Elephants in the Room (Part 1)
It's been two weekends since the Master/slave Conference in Washington, DC and so much has happened I really don't know where to start. I was hoping that the days would give me space enough to obtain some perspective, but I think that would require another few months to be honest.
Summary: The conference was phenomenal this year! The degree of thoughtfulness and the desire to pursue and live this lifestyle was the greatest among the attendees in the 4 years I've attended. The presentations were also excellent. I don't think there was one that I wouldn't recommend (well.....except the Psychology of M/s which didn't seem to address the M/s and only offered the 101 review of psychological principles....and I DID skip that after 15 minutes to return to the Part 2 of the Slave track!)
Elephant 1: Churches in our Midst
Skip Chasey provided the keynote and addressed a significant elephant in our living rooms with regard to the potentiality of division among our small contingency of M/s enthusiasts. As I have witnessed and experienced in the local Maine communities, when someone else disagrees with another's "BDSM theology" s/he goes and creates hys/hir own "BDSM church"...causing strife and tension within the small BDSM communities. I often felt that the local communities ostracized me and others with different philosophies who were willing to express them. Instead of allowing each person the freedom to live hys/hir own experiences and take individual journeys within the BDSM realm there were those BDSM evangelists and fundamentalists whose opinions were absolute with forceful personalities and false witnessing - causing division, strife and alienation. I was often the nay-sayer and often felt compelled to point out the alternative views - which did not make me particularly well-liked - this was a cost I paid in order to remain true to my own sense of integrity. What I took away from his keynote speech was that Skip cautioned and reminded us that within the M/s world we also must be aware of the potential for creating different "M/s churches" based on M/s theologies... in other words, we should be less attached to absolutes and "right and wrong" ways and be willing to be more "Unitarian Universalist-like" in accepting others' viewpoints and belief systems and seeking the truth within each of them for our own selves. We should be wary of creating creeds that become the focus of M/s theologies. This comes at a time when there appears to be two "schools" (at least) of M/s philosophy and the MAsT National organization attempts to clarify visions and values of Mastery and slavery. One school of thought would like to establish a "Master" training program to certify "Masters".... another school of thought would like to keep it more laissez-faire... I, of course, have another school of thought, but no one has consulted me on my opinions (smirk...tongue-in-cheek).
This particular speech was interesting in its timing since I also felt that the general theme among the participants was "responsible" Mastery and slavery. The irony of this is that what defines "responsible" will depend on one's philosophical beliefs and personal experiences, as well as individual spiritual development. I know that for me, the definition of responsible has evolved over the years, reflecting my continued development and growth in body, mind and spirit.
I don't expect that we will all suddenly decide to agree and live amiably together as one big happy M/s family - but I do hope that we figure out how to honor and respect all our individual choices and celebrate the various stages of our journeys in this lifestyle. I truly think that the UU church offers a model on which to base our actions and organizational structures.
Elephant 2: Buying/selling of slaves
The conference was a huge signifier of my own personal journey and growth. I found myself much less judgmental and much more at peace throughout the weekend. I consider this a great personal triumph in my character development. I also found myself no longer attached to specific beliefs - and at first, I felt that it was because my slave-heart was asleep. I think it has been in sleep mode for a while as I await the awakening of the Master's heart. In an unexpected development on the last day of the conference an offer was extended for my purchase. I was both surprised and a bit scared because, quite frankly, the Master making the offer was not one I would have voluntarily chosen. In addition, the feminist within me was raising all sorts of hell for even tolerating the discussion of such bargaining. However, what was most notable was the quickening of my slave's heart and the corresponding flow of juices from my sexual centers. I have to say that I have never felt so much like a slave as during the days that followed and the continued mentoring and training by the Master making the offer.
