A Day in the Line - Chapter Four
Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love you guys. :) By the way, Drew's grocery story is a true story of mine, believe it or not. I'm still pissed at that lady. Here goes!
A Day in the Line
By LadyBookish242 AKA Taylor
Rated PG-13, rating subject to change
Pairings: Drew/Greg, Ryan/Colin, Brad/Chip, Wayne/Jeff (all pairings may not be in every chapter)
Plot: The gang share a large house on Anderson street, going through days of life, love, and mindless retail jobs.
NOTE: Some of the retail scenes in this fic are inspired by true experiences by myself and acquaintances. Yes, really.
Disclaimer: I do not own the show ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’ nor do I own any of the persons portrayed. I do not mean to slander any of the persons portrayed in the story.
Chapter Four
Days of Retail AKA Kevorkian for President
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” - Drew Carey
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP *click*
Wayne gently turned off the alarm clock and smiled as he felt Jeff start to nuzzle his neck from behind. “Good morning.”
“Very good morning.” Jeff mumbled, starting to plant kisses on his neck and back. Wayne turned and gave Jeff access to his mouth, opening up to let Jeff’s tongue slip inside. They smiled at each other and Jeff rubbed his eyes. “Today’s Monday, right?”
“Yeah.” Wayne murmured sleepily. “We all have a busy day today. I hope Colin gives us a good breakfast.”
“He always does.” Jeff said, sitting up. “I’m gonna get in the shower.” He grinned. “Wanna come with?”
Wayne grinned back and they walked hand in hand into the bathroom.
Colin was just finished plating breakfast when everyone in the house came down at once. He was surprised to say the least. “I see everyone has somewhere to be today!”
Drew nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Yeah, Monday is usually the busiest day for us. Greg even made sure to get some sleep.”
Before Greg could snark, Brad calmly sipped his coffee and then said, “Yeah, it must be easy for him to sleep after being so worn out by you, Drew.”
Drew choked and Ryan thumped him on the back, laughing all the while. Colin was a deep shade of red, and Greg couldn’t help but laugh too. Drew shook his head and started chuckling to himself before sitting down to eat.
After all had their fill, they got into their cars (believe it or not, they all had their own car, they just had to park down the block) and were off to their days at work.
At Salutations and Sandwiches, Colin was scrubbing the counter and a man standing by the coffee machine caught his eye. He had saw him get coffee about fifteen minutes ago, so he gathered the reason he was looking around rather nervously was because he didn’t want to pay for a refill.
Colin was usually kind about the refills, and if the person was nice, he didn’t charge, and was about to tell him this, when he saw the man slip the Styrofoam cup…into his pants. Colin gasped as the man screamed when the Styrofoam cup squeezed and spilled all over his manhood.
The man turned to Colin with a look of death on his face. “I’ll sue!” he yelled as he staggered out of the deli. Colin shook his head. “Suing a deli because you stuffed hot coffee down your pants so you wouldn’t have to pay for it…yeah, sir, good luck with that.”
Drew was having a seriously busy day at Merton’s Market. It seemed like the whole community was here getting their groceries. It was so busy that they had no baggers because everyone had to be on checkstand, and managers were hard to find because they also had to check to stem the lines of people.
He was checking his heart out and was doing it so quickly it seemed he didn’t have time to breathe. He was courteous, polite, and still had some good nature in him, but he was just so tired. And to top it off, thanks to the busy day, his break was half an hour late.
A woman came through with a full, overflowing trolley. This was par for the course at work. Drew smiled and said, “Hi, how are you doing today?”
She goes, “Stop me when I hit a hundred dollars.”
Drew fought the urge to sigh. He could tell by looking and by experience that this would be more than a hundred dollars. And she looked like the type who would complain about it. He began to scan the items, and no sooner than he started did she pipe up. A carton of eggs scanned as $2.14. She went, “That’s too much, take the fourteen cents off.”
“Is there a coupon with it, ma’am?”
“No, I just don’t want the fourteen cents on there.” Drew bit his lip. “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not allowed to do that.”
“But I don’t want to pay the fourteen cents! I’m still paying the two dollars!” Drew decided not to reason with her any further and paged for a manager. To his relief, Paul managed to make it up there. Drew quietly filled him in on what was going on. Paul nodded. “Why don’t you bag while I handle things up here?”
Drew happily obliged, thinking he’d go crazy if he had to deal with that lady anymore. He could hear her talk with Paul, and she haggled over every piece, couldn’t understand why the produce was done by weight and not by a set price, threw a fit when she realized that a hundred dollars could only pay for half of her groceries, and last but not least, all of her coupons were expired.
She left about half of her cart behind, which meant that they would have to use non-existent time and people to put it back, because a lot of it was perishable. However, since it was so busy, it would probably all go to waste for lack of help.
She went over to him as he finished bagging and she says, “I like your jeans.” It was the first nice thing she had said the whole time, so he said thank you. “You know, I didn’t think I could wear jeans anymore, but if they make them in your size, maybe I can, where did you buy those?”
Paul looked over to him with his eyes wide in shock. Drew had a phony smile frozen on his face, not believing what this lady had just said. True, he ate a lot. True, he never really exercised. True, he knew he was comfortable with himself. But still, he couldn’t believe the lady could’ve been so rude. He swallowed hard and said nothing, then finished bagging her groceries.
Paul clapped him on the back. “You handled that really well. Go to break, I wanted to kill her too. And don’t come back until you’re good and ready.”
Drew didn’t need to be told twice. He turned in his till and bought a large pint of ice cream, feeling very upset. He hoped the rest of his day went better.
Chip stood on a stepladder and put up the large sign that said ‘SOLD OUT OF WIIS’, knowing they had gotten rid of their last one that morning.
A man came up to the counter. “How can you be out of the Wii?” Chip shrugged. “It’s a big seller, it goes fast.” The man put his hands on his hips. “I know for a fact you have 20 Wiis in your back room!”
“Excuse me?” The man leaned forward. “Don’t lie to me. I KNOW you have 20 Wiis in the back, my friend told me so! I demand you go back there and give me one right now!”
Chip was about to lose his patience with this man, but his manager stopped him. “Hold on, I’ll handle it.” He picked up the intercom mic and stated loudly: “Attention all Power Up shoppers, the man standing in front of the counter wearing the baseball cap and denim jacket has twenty Wiis in his car. Again, the man standing in front of the counter has twenty Wiis in his car. Thank you.”
The man looked absolutely shocked. “Why did you do that?!”
Mike leaned forward with a knowing glance