[One-Shot] With Eyes Opened Wide
And I present... MARU'S PERSPECTIVE OF WITH EYES SHUT TIGHT! ^^ And I am :S because I hadn't planned this, and I really wanted it to be a one-shot (turned two-shot now -.-). But somehow, while I was editing this, PLOT BUNNIES RAN INTO MY MIND. And stayed there. (Why plot bunnies anyway. Maybe mine are plot puppies.) OH GAWD. T___T
Title: With Eyes Opened Wide
Disclaimer: None of the boys belong to me, and this is purely a work of fiction.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Nakamaru/Jin, Nakamaru/Ueda (with Jin/Kame)
Warnings: Slash, M/M sex, angst, swearing, OOC
Word count: ~7,700
Summary: Yuichi knows that Jin likes him. But he just doesn’t feel the same way about Jin. He tries to push Jin away, but Jin doesn’t let that happen. [Yuichi’s perspective of With Eyes Shut Tight.]
A/N: So I decided to write the Yuichi version of With Eyes Shut Tight (Jin’s perspective). And just in case anyone who read WEST is wondering, yes, this Yuichi version has a LOT more Maruda in this than there was Akame in WEST. Oh, and I'd suggest to read WEST first. ^^
Yuichi glanced at Tatsuya and smiled. They had just returned from their trip to Hokkaido, and he was staying over at Tatsuya’s for the night.
A few weeks ago, Tatsuya had confessed his feelings for him. Yuichi was initially shocked and resented the idea of having a relationship with another guy. Then he found that Tatsuya wasn’t just another guy, but the only guy he was turned on by. So he told Tatsuya how he felt and they became lovers. Things progressed quickly from there and they decided to escape from the hustle and bustle of the big city to have some alone time.
Being back where they belonged suddenly felt weird, even though they had not spent too many days in Hokkaido. But if anything, it only made Yuichi realize that he really liked spending time with Tatsuya, regardless of what they were doing. Even just sitting on a bench in the park was great, as long as he was with Tatsuya. Yuichi had never felt that way with anyone before, and was more than surprised when, of all people; it was only Tatsuya he felt it with.
Perhaps that was love.
+++
“Did you bring along the things we bought for the guys?”
Yuichi nodded, holding up the paper bag that contained the gifts they brought back from Hokkaido. “Yeah.”
Tatsuya smiled and hooked his arm with Yuichi’s as they walked towards the place where they were meeting their four other band-mates. It appeared that they were the first to arrive, so Tatsuya gave his name to the doorman as he was the one who placed the reservation.
Their band-mates Junno and Koki appeared one after another, and then Jin and Kame arrived together. Yuichi shot a smile at Jin, whom he had become sort of best friends with thanks to their frequent chats over the phone while Jin was studying overseas. Yuichi noticed that Jin smiled somewhat awkwardly back, and couldn’t help but wonder what was up with him.
All six of them said their hellos to each other, and once they were done with the courtesies, Junno looked at Yuichi and Tatsuya and asked, “How was your Hokkaido trip?”
“Hokkaido?” Jin echoed.
“Yeah! Nakamaru-kun and Uepi went to Hokkaido together last week!”
“Really, Tat-chan? You never told me,” Kame raised his brows at Tatsuya accusingly.
Yuichi didn’t know why, but he supposed it was a sub-conscious reaction because he and Tatsuya just turned to each other at the same time and smiled. A faint blush was creeping onto Tatsuya’s face, so Yuichi said to the rest, “It was a last-minute decision, actually.” Then he put his arm around Tatsuya’s waist, as if showing that Tatsuya belonged to him, and continued, “Tatsuya wanted to - Jin, are you alright?” Yuichi abruptly changed the topic upon noticing that Jin had gone pale.
The other four turned to look at Jin as well.
Jin went even paler. “Uh…”
“Your knuckles are really white,” Yuichi said, concerned.
“Oh! The chilli is really hot,” Jin said, pointing to the chilli sauce that came with the basket of fries. Kame passed him a glass of iced water, which he finished in a few gulps.
Yuichi looked at Jin until he finished the water, and figuring he should be okay, Yuichi continued telling the others about the interesting things he and Tatsuya saw during their Hokkaido trip. Tatsuya was leaning onto him as he spoke, one hand picking at fries in the basket, and the other smoothing out the creases in his pants. Or, at least, that was what Tatsuya was apparently trying to do. Yuichi tried to ignore Tatsuya’s hand stroking his thigh. But it was highly distracting.
When Yuichi finished recounting the more memorable parts of their trip, Tatsuya stopped disturbing him too. Yuichi glanced at him and then narrowed his eyes while making a face at Tatsuya, who playfully winked back at Yuichi.
Then Junno spoke up, and asked if anyone was up for pool. Koki immediately agreed, and Yuichi and Tatsuya followed suit. Junno looked to Kame, who told them to go ahead while he stayed with Jin, who did not appear to be in a good mood. The rest agreed, and they picked up their mugs of beer to head to an empty table that was quite far away from where they were sitting.
Yuichi noticed that Koki wasn’t with them, and turned back to see him lingering to talk to Kame. Wondering what they were talking about, Yuichi continued his way to the empty pool table when Tatsuya tugged on his hand.
“You know, if you don’t let go of each other’s hands, you guys can’t really play,” Junno teased, after they all set their mugs down and prepared to play.
Yuichi gazed at Tatsuya, who was blushing, and then he grinned and said to Junno, “Well, I guess you two can start first. We’ll take over in a while.”
Koki had just reached the table when Yuichi was saying that, so he raised his eyebrows at Yuichi. “Oh, I want to be in love too!” Koki said, and then held Junno’s hands and pretended to stare at him lovingly.
“Go to hell,” Junno said and swung his hands away. Koki gaped in shock, as Junno was usually the one told to go to hell.
Yuichi laughed, and Tatsuya chuckled. Then Tatsuya pulled his hand again and Yuichi followed him away as Junno and Koki made kissy faces at them.
Tatsuya pulled him past a door into a dark passageway that led to the bathrooms and pressed him against the wall as the door closed behind them.
“You’re so impatient tonight,” Yuichi said in a low voice.
“Mm, yes. Hearing you talk about our Hokkaido trip… It brings back memories.”
“I know,” Yuichi replied, then dipped his head and his lips met Tatsuya’s with ardour and eagerness. His tongue instantly pushed past their lips and entered Tatsuya’s mouth as Tatsuya, too, stuck his tongue into Yuichi’s.
Tatsuya rubbed against Yuichi, slipping his hands under Yuichi’s shirt to caress his bare skin. The touch was electrifying.
Yuichi dropped his hands to knead Tatsuya’s butt, pressing their lower bodies together even more closely while doing so.
“Yucchi,” Tatsuya rasped against Yuichi’s mouth, then they resumed tangling their tongues together.
Yuichi faintly heard the door opening and closing but ignored it, figuring that it was so dark in there that no one would bother about them even if they noticed them. Plus, it was a passageway separated from the main area, and it was shrouded in darkness. Surely people made out there all the time.
Yuichi moaned softly, thinking what they could have been doing if Tatsuya had dragged him into a stall in the gents’ instead.
“I know what’s going through your mind now because I’m thinking the same thing too. But it wouldn’t be too good to disappear so long, right?”
Yuichi skimmed his hands up Tatsuya’s back then glided them down again so they settled on the small of Tatsuya’s back. Then he sighed. “I wouldn’t have cared.”
Tatsuya grinned. “You’re so… indiscreet.”
“They will understand.”
“More like, they will figure out what exactly we have been doing in a public place and then we will be teased for our entire lives.”
“Can we at least stand here for a while more, then?”
Tatsuya nodded, and rested his hands on Yuichi’s shoulders. Then they stared at each other longingly.
That was, until Yuichi noticed Jin coming out of the gents’. “Jin?”
Tatsuya withdrew his hands from Yuichi and automatically stepped to the side.
“Yeah?” Jin said, acknowledging both of them.
“Are you okay?”
As if sensing a cue, Tatsuya said, “I’ll leave you guys to talk. It’s probably my turn to take over from Koki.” Then he smiled broadly at Yuichi and walked away.
Yuichi watched Tatsuya as he sauntered away, knowing that Tatsuya had probably understood that being one of Jin’s best friends, Yuichi was someone Jin was more likely to talk to, and that if Jin really wanted to talk, he would appreciate some privacy. Yuichi suppressed a smile. Tatsuya was always so thoughtful.
Then Yuichi turned back to Jin, who was staring at him so intently it scared him. “Uh… Jin?”
Jin broke the stare and looked away somewhat uncomfortably. “I’m fine, really.”
“You know, if you really have any problems, you can always come to me.”
“I don’t have any.” Jin’s tone was brusque, though after that he reached out and hit Yuichi’s head, which was a typical action by Jin so Yuichi didn’t find it annoying anymore.
Yuichi chuckled and patted Jin’s head. “Good boy.”
Jin looked angry as he swatted Yuichi’s hand away and sulked, “I’m going back to Kame now.”
Yuichi didn’t get a chance to reply because Jin stalked away immediately. He really hoped Jin was alright as he headed back to where Tatsuya and the other two guys were.
“How’s Jin?” Tatsuya asked softly as Yuichi returned to his side.
Yuichi shrugged. “He said he’s fine but he doesn’t seem fine to me.”
“Neither does he to me.”
Yuichi nodded. “But I can’t do anything either if he doesn’t want to talk.”
Tatsuya seemed to sense his frustration, and put a reassuring hand on Yuichi’s shoulder. “You’re the only one he confides in. If he needs help, he’ll definitely look for you.”
Yuichi smiled back to Tatsuya, “I hope so too,” he said, worried about Jin.
+++
“Tatsu, will you quit acting like that?”
“You were the one who started it, Nakamaru.”
“I started it? So, now what? We’re back on a last name basis just because I pulled out the chair for you like you’re my girlfriend, Ueda-kun?” Yuichi retorted.
Tatsuya glared at him. “You agreed that we were supposed to be equals!”
“Look, I’m really sorry but this entire GAY RELATIONSHIP thing is new to me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to treat you, okay?” Yuichi said, exasperated.
“What?” Tatsuya said indignantly. “It’s not like I’ve been doing it all my life either! You say that as if I’ve had tonnes of experience when you’re the only man I’ve ever dated!”
“I don’t see what’s wrong with what I did. And you know what? I can’t talk to you when you’re being so difficult.”
“I’m being difficult?” Tatsuya demanded, stepping nearer to Yuichi.
