathan, and are going to open it from this side... isn't there a chance that they could do the same?"
"Nope," Dean answered. "Cause the lock on it is more like a forcefield than a door. You can only pass through it if you have the key." He held up the amulet, the movement sending it swinging. "This is the key."
"And the leviathan can't touch it," Sam added, anticipating Castiel's next objection. "We thought this through, Cas. Really. Trust us."
"Also," Dean put in, "the sooner we do this, the sooner we can close down the portal all the way again, with us on the right side, so how 'bout you stop being all crankypants and take the nice amulet so we can get out of here?" He held the amulet out to Castiel, shaking it again for emphasis.
Dean did have a point, Castiel privately admitted. It seemed he was going to be rescued whether he deserved it or not. He reached out his hand to take the amulet...
There was a blast of heat and light, Dean yelped and dropped the amulet with an exclamation of "Son of a bitch!"
Castiel looked down to see that what was left of the amulet was a puddle of molten metal, then up to see Dean cradling his burnt hand, then across the clearing to where a man stood with his hand outstretched. Castiel blinked and instead of a man, there was a bird made of fire with its wings outstretched. Another blink and back to the man. A phoenix, then.
"You aren't going anywhere," the phoenix said. Around him, Castiel could hear growls of various kinds coming from their companions and the distinctive sound of Sam's rifle.
Without thinking about it, Castiel took a step forward, placing himself between the phoenix and Dean. "I will not allow you to hurt them."
"Hurt them?" the phoenix echoed, sounding surprised. "I don't care about your hunter friends one way or another. They can leave whenever they want -- though sooner would probably be better for them than later." He fixed his gaze on Castiel. "No, it's you I'm after."
"Cas?" Dean moved out from behind Castiel to stand beside him instead. He still held his injured hand close to him, but had drawn his gun with the other. "Why are you after Cas?"
The phoenix's gaze shifted to Dean. "Hunters kill monsters, monsters kill hunters. That's just the way it things are, the natural order of things. But what he did..."
Abruptly, Castiel understood. "I used the souls."
"Exactly," the phoenix confirmed. "Monsters we may be, but even we have souls, and we do not deserve to be reduced to nothing more than a power source for an overreaching angel."
"I know," Castiel told him, acknowledging his crime. "It was an error in judgement I deeply regret."
The phoenix shook his head. "Not good enough."
"Not good enough?" Dean echoed. "Well it god damned better be good enough because that's all you're getting."
"This really doesn't concern you," the phoenix said, shooting Dean a disdainful look. "If you were smart, you and your brother would leave now."
"Or what?" Sam was moving in a slow circle which Castiel could see would bring him to stand beside Dean and himself. "You'll try to do to us what you did to that amulet?"
Dean was standing close enough to Castiel for him to hear him mutter under his breath, "Don't go giving him any ideas, Sammy."
But the phoenix just shook his head. "I hold no grudge against you two." He paused. "But I cannot say the same for every other denizen of Purgatory." A very faint smile touched his lips. "Let's just say that this clearing is going to get very crowded in a minute or to. You should leave while you're still able."
Despite the alarm that ran through them all at those words, Dean shook his head stubbornly. "We're not going anywhere without Cas."
Castiel had seen that expression on Dean's face before and knew that it meant there would be no changing his mind, but still Castiel knew he had to try. He'd seen the huge band of vampires that were out for the Winchesters' blood and knew that they couldn't be the only monsters who would want payback. "Dean-" he began, reaching out and laying a hand on Dean's arm.
"No," Dean interrupted before Castiel could even begin his argument. "I'm happy that you're back to being all noble and selfless, but we're not going to just leave and hand you over to this guy. Deal with it."
"He's right," Sam put in, in that quiet, implacable way he had.
"It's too late anyway," the werewolf said, raising her head and scenting the air, while the wyvern beside her whined.
Both Sam and Dean tensed even more, shifting into an even more high alert. "What is it, Madison?" Sam asked, staring out at the shadows around them.
It was Lenore who answered though. "Vampires," she said grimly, then seemed to pause, considering. "And rougarou." An inhuman roar made Dean's expression turn even grimmer.
"And wendigo," he said. "Damn, it's a freaking monster mash out there."
"You should go," Castiel told them firmly, his alarm rising with each new creature named.
"Not going to happen, Cas," Dean told him. He glanced over at the werewolf -- Madison, Sam had called her. "Any chance we can make it to somewhere more defensible?"
Another roar came from the other side of the clearing they were in. "I'm pretty sure that would be a 'no'," Madison replied wryly.
"Yes, if I were you, I'd just put the angel down and leave the playing field while you still can," the phoenix suggested in a pleasant tone.
"You can just shut the fuck up," Dean told him, making a rude gesture with his gun.
The phoenix shrugged nonchalantly. "No matter. Have your little Custard's Last Stand. I'll still get the angel in the end. Only difference will be you won't be in any shape to regret it."
Castiel feared that the phoenix spoke nothing but the truth at that. He watched Sam and Dean share one of those long wordless conversations all conducted in a single look, and he knew that in spite of that, there would be no talking them out of it. It seemed that after everything, he had managed to bring destruction down on his friends' heads after all.
The entirety of his grace cried out in denial at that. He couldn't let that happen, and he wouldn't. In that context the decision to act was a simple one, even knowing what it would bring down on his head.
He gathered himself and sent a wave of his power at its most pure out in a circle around him, sheltering his companions under his unfurled wings. The forever night of Purgatory lit as bright as day -- brighter -- and various angry roars and yells filled the air before they shifted tone to ones of fear and pain and then cut off abruptly.
As Castiel let his power fade back to normal levels, Dean cautiously raised his head from where he'd instinctively ducked and covered, to look around him. He gaped a little as he took in the fact that there was no one left who Castiel hadn't deliberately sheltered, then grinned widely. "Cas, that was freaking awesome!" he enthused, clapping Castiel on the shoulder. "I'm remembering now why it was cool to have an angel on our side."
"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel told him solemnly, knowing what he'd sent into motion even if the others didn't, not yet.
"For what, Cas?" Sam asked with a puzzled frown.
Before Castiel could answer, Lenore broke in, staring up at the sky. Beside her, Madison looked tense and worried and the wyvern whined unhappily. "They're coming," she said. "You knew that much power was going to draw their notice. It did and now they're coming."
"Uh, what?" Dean asked.
Lenore tore her gaze away from the sky to stare incredulously at Sam and Dean. "Can't you feel it? The weight of their attention coming closer and closer?"
Sam and Dean might not be able to, but Castiel certainly could, the same unholy and incomprehensible pressure bearing down on him from the outside that he'd once been unable to keep caged within himself. It had almost ended him then. This time...