While I don't get into the Gorean thing, and I don't agree with its misogynist overtones - the very real possibility of being purchased was an experiential opportunity in string-theory terms to live in multiple dimensions on a physical basis. This time I did not choose to abandon the slave within my soul and I lived with great integrity to my own truth - choosing to follow the slave within rather than cave to the rational mental self - and in doing so, I was able to fully comprehend on a cellular level what it means to surrender to one's deepest desire and to be without fear of any kind - to know with a molecular resonance that the universe was whole and complete and beautifully designed to be perfect and that I am part of that perfection and each moment of my life is exactly what it is meant to be. And while the offer was declined a few days later, it is my understanding that it remains on the table.. yet another example of the perfection of the universe that can be experienced when one surrenders unconditionally to whatever it may hold. I have been my most happy and contented in the past two weeks that I can recall in a long, long time.
If the offer had been accepted, I would have very willingly gone to my new Owner. It would not have been because I wanted to go, but because I was honor-bound to my own integrity and the commitment to follow the slave path in this lifetime. So - the question that remains is, how truly consentual is one's slavery? If one follows the "heart/soul" desire, the only consent that is required is to say "Yes".... once it has answered truthfully with an unconditional "YES!" the ability to consent is no longer available without causing great emotional, mental and physical trauma.
I have also seen the molding and strengthening of the Action Master instead of the Maybe/Reaction Master. I suspect that the recent breaking of hys arm has provided further opportunities for the Action Master to learn to receive and be more direct. I also hope that my own work in the spiritual realm has provided growth medium for this - I no longer find myself contrasting and comparing Master styles. I feel I am much better at just accepting and allowing and resting in what "is" rather than what "could be". What remains out of integrity for me at the moment is how compromised my relationship with S remains since it is not clearly defined except between us. I tell myself it is because I wait for the spiritual readiness of my Master to be able to integrate these mental complexities. It remains an elephant in our own living room at the moment. I don't think it will remain that way for too much longer. I suspect that it played a small part of why the offer was declined. I also think that as the Action Master continues to emerge from hiding it will be less a matter of spiritual readiness and more a matter of fact with the Action Master secure in hys place and ability to command. In the meantime I continue to surrender to my slavery and institute creative and playful ways to practice protocol that reminds us both of our soul's deepest desires.
Summary: The conference was phenomenal this year! The degree of thoughtfulness and the desire to pursue and live this lifestyle was the greatest among the attendees in the 4 years I've attended. The presentations were also excellent. I don't think there was one that I wouldn't recommend (well.....except the Psychology of M/s which didn't seem to address the M/s and only offered the 101 review of psychological principles....and I DID skip that after 15 minutes to return to the Part 2 of the Slave track!)
Elephant 1: Churches in our Midst
Skip Chasey provided the keynote and addressed a significant elephant in our living rooms with regard to the potentiality of division among our small contingency of M/s enthusiasts. As I have witnessed and experienced in the local Maine communities, when someone else disagrees with another's "BDSM theology" s/he goes and creates hys/hir own "BDSM church"...causing strife and tension within the small BDSM communities. I often felt that the local communities ostracized me and others with different philosophies who were willing to express them. Instead of allowing each person the freedom to live hys/hir own experiences and take individual journeys within the BDSM realm there were those BDSM evangelists and fundamentalists whose opinions were absolute with forceful personalities and false witnessing - causing division, strife and alienation. I was often the nay-sayer and often felt compelled to point out the alternative views - which did not make me particularly well-liked - this was a cost I paid in order to remain true to my own sense of integrity. What I took away from his keynote speech was that Skip cautioned and reminded us that within the M/s world we also must be aware of the potential for creating different "M/s churches" based on M/s theologies... in other words, we should be less attached to absolutes and "right and wrong" ways and be willing to be more "Unitarian Universalist-like" in accepting others' viewpoints and belief systems and seeking the truth within each of them for our own selves. We should be wary of creating creeds that become the focus of M/s theologies. This comes at a time when there appears to be two "schools" (at least) of M/s philosophy and the MAsT National organization attempts to clarify visions and values of Mastery and slavery. One school of thought would like to establish a "Master" training program to certify "Masters".... another school of thought would like to keep it more laissez-faire... I, of course, have another school of thought, but no one has consulted me on my opinions (smirk...tongue-in-cheek).