“Yes, and I’m not going to speak to you until you calm down.” Yuichi replied curtly, feeling irritated by both Tatsuya and himself.
Tatsuya opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it. He glowered at Yuichi threateningly, and flounced back into his room, leaving Yuichi standing alone in his living room.
Yuichi grimaced in frustration. It was their first real quarrel since they started dating and it just had to end in such a bad way. Knowing that Tatsuya probably wasn’t going to listen to him any time soon, Yuichi left his apartment and headed towards a bar. He needed a drink to cool down.
And he really hoped that making the decision to be with Tatsuya was not going to be something he would regret in the future.
+++
Yuichi walked into the bar he and Jin frequented. But he did not expect to see Jin sitting there alone and drinking so quickly. Yuichi noted that Jin barely took the time Yuichi entered the bar and walked to where he was, to finish a mug, order another one and was about to finish it soon again.
“Jin?” Yuichi said, as he stopped close to him. “Jin, you’re here alone?” He continued asking, as Jin did not reply, then sat in the barstool next to Jin.
Jin seemed to take a while to comprehend that Yuichi had just asked him a question, because he only nodded in response after a few seconds.
Yuichi thought Jin wouldn’t be in much of a talking mood, so he silently left him alone and called for a mug of beer himself.
Then Jin suddenly said, “You’re here alone too.”
“Yeah. I guess we’re somewhat in the same predicament?” Yuichi pointed to Jin’s beer.
“Perhaps.”
Then Yuichi raised his mug. “Cheers, then.”
Jin held up his own mug, which he had already finished half of, and clinked it with Yuichi’s full one.
Yuichi emptied his mug at one go, wondering if it would really help.
Jin suddenly spoke again, and it startled him a bit. “I suppose it’s my turn to ask if you’re alright?”
Yuichi temporarily pushed his own trouble aside, and managed to grin at Jin, “Funny, I never expected to hear something like that coming from you.”
“I, er, I’m not always a jerk, you know.”
“Of course you aren’t,” Yuichi smiled and smacked Jin’s head. “Bakanishi.”
“HEY!” Jin immediately snapped back and punched his arm.
“All right, all right,” Yuichi said, laughing in spite of himself.
Then both of them quietened down again, until Jin said, “I never knew you were… You know, the same as me.”
“Gay, you mean?” Yuichi said, with his brows furrowed.
Jin nodded.
Yuichi pondered for a bit, then said, “I don’t know if I really am either. So far, Tatsu’s the only guy who… attracts me.”
“Oh.”
“Funny how you’d bring that up today. We were just… quarrelling about that.” Yuichi admitted.
“Oh,” Jin said again, “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’ll probably be over in a day or two. I just needed some time alone to clear my head and sort out my thoughts.” Yuichi was pretty sure what he and Tatsuya shared was strong. They just needed to work harder. “And you?”
“Me?”
“You’re here alone, too. Doesn’t that kind of… say something?” Yuichi asked, wondering if Jin might open up today.
“I…” Yuichi saw that Jin appeared very hesitant. Perhaps he shouldn’t push him. But Jin continued, “I think I might be in love with someone else.”
Yuichi took a few seconds to make sense of what Jin said because he spoke really softly. Then, with a faint jolt, Yuichi asked, “You… what? And… Kame…?”
Jin shook his head. “He doesn’t know. In fact, I don’t even know myself. I mean, I know I still love Kazu. But… Fuck. Why am I telling you this anyway?”
Yuichi could see that Jin probably had a bigger problem than himself, so he put his hand reassuringly on Jin’s shoulder and said, “You can tell me anything you want. I’ll help you if I could. If not… I’ll just listen.”
But Jin brushed his hand away, “I can’t.”
Taken aback by Jin’s coldness, it was another few seconds before Yuichi replied. “Maybe I should leave you to your own thoughts, then?” He got up to leave, thinking that it might be better to leave Jin alone instead.
Yet Jin stopped him. “No! I mean… I don’t mean that. I just… I just can’t tell you about… this.”
Yuichi didn’t know what it was that Jin had so much difficulty with, but he settled back into his seat anyway, nodding. “Sure. I only wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here if you need someone.”
No one spoke again for a long time.
It was when Jin started ordering shot after shot when Yuichi finally decided that it was time to stop him. Jin was definitely drinking far too much for his own good. “Jin. You really shouldn’t be drinking anymore.”
“Go away,” Jin slurred.
Yuichi sighed. At the present moment, he didn’t think Jin was capable of even taking himself home. And he couldn’t leave him there either. So Yuichi settled the tab. Then he slung one of Jin’s arms around his shoulders, and steadied Jin by holding his side, and slowly exited the bar to flag a taxi.
Yuichi got one soon enough, and got into it with Jin. Halfway Jin started mumbling things Yuichi couldn’t decipher, and very naturally linked his fingers with Yuichi’s. Yuichi supposed Jin probably thought he was Kame, so he just let Jin hold his hand, figuring it wouldn’t hurt anyway.
Jin was unconscious all the way till they reached his apartment. And Yuichi had to haul him out of the taxi and assist him up. They stood in front of the door to Jin’s apartment, and Yuichi noticed that Jin seemed to be waking up a little, so he asked, “Jin, where are your keys?”
Jin looked at Yuichi as if he was speaking an alien language, “… Wha…?”
Yuichi repeated himself, “I said, where’re your keys?”
“Keys?” Jin echoed, then dug around in his pocket for his keys. He finally found them, and handed them to Yuichi.
Yuichi was just about to open the door when Jin’s arm slipped from his shoulders and Jin fell heavily to the floor. If there were any reason why Yuichi never let himself become drunk even if he drank, this would be it. He bent down to help Jin up.
What he did not expect was that Jin pulled his arm so forcefully that Yuichi lost his balance and fell on his knees, and was only glad he managed not to fall flat on Jin. It was just that the next moment Jin yanked on his arm again and this time Yuichi came even closer to falling sprawled on Jin. He was just about to get up when Jin suddenly stretched upwards and kissed him.
Yuichi didn’t take too long to recover from the shock. He jerked his arm out of Jin’s grip and got up. He saw that Jin seemed to have all his energy zapped out of him again because he just let his head fall heavily to the floor.
Yuichi did not know what had prompted Jin to do that, but he wasn’t going to do anything that would land him in that situation again. So Yuichi said, “Jin. Just… Can you get up?”
Jin’s eyes were closed, and Yuichi knew he wasn’t just unconscious again because his eyes were shut far too tightly that creases started to appear at the sides of his eyes.
“Jin… Please?” Yuichi tried again.
And then Jin’s cell rang.
“Jin, honestly, I’m going to leave. Now. Just… get yourself together.” He turned to leave, but was stopped by Jin.
“No! Wait! I’m sorry… Could you not leave… yet?”
Yuichi watched as Jin tried to get up on his feet. He didn’t exactly look like he could stand without help, but Yuichi wasn’t going near him again. Kissing and being kissed by Tatsuya was one thing, having other guys kiss him was another. Reluctantly, Yuichi said, “Alright.” Then he watched Jin’s face contort into a pained expression as he looked at his cell. “Go into your apartment to talk. I’ll be here.”
Once Yuichi said that, Jin hastily stumbled inside.
Yuichi leaned against the wall and wondered why he was still there. Jin was one of his best friends, and like Tatsuya had said, Yuichi was probably the only person Jin would confide all his secrets with. So was Yuichi staying on because he was obliged to? Because he knew that he was the only one who could even help Jin?
Yuichi felt even more troubled than he originally was when he had left Tatsuya and gone to drink. It appeared that a lot of things had just grown more complicated. He recalled what Jin had said back at the bar. Jin had said that he thought he might be in love with someone else. A sudden realization came over Yuichi. What if Jin had been referring to him?
Yuichi didn’t know what to think. Not only had things become more complicated, now he was involved in the complication. Just as he started thinking about what he should do about it, Jin reappeared in his doorway.
“If you’re alright, I guess I’ll get going.” Yuichi deadpanned.
“I suppose I am… But…”
The chances of Jin not referring to him earlier suddenly seemed impossibly low. “Jin, I expect you’ll know the answer to whatever question you want to ask me.”
Jin reached out to grab Yuichi’s hand as Yuichi started to walk away. Yuichi sighed. He was now absolutely sure that Jin had been referring to him. “Jin.”
“Just one kiss? Please? Yucchi?”
Yuichi had no idea how he got into this mess. But what made him worry more was how he was going to get out of it. “Jin, I think you had a drop too much.” he said curtly and pushed Jin’s hand away. “Go inside now.”
Then, without turning back, Yuichi walked away from Jin.
The elevator came almost immediately, and Yuichi stepped into it gratefully. His life had always been so peaceful and somewhat normal. Now he was in love with one guy and there was another - attached - guy in love with him. Yuichi would have very much liked to go back to Tatsuya’s and hold him in his arms and kiss him and pretend nothing happened. But Tatsuya was probably still fuming.
So Yuichi headed back to his own apartment. People went drinking to relieve their stress, he returned from drinking only to feel more stressed.
+++
Yuichi’s cell rang. And though he expected it might be Jin, he was still rather dismayed when he saw that it really was Jin. He pressed the Answer button reluctantly.
“Yucchi? I need to talk to you. Do you suppose we could have lunch together?” Jin asked.
Yuichi rubbed his temples. “I was supposed to…” He was planning to go to the florist to pick up a bouquet for Tatsuya initially, then supposed he could still make some time to meet Jin. “Oh, never mind. Yes, sure, just give me a time and a place.”
After hanging up, Yuichi continued with his own work for a while more before heading out to get flowers. He hoped Tatsuya wouldn’t say something like how flowers should be given by a man to a woman because Yuichi knew that would just be a retarded excuse. Anyone could give flowers. And so that was what he was going to do.
Leaving the flowers in the backseat because Yuichi knew he wouldn’t be gone for long, he got out of his car and entered the café Jin had told him he would be at. Jin was already there when he walked in.
Jin waved to Yuichi, so he nodded and moved toward where Jin was. Yuichi had barely got himself seated when Jin said, “I’m sorry.”
Shaking his head, Yuichi said, “Nah, don’t worry about it. You were drunk.”
“Yeah… I was… drunk.” Jin said hesitantly.
“Just forget about it, okay?”
Jin nodded quickly. “Yes, of course.”
Yuichi ate quickly, so he was out of the café in a while. He didn’t want to give Jin any more hopes that anything might even be possible between them, because he knew for a fact that nothing would ever be.