"What are you talking about Lenore?" Sam asked, confused but still calm. "Whose attention? Who's coming?"
It was Castiel who answered. "Leviathan."
*******
The moment after Castiel's announcement that the Leviathan were coming was one of those that seemed to stretch on for far longer than it actually could have lasted, long enough for Sam to burn every detail into his memory. There was shadows and silence all around them, as if the very dimension itself was holding its breath in fear or anticipation.
There was no such ambiguity in their companions, however. Tallis, Madison and Lenore all looked scared shitless, and all of them were shifting nervously as if they longed to flee as far away from where they were as they could. Sam couldn't blame them -- being the center of attention for the Leviathan was never a good -- or comfortable -- thing. He was feeling more than a little of the urge to run himself, even as he steeled himself to face them. Winchesters never ran from a fight.
Sam glanced over at his brother and saw the same conflicted feelings of fear and sheer pig-headed stubbornness in his eyes, along with a healthy dollop of worry when he looked at Cas. And Cas...
Cas looked just as scared as the rest of them, maybe even more so. Of them all, he probably suffered the most at the hands of the Leviathan. But more than that he looked.... resigned, but that was too tame a word for what Sam saw in Cas. There was despair, but also a weary acceptance. It was, Sam thought, the kind of look someone would wear if they were stuck in the middle of the road and saw an 18-wheeler speeding down on them, knowing there was no way to jump out of its way.
It was the look of someone who knew that they were well and truly fucked and that there was nothing they could do to avoid it.
And Sam's gut reaction to that could basically be summed up as Oh hell no..
"You all need to leave now," Cas said, looking at each of them in turn, his gaze lingering longest on Dean. He turned to Lenore, Madison and Tallis. "If you get out of the immediate area, they should be so involved with me that they don't bother to search any further."
"Go," Sam added, when they seemed to hesitate. "We're grateful for everything you've done for us, but this isn't your fight. Get out of here while you still can."
"Are you sure-" Madison began, still hesitating.
"We are," Sam said, after a glance over at Dean to confirm.
That was enough to let them give into their instincts and run, though not before Madison had given him a brief hug.
The three of them watched her, Lenore and Tallis leave, then Castiel turned back to Sam and Dean. "I meant you two as well. You will be safe once you're through the barrier to Earth again. You must go. Now."
Dean was already shaking his head. "You did that before, too," he said. "Tried to get me to run when they were taking you over. It was practically your last act."
"I did not want them to harm you," Cas replied simply. "I still don't. Dean, please."
"No." Dean stepped closer until he was able to reach out and clutch his hands around Cas' shoulders. "I'm tired of having your last acts be about trying to protect me. I'm tired of you having last acts. Sammy and I made a pact that we were going to swear off the whole dying thing. I think you should join."
Cas' expression was as anguished as Sam had ever seen it. "I don't want to die, Dean. But I want to be the cause of harm to you even less. You are my charge, my friend, my..."
"Family, Cas," Dean finished for him when he trailed off. "We're family. You know what that word means to me."
"I do," Cas said, the look he gave Dean was so intimate and laden with meaning that Sam felt like a voyeur watching. "You are all that... and more. Which is why you have to leave."
"Save it," Dean growled. "I'm not letting you go, so someone come up with a better option."
Later Sam could never say how he came to the epiphany he did just then, but he thought it had at least something to do with the way Dean and Cas were standing so close, leaning into each other without being aware of it and how that mirrored one of the drawings in the research he'd read when they were figuring out how to erect the barrier. It brought back the cryptic description of how the amulets worked -- each will protect a single soul save when hearts entwine with grace and love. Bonds unbreakable will double its power and influence.
At the time, Sam had thought it referred to needing souls that were bonded -- like himself and Dean -- to work at all, but now...
"Profound bond," he said out loud.
Dean looked over at him, irritation mixing with confusion. "What the hell are you going on about, Sam?"
Sam slid his gaze to Cas, who had his head cocked to the side in that angel puzzlement way he had. "You once said you shared a more profound bond with Dean than with me. Would it would be safe to say that extends to everyone else too? That what you share with Dean, you don't share with anyone else?"
"Sam," Dean began, shifting his feet and looking uncomfortable, "I don't know what you're getting at but that's cra-"
He broke off though when Cas interrupted him to say, simply, "Yes."
Dean spun his head back to stare at Cas at that. "You can't-"
"I can," Cas said, overriding Dean again. "And I do. You are... important to me, Dean. More important than any individual should be to an angel. But you are the brightest soul I have ever met, and I feel..." He trailed off, looking down for a moment before raising his gaze to hold Dean's again. "That is why you must go now. I will not be the instrument of your destruction."
"No," Dean said fiercely. "You're not going to drive me off by going all chick flick on me."
"Actually," Sam broke in, feeling a little giddy at actually having a solution, "the two of you 'going all chick flick' might just be all of our tickets out of here."
That got him both of their undivided attention. "Sam, what-" Dean began, but Sam wasn't going to let go of his momentum now. They didn't have time to deal with Dean getting all avoidant about his feelings now.
"Dean, this is important," he said, putting as much serious earnestness as he could into his voice and expression. "And it's not like I don't know already, but you have to acknowledge it for this to work."
"For what to work? Sam, I-"
"-need to shut up and listen," Sam finished for him. "Since we got here, you've been able to sense where Cas was when there was no way you should've been able to, right?" He saw Cas startle a little at that.
"Yeah, but-" Dean began, but Sam cut him right off again.
"And you and Cas somehow were able to contact each other not only between two dimensions, but through the barrier separating Purgatory and Earth. Which you shouldn't have been able to do. And then there's the trench coat."
Cas frowned in confusion and looked at Dean. "What about the trench coat?"
"Dean fished it out of the water when we thought the Leviathan exploded you," Sam replied while Dean fidgeted. "It's sorta become his security blanket since then. He even sleeps with it."
"It reminded me of you, okay?" Dean admitted when Cas just kept staring at him. "Even with you going full steam off the rails, I didn't want you to be gone. You're my friend, Cas, more than that, you're practically family and..." He took a deep breath and sighed. "And I guess that whole profound bond thing runs both ways because... yeah."
It wasn't exactly the most articulate declaration Sam had ever heard, but this was his brother they were talking about. And it seemed to be more than enough for Cas who was looking at Dean with nothing short of adoration. Dean was staring back and the two of them were leaning in ever so slightly closer to each other...
"Good," Sam said, and when that didn't get any reaction out of them, cleared his throat loudly, which caused Dean to snap his head around to glare at him. "You guys can make out like teenagers later," he continued before Dean could say anything. "Right now, we need to get out of here before the leviathan show. All of us."