This particular speech was interesting in its timing since I also felt that the general theme among the participants was "responsible" Mastery and slavery. The irony of this is that what defines "responsible" will depend on one's philosophical beliefs and personal experiences, as well as individual spiritual development. I know that for me, the definition of responsible has evolved over the years, reflecting my continued development and growth in body, mind and spirit.
I don't expect that we will all suddenly decide to agree and live amiably together as one big happy M/s family - but I do hope that we figure out how to honor and respect all our individual choices and celebrate the various stages of our journeys in this lifestyle. I truly think that the UU church offers a model on which to base our actions and organizational structures.
Elephant 2: Buying/selling of slaves
The conference was a huge signifier of my own personal journey and growth. I found myself much less judgmental and much more at peace throughout the weekend. I consider this a great personal triumph in my character development. I also found myself no longer attached to specific beliefs - and at first, I felt that it was because my slave-heart was asleep. I think it has been in sleep mode for a while as I await the awakening of the Master's heart. In an unexpected development on the last day of the conference an offer was extended for my purchase. I was both surprised and a bit scared because, quite frankly, the Master making the offer was not one I would have voluntarily chosen. In addition, the feminist within me was raising all sorts of hell for even tolerating the discussion of such bargaining. However, what was most notable was the quickening of my slave's heart and the corresponding flow of juices from my sexual centers. I have to say that I have never felt so much like a slave as during the days that followed and the continued mentoring and training by the Master making the offer.
While I don't get into the Gorean thing, and I don't agree with its misogynist overtones - the very real possibility of being purchased was an experiential opportunity in string-theory terms to live in multiple dimensions on a physical basis. This time I did not choose to abandon the slave within my soul and I lived with great integrity to my own truth - choosing to follow the slave within rather than cave to the rational mental self - and in doing so, I was able to fully comprehend on a cellular level what it means to surrender to one's deepest desire and to be without fear of any kind - to know with a molecular resonance that the universe was whole and complete and beautifully designed to be perfect and that I am part of that perfection and each moment of my life is exactly what it is meant to be. And while the offer was declined a few days later, it is my understanding that it remains on the table.. yet another example of the perfection of the universe that can be experienced when one surrenders unconditionally to whatever it may hold. I have been my most happy and contented in the past two weeks that I can recall in a long, long time.
If the offer had been accepted, I would have very willingly gone to my new Owner. It would not have been because I wanted to go, but because I was honor-bound to my own integrity and the commitment to follow the slave path in this lifetime. So - the question that remains is, how truly consentual is one's slavery? If one follows the "heart/soul" desire, the only consent that is required is to say "Yes".... once it has answered truthfully with an unconditional "YES!" the ability to consent is no longer available without causing great emotional, mental and physical trauma.
I have also seen the molding and strengthening of the Action Master instead of the Maybe/Reaction Master. I suspect that the recent breaking of hys arm has provided further opportunities for the Action Master to learn to receive and be more direct. I also hope that my own work in the spiritual realm has provided growth medium for this - I no longer find myself contrasting and comparing Master styles. I feel I am much better at just accepting and allowing and resting in what "is" rather than what "could be". What remains out of integrity for me at the moment is how compromised my relationship with S remains since it is not clearly defined except between us. I tell myself it is because I wait for the spiritual readiness of my Master to be able to integrate these mental complexities. It remains an elephant in our own living room at the moment. I don't think it will remain that way for too much longer. I suspect that it played a small part of why the offer was declined. I also think that as the Action Master continues to emerge from hiding it will be less a matter of spiritual readiness and more a matter of fact with the Action Master secure in hys place and ability to command. In the meantime I continue to surrender to my slavery and institute creative and playful ways to practice protocol that reminds us both of our soul's deepest desires.