+++
Two weeks had come and gone. Yuichi and Tatsuya had long patched things up. But it seemed that Jin had not solved his problem yet, because when Yuichi received his call, Jin sounded no less than desperate.
“I need to see you.”
“Where?” Yuichi asked. It seemed that Jin was not planning to give up on him anytime soon.
“The same bar,” Jin replied.
“I’ll be there when I’m done with my stuff.” Yuichi figured that would be quite late, but he supposed Jin would wait if he really were so desperate.
“You… You will appear, right?”
“I will.” Yuichi reassured him.
“Okay. See you.”
“Yeah,” and Yuichi hung up.
“Who is it?” Tatsuya asked, appearing behind Yuichi and wrapping his arms around him.
Yuichi removed Tatsuya’s grip on him so he could turn around and face him. Then he put Tatsuya’s hands on his butt. “Jin,” he said.
“Oh? Is he alright? He looked really bad when he had that high fever. Poor thing.”
Yuichi had heard about it, but while the rest of their band-mates had gone to visit Jin, including Tatsuya, Yuichi had not. “He sounds okay, but he asked me out for drinks tonight.”
Tatsuya frowned. “Tonight?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably leave earlier, if you don’t mind. They’re all your friends, anyway.” Yuichi was going with Tatsuya to one of his friend’s birthday party, which was a costume party.
Tatsuya nodded, “Okay then. Will you be coming back here after that?”
“I guess I’ll go home,” Yuichi said, referring to his own apartment. “You’ll be very late anyway, right?”
“Probably.”
Yuichi nodded. “Are you ready now?”
“Yes. And your jeans are killing me.”
Yuichi glanced down at his outfit that Tatsuya had picked out for him and insisted he wear. He was wearing a plain white fitting t-shirt, with a leather jacket on top. And for bottoms, he was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that was way too tight. “You made me wear it.”
“Yes, because you didn’t want to wear anything else I picked.” Tatsuya was wearing a more elaborate outfit and looked exactly like a J-rocker. Yuichi didn’t want to look so exaggerated, so Tatsuya had to choose something that was subtler but could still have Yuichi look matching with him.
Thick eyeliner was one of the final touches Tatsuya did to Yuichi. And he completed Yuichi’s look by styling his brown hair and sticking a pair of sunglasses in it. Yuichi thought he looked weird, but since Tatsuya maintained that he didn’t, Yuichi didn’t disagree anymore.
“So? What do you want to do?” Yuichi said.
“I’m just afraid I won’t be able to take my hands off you later on.”
Yuichi grinned. “I wouldn’t mind terribly if that happens, though.”
“I hate you.”
“Good, because I hate you too. This thing is so bloody tight it makes me scared to go out with you.”
“Why?” Tatsuya asked, clearly not getting the meaning of what Yuichi was trying to say.
“Because the whole world is going to know when I feel like fucking you senseless or something. Which is pretty damn bad because I feel like doing that all the time I’m with you.”
Tatsuya glanced at Yuichi’s jeans again and laughed. “I’m sorry then, you’ll have to practise some self-control and self-restraint.”
“Why must I when you get away so easily?” Yuichi groused, and pouted at Tatsuya.
+++
Yuichi wiped the eyeliner off as much as he could. When he was finally satisfied that he didn’t look as eye-catching as he initially was, he stepped out of his car and went into the bar to look for Jin. His jeans were starting to make him feel uncomfortable as they earned him many stares, most of them from men. Cursing Tatsuya for making him wear them again, Yuichi quickly made his way through the crowd.
Then he spotted Jin, who appeared to be surrounded by some thuggish-looking men. Yuichi’s first thought was, shit, what had that idiot got himself into again. As he neared them, he realized that there was also a girl in the midst. And Jin looked drunk and he seemed to have lost his sense of balance. Putting two and two together, Yuichi figured Jin had to have accidentally either knocked into the girl or fell onto her, or something like that.
Quickening his pace, Yuichi hurried towards Jin before any fight could break out.
“So how did my boyfriend offend you?”
“He tr- what?” The man who appeared to be threatening Jin released him abruptly with a start.
Yuichi quickly ducked through the gaps in between all the men and stood beside Jin, extending his arm around Jin’s waist to support him as he did so.
“Your boyfriend?” The man laughed. “Honestly, I’ve seen these acts too many times. Guys, let’s-”
“He doesn’t believe,” Yuichi said in mock-amusement to Jin. Since he had already started this act, he had to stick with it.
Yuichi tried not to, but he noticed that Jin’s eyes were glazing over. Shit, I really shouldn’t have worn these pants.
“Where have you been?” Jin’s voice was hoarse and Yuichi swore he would somehow get back at Tatsuya for making him wear this ridiculous pair of skinny jeans.
Watching the men who surrounded them from the corner of his eyes, Yuichi replied, “Bloody costume party. My friend’s birthday.” It was actually Tatsuya’s friend but it wasn’t an important point. And the men were still shooting menacing looks at them.
“Fucking hell, you-” Jin had just started saying.
But Yuichi cut him off by locking their lips together. He had only seen two ways out of this, one was to prove to those men that Jin was really gay and had no interest in whoever’s girlfriend, the other was to run for their lives and pray that they wouldn’t get caught. The latter seemed highly impossible to accomplish. So Yuichi opted for the former. And there didn’t seem to be many ways to prove it, so he acted on instinct, leaning towards Jin and kissing him square on the lips. Yuichi’s hands spontaneously slid down to hold Jin’s butt, because he was too used to doing that with Tatsuya, and he didn’t even realize it.
Jin had taken the opportunity to probe his tongue into Yuichi’s mouth and Yuichi let him, though he didn’t do the same. It didn’t seem like Jin minded, though, because he was kissing Yuichi with such fervour that Yuichi was somehow drawn into it as well. He resisted the impulse to let his tongue into Jin’s mouth as Jin moved his hands to cup the back of Yuichi’s head. Jin was aroused, and Yuichi could feel it very plainly against him.
Knowing that they had to stop, Yuichi gently pushed Jin away. The men were also gone. He saw Jin falter. “They’re gone,” Yuichi said.
“Huh?” Jin had obviously already lost himself after that kiss.
“The people who wanted to beat you up,” Yuichi deadpanned. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Sorry about that. I couldn’t think of another way to get out of this so easily.” And now he regretted doing it. Before Jin could respond, Yuichi quickly continued, “We’d better not stay here any longer, in case they return.”
Jin didn’t say anything, and appeared to be still in a daze, so Yuichi quickly picked up his tab - again - and dragged Jin out of the bar. He led Jin to his car, and dumped him in the passenger seat, and got into the driver seat himself. Yuichi was glad he had ended up not drinking anything, so he could drive his car back.
Yuichi could feel Jin’s eyes on him as he drove. But he ignored it, until Jin started, “Yucchi, I…”
Yuichi sighed, knowing where it would lead again.
“Is there no chance at all?”
“I’m sorry,” Yuichi said, because it was the only thing he could say.
“Stop fucking saying sorry! For one, I bloody hell enjoyed kissing you and if anyone should be apologizing, it would be me!” Jin spat.
“Jin, look, I know you like me, but-” Yuichi tried to say.
“Like you? I LIKE you? Right. I like you. So damn bloody much I fucking started pining until I almost died from that ridiculous high fever.”
Yuichi let his jaw drop a little in shock. “You… Because of… me?” Jin fell sick because he missed him too much? The idea dumbfounded Yuichi.
“I… You weren’t supposed to know that.” Jin said, in a softer voice.
Yuichi couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Yucchi, if not for Kame and Tat-chan, would you-”
Now that Jin brought up Tatsuya and Kame, Yuichi said, “Jin, this has nothing to do with them. I just don’t… like you in that way.”
Then neither spoke till the end of the journey.
Yuichi walked Jin to his door since he saw that Jin still looked kind of woozy. And then Jin invited him in. Thinking Jin might want to sort things out with him, Yuichi accepted his invitation, and quickly added, “Don’t think too much, I’m only here because I think we really need to get things straight. It won’t be good for… all of us if we don’t settle this now.”
Jin nodded. “That was my initial purpose in asking you out tonight.” Then Jin pointed to his three-seater couch in the middle of his living room and asked Yuichi to take a seat. Yuichi did, and then Jin offered him a beer, which he also took. Jin sat down in the opposite end of the couch. “Your outfit today… is really nice.”
Yuichi suppressed a sigh. Of course Jin would like it. “Thanks.”
For another few moments no one spoke.
Then Yuichi started, “I-”
“I promise,” Jin cut him off, “That after tonight I will stop being hung up over you. I will do whatever it takes for me to stop obsessing over you.” Yuichi turned to face Jin when he felt Jin’s eyes on him again. “After tonight.”
Yuichi frowned, puzzled. Why the hell was Jin placing so much emphasis on “after tonight”? He wanted to ask, but Jin spoke again.
“Forgive me for doing this.” Jin said.
Yuichi was even more confused. But he wasn’t for long, because Jin leapt towards him and pinned him down to the couch with his weight, while attaching his lips to Yuichi’s. Yuichi should have seen it coming, but somehow it just had not occurred to him that Jin would do that. Despite Jin’s tongue continuously pushing against his lips, Yuichi kept his mouth shut.
Jin ran his hands over Yuichi’s leather jacket, then placed his hands on the sides of Yuichi’s face, obviously undeterred by the lack of response on Yuichi’s side.
Yuichi knew that if he didn’t push Jin away and leave right then, he would probably do something he would regret for the rest of his life. And, he would also be doing a big wrong to Tatsuya. Yuichi tried to ask himself if it would be worth it, but he had no answer.
Yuichi relented. He didn’t know why, but he did. Surrendering to Jin’s advances with a sigh, he let Jin’s tongue enter his mouth. Reaching around Jin to put his hands on the small of his back, Yuichi kissed him back, his tongue found Jin’s and lapped against each other hungrily.
Yuichi would be deceiving himself if he said that he wasn’t the least bit turned on by Jin. In fact, he was starting to believe that he did prefer guys to girls. Granted Jin wasn’t just any random man on the streets, but one of the most wanted guys, as proven by the fans of their band, since Jin was arguably the most popular one out of the six of them.
Their noses were squashed together as Jin tried to get deeper and Yuichi was starting to get afraid. This was definitely going overboard, but Yuichi hadn’t yet made any move to stop it.