"But Sam, I-"
Sam was getting good at cutting off arguments before they could waste time. "It's okay, Cas. Dean can bring you through with him. Profound bonds are good for something other than all that staring you two do at each other."
"You sure?" Dean looked hopeful but still seemed to be bracing himself for the worst.
"The amulets' power can be doubled when a 'heart's entwined with grace and love'," Sam quoted, then smiled. "I'm sure."
"Even if he's not, it's a chance, which is more than I had before," Cas said. "And we're running out of time, Sam is right."
As if to punctuate the statement, a roar was heard coming from above. It was still a distance away, but it was more than enough of a goad for them all that they had to get moving.
"It would probably be a good idea if you both were touching the amulet," Sam advised, wanting to give this every hope of success. "And each other."
Dean didn't argue, just took his amulet off and wrapped it about his and Cas' clasped hands. "Cas, I...." He didn't seem able to get out anything else though.
"I know," Cas replied. He gave one of those faint smiles that from anyone else would have been a wide beaming grin. "So do I."
It was perhaps the most inarticulate declaration of love Sam had ever heard, but it was probably also one of the most heartfelt. And it was going to be the thing that got them all home.
"Hang on, guys," Sam said, clasping his hand around his own amulet, and as an afterthought reaching out and taking Cas' other hand. He and the angel didn't share a 'profound bond' but maybe his amulet could help boost the signal anyway. He took a deep breath and began reciting the words that would activate the portal.
When it appeared, a black shimmering curtain in front of them, they all exchanged long looks with each other and then, as one, stepped through.
*****
They hit the ground hard, all three of them, a tangled heap of limbs and bodies. For a moment Dean just lay there, concentrating on breathing and relishing the fact that the ground all three of them were resting on was the dirt floor of the cabin cellar and not some purgatory equivalent of ground.
"Everyone okay?" Dean asked as he moved to untangle himself and sit up.
Sam muttered something incoherent but affirmative as he also struggled to get his Sasquatch body upright and Cas...
Cas didn't respond.
The relief Dean had felt when it became clear all three of them had made it through the portal was suddenly replaced with a cold knot of fear in the pit of his stomach as he realized that the angel was not only silent but limp and unresponsive.
"Cas?!" he called, as he scrambled to turn the angel over and check him out, looking for some sign, any sign that they hadn't just brought through an empty vessel.
But there was nothing. Castiel's body was as limp and heavy as an oversized doll, eyes closed, skin pale and cool. No breath, no heartbeat. An empty vessel seemed to be exactly what it was.
Dean found himself staring down at him, fear beginning to give way to numb disbelief. The pain he knew would come soon enough. To go through all of that and to still lose Cas... It was the ultimate in unfair.
"I don't understand," Sam said softly, from where he knelt on the other side of Castiel. "I was so sure... It should have worked."
Before Dean could reply, a shudder went through Castiel's body and he gave a sort of gasp before starting to breathe normally. Dazed blue eyes flickered open and focused on Dean's face. "Did we make it?" Cas asked.
Something snapped in Dean and feelings that up to now he barely acknowledged even to himself surged through him like water from a burst dam. There were only so many times he could take thinking he'd lost Cas only to get him back without it breaking everything wide open in him after all. They had apparently hit that magic number because the only way he could think to respond was to lean over and kiss Cas senseless. So he did.
For a long moment Cas didn't respond, but just as Dean was beginning to feel self conscious and awkward, Cas made a soft noise in the back of his throat and brought a hand up to tangle in Dean's short hair, holding him in place as Cas kissed him back with just as much fervor as Dean was kissing him. So much in fact that Dean felt his toes curl in reaction.
When they finally parted, Dean looked into those blue eyes and said the first thing that popped into his head. "Don't tell me you learned that from the pizza man."
"No, Dean," Cas replied with an honest to God smile. "I learned that from you."
Dean could practically feel the waves of happiness coming off the angel, and there was really only one way to respond to that so he kissed Cas again.
"Finally!" he heard Sam say. Dean flipped him off, but didn't stop kissing Cas.
"Uh, guys?" Sam said a minute or two later. "Much as I'm happy that you've finally moved past all the denial and inappropriate staring, I really don't need to watch you two make out like teenagers." Mouth still occupied, Dean flipped him off again. He heard Sam sigh. "Fine. Knock yourselves out. I'll be upstairs if you need me."
Cas was the one to pull back as Sam got up to leave. "Thank you for coming after me, Sam," he said, glancing back at Dean. "Both of you. After everything I did, I'm not sure I'm worth the risk you took, but I'm grateful."
"You're family, Cas," Sam said with a smile before Dean could reply. "That means you're worth the risk."
"What he said," Dean added, finding himself gripping Cas' arm. "We look out for our own. Get used to it."
Cas looked back and forth between them, then smiled faintly. "I shall endeavour to do so."
"Good," Dean said with a firm nod, something settling in his soul as if Cas was a piece of a jigsaw that just got snapped into place. Who knows? That was probably as good a metaphor as any for the situation.
"Dean?" Cas asked, breaking into his thoughts. "Can we make out like teenagers some more?"
FIN
*****
Castiel pushed the hands away that had grabbed him and spun around, his own hands raised ready to smite-
Only to freeze when he saw who it was.
"Lenore, isn't it?" he asked, slowly letting his hands drop. She looked different than the last time he'd seen her, when she'd been all scared and anxious, hanging onto her sanity and her own will by her fingernails, covered in grime from hiding in a basement in a way she hadn't been able to hide from the voices in her head. Now she was clean and put together, and while her expression was worried, she also seemed calm and confident.
Lenore nodded. "And you're Cas. And you don't want to do what you were just about to."
Castiel frowned at that. "They are planning-"
"-to go after the Winchesters," Lenore finished for him. "I know." She gave a mostly humourless smile. "It's not every day someone breaches the barriers on Purgatory. It creates waves. They couldn't have announced their presence any more if they'd arranged for a dimension wide loudspeaker to repeat 'The Winchesters have arrived, film at 11' over and over. And they're hunters -- notorious ones at that. Of course there's going to be all kinds of monsters going after them for revenge, or bragging rights, or just because they're bored."
"That is why I must stop them," Castiel said implacably, while somewhere inside he was reeling at what Sam and Dean had done to come after him. He was so very much not worth the risks they were taking. Which just made him all the more determined to not let them suffer for it.
"Everyone is up in arms and on high alert right now," Lenore told him, voice low and demanding to be heard. "You start throwing around the kind of power you were about to and you'll draw the attention of all sorts of things. Big things. Hungry things. Things that would just love to have an angel for breakfast." She glanced upwards to the space above them that seemed to be the sole domain of the leviathan.
In spite of himself, Castiel had to restrain the urge to shiver at that. But his fear wasn't enough to get him to back down. "I will not put my own safety above my friends," he said with as much dignity -- and warning -- as he could manage.
