Ethical Slavery
This month’s MAsT topic was on Ethical Mastery/Ethical slavery. I did not attend due to my work week and the fact that I needed to take a day of rest to enjoy sun-kissed skin surrounded by the beauty and serenity of the Desert Botanical Gardens in full bloom followed by a long afternoon nap.
However, this topic is one that I have pondered for a long while. It has a vastly varied definition based on the priorities and value systems an individual chooses to live by.
Additionally, like all things human, those who profess openly to choose to live ethically are not 100% successful and perfect at the execution of professed desires. What I have determined is that ultimately, as long as we live with the intention of wanting to pursue what is ethical, then it is enough to be willing to examine and hear from others when we may not be in full compliance of our stated intentions.With that said, I am just as culpable and unsuccessful in my own attempt at practicing ethical slavery, despite my stated intention to do otherwise.
This past year has required me to examine just what constitutes ethical slavery and to develop my own disciplined practice of examining my values, behaviors and desires with regard to my slavery. I no longer desire to crawl across of floor of broken glass in order to serve an Unworthy Master; I have lost my desire to live an outward lie of “performance Mastery/slavery” when the structure and protocol disappears behind the privacy of the front door. I am tired of seeking greener pastures when I am living in a bountiful garden that just needs weeding and watering.
Knowing this now, I have returned to a serious pursuit of study in the Asian traditions and cultures - especially with Buddhism and Yogic practices three times a week. Within these cultures is an inherent power dynamic and one that naturally flows with immediate feedback when the ego gets out of balance.
In the most recent relationship which taught me about the importance of maintaining a steady and even keel as a slave, I also started attending AA meetings. I have been accused in the past by many friends and clients of being a ‘dry drunk’ with the suggestion that I might find something of value in the Rooms of AA. I, of course, knew better and so resisted. But the last relationship provided a safe stepping stone into the meetings and I have been able to find much that has been insightful to my relationship with my mother, alcohol and my own life patterns and behaviors.
One of those has been the realization that my values rest on continually moving and shifting foundations based on whether they are perceived helpful or a hindrance. Thus my relationships and journey in slavery have wrought deceipt, misunderstandings, inconsistency and faithlessness: all things that are easily recognized as unethical in terms of slavery.
Thus, I have for the first time been able to define what constitutes 12 principles that I need to live by as an Ethical Slave. They are taken directly from the AA principles and translate clearly and simply to my own slavery:
- Honesty: with myself, others in communication, action and deed.
- Hope: in myself, others and every moment of every day
- Faith: in myself, others and the Universe
- Courage: in words, actions and deeds.
- Integrity: in words, actions and deeds
- Willingness: in words, actions and deeds
- Humility: in words, actions and deeds
- Familial/Tribal Love: with brother/sister slaves, Masters and all who desire to be a part of this Leather culture
- Discipline: in words, actions and deeds
- Perseverance: in words, actions and deeds - each and every moment of every day is lived with intention and mindfulness of my slavery
- Spiritual Awareness: through a daily practice of mindfulness and centering that returns me to an understanding and joy of my slavery
- Service: in everything I do, may I do it without attachment to any outcome and thus provide service from a pure and joyful heart.
Each of these principles is an essay in and of itself. It is my intention to write each day on one of these principles for the next two weeks. This, too, is part of my spiritual practice.
What I have come to realize is that just having the desire to want to do what is right is enough to qualify one as an ethical master or slave. If I am judging another as unworthy, or unethical, I must first step back and realize that my act of judging places me at risk for being unethical. This can be very hard to practice - the act of non-judgment. I am even now having a difficult time NOT judging those whom I see living with obfuscation and false purpose based on my biased perceptions.
I do not like having to step out of the social circles of my local Leather community because of the gossip mongering, and the natural human desire to compare and contrast ourselves with others, or to want to emulate those we think are deserving of our admiration. Learning the art of grace and humility is not always fun - especially when my first instinct is to want to talk with my best slave friends about so-and-so and what is going on as a way of bonding and confirming our own moral superiority. Any behavior that constitutes some form of judgment is out of alignment with the above outlined principles on what constitutes ethical slavery because it lacks honesty, courage, integrity, humility, discipline, spiritual awareness and even service.
I have these principles outlined in a “note” on my iPhone that I reference each morning. My next step is to write them on my bathroom mirror in dry-erase markers. Then I will probably need to put them on magnets for my refrigerator. Why? Because usually before the end of breakfast I have managed to be out of alignment with one or more of these principles. This is where spiritual practice and discipline become helpful for rebuilding a foundation for ethical living that is as automatic as driving our cars to work.
So for today, I am remembering to pause and breathe before providing a response to any question, or offering my opinion on anything. I also ask myself the three questions from the Buddhist tradition:
- Is it honest?
- Is it kind?
- Is it necessary?
If I can answer, “yes” to all three, then and only then, do I speak. Living and practicing Ethical slavery is not as easy as it seems.