Then Jin’s hands were suddenly on his belt buckle. Yuichi grabbed Jin’s hands and stopped him, mouthing “No” against his mouth. Jin appeared to have some idea of sorts, because he suddenly shifted around until he was kneeling on the couch, with Yuichi’s legs trapped between his spread ones. Then Jin lowered himself so their bodies stuck together and Jin’s erection rubbed against Yuichi’s stomach. They weren’t kissing then, and Jin panted against Yuichi’s face and undid his own jeans while grasping Yuichi’s hand.
Yuichi yanked his hand out of Jin’s immediately. “No.” A bit of kissing and frottage was already a lot.
“But-”
“Jin.” Yuichi was already struggling with himself, and whatever Jin was doing and wanted to do to him wasn’t going to help at all.
Jin sighed and nodded. “Can you… take off your jacket?”
Yuichi did, figuring if Jin really wanted to touch him that much then he would just allow him. Yuichi didn’t move as Jin trailed his fingers along his face. But that touch ignited small tingles in his skin and Yuichi knew he was getting turned on very rapidly.
Jin cupped his chin, and was about to kiss him again when Yuichi turned his head away. Jin paused midway, his lips already very close to Yuichi’s. “Are you really that unwilling?”
Yuichi didn’t answer. Physically he knew he wasn’t, but logically he knew he should be. After all, this was Jin. Not Tatsuya. Infidelity aside, he was then only physically attracted to Jin. If he were thinking straight, he would have left right away before it progressed any further. But perhaps the lust was controlling his mind.
Jin got off Yuichi and stood in front of him for a moment, running his eyes over his entire body. Then he rasped, “You really shouldn’t have come to look for me in those jeans.” Jin pushed Yuichi until he laid flat on the couch.
Yuichi shut his eyes, as he had some inner battle of sorts. When he opened his eyes again, Jin’s face was right above his. “I really don’t know why I’m here.” Yuichi confessed.
Jin hit his head lightly. “You don’t need to.”
“After tonight,” Yuichi said, staring straight into Jin’s eyes. Yuichi did not want to acknowledge the fact that he was giving in to such a physical want. Apparently lust really could ruin a person.
Jin nodded, “I promise.”
Yuichi sighed again. “I must be out of my mind.”
“You won’t regret this.”
Yuichi looked at Jin, and for a moment saw him as Tatsuya. The illusion sent a thrilled shiver through his body before Yuichi remembered that he was really looking at Jin. Feeling like a jerk, Yuichi closed his eyes. Oh, fuck it. I’m sorry, Tatsu.
Jin stroked his face, and knelt on the couch, his knees on either side of Yuichi.
The next thing Yuichi knew was Jin licking his lips, then he used his tongue to separate Yuichi’s lips before entering his mouth again. Yuichi responded to Jin’s kiss right away, first nibbling on Jin’s lips, then going on to tangle his tongue with Jin’s. Jin slid his hands under Yuichi’s body-hugging white t-shirt and slowly pushed it up until it was gathered at the top of Yuichi’s chest. He caressed every inch of the exposed skin, and Yuichi almost groaned at the gentle touch. Yuichi slung his arms around Jin’s neck as they continued kissing.
When Jin started to draw circles around Yuichi’s nipple with his thumb, Yuichi couldn’t help but moan against Jin’s lips. Then Jin suddenly broke the kiss and Yuichi stretched up in an attempt to continue the kiss. But Jin murmured, “Wait… Your shirt.”
Yuichi cursed under his breath and let go of Jin so Jin could pull off his tee. It was soon out of the way, so Yuichi started to take off Jin’s shirt. It wasn’t an easy task, because there were so many buttons Yuichi didn’t understand what was in the designer’s mind when he designed that shirt. In addition, Jin was trailing kisses down his body, which distracted Yuichi even more. “I hate buttons,” Yuichi grumbled.
Jin chuckled, and it sent a puff of warm breath down Yuichi’s neck, tickling him. Yuichi squirmed and decided that the shirt was taking up too much of his time, so he changed his focus to removing Jin’s pants. As Jin had already undone the button just now, Yuichi only had half the work left. He deftly pulled down the zipper, and pulled down Jin’s pants.
Yuichi raised his brows as he realized that Jin wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “No boxers?” Yuichi said, and then wrapped his fingers around Jin’s cock and squeezed lightly.
Jin gasped.
Yuichi stretched out his other hand to grab Jin’s bare arse, muttering, “Your couch is damn uncomfortable,” as he did.
“B… Bedroom…” Jin stuttered.
“Excellent,” Yuichi had been waiting for that. He sat up immediately and made Jin get off the couch.
They took a few steps towards Jin’s room, and Jin’s pants were already left in a heap on the floor. Yuichi guided Jin backwards until he was pressed against the wall next to the door to Jin’s bedroom. Then he tore Jin’s shirt off, hearing the buttons pop off and scatter on the floor. Jin didn’t say a word, so Yuichi supposed he couldn’t be bothered as well. Then Yuichi dropped on his knees in front of Jin.
Looking up to see Jin’s expression, Yuichi stuck out his tongue and flicked it across the tip of Jin’s cock. Jin groaned, and Yuichi slowly licked his entire length before taking it into his mouth. Yuichi’s hands massaged Jin’s butt as he sucked leisurely on his cock. For a few moments, Yuichi concentrated on the fineness in front of his face and forgot to take in Jin’s expression. Then Jin thrust into Yuichi. He pulled back instantly so he wouldn’t gag, and his teeth almost scraped Jin’s cock in his haste. Yuichi paused momentarily, then continued sucking. Jin was very hard and Yuichi pushed his own limits by taking more of him into his mouth.
“Yucchi, I-”
Yuichi swallowed once.
The next moment Jin cried out and with a shudder, came in Yuichi’s mouth. Yuichi swallowed again, and most of it went down his throat though some dribbled out the corners of his mouth. Releasing Jin from his mouth, Yuichi licked his lips and trailed kisses all the way up Jin’s belly as he got to his feet. Jin straightaway sagged against Yuichi, spent from his orgasm.
Yuichi half-carried and half-dragged Jin, who was taller and heavier than him, into his room. Laying Jin down on his bed, Yuichi carefully removed his own jeans. His cock was already aching from the lack of touch, and he knew it wouldn’t take much for him to come as well. His subconscious mind told him that if it were Tatsuya, he would never have let that happen. Yuichi ignored the thought and lay down next to Jin. He was about to take care of himself when he suddenly felt Jin’s piercing gaze on him.
“Yucchi...” Jin’s tone was wanting, and his expression clearly conveyed a message to Yuichi. Jin wanted Yuichi to fuck him.
Yuichi got on his knees again and knelt between Jin’s spread legs. He inclined his head to kiss Jin, and said, “You sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Alright,” Yuichi closed his lips around Jin’s, and kissed him with ardour.
Yuichi supposed this might be the only time where he could be in control of Jin, for Jin was usually the one ordering him around and telling him to do this and that and of course, bullying him. So, since he was already here and he was going to fuck him, he might as well enjoy it.
Jin handed a tube of lube to Yuichi and he took it while nipping Jin’s lips. Yuichi opened the tube and smeared the lube on his fingers. “Strawberry,” he noted. Then, slowly, Yuichi pushed two fingers into Jin’s hole, and Jin cried out in surprise. Yuichi wanted to ask Jin if it hurt but Jin looked delirious, and started arching against him. Jin’s arching movement made their cocks rub together, and the friction almost made him come. Yuichi withdrew his fingers from Jin’s arse and stopped kissing him. Then he moved slowly towards Jin until the tip of his cock touched Jin’s hole. Yuichi breathed heavily, desperate to fuck Jin before it was too late.
Yuichi pushed hard into Jin, whose tightness almost made him come. He continued thrusting into Jin, and Jin whimpered, “Don’t… stop…” Yuichi couldn’t find the extra strength to say anything, so he didn’t. He thrust deeper into Jin each time, not knowing how he had amazingly managed to hold back and not come yet.
Jin’s legs were booked over Yuichi’s shoulders as he started rocking in sync with Yuichi’s movements.
“Jin… I think…” Yuichi started.
“Yucchi, just- OH, FUCK!”
Yuichi guessed he hit Jin’s prostate or something, but he got his own share of pleasure too because the next moment he came inside Jin. His come spilled out of Jin’s arse and onto the sheets, but he hardly cared because he slid out of Jin and collapsed onto him.
They did not speak for the next few minutes, until Yuichi realized that Jin was hard again. He smiled against Jin’s neck, and whispered into his ear, “You’re hard again.”
“Yes,” Jin said simply.
Yuichi didn’t know why but that word somehow made him excited. He lapped at Jin’s lips leisurely as he closed his hand around Jin’s erection again.
A few moments later, Yuichi noticed that Jin was crying. “Fuck,” was all he said.
Yuichi knew what Jin was thinking; that this was the end. “After tonight” was ending. He licked Jin’s hot tears away and planted a light kiss on his lips. He was still squeezing Jin, and it wasn’t long before Jin came again. After that he was too tired to move, so Yuichi shifted his position until he was lying next to Jin. He kissed Jin again, and Jin managed a weak smile against his lips.
“Good night, Jin.” Yuichi said.
“Good night, Yucchi.” Jin’s voice still trembled slightly, though Yuichi knew he was trying very hard not to let it show.
Then Jin rolled onto his side and took Yuichi into his arms. Jin looked at Yuichi in the dim light that came from the bedside lamp, and Yuichi gazed back into his eyes.
“I-”
Yuichi put his finger on Jin’s lips, effectively shushing him. “Just sleep, Jin,” he said softly.
Jin closed his eyes and kissed Yuichi again.
Yuichi knew it was the end, and it filled him with regret and remorse. He watched Jin until Jin fell asleep, emitting soft snores.
Things could have happened differently if Jin did not go overseas. But if Jin hadn’t left, all these wouldn’t have happened at all. It might have been different, vastly different. But it had to be like that. Yuichi gazed at Jin, who was hugging him so tightly Yuichi knew he was in denial. He would have liked things to be different, if it would cause Jin less agony. But Yuichi knew that he only had space for one man in his heart. And that man wasn’t Jin.
After tonight… The words rang in Yuichi’s mind again. Sorry, Jin. It can only end this way.
-END-
I feel evil. Not only to Jin, but to Ueda-kun too. (In this fic, I mean. Duh. LOL.) KSFHJSFHJKFHSFJSH I think I just made myself hate Maru. ^^"
Comments, prease? My readers? However few of you there might be? ^^ I really appreciate your comments~ :D
AND OH YEAH BTW. OMG MARU HAS A NEW DORAMA. KSFHJSFHSFJHSFJKHFSJ! *FLAILS FOR KAZILLION YEARS* KOALA IS DARLING♥♥♥
Title: With Eyes Opened Wide
Disclaimer: None of the boys belong to me, and this is purely a work of fiction.