Lenore gave him a strangely assessing look at that before seeming to relax a little. "There's better ways to keep them safe than making yourself a bigger target. Come on."
She began to move away, but Castiel stayed where he was. "Where are you proposing I should go?"
Lenore looked back over her shoulder at him. "To find the Winchesters and convince them that they need to get the hell out of Purgatory before every monster with an axe to grind descends on them."
For a moment longer, Castiel hesitated. The thought of seeing Sam and Dean -- especially Dean -- again made something ache in a not altogether unpleasant manner, but after everything he had done, it was not something he felt he deserved. Still, he knew the brothers and knew that if they had indeed come here after him they could be counted on to stubbornly refuse to leave until they had found him, no matter the danger to themselves. So if he wanted them safe, he was going to have to deal with this head on even if it was the last thing he felt he deserved.
"You know where they are?" he asked Lenore, watching her intently.
"I can find them, yes." Her mouth turned up at the corners in a barely there smile. "Like I said, they didn't exactly sneak their way in. The trick will be getting to them first."
"Alright," Castiel said, making his decision and falling into step beside her. "We best get moving then."
They began walking, Lenore leading them into what looked like deeper woods. Castiel watched her, wondering if he should be worried she was leading him into a trap. He didn't think so, his instincts said he could trust her, but with the many bad decisions he'd made lately, he wasn't sure if he should trust his instincts either.
Lenore kept casting sideways glances his way. "What?" she said finally.
It wasn't the first time his staring had made someone uncomfortable, but for once he didn't care that he was. "Why are you doing this?"
She was quiet for a moment before answering. "Because Sam and Dean are good people. They don't deserve what will happen to them if they don't get out of here." She glanced sideways at him again. "Neither do you."
"No!" Castiel stiffened and found himself shaking his head in denial before he made a conscious decision how to react. "I'm not- I don't-" He closed his eyes briefly and tried to gather his thoughts enough to speak in complete sentences. "You're right about Sam and Dean. Whatever happens, in the end they will make the right -- the good -- decision. But I... The decisions I've made, the things I've done, the damage I've caused... I deserve the worst this place could do to me. More, I deserve not to exist."
Lenore gave him another assessing look before saying, "If you really believed that, you wouldn't have been hiding in the bushes listening to a pack of vampires. You would have been heading for the Dark at the Center where they live."
"The leviathan you mean."
"Yes. Anyone around here who really wants to end it all, that's where they go. Nothing can survive the leviathan hunger in its true form when it's turned on them." She gave him a faint ghost of a smile. "Not even an angel's grace."
"I know," Castiel said quietly, remembering the feel of them inside as they beat against the barriers he'd put up to contain them with that unending, overwhelming hunger. He suppressed another shiver at the memory.
"The fact that you're here and not there means that there's something in you that still wants to fight," Lenore told him. "You're not ready to give up your existence, even if you're not entirely sure why." She gave a half shrug. "Same as me."
Castiel thought about that as they continued to walk. It was true that even though he may think he deserved for his existence to end, he didn't want it to, and he felt obliged to consider the reasons why.
At the heart of it, he decided, was the fact that if he ceased to exist, he could not make reparations for the wrongs he had caused either by enduring punishment for it, which was his first inclination, especially on finding himself here, or by trying to find a way to make up for everything. The latter would be far more difficult -- probably impossible if he remained in Purgatory -- but more... just in the end. As well as satisfying. After all, his wilfully submitting himself to punishment wouldn't do anything to alleviate the damage he caused to the world or to his friends. Or to Dean.
They all troubled him, but he found that the last troubled him the most. Dean was such a wonderful, bright, soul who had been forced to endure so much hardship and pain, the fact that Castiel had inadvertently piled more of both on the man was one of his biggest regrets. Dean didn't deserve any of it and if Castiel could do anything to fix what he had broken, no matter what it took, it was well worth doing.
If that involved not only finding Sam and Dean and getting them to leave, but allowing them to rescue him at the same time -- and Castiel believed he knew how Dean's mind worked enough to think that it most certainly would -- then that would be what he did. He wasn't certain if Dean would want anything more to do with him beyond that, but Castiel would, as they said, cross that bridge when he came to it and just hope it wasn't on fire at the time. He would do whatever Dean wanted -- leave or stay.
Some tiny part of his grace buried deeply under self recriminations and guilt glowed a little brighter at the thought of Dean asking him to stay.
*****
Dean scowled as he ducked under another low hanging branch. They may be better hidden traipsing through the creepy forest, but it was a lot easier going when they were following the road. The fact that he kept having to restrain himself from looking over his shoulder for rogue wendigo or something wasn't help improve his mood any either.
Also not helping was that weird innate sense of Castiel he seemed to have acquired when they came here. He supposed it was probably a good thing that it was getting stronger -- assuming that meant they were getting closer to finding the angel -- but in the meantime it was like an itch on the inside of his skull that he couldn't scratch.
He glanced ahead where Sam was walking alongside Madison -- who was being their guide now as much as Dean's Cas-dar was -- and talking quietly. He was glad he couldn't actually hear what they were talking about as he figured there was no way that conversation could be anything but painfully awkward, considering their history. What did you say to a girl that you slept with, who got turned into a werewolf that you then had to kill? Dean figured that small talk just wasn't going to cut it in that kind of situation.
But after some initial discomfort and stops and starts, Sam and Madison had seemed to settle into conversation far more easily -- and happily -- than Dean would have thought possible. It was weird, but if it wasn't giving Sam something new to traumatize and be broody about, the more power to them.
Dean knew he was concentrating on the terrain and on Sam and Madison and everything else he could think of because if he didn't actively keep distracting himself, he was going to just end up thinking about Cas, whether he wanted to or not.
Well, thinking about Cas more because even with all the distractions he could throw at himself, he found his thoughts going back to the angel every 30 seconds or so.
It was just... with everything that had happened, Dean wasn't sure what he should be thinking -- or, more to the point, feeling -- about Cas now.
Oh, some of it was easy -- he was glad that Cas wasn't gone, determined to reach him before anything else could happen, and scared that they might not make it, though that fear was fading the closer they got. And yeah, he was still hurt and angry over all the incredibly bad choices Cas had made that had got them all to this place. Though, again, those feelings had faded a lot over time and thinking Cas was dead and gone. Dean wasn't sure if finding out Cas wasn't meant those feelings would -- or even should -- be resurrected as well, and he didn't think he'd be able to figure that out until he was face to face with Cas again.
But beyond that, there were even greater questions about how he felt about Cas, questions that went back a lot farther than the whole leviathan mess.
