Some of this you have to read to believe
I present another excerpt from Not Without My Parachute: The Stupidest Book Ever Scribbled With a Crayon on the Back of a Takeout Menu.
After praying with Joel, Aaron returned home. As he pulled in the driveway and exited his car, shrieks of laughter could be heard from inside. Curiosity piqued, Aaron moved faster to see. He paused at the picture window, taking in the live, Norman Rockwell-ish scene in his Thomas Kinkade-like living room.
Do you all know who Thomas Kinkade is? He is the patron artist of Evangelical people with no taste! For future reference, the nanny, Sarah, is giving one of the kids a pony ride.
Making very unladylike burring sounds and snorts, the previously poised Sarah moved faster, holding Bryce on her back with one hand while doing a strange looking crawl-run-gallop-thing after Braden. The entire room pulsed with fun, family-togetherness, joy, peace, light and laughter. Like the Rockwell and Kinkade paintings lining the office he couldn't bear to enter. Because the beautiful images of family and light felt more like a mockery in midst of dark sadness that had swept his home the night thieving death broke down his door and left widowhood in place of his wife.
Note: These excerpts are not copyedited. Also, the editor's note on that last sentence? "Good line!" Also, he was totally in his office on page 7. The office he CAN'T BEAR TO ENTER!
After praying with Joel, Aaron returned home. As he pulled in the driveway and exited his car, shrieks of laughter could be heard from inside. Curiosity piqued, Aaron moved faster to see. He paused at the picture window, taking in the live, Norman Rockwell-ish scene in his Thomas Kinkade-like living room.
Do you all know who Thomas Kinkade is? He is the patron artist of Evangelical people with no taste! For future reference, the nanny, Sarah, is giving one of the kids a pony ride.
Making very unladylike burring sounds and snorts, the previously poised Sarah moved faster, holding Bryce on her back with one hand while doing a strange looking crawl-run-gallop-thing after Braden. The entire room pulsed with fun, family-togetherness, joy, peace, light and laughter. Like the Rockwell and Kinkade paintings lining the office he couldn't bear to enter. Because the beautiful images of family and light felt more like a mockery in midst of dark sadness that had swept his home the night thieving death broke down his door and left widowhood in place of his wife.
Note: These excerpts are not copyedited. Also, the editor's note on that last sentence? "Good line!" Also, he was totally in his office on page 7. The office he CAN'T BEAR TO ENTER!