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Nakamaru/Jin, Nakamaru/Ueda (with Jin/Kame)
Warnings: Slash, M/M sex, angst, swearing, OOC
Word count: ~7,700
Summary: Yuichi knows that Jin likes him. But he just doesn’t feel the same way about Jin. He tries to push Jin away, but Jin doesn’t let that happen. [Yuichi’s perspective of With Eyes Shut Tight.]
A/N: So I decided to write the Yuichi version of With Eyes Shut Tight (Jin’s perspective). And just in case anyone who read WEST is wondering, yes, this Yuichi version has a LOT more Maruda in this than there was Akame in WEST. Oh, and I'd suggest to read WEST first. ^^
Yuichi glanced at Tatsuya and smiled. They had just returned from their trip to Hokkaido, and he was staying over at Tatsuya’s for the night.
A few weeks ago, Tatsuya had confessed his feelings for him. Yuichi was initially shocked and resented the idea of having a relationship with another guy. Then he found that Tatsuya wasn’t just another guy, but the only guy he was turned on by. So he told Tatsuya how he felt and they became lovers. Things progressed quickly from there and they decided to escape from the hustle and bustle of the big city to have some alone time.
Being back where they belonged suddenly felt weird, even though they had not spent too many days in Hokkaido. But if anything, it only made Yuichi realize that he really liked spending time with Tatsuya, regardless of what they were doing. Even just sitting on a bench in the park was great, as long as he was with Tatsuya. Yuichi had never felt that way with anyone before, and was more than surprised when, of all people; it was only Tatsuya he felt it with.
Perhaps that was love.
+++
“Did you bring along the things we bought for the guys?”
Yuichi nodded, holding up the paper bag that contained the gifts they brought back from Hokkaido. “Yeah.”
Tatsuya smiled and hooked his arm with Yuichi’s as they walked towards the place where they were meeting their four other band-mates. It appeared that they were the first to arrive, so Tatsuya gave his name to the doorman as he was the one who placed the reservation.
Their band-mates Junno and Koki appeared one after another, and then Jin and Kame arrived together. Yuichi shot a smile at Jin, whom he had become sort of best friends with thanks to their frequent chats over the phone while Jin was studying overseas. Yuichi noticed that Jin smiled somewhat awkwardly back, and couldn’t help but wonder what was up with him.
All six of them said their hellos to each other, and once they were done with the courtesies, Junno looked at Yuichi and Tatsuya and asked, “How was your Hokkaido trip?”
“Hokkaido?” Jin echoed.
“Yeah! Nakamaru-kun and Uepi went to Hokkaido together last week!”
“Really, Tat-chan? You never told me,” Kame raised his brows at Tatsuya accusingly.
Yuichi didn’t know why, but he supposed it was a sub-conscious reaction because he and Tatsuya just turned to each other at the same time and smiled. A faint blush was creeping onto Tatsuya’s face, so Yuichi said to the rest, “It was a last-minute decision, actually.” Then he put his arm around Tatsuya’s waist, as if showing that Tatsuya belonged to him, and continued, “Tatsuya wanted to - Jin, are you alright?” Yuichi abruptly changed the topic upon noticing that Jin had gone pale.
The other four turned to look at Jin as well.
Jin went even paler. “Uh…”
“Your knuckles are really white,” Yuichi said, concerned.
“Oh! The chilli is really hot,” Jin said, pointing to the chilli sauce that came with the basket of fries. Kame passed him a glass of iced water, which he finished in a few gulps.
Yuichi looked at Jin until he finished the water, and figuring he should be okay, Yuichi continued telling the others about the interesting things he and Tatsuya saw during their Hokkaido trip. Tatsuya was leaning onto him as he spoke, one hand picking at fries in the basket, and the other smoothing out the creases in his pants. Or, at least, that was what Tatsuya was apparently trying to do. Yuichi tried to ignore Tatsuya’s hand stroking his thigh. But it was highly distracting.
When Yuichi finished recounting the more memorable parts of their trip, Tatsuya stopped disturbing him too. Yuichi glanced at him and then narrowed his eyes while making a face at Tatsuya, who playfully winked back at Yuichi.
Then Junno spoke up, and asked if anyone was up for pool. Koki immediately agreed, and Yuichi and Tatsuya followed suit. Junno looked to Kame, who told them to go ahead while he stayed with Jin, who did not appear to be in a good mood. The rest agreed, and they picked up their mugs of beer to head to an empty table that was quite far away from where they were sitting.
Yuichi noticed that Koki wasn’t with them, and turned back to see him lingering to talk to Kame. Wondering what they were talking about, Yuichi continued his way to the empty pool table when Tatsuya tugged on his hand.
“You know, if you don’t let go of each other’s hands, you guys can’t really play,” Junno teased, after they all set their mugs down and prepared to play.
Yuichi gazed at Tatsuya, who was blushing, and then he grinned and said to Junno, “Well, I guess you two can start first. We’ll take over in a while.”
Koki had just reached the table when Yuichi was saying that, so he raised his eyebrows at Yuichi. “Oh, I want to be in love too!” Koki said, and then held Junno’s hands and pretended to stare at him lovingly.
“Go to hell,” Junno said and swung his hands away. Koki gaped in shock, as Junno was usually the one told to go to hell.
Yuichi laughed, and Tatsuya chuckled. Then Tatsuya pulled his hand again and Yuichi followed him away as Junno and Koki made kissy faces at them.
Tatsuya pulled him past a door into a dark passageway that led to the bathrooms and pressed him against the wall as the door closed behind them.
“You’re so impatient tonight,” Yuichi said in a low voice.
“Mm, yes. Hearing you talk about our Hokkaido trip… It brings back memories.”
“I know,” Yuichi replied, then dipped his head and his lips met Tatsuya’s with ardour and eagerness. His tongue instantly pushed past their lips and entered Tatsuya’s mouth as Tatsuya, too, stuck his tongue into Yuichi’s.
Tatsuya rubbed against Yuichi, slipping his hands under Yuichi’s shirt to caress his bare skin. The touch was electrifying.
Yuichi dropped his hands to knead Tatsuya’s butt, pressing their lower bodies together even more closely while doing so.
“Yucchi,” Tatsuya rasped against Yuichi’s mouth, then they resumed tangling their tongues together.
Yuichi faintly heard the door opening and closing but ignored it, figuring that it was so dark in there that no one would bother about them even if they noticed them. Plus, it was a passageway separated from the main area, and it was shrouded in darkness. Surely people made out there all the time.
Yuichi moaned softly, thinking what they could have been doing if Tatsuya had dragged him into a stall in the gents’ instead.
“I know what’s going through your mind now because I’m thinking the same thing too. But it wouldn’t be too good to disappear so long, right?”
Yuichi skimmed his hands up Tatsuya’s back then glided them down again so they settled on the small of Tatsuya’s back. Then he sighed. “I wouldn’t have cared.”
Tatsuya grinned. “You’re so… indiscreet.”
“They will understand.”
“More like, they will figure out what exactly we have been doing in a public place and then we will be teased for our entire lives.”
“Can we at least stand here for a while more, then?”
Tatsuya nodded, and rested his hands on Yuichi’s shoulders. Then they stared at each other longingly.
That was, until Yuichi noticed Jin coming out of the gents’. “Jin?”
Tatsuya withdrew his hands from Yuichi and automatically stepped to the side.
“Yeah?” Jin said, acknowledging both of them.
“Are you okay?”
As if sensing a cue, Tatsuya said, “I’ll leave you guys to talk. It’s probably my turn to take over from Koki.” Then he smiled broadly at Yuichi and walked away.
Yuichi watched Tatsuya as he sauntered away, knowing that Tatsuya had probably understood that being one of Jin’s best friends, Yuichi was someone Jin was more likely to talk to, and that if Jin really wanted to talk, he would appreciate some privacy. Yuichi suppressed a smile. Tatsuya was always so thoughtful.
Then Yuichi turned back to Jin, who was staring at him so intently it scared him. “Uh… Jin?”
Jin broke the stare and looked away somewhat uncomfortably. “I’m fine, really.”
“You know, if you really have any problems, you can always come to me.”
“I don’t have any.” Jin’s tone was brusque, though after that he reached out and hit Yuichi’s head, which was a typical action by Jin so Yuichi didn’t find it annoying anymore.
Yuichi chuckled and patted Jin’s head. “Good boy.”
Jin looked angry as he swatted Yuichi’s hand away and sulked, “I’m going back to Kame now.”
Yuichi didn’t get a chance to reply because Jin stalked away immediately. He really hoped Jin was alright as he headed back to where Tatsuya and the other two guys were.
“How’s Jin?” Tatsuya asked softly as Yuichi returned to his side.
Yuichi shrugged. “He said he’s fine but he doesn’t seem fine to me.”
“Neither does he to me.”
Yuichi nodded. “But I can’t do anything either if he doesn’t want to talk.”
Tatsuya seemed to sense his frustration, and put a reassuring hand on Yuichi’s shoulder. “You’re the only one he confides in. If he needs help, he’ll definitely look for you.”
Yuichi smiled back to Tatsuya, “I hope so too,” he said, worried about Jin.
+++
“Tatsu, will you quit acting like that?”
“You were the one who started it, Nakamaru.”
“I started it? So, now what? We’re back on a last name basis just because I pulled out the chair for you like you’re my girlfriend, Ueda-kun?” Yuichi retorted.
Tatsuya glared at him. “You agreed that we were supposed to be equals!”
“Look, I’m really sorry but this entire GAY RELATIONSHIP thing is new to me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to treat you, okay?” Yuichi said, exasperated.
“What?” Tatsuya said indignantly. “It’s not like I’ve been doing it all my life either! You say that as if I’ve had tonnes of experience when you’re the only man I’ve ever dated!”
“I don’t see what’s wrong with what I did. And you know what? I can’t talk to you when you’re being so difficult.”
“I’m being difficult?” Tatsuya demanded, stepping nearer to Yuichi.
“Yes, and I’m not going to speak to you until you calm down.” Yuichi replied curtly, feeling irritated by both Tatsuya and himself.
Tatsuya opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it. He glowered at Yuichi threateningly, and flounced back into his room, leaving Yuichi standing alone in his living room.