Cas had been his friend -- was still his friend? In his darker moments he had wondered, but if the answer wasn't yes, at the very least he wanted it to be.
But there was more -- there had always been more -- between them than just friendship. Cas had said once that they shared a profound bond and there was more truth to that than Dean had ever been willing to admit. Somehow Cas had wormed his way into a position in Dean's heart that was only rivalled by the one Sam held.
Cas was family in all the ways that counted, unquestioningly. Including, apparently, the Winchester penchant to let good intentions lead to devastatingly bad decisions. Hopefully it would also include the managing to come back from said bad decision against all odds as well.
It remained to be seen whether Cas fit in Dean's family as another brother, like Sam, or as something else. Something more. Dean thought it might be the latter, and if he was honest with himself, after everything that had happened, he wanted that something more. Or at least the chance at it -- even if every other time he'd tried to pursue something like that it had blown up in his face.
Things with Cas though had already blown up in his face, so maybe that meant they'd actually be able to make it work? Whatever form 'it' ended up taking, Dean wasn't going to count his angels before they were rescued.
All he was sure of was that whatever happened, he wanted Cas in his life in some shape or form. If that shape or form involved personal space issues and maybe even some naked touching, that would be okay with him.
Sam said something to Madison and fell back to walk beside Dean. "You okay?" he asked quietly.
Dean raised an eyebrow at that, wondering exactly what kind of expression he'd been projecting. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he said, deflecting instead of answering. "I'm not the one who's been talking with a dead former lover that I had to kill because she was a werewolf." The fact that that probably wasn't the strangest conversation Sam had ever had said a lot about the absolute crazy that was their lives.
Sam shrugged. "We're good, actually. Madison's doing well. I mean, Purgatory's not exactly Heaven, but she's got friends and a place for herself, and we know that even Heaven is kinda fucked up so..."
"That's good," Dean said, meaning it. He hadn't known Madison as well as Sam had -- obviously -- but he had liked what he saw of her and had hated the end they'd all been forced to.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "And you trying to change the subject isn't going to make me forget you haven't answered my question." Damn. Sam nudged Dean's shoulder with his own. "You've been awfully quiet. How are you doing?"
"The wyvern's not the greatest of conversationalists, and I didn't want to butt in on your tête-à-tête with the girl," Dean said with a shrug. "Besides, wouldn't you be more worried if I started talking to thin air?"
Sam gave a faint smile. "It would depend on what you were saying I think."
"Point." Then, because Sam's patience deserved some kind of answer, Dean added, "Just, y'know, thinking about Cas."
"We're going to find him, Dean," Sam reassured him immediately, so fast and sure that it pulled an involuntary smile out of Dean.
"I know," he said. "I was thinking more about what happens after we find him and get us all the hell out of here."
Sam nodded. "Ah." He paused for a moment before asking, "What did you come up with?"
"Well, first I'm pretty sure there's going to have to be one of those awkward sharing feelings conversations that always happen after someone accidentally almost ends the world." He glanced sideways at his brother. "And I can't tell you how wrong it is that those are kinda becoming a habit."
"Better that than the awkward conversations that happen when you do end the world," Sam pointed out.
"Point. But yeah, awkward or not, it needs to be had. Clear the air and all. And then..." Dean trailed off, still not exactly sure what he wanted to happen with Cas then.
"And then?" Sam prompted after a moment had passed and he still hadn't continued.
Dean shrugged. "We'll see what we'll see." He had to trust that as long as Cas was safe and well, the rest would work itself out.
The thought was more zen that Dean was used to having, but it felt right, a certain calm and peace seeming to settle over him. It took him a heartbeat or two to realize it wasn't just his thoughts, but the fact that the weird awareness of Cas he'd had since coming here had grown so much stronger it had smothered out all of his doubts.
Dean lifted his head like a dog scenting the air just as they stepped out of the woods into a small clearing. "Wait," he said, raising a hand as he slowed to a stop.
Sam, Madison and the wyvern all followed his lead. "What is it?" Sam asked as he looked around cautiously.
"Cas," Dean replied, suddenly aware that the angel was just feet away. He turned and stared unerringly at a spot at the far side of the clearing and counted the heartbeats he could hear pounding in his ears. By the time he reached three, Castiel had stepped out into the open.
*****
As Castiel followed Lenore ever deeper into the wooded landscape and ever further away from the void where the leviathan swam, he began to feel something that was both completely new and tantalizingly familiar at the same time. Not exactly a calm, but more... a light? A direction? Like he was heading towards something... if not good, at least necessary.
He abruptly realized that the last time he'd felt like this had been when he'd been in Hell, trying to rescue Dean. While he was still trying to process that realization and wondering why he was feeling the same way here and now, he stepped into a clearing and saw Dean standing on the other side of it.
Oh.
Castiel was aware that there were other people in the clearing as well, but for that moment his entire being seemed focused on Dean. He stopped and stared at the human (his human some deeply secret part of him whispered in the back of his mind), unable to do more than just drink in his presence. He'd never thought he'd see his friend again, at least in anything more than dreams. He found himself almost afraid to move in case it shattered the reality of this moment and Dean's actually being here.
At first Dean seemed just as frozen as he was, staring across the clearing at him with eyes and expression full of some emotion that Castiel didn't feel qualified to put a name to. But before things could start to feel awkward, Dean was striding across the clearing with purpose, not stopping until he was directly in front of Castiel, wrapping his arms tightly around the angel in the kind of hug that Castiel had believed was only reserved for Sam.
It took a moment for Castiel to do something more than just stand perfectly still and be hugged, since it was an entirely new experience for him, cupids notwithstanding. But eventually he raised his arms and hesitantly wrapped them around Dean in return, still a little leery that he would somehow do this wrong.
But the way Dean's arms tightened even more in response told him that he had instead got something very right. He let out a small sigh -- of relief, of contentment; it was hard for him to say as his emotions were still all muddled and confused -- and let his head drop to Dean's shoulder for a brief moment.
Finally, at some unheard signal, Dean released him and took a step back. "It's good to see you again, Cas," he said with a strange lopsided smile and a gaze full of far too much.
It sent more of those confused warm feelings through Castiel at the same time it made him feel even more guilty. "You shouldn't have come, Dean," he told him. "I'm not worth the risk you're taking."
Dean gave him a brief glare. "Of course you're worth the risk. You're family." The word was said as if it meant everything and given what Castiel knew about how Dean worked, that was pretty much the truth. It humbled him to know that Dean still thought about him that way.
"Thank you," he replied. "After everything I did, I know I don't deserve such regard from you, but-"
"That's a load of bullcrap, Cas," Dean told him, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Yeah, you screwed up, but it's not like Sam and I haven't screwed up just as big. Just makes you more of a Winchester, really, because when we screw up the world literally tries to end. But then we buckle down, grit our teeth and find a way to fix it. And we did. Well, almost. Won't be entirely fixed until we get you out of here..."
"Speaking of which," Sam said, coming up to them and looking over his shoulder at the surrounding shadows, "we should probably get a move on before things get... complicated." He turned to face them at the end of his sentence and reached out to squeeze Castiel's shoulder companionably. "Hi, Cas."
"Hello, Sam," Castiel replied, having the same mixed feelings about him, if not quite as deep or confusing. "It is good to see you as well, even if the location is less than desirable."
"Well, let's blow this joint for somewhere less monstery," Dean said, then glanced over to where Lenore had joined a...wyvern and a werewolf if Castiel wasn't mistaken. "No offence, ladies."
"None taken," Lenore said. "None of you belong here, not like us."
"And if we tried to go back, we'd end up ghosts as well as monsters," the werewolf added. "Better to just make the most of the afterlife we've got." The wyvern growled softly in agreement.
"You do have a plan to get out of here?" Castiel asked because, while he didn't think the Winchesters stupid, they did occasionally run in where angels -- in some cases literally -- feared to tread without thinking things through.
"Same way we got here," Sam said, even as Dean pulled two amulets out of his jacket and put one on. "Through the portal we sent the leviathan back here through -- and you too, I guess. Sorry about that."
Castiel waved away the apology. "Even if it wasn't no less than I deserved, saving the world far outranks saving one very foolish angel."
"Not as much as you might think," Dean told him sternly. "Besides, we saved the world already, now it's the foolish angel's turn."
"Wait," Castiel said, frowning as he worked through the implications of what Sam had said. "If you're using the same portal that banished the leviathan, and are going to open it from this side... isn't there a chance that they could do the same?"
"Nope," Dean answered. "Cause the lock on it is more like a forcefield than a door. You can only pass through it if you have the key." He held up the amulet, the movement sending it swinging. "This is the key."
"And the leviathan can't touch it," Sam added, anticipating Castiel's next objection. "We thought this through, Cas. Really. Trust us."
"Also," Dean put in, "the sooner we do this, the sooner we can close down the portal all the way again, with us on the right side, so how 'bout you stop being all crankypants and take the nice amulet so we can get out of here?" He held the amulet out to Castiel, shaking it again for emphasis.
Dean did have a point, Castiel privately admitted. It seemed he was going to be rescued whether he deserved it or not. He reached out his hand to take the amulet...
There was a blast of heat and light, Dean yelped and dropped the amulet with an exclamation of "Son of a bitch!"
Castiel looked down to see that what was left of the amulet was a puddle of molten metal, then up to see Dean cradling his burnt hand, then across the clearing to where a man stood with his hand outstretched. Castiel blinked and instead of a man, there was a bird made of fire with its wings outstretched. Another blink and back to the man. A phoenix, then.
"You aren't going anywhere," the phoenix said. Around him, Castiel could hear growls of various kinds coming from their companions and the distinctive sound of Sam's rifle.
Without thinking about it, Castiel took a step forward, placing himself between the phoenix and Dean. "I will not allow you to hurt them."
"Hurt them?" the phoenix echoed, sounding surprised. "I don't care about your hunter friends one way or another. They can leave whenever they want -- though sooner would probably be better for them than later." He fixed his gaze on Castiel. "No, it's you I'm after."
"Cas?" Dean moved out from behind Castiel to stand beside him instead. He still held his injured hand close to him, but had drawn his gun with the other. "Why are you after Cas?"
The phoenix's gaze shifted to Dean. "Hunters kill monsters, monsters kill hunters. That's just the way it things are, the natural order of things. But what he did..."
Abruptly, Castiel understood. "I used the souls."
"Exactly," the phoenix confirmed. "Monsters we may be, but even we have souls, and we do not deserve to be reduced to nothing more than a power source for an overreaching angel."
"I know," Castiel told him, acknowledging his crime. "It was an error in judgement I deeply regret."
The phoenix shook his head. "Not good enough."
"Not good enough?" Dean echoed. "Well it god damned better be good enough because that's all you're getting."
"This really doesn't concern you," the phoenix said, shooting Dean a disdainful look. "If you were smart, you and your brother would leave now."
"Or what?" Sam was moving in a slow circle which Castiel could see would bring him to stand beside Dean and himself. "You'll try to do to us what you did to that amulet?"
Dean was standing close enough to Castiel for him to hear him mutter under his breath, "Don't go giving him any ideas, Sammy."
But the phoenix just shook his head. "I hold no grudge against you two." He paused. "But I cannot say the same for every other denizen of Purgatory." A very faint smile touched his lips. "Let's just say that this clearing is going to get very crowded in a minute or to. You should leave while you're still able."
Despite the alarm that ran through them all at those words, Dean shook his head stubbornly. "We're not going anywhere without Cas."
Castiel had seen that expression on Dean's face before and knew that it meant there would be no changing his mind, but still Castiel knew he had to try. He'd seen the huge band of vampires that were out for the Winchesters' blood and knew that they couldn't be the only monsters who would want payback. "Dean-" he began, reaching out and laying a hand on Dean's arm.
"No," Dean interrupted before Castiel could even begin his argument. "I'm happy that you're back to being all noble and selfless, but we're not going to just leave and hand you over to this guy. Deal with it."
"He's right," Sam put in, in that quiet, implacable way he had.
"It's too late anyway," the werewolf said, raising her head and scenting the air, while the wyvern beside her whined.
Both Sam and Dean tensed even more, shifting into an even more high alert. "What is it, Madison?" Sam asked, staring out at the shadows around them.
It was Lenore who answered though. "Vampires," she said grimly, then seemed to pause, considering. "And rougarou." An inhuman roar made Dean's expression turn even grimmer.
"And wendigo," he said. "Damn, it's a freaking monster mash out there."
"You should go," Castiel told them firmly, his alarm rising with each new creature named.
"Not going to happen, Cas," Dean told him. He glanced over at the werewolf -- Madison, Sam had called her. "Any chance we can make it to somewhere more defensible?"
Another roar came from the other side of the clearing they were in. "I'm pretty sure that would be a 'no'," Madison replied wryly.
"Yes, if I were you, I'd just put the angel down and leave the playing field while you still can," the phoenix suggested in a pleasant tone.
"You can just shut the fuck up," Dean told him, making a rude gesture with his gun.
The phoenix shrugged nonchalantly. "No matter. Have your little Custard's Last Stand. I'll still get the angel in the end. Only difference will be you won't be in any shape to regret it."
Castiel feared that the phoenix spoke nothing but the truth at that. He watched Sam and Dean share one of those long wordless conversations all conducted in a single look, and he knew that in spite of that, there would be no talking them out of it. It seemed that after everything, he had managed to bring destruction down on his friends' heads after all.