Yuichi grimaced in frustration. It was their first real quarrel since they started dating and it just had to end in such a bad way. Knowing that Tatsuya probably wasn’t going to listen to him any time soon, Yuichi left his apartment and headed towards a bar. He needed a drink to cool down.
And he really hoped that making the decision to be with Tatsuya was not going to be something he would regret in the future.
+++
Yuichi walked into the bar he and Jin frequented. But he did not expect to see Jin sitting there alone and drinking so quickly. Yuichi noted that Jin barely took the time Yuichi entered the bar and walked to where he was, to finish a mug, order another one and was about to finish it soon again.
“Jin?” Yuichi said, as he stopped close to him. “Jin, you’re here alone?” He continued asking, as Jin did not reply, then sat in the barstool next to Jin.
Jin seemed to take a while to comprehend that Yuichi had just asked him a question, because he only nodded in response after a few seconds.
Yuichi thought Jin wouldn’t be in much of a talking mood, so he silently left him alone and called for a mug of beer himself.
Then Jin suddenly said, “You’re here alone too.”
“Yeah. I guess we’re somewhat in the same predicament?” Yuichi pointed to Jin’s beer.
“Perhaps.”
Then Yuichi raised his mug. “Cheers, then.”
Jin held up his own mug, which he had already finished half of, and clinked it with Yuichi’s full one.
Yuichi emptied his mug at one go, wondering if it would really help.
Jin suddenly spoke again, and it startled him a bit. “I suppose it’s my turn to ask if you’re alright?”
Yuichi temporarily pushed his own trouble aside, and managed to grin at Jin, “Funny, I never expected to hear something like that coming from you.”
“I, er, I’m not always a jerk, you know.”
“Of course you aren’t,” Yuichi smiled and smacked Jin’s head. “Bakanishi.”
“HEY!” Jin immediately snapped back and punched his arm.
“All right, all right,” Yuichi said, laughing in spite of himself.
Then both of them quietened down again, until Jin said, “I never knew you were… You know, the same as me.”
“Gay, you mean?” Yuichi said, with his brows furrowed.
Jin nodded.
Yuichi pondered for a bit, then said, “I don’t know if I really am either. So far, Tatsu’s the only guy who… attracts me.”
“Oh.”
“Funny how you’d bring that up today. We were just… quarrelling about that.” Yuichi admitted.
“Oh,” Jin said again, “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’ll probably be over in a day or two. I just needed some time alone to clear my head and sort out my thoughts.” Yuichi was pretty sure what he and Tatsuya shared was strong. They just needed to work harder. “And you?”
“Me?”
“You’re here alone, too. Doesn’t that kind of… say something?” Yuichi asked, wondering if Jin might open up today.
“I…” Yuichi saw that Jin appeared very hesitant. Perhaps he shouldn’t push him. But Jin continued, “I think I might be in love with someone else.”
Yuichi took a few seconds to make sense of what Jin said because he spoke really softly. Then, with a faint jolt, Yuichi asked, “You… what? And… Kame…?”
Jin shook his head. “He doesn’t know. In fact, I don’t even know myself. I mean, I know I still love Kazu. But… Fuck. Why am I telling you this anyway?”
Yuichi could see that Jin probably had a bigger problem than himself, so he put his hand reassuringly on Jin’s shoulder and said, “You can tell me anything you want. I’ll help you if I could. If not… I’ll just listen.”
But Jin brushed his hand away, “I can’t.”
Taken aback by Jin’s coldness, it was another few seconds before Yuichi replied. “Maybe I should leave you to your own thoughts, then?” He got up to leave, thinking that it might be better to leave Jin alone instead.
Yet Jin stopped him. “No! I mean… I don’t mean that. I just… I just can’t tell you about… this.”
Yuichi didn’t know what it was that Jin had so much difficulty with, but he settled back into his seat anyway, nodding. “Sure. I only wanted to let you know that I’ll always be here if you need someone.”
No one spoke again for a long time.
It was when Jin started ordering shot after shot when Yuichi finally decided that it was time to stop him. Jin was definitely drinking far too much for his own good. “Jin. You really shouldn’t be drinking anymore.”
“Go away,” Jin slurred.
Yuichi sighed. At the present moment, he didn’t think Jin was capable of even taking himself home. And he couldn’t leave him there either. So Yuichi settled the tab. Then he slung one of Jin’s arms around his shoulders, and steadied Jin by holding his side, and slowly exited the bar to flag a taxi.
Yuichi got one soon enough, and got into it with Jin. Halfway Jin started mumbling things Yuichi couldn’t decipher, and very naturally linked his fingers with Yuichi’s. Yuichi supposed Jin probably thought he was Kame, so he just let Jin hold his hand, figuring it wouldn’t hurt anyway.
Jin was unconscious all the way till they reached his apartment. And Yuichi had to haul him out of the taxi and assist him up. They stood in front of the door to Jin’s apartment, and Yuichi noticed that Jin seemed to be waking up a little, so he asked, “Jin, where are your keys?”
Jin looked at Yuichi as if he was speaking an alien language, “… Wha…?”
Yuichi repeated himself, “I said, where’re your keys?”
“Keys?” Jin echoed, then dug around in his pocket for his keys. He finally found them, and handed them to Yuichi.
Yuichi was just about to open the door when Jin’s arm slipped from his shoulders and Jin fell heavily to the floor. If there were any reason why Yuichi never let himself become drunk even if he drank, this would be it. He bent down to help Jin up.
What he did not expect was that Jin pulled his arm so forcefully that Yuichi lost his balance and fell on his knees, and was only glad he managed not to fall flat on Jin. It was just that the next moment Jin yanked on his arm again and this time Yuichi came even closer to falling sprawled on Jin. He was just about to get up when Jin suddenly stretched upwards and kissed him.
Yuichi didn’t take too long to recover from the shock. He jerked his arm out of Jin’s grip and got up. He saw that Jin seemed to have all his energy zapped out of him again because he just let his head fall heavily to the floor.
Yuichi did not know what had prompted Jin to do that, but he wasn’t going to do anything that would land him in that situation again. So Yuichi said, “Jin. Just… Can you get up?”
Jin’s eyes were closed, and Yuichi knew he wasn’t just unconscious again because his eyes were shut far too tightly that creases started to appear at the sides of his eyes.
“Jin… Please?” Yuichi tried again.
And then Jin’s cell rang.
“Jin, honestly, I’m going to leave. Now. Just… get yourself together.” He turned to leave, but was stopped by Jin.
“No! Wait! I’m sorry… Could you not leave… yet?”
Yuichi watched as Jin tried to get up on his feet. He didn’t exactly look like he could stand without help, but Yuichi wasn’t going near him again. Kissing and being kissed by Tatsuya was one thing, having other guys kiss him was another. Reluctantly, Yuichi said, “Alright.” Then he watched Jin’s face contort into a pained expression as he looked at his cell. “Go into your apartment to talk. I’ll be here.”
Once Yuichi said that, Jin hastily stumbled inside.
Yuichi leaned against the wall and wondered why he was still there. Jin was one of his best friends, and like Tatsuya had said, Yuichi was probably the only person Jin would confide all his secrets with. So was Yuichi staying on because he was obliged to? Because he knew that he was the only one who could even help Jin?
Yuichi felt even more troubled than he originally was when he had left Tatsuya and gone to drink. It appeared that a lot of things had just grown more complicated. He recalled what Jin had said back at the bar. Jin had said that he thought he might be in love with someone else. A sudden realization came over Yuichi. What if Jin had been referring to him?
Yuichi didn’t know what to think. Not only had things become more complicated, now he was involved in the complication. Just as he started thinking about what he should do about it, Jin reappeared in his doorway.
“If you’re alright, I guess I’ll get going.” Yuichi deadpanned.
“I suppose I am… But…”
The chances of Jin not referring to him earlier suddenly seemed impossibly low. “Jin, I expect you’ll know the answer to whatever question you want to ask me.”
Jin reached out to grab Yuichi’s hand as Yuichi started to walk away. Yuichi sighed. He was now absolutely sure that Jin had been referring to him. “Jin.”
“Just one kiss? Please? Yucchi?”
Yuichi had no idea how he got into this mess. But what made him worry more was how he was going to get out of it. “Jin, I think you had a drop too much.” he said curtly and pushed Jin’s hand away. “Go inside now.”
Then, without turning back, Yuichi walked away from Jin.
The elevator came almost immediately, and Yuichi stepped into it gratefully. His life had always been so peaceful and somewhat normal. Now he was in love with one guy and there was another - attached - guy in love with him. Yuichi would have very much liked to go back to Tatsuya’s and hold him in his arms and kiss him and pretend nothing happened. But Tatsuya was probably still fuming.
So Yuichi headed back to his own apartment. People went drinking to relieve their stress, he returned from drinking only to feel more stressed.
+++
Yuichi’s cell rang. And though he expected it might be Jin, he was still rather dismayed when he saw that it really was Jin. He pressed the Answer button reluctantly.
“Yucchi? I need to talk to you. Do you suppose we could have lunch together?” Jin asked.
Yuichi rubbed his temples. “I was supposed to…” He was planning to go to the florist to pick up a bouquet for Tatsuya initially, then supposed he could still make some time to meet Jin. “Oh, never mind. Yes, sure, just give me a time and a place.”
After hanging up, Yuichi continued with his own work for a while more before heading out to get flowers. He hoped Tatsuya wouldn’t say something like how flowers should be given by a man to a woman because Yuichi knew that would just be a retarded excuse. Anyone could give flowers. And so that was what he was going to do.
Leaving the flowers in the backseat because Yuichi knew he wouldn’t be gone for long, he got out of his car and entered the café Jin had told him he would be at. Jin was already there when he walked in.
Jin waved to Yuichi, so he nodded and moved toward where Jin was. Yuichi had barely got himself seated when Jin said, “I’m sorry.”
Shaking his head, Yuichi said, “Nah, don’t worry about it. You were drunk.”
“Yeah… I was… drunk.” Jin said hesitantly.
“Just forget about it, okay?”
Jin nodded quickly. “Yes, of course.”
Yuichi ate quickly, so he was out of the café in a while. He didn’t want to give Jin any more hopes that anything might even be possible between them, because he knew for a fact that nothing would ever be.
+++
Two weeks had come and gone. Yuichi and Tatsuya had long patched things up. But it seemed that Jin had not solved his problem yet, because when Yuichi received his call, Jin sounded no less than desperate.