The entirety of his grace cried out in denial at that. He couldn't let that happen, and he wouldn't. In that context the decision to act was a simple one, even knowing what it would bring down on his head.
He gathered himself and sent a wave of his power at its most pure out in a circle around him, sheltering his companions under his unfurled wings. The forever night of Purgatory lit as bright as day -- brighter -- and various angry roars and yells filled the air before they shifted tone to ones of fear and pain and then cut off abruptly.
As Castiel let his power fade back to normal levels, Dean cautiously raised his head from where he'd instinctively ducked and covered, to look around him. He gaped a little as he took in the fact that there was no one left who Castiel hadn't deliberately sheltered, then grinned widely. "Cas, that was freaking awesome!" he enthused, clapping Castiel on the shoulder. "I'm remembering now why it was cool to have an angel on our side."
"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel told him solemnly, knowing what he'd sent into motion even if the others didn't, not yet.
"For what, Cas?" Sam asked with a puzzled frown.
Before Castiel could answer, Lenore broke in, staring up at the sky. Beside her, Madison looked tense and worried and the wyvern whined unhappily. "They're coming," she said. "You knew that much power was going to draw their notice. It did and now they're coming."
"Uh, what?" Dean asked.
Lenore tore her gaze away from the sky to stare incredulously at Sam and Dean. "Can't you feel it? The weight of their attention coming closer and closer?"
Sam and Dean might not be able to, but Castiel certainly could, the same unholy and incomprehensible pressure bearing down on him from the outside that he'd once been unable to keep caged within himself. It had almost ended him then. This time...
"What are you talking about Lenore?" Sam asked, confused but still calm. "Whose attention? Who's coming?"
It was Castiel who answered. "Leviathan."
*******
The moment after Castiel's announcement that the Leviathan were coming was one of those that seemed to stretch on for far longer than it actually could have lasted, long enough for Sam to burn every detail into his memory. There was shadows and silence all around them, as if the very dimension itself was holding its breath in fear or anticipation.
There was no such ambiguity in their companions, however. Tallis, Madison and Lenore all looked scared shitless, and all of them were shifting nervously as if they longed to flee as far away from where they were as they could. Sam couldn't blame them -- being the center of attention for the Leviathan was never a good -- or comfortable -- thing. He was feeling more than a little of the urge to run himself, even as he steeled himself to face them. Winchesters never ran from a fight.
Sam glanced over at his brother and saw the same conflicted feelings of fear and sheer pig-headed stubbornness in his eyes, along with a healthy dollop of worry when he looked at Cas. And Cas...
Cas looked just as scared as the rest of them, maybe even more so. Of them all, he probably suffered the most at the hands of the Leviathan. But more than that he looked.... resigned, but that was too tame a word for what Sam saw in Cas. There was despair, but also a weary acceptance. It was, Sam thought, the kind of look someone would wear if they were stuck in the middle of the road and saw an 18-wheeler speeding down on them, knowing there was no way to jump out of its way.
It was the look of someone who knew that they were well and truly fucked and that there was nothing they could do to avoid it.
And Sam's gut reaction to that could basically be summed up as Oh hell no..
"You all need to leave now," Cas said, looking at each of them in turn, his gaze lingering longest on Dean. He turned to Lenore, Madison and Tallis. "If you get out of the immediate area, they should be so involved with me that they don't bother to search any further."
"Go," Sam added, when they seemed to hesitate. "We're grateful for everything you've done for us, but this isn't your fight. Get out of here while you still can."
"Are you sure-" Madison began, still hesitating.
"We are," Sam said, after a glance over at Dean to confirm.
That was enough to let them give into their instincts and run, though not before Madison had given him a brief hug.
The three of them watched her, Lenore and Tallis leave, then Castiel turned back to Sam and Dean. "I meant you two as well. You will be safe once you're through the barrier to Earth again. You must go. Now."
Dean was already shaking his head. "You did that before, too," he said. "Tried to get me to run when they were taking you over. It was practically your last act."
"I did not want them to harm you," Cas replied simply. "I still don't. Dean, please."
"No." Dean stepped closer until he was able to reach out and clutch his hands around Cas' shoulders. "I'm tired of having your last acts be about trying to protect me. I'm tired of you having last acts. Sammy and I made a pact that we were going to swear off the whole dying thing. I think you should join."
Cas' expression was as anguished as Sam had ever seen it. "I don't want to die, Dean. But I want to be the cause of harm to you even less. You are my charge, my friend, my..."
"Family, Cas," Dean finished for him when he trailed off. "We're family. You know what that word means to me."
"I do," Cas said, the look he gave Dean was so intimate and laden with meaning that Sam felt like a voyeur watching. "You are all that... and more. Which is why you have to leave."
"Save it," Dean growled. "I'm not letting you go, so someone come up with a better option."
Later Sam could never say how he came to the epiphany he did just then, but he thought it had at least something to do with the way Dean and Cas were standing so close, leaning into each other without being aware of it and how that mirrored one of the drawings in the research he'd read when they were figuring out how to erect the barrier. It brought back the cryptic description of how the amulets worked -- each will protect a single soul save when hearts entwine with grace and love. Bonds unbreakable will double its power and influence.
At the time, Sam had thought it referred to needing souls that were bonded -- like himself and Dean -- to work at all, but now...
"Profound bond," he said out loud.
Dean looked over at him, irritation mixing with confusion. "What the hell are you going on about, Sam?"
Sam slid his gaze to Cas, who had his head cocked to the side in that angel puzzlement way he had. "You once said you shared a more profound bond with Dean than with me. Would it would be safe to say that extends to everyone else too? That what you share with Dean, you don't share with anyone else?"
"Sam," Dean began, shifting his feet and looking uncomfortable, "I don't know what you're getting at but that's cra-"
He broke off though when Cas interrupted him to say, simply, "Yes."
Dean spun his head back to stare at Cas at that. "You can't-"
"I can," Cas said, overriding Dean again. "And I do. You are... important to me, Dean. More important than any individual should be to an angel. But you are the brightest soul I have ever met, and I feel..." He trailed off, looking down for a moment before raising his gaze to hold Dean's again. "That is why you must go now. I will not be the instrument of your destruction."
"No," Dean said fiercely. "You're not going to drive me off by going all chick flick on me."
"Actually," Sam broke in, feeling a little giddy at actually having a solution, "the two of you 'going all chick flick' might just be all of our tickets out of here."
That got him both of their undivided attention. "Sam, what-" Dean began, but Sam wasn't going to let go of his momentum now. They didn't have time to deal with Dean getting all avoidant about his feelings now.
"Dean, this is important," he said, putting as much serious earnestness as he could into his voice and expression. "And it's not like I don't know already, but you have to acknowledge it for this to work."
"For what to work? Sam, I-"
"-need to shut up and listen," Sam finished for him. "Since we got here, you've been able to sense where Cas was when there was no way you should've been able to, right?" He saw Cas startle a little at that.
"Yeah, but-" Dean began, but Sam cut him right off again.
"And you and Cas somehow were able to contact each other not only between two dimensions, but through the barrier separating Purgatory and Earth. Which you shouldn't have been able to do. And then there's the trench coat."
Cas frowned in confusion and looked at Dean. "What about the trench coat?"
"Dean fished it out of the water when we thought the Leviathan exploded you," Sam replied while Dean fidgeted. "It's sorta become his security blanket since then. He even sleeps with it."
"It reminded me of you, okay?" Dean admitted when Cas just kept staring at him. "Even with you going full steam off the rails, I didn't want you to be gone. You're my friend, Cas, more than that, you're practically family and..." He took a deep breath and sighed. "And I guess that whole profound bond thing runs both ways because... yeah."
It wasn't exactly the most articulate declaration Sam had ever heard, but this was his brother they were talking about. And it seemed to be more than enough for Cas who was looking at Dean with nothing short of adoration. Dean was staring back and the two of them were leaning in ever so slightly closer to each other...
"Good," Sam said, and when that didn't get any reaction out of them, cleared his throat loudly, which caused Dean to snap his head around to glare at him. "You guys can make out like teenagers later," he continued before Dean could say anything. "Right now, we need to get out of here before the leviathan show. All of us."
"But Sam, I-"
Sam was getting good at cutting off arguments before they could waste time. "It's okay, Cas. Dean can bring you through with him. Profound bonds are good for something other than all that staring you two do at each other."
"You sure?" Dean looked hopeful but still seemed to be bracing himself for the worst.
"The amulets' power can be doubled when a 'heart's entwined with grace and love'," Sam quoted, then smiled. "I'm sure."
"Even if he's not, it's a chance, which is more than I had before," Cas said. "And we're running out of time, Sam is right."
As if to punctuate the statement, a roar was heard coming from above. It was still a distance away, but it was more than enough of a goad for them all that they had to get moving.
"It would probably be a good idea if you both were touching the amulet," Sam advised, wanting to give this every hope of success. "And each other."
Dean didn't argue, just took his amulet off and wrapped it about his and Cas' clasped hands. "Cas, I...." He didn't seem able to get out anything else though.
"I know," Cas replied. He gave one of those faint smiles that from anyone else would have been a wide beaming grin. "So do I."
It was perhaps the most inarticulate declaration of love Sam had ever heard, but it was probably also one of the most heartfelt. And it was going to be the thing that got them all home.
"Hang on, guys," Sam said, clasping his hand around his own amulet, and as an afterthought reaching out and taking Cas' other hand. He and the angel didn't share a 'profound bond' but maybe his amulet could help boost the signal anyway. He took a deep breath and began reciting the words that would activate the portal.
When it appeared, a black shimmering curtain in front of them, they all exchanged long looks with each other and then, as one, stepped through.
*****
They hit the ground hard, all three of them, a tangled heap of limbs and bodies. For a moment Dean just lay there, concentrating on breathing and relishing the fact that the ground all three of them were resting on was the dirt floor of the cabin cellar and not some purgatory equivalent of ground.
"Everyone okay?" Dean asked as he moved to untangle himself and sit up.
Sam muttered something incoherent but affirmative as he also struggled to get his Sasquatch body upright and Cas...
Cas didn't respond.
The relief Dean had felt when it became clear all three of them had made it through the portal was suddenly replaced with a cold knot of fear in the pit of his stomach as he realized that the angel was not only silent but limp and unresponsive.
"Cas?!" he called, as he scrambled to turn the angel over and check him out, looking for some sign, any sign that they hadn't just brought through an empty vessel.
But there was nothing. Castiel's body was as limp and heavy as an oversized doll, eyes closed, skin pale and cool. No breath, no heartbeat. An empty vessel seemed to be exactly what it was.
Dean found himself staring down at him, fear beginning to give way to numb disbelief. The pain he knew would come soon enough. To go through all of that and to still lose Cas... It was the ultimate in unfair.
"I don't understand," Sam said softly, from where he knelt on the other side of Castiel. "I was so sure... It should have worked."
Before Dean could reply, a shudder went through Castiel's body and he gave a sort of gasp before starting to breathe normally. Dazed blue eyes flickered open and focused on Dean's face. "Did we make it?" Cas asked.
Something snapped in Dean and feelings that up to now he barely acknowledged even to himself surged through him like water from a burst dam. There were only so many times he could take thinking he'd lost Cas only to get him back without it breaking everything wide open in him after all. They had apparently hit that magic number because the only way he could think to respond was to lean over and kiss Cas senseless. So he did.
For a long moment Cas didn't respond, but just as Dean was beginning to feel self conscious and awkward, Cas made a soft noise in the back of his throat and brought a hand up to tangle in Dean's short hair, holding him in place as Cas kissed him back with just as much fervor as Dean was kissing him. So much in fact that Dean felt his toes curl in reaction.
When they finally parted, Dean looked into those blue eyes and said the first thing that popped into his head. "Don't tell me you learned that from the pizza man."
"No, Dean," Cas replied with an honest to God smile. "I learned that from you."
Dean could practically feel the waves of happiness coming off the angel, and there was really only one way to respond to that so he kissed Cas again.
"Finally!" he heard Sam say. Dean flipped him off, but didn't stop kissing Cas.
"Uh, guys?" Sam said a minute or two later. "Much as I'm happy that you've finally moved past all the denial and inappropriate staring, I really don't need to watch you two make out like teenagers." Mouth still occupied, Dean flipped him off again. He heard Sam sigh. "Fine. Knock yourselves out. I'll be upstairs if you need me."
Cas was the one to pull back as Sam got up to leave. "Thank you for coming after me, Sam," he said, glancing back at Dean. "Both of you. After everything I did, I'm not sure I'm worth the risk you took, but I'm grateful."
"You're family, Cas," Sam said with a smile before Dean could reply. "That means you're worth the risk."
"What he said," Dean added, finding himself gripping Cas' arm. "We look out for our own. Get used to it."
Cas looked back and forth between them, then smiled faintly. "I shall endeavour to do so."
"Good," Dean said with a firm nod, something settling in his soul as if Cas was a piece of a jigsaw that just got snapped into place. Who knows? That was probably as good a metaphor as any for the situation.
"Dean?" Cas asked, breaking into his thoughts. "Can we make out like teenagers some more?"
FIN