“I need to see you.”
“Where?” Yuichi asked. It seemed that Jin was not planning to give up on him anytime soon.
“The same bar,” Jin replied.
“I’ll be there when I’m done with my stuff.” Yuichi figured that would be quite late, but he supposed Jin would wait if he really were so desperate.
“You… You will appear, right?”
“I will.” Yuichi reassured him.
“Okay. See you.”
“Yeah,” and Yuichi hung up.
“Who is it?” Tatsuya asked, appearing behind Yuichi and wrapping his arms around him.
Yuichi removed Tatsuya’s grip on him so he could turn around and face him. Then he put Tatsuya’s hands on his butt. “Jin,” he said.
“Oh? Is he alright? He looked really bad when he had that high fever. Poor thing.”
Yuichi had heard about it, but while the rest of their band-mates had gone to visit Jin, including Tatsuya, Yuichi had not. “He sounds okay, but he asked me out for drinks tonight.”
Tatsuya frowned. “Tonight?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably leave earlier, if you don’t mind. They’re all your friends, anyway.” Yuichi was going with Tatsuya to one of his friend’s birthday party, which was a costume party.
Tatsuya nodded, “Okay then. Will you be coming back here after that?”
“I guess I’ll go home,” Yuichi said, referring to his own apartment. “You’ll be very late anyway, right?”
“Probably.”
Yuichi nodded. “Are you ready now?”
“Yes. And your jeans are killing me.”
Yuichi glanced down at his outfit that Tatsuya had picked out for him and insisted he wear. He was wearing a plain white fitting t-shirt, with a leather jacket on top. And for bottoms, he was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans that was way too tight. “You made me wear it.”
“Yes, because you didn’t want to wear anything else I picked.” Tatsuya was wearing a more elaborate outfit and looked exactly like a J-rocker. Yuichi didn’t want to look so exaggerated, so Tatsuya had to choose something that was subtler but could still have Yuichi look matching with him.
Thick eyeliner was one of the final touches Tatsuya did to Yuichi. And he completed Yuichi’s look by styling his brown hair and sticking a pair of sunglasses in it. Yuichi thought he looked weird, but since Tatsuya maintained that he didn’t, Yuichi didn’t disagree anymore.
“So? What do you want to do?” Yuichi said.
“I’m just afraid I won’t be able to take my hands off you later on.”
Yuichi grinned. “I wouldn’t mind terribly if that happens, though.”
“I hate you.”
“Good, because I hate you too. This thing is so bloody tight it makes me scared to go out with you.”
“Why?” Tatsuya asked, clearly not getting the meaning of what Yuichi was trying to say.
“Because the whole world is going to know when I feel like fucking you senseless or something. Which is pretty damn bad because I feel like doing that all the time I’m with you.”
Tatsuya glanced at Yuichi’s jeans again and laughed. “I’m sorry then, you’ll have to practise some self-control and self-restraint.”
“Why must I when you get away so easily?” Yuichi groused, and pouted at Tatsuya.
+++
Yuichi wiped the eyeliner off as much as he could. When he was finally satisfied that he didn’t look as eye-catching as he initially was, he stepped out of his car and went into the bar to look for Jin. His jeans were starting to make him feel uncomfortable as they earned him many stares, most of them from men. Cursing Tatsuya for making him wear them again, Yuichi quickly made his way through the crowd.
Then he spotted Jin, who appeared to be surrounded by some thuggish-looking men. Yuichi’s first thought was, shit, what had that idiot got himself into again. As he neared them, he realized that there was also a girl in the midst. And Jin looked drunk and he seemed to have lost his sense of balance. Putting two and two together, Yuichi figured Jin had to have accidentally either knocked into the girl or fell onto her, or something like that.
Quickening his pace, Yuichi hurried towards Jin before any fight could break out.
“So how did my boyfriend offend you?”
“He tr- what?” The man who appeared to be threatening Jin released him abruptly with a start.
Yuichi quickly ducked through the gaps in between all the men and stood beside Jin, extending his arm around Jin’s waist to support him as he did so.
“Your boyfriend?” The man laughed. “Honestly, I’ve seen these acts too many times. Guys, let’s-”
“He doesn’t believe,” Yuichi said in mock-amusement to Jin. Since he had already started this act, he had to stick with it.
Yuichi tried not to, but he noticed that Jin’s eyes were glazing over. Shit, I really shouldn’t have worn these pants.
“Where have you been?” Jin’s voice was hoarse and Yuichi swore he would somehow get back at Tatsuya for making him wear this ridiculous pair of skinny jeans.
Watching the men who surrounded them from the corner of his eyes, Yuichi replied, “Bloody costume party. My friend’s birthday.” It was actually Tatsuya’s friend but it wasn’t an important point. And the men were still shooting menacing looks at them.
“Fucking hell, you-” Jin had just started saying.
But Yuichi cut him off by locking their lips together. He had only seen two ways out of this, one was to prove to those men that Jin was really gay and had no interest in whoever’s girlfriend, the other was to run for their lives and pray that they wouldn’t get caught. The latter seemed highly impossible to accomplish. So Yuichi opted for the former. And there didn’t seem to be many ways to prove it, so he acted on instinct, leaning towards Jin and kissing him square on the lips. Yuichi’s hands spontaneously slid down to hold Jin’s butt, because he was too used to doing that with Tatsuya, and he didn’t even realize it.
Jin had taken the opportunity to probe his tongue into Yuichi’s mouth and Yuichi let him, though he didn’t do the same. It didn’t seem like Jin minded, though, because he was kissing Yuichi with such fervour that Yuichi was somehow drawn into it as well. He resisted the impulse to let his tongue into Jin’s mouth as Jin moved his hands to cup the back of Yuichi’s head. Jin was aroused, and Yuichi could feel it very plainly against him.
Knowing that they had to stop, Yuichi gently pushed Jin away. The men were also gone. He saw Jin falter. “They’re gone,” Yuichi said.
“Huh?” Jin had obviously already lost himself after that kiss.
“The people who wanted to beat you up,” Yuichi deadpanned. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Sorry about that. I couldn’t think of another way to get out of this so easily.” And now he regretted doing it. Before Jin could respond, Yuichi quickly continued, “We’d better not stay here any longer, in case they return.”
Jin didn’t say anything, and appeared to be still in a daze, so Yuichi quickly picked up his tab - again - and dragged Jin out of the bar. He led Jin to his car, and dumped him in the passenger seat, and got into the driver seat himself. Yuichi was glad he had ended up not drinking anything, so he could drive his car back.
Yuichi could feel Jin’s eyes on him as he drove. But he ignored it, until Jin started, “Yucchi, I…”
Yuichi sighed, knowing where it would lead again.
“Is there no chance at all?”
“I’m sorry,” Yuichi said, because it was the only thing he could say.
“Stop fucking saying sorry! For one, I bloody hell enjoyed kissing you and if anyone should be apologizing, it would be me!” Jin spat.
“Jin, look, I know you like me, but-” Yuichi tried to say.
“Like you? I LIKE you? Right. I like you. So damn bloody much I fucking started pining until I almost died from that ridiculous high fever.”
Yuichi let his jaw drop a little in shock. “You… Because of… me?” Jin fell sick because he missed him too much? The idea dumbfounded Yuichi.
“I… You weren’t supposed to know that.” Jin said, in a softer voice.
Yuichi couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Yucchi, if not for Kame and Tat-chan, would you-”
Now that Jin brought up Tatsuya and Kame, Yuichi said, “Jin, this has nothing to do with them. I just don’t… like you in that way.”
Then neither spoke till the end of the journey.
Yuichi walked Jin to his door since he saw that Jin still looked kind of woozy. And then Jin invited him in. Thinking Jin might want to sort things out with him, Yuichi accepted his invitation, and quickly added, “Don’t think too much, I’m only here because I think we really need to get things straight. It won’t be good for… all of us if we don’t settle this now.”
Jin nodded. “That was my initial purpose in asking you out tonight.” Then Jin pointed to his three-seater couch in the middle of his living room and asked Yuichi to take a seat. Yuichi did, and then Jin offered him a beer, which he also took. Jin sat down in the opposite end of the couch. “Your outfit today… is really nice.”
Yuichi suppressed a sigh. Of course Jin would like it. “Thanks.”
For another few moments no one spoke.
Then Yuichi started, “I-”
“I promise,” Jin cut him off, “That after tonight I will stop being hung up over you. I will do whatever it takes for me to stop obsessing over you.” Yuichi turned to face Jin when he felt Jin’s eyes on him again. “After tonight.”
Yuichi frowned, puzzled. Why the hell was Jin placing so much emphasis on “after tonight”? He wanted to ask, but Jin spoke again.
“Forgive me for doing this.” Jin said.
Yuichi was even more confused. But he wasn’t for long, because Jin leapt towards him and pinned him down to the couch with his weight, while attaching his lips to Yuichi’s. Yuichi should have seen it coming, but somehow it just had not occurred to him that Jin would do that. Despite Jin’s tongue continuously pushing against his lips, Yuichi kept his mouth shut.
Jin ran his hands over Yuichi’s leather jacket, then placed his hands on the sides of Yuichi’s face, obviously undeterred by the lack of response on Yuichi’s side.
Yuichi knew that if he didn’t push Jin away and leave right then, he would probably do something he would regret for the rest of his life. And, he would also be doing a big wrong to Tatsuya. Yuichi tried to ask himself if it would be worth it, but he had no answer.
Yuichi relented. He didn’t know why, but he did. Surrendering to Jin’s advances with a sigh, he let Jin’s tongue enter his mouth. Reaching around Jin to put his hands on the small of his back, Yuichi kissed him back, his tongue found Jin’s and lapped against each other hungrily.
Yuichi would be deceiving himself if he said that he wasn’t the least bit turned on by Jin. In fact, he was starting to believe that he did prefer guys to girls. Granted Jin wasn’t just any random man on the streets, but one of the most wanted guys, as proven by the fans of their band, since Jin was arguably the most popular one out of the six of them.
Their noses were squashed together as Jin tried to get deeper and Yuichi was starting to get afraid. This was definitely going overboard, but Yuichi hadn’t yet made any move to stop it.
Then Jin’s hands were suddenly on his belt buckle. Yuichi grabbed Jin’s hands and stopped him, mouthing “No” against his mouth. Jin appeared to have some idea of sorts, because he suddenly shifted around until he was kneeling on the couch, with Yuichi’s legs trapped between his spread ones. Then Jin lowered himself so their bodies stuck together and Jin’s erection rubbed against Yuichi’s stomach. They weren’t kissing then, and Jin panted against Yuichi’s face and undid his own jeans while grasping Yuichi’s hand.
Yuichi yanked his hand out of Jin’s immediately. “No.” A bit of kissing and frottage was already a lot.
“But-”
“Jin.” Yuichi was already struggling with himself, and whatever Jin was doing and wanted to do to him wasn’t going to help at all.
Jin sighed and nodded. “Can you… take off your jacket?”
Yuichi did, figuring if Jin really wanted to touch him that much then he would just allow him. Yuichi didn’t move as Jin trailed his fingers along his face. But that touch ignited small tingles in his skin and Yuichi knew he was getting turned on very rapidly.
Jin cupped his chin, and was about to kiss him again when Yuichi turned his head away. Jin paused midway, his lips already very close to Yuichi’s. “Are you really that unwilling?”
Yuichi didn’t answer. Physically he knew he wasn’t, but logically he knew he should be. After all, this was Jin. Not Tatsuya. Infidelity aside, he was then only physically attracted to Jin. If he were thinking straight, he would have left right away before it progressed any further. But perhaps the lust was controlling his mind.
Jin got off Yuichi and stood in front of him for a moment, running his eyes over his entire body. Then he rasped, “You really shouldn’t have come to look for me in those jeans.” Jin pushed Yuichi until he laid flat on the couch.
Yuichi shut his eyes, as he had some inner battle of sorts. When he opened his eyes again, Jin’s face was right above his. “I really don’t know why I’m here.” Yuichi confessed.
Jin hit his head lightly. “You don’t need to.”
“After tonight,” Yuichi said, staring straight into Jin’s eyes. Yuichi did not want to acknowledge the fact that he was giving in to such a physical want. Apparently lust really could ruin a person.
Jin nodded, “I promise.”
Yuichi sighed again. “I must be out of my mind.”
“You won’t regret this.”
Yuichi looked at Jin, and for a moment saw him as Tatsuya. The illusion sent a thrilled shiver through his body before Yuichi remembered that he was really looking at Jin. Feeling like a jerk, Yuichi closed his eyes. Oh, fuck it. I’m sorry, Tatsu.
Jin stroked his face, and knelt on the couch, his knees on either side of Yuichi.
The next thing Yuichi knew was Jin licking his lips, then he used his tongue to separate Yuichi’s lips before entering his mouth again. Yuichi responded to Jin’s kiss right away, first nibbling on Jin’s lips, then going on to tangle his tongue with Jin’s. Jin slid his hands under Yuichi’s body-hugging white t-shirt and slowly pushed it up until it was gathered at the top of Yuichi’s chest. He caressed every inch of the exposed skin, and Yuichi almost groaned at the gentle touch. Yuichi slung his arms around Jin’s neck as they continued kissing.
When Jin started to draw circles around Yuichi’s nipple with his thumb, Yuichi couldn’t help but moan against Jin’s lips. Then Jin suddenly broke the kiss and Yuichi stretched up in an attempt to continue the kiss. But Jin murmured, “Wait… Your shirt.”
Yuichi cursed under his breath and let go of Jin so Jin could pull off his tee. It was soon out of the way, so Yuichi started to take off Jin’s shirt. It wasn’t an easy task, because there were so many buttons Yuichi didn’t understand what was in the designer’s mind when he designed that shirt. In addition, Jin was trailing kisses down his body, which distracted Yuichi even more. “I hate buttons,” Yuichi grumbled.
Jin chuckled, and it sent a puff of warm breath down Yuichi’s neck, tickling him. Yuichi squirmed and decided that the shirt was taking up too much of his time, so he changed his focus to removing Jin’s pants. As Jin had already undone the button just now, Yuichi only had half the work left. He deftly pulled down the zipper, and pulled down Jin’s pants.
Yuichi raised his brows as he realized that Jin wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “No boxers?” Yuichi said, and then wrapped his fingers around Jin’s cock and squeezed lightly.
Jin gasped.
Yuichi stretched out his other hand to grab Jin’s bare arse, muttering, “Your couch is damn uncomfortable,” as he did.
“B… Bedroom…” Jin stuttered.
“Excellent,” Yuichi had been waiting for that. He sat up immediately and made Jin get off the couch.
They took a few steps towards Jin’s room, and Jin’s pants were already left in a heap on the floor. Yuichi guided Jin backwards until he was pressed against the wall next to the door to Jin’s bedroom. Then he tore Jin’s shirt off, hearing the buttons pop off and scatter on the floor. Jin didn’t say a word, so Yuichi supposed he couldn’t be bothered as well. Then Yuichi dropped on his knees in front of Jin.
Looking up to see Jin’s expression, Yuichi stuck out his tongue and flicked it across the tip of Jin’s cock. Jin groaned, and Yuichi slowly licked his entire length before taking it into his mouth. Yuichi’s hands massaged Jin’s butt as he sucked leisurely on his cock. For a few moments, Yuichi concentrated on the fineness in front of his face and forgot to take in Jin’s expression. Then Jin thrust into Yuichi. He pulled back instantly so he wouldn’t gag, and his teeth almost scraped Jin’s cock in his haste. Yuichi paused momentarily, then continued sucking. Jin was very hard and Yuichi pushed his own limits by taking more of him into his mouth.
“Yucchi, I-”
Yuichi swallowed once.
The next moment Jin cried out and with a shudder, came in Yuichi’s mouth. Yuichi swallowed again, and most of it went down his throat though some dribbled out the corners of his mouth. Releasing Jin from his mouth, Yuichi licked his lips and trailed kisses all the way up Jin’s belly as he got to his feet. Jin straightaway sagged against Yuichi, spent from his orgasm.
Yuichi half-carried and half-dragged Jin, who was taller and heavier than him, into his room. Laying Jin down on his bed, Yuichi carefully removed his own jeans. His cock was already aching from the lack of touch, and he knew it wouldn’t take much for him to come as well. His subconscious mind told him that if it were Tatsuya, he would never have let that happen. Yuichi ignored the thought and lay down next to Jin. He was about to take care of himself when he suddenly felt Jin’s piercing gaze on him.
“Yucchi...” Jin’s tone was wanting, and his expression clearly conveyed a message to Yuichi. Jin wanted Yuichi to fuck him.
Yuichi got on his knees again and knelt between Jin’s spread legs. He inclined his head to kiss Jin, and said, “You sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Alright,” Yuichi closed his lips around Jin’s, and kissed him with ardour.
Yuichi supposed this might be the only time where he could be in control of Jin, for Jin was usually the one ordering him around and telling him to do this and that and of course, bullying him. So, since he was already here and he was going to fuck him, he might as well enjoy it.
Jin handed a tube of lube to Yuichi and he took it while nipping Jin’s lips. Yuichi opened the tube and smeared the lube on his fingers. “Strawberry,” he noted. Then, slowly, Yuichi pushed two fingers into Jin’s hole, and Jin cried out in surprise. Yuichi wanted to ask Jin if it hurt but Jin looked delirious, and started arching against him. Jin’s arching movement made their cocks rub together, and the friction almost made him come. Yuichi withdrew his fingers from Jin’s arse and stopped kissing him. Then he moved slowly towards Jin until the tip of his cock touched Jin’s hole. Yuichi breathed heavily, desperate to fuck Jin before it was too late.
Yuichi pushed hard into Jin, whose tightness almost made him come. He continued thrusting into Jin, and Jin whimpered, “Don’t… stop…” Yuichi couldn’t find the extra strength to say anything, so he didn’t. He thrust deeper into Jin each time, not knowing how he had amazingly managed to hold back and not come yet.
Jin’s legs were booked over Yuichi’s shoulders as he started rocking in sync with Yuichi’s movements.
“Jin… I think…” Yuichi started.
“Yucchi, just- OH, FUCK!”
Yuichi guessed he hit Jin’s prostate or something, but he got his own share of pleasure too because the next moment he came inside Jin. His come spilled out of Jin’s arse and onto the sheets, but he hardly cared because he slid out of Jin and collapsed onto him.
They did not speak for the next few minutes, until Yuichi realized that Jin was hard again. He smiled against Jin’s neck, and whispered into his ear, “You’re hard again.”
“Yes,” Jin said simply.
Yuichi didn’t know why but that word somehow made him excited. He lapped at Jin’s lips leisurely as he closed his hand around Jin’s erection again.
A few moments later, Yuichi noticed that Jin was crying. “Fuck,” was all he said.
Yuichi knew what Jin was thinking; that this was the end. “After tonight” was ending. He licked Jin’s hot tears away and planted a light kiss on his lips. He was still squeezing Jin, and it wasn’t long before Jin came again. After that he was too tired to move, so Yuichi shifted his position until he was lying next to Jin. He kissed Jin again, and Jin managed a weak smile against his lips.
“Good night, Jin.” Yuichi said.
“Good night, Yucchi.” Jin’s voice still trembled slightly, though Yuichi knew he was trying very hard not to let it show.
Then Jin rolled onto his side and took Yuichi into his arms. Jin looked at Yuichi in the dim light that came from the bedside lamp, and Yuichi gazed back into his eyes.
“I-”
Yuichi put his finger on Jin’s lips, effectively shushing him. “Just sleep, Jin,” he said softly.
Jin closed his eyes and kissed Yuichi again.
Yuichi knew it was the end, and it filled him with regret and remorse. He watched Jin until Jin fell asleep, emitting soft snores.
Things could have happened differently if Jin did not go overseas. But if Jin hadn’t left, all these wouldn’t have happened at all. It might have been different, vastly different. But it had to be like that. Yuichi gazed at Jin, who was hugging him so tightly Yuichi knew he was in denial. He would have liked things to be different, if it would cause Jin less agony. But Yuichi knew that he only had space for one man in his heart. And that man wasn’t Jin.
After tonight… The words rang in Yuichi’s mind again. Sorry, Jin. It can only end this way.
-END-
I feel evil. Not only to Jin, but to Ueda-kun too. (In this fic, I mean. Duh. LOL.) KSFHJSFHJKFHSFJSH I think I just made myself hate Maru. ^^"
Comments, prease? My readers? However few of you there might be? ^^ I really appreciate your comments~ :D
AND OH YEAH BTW. OMG MARU HAS A NEW DORAMA. KSFHJSFHSFJHSFJKHFSJ! *FLAILS FOR KAZILLION YEARS* KOALA IS DARLING♥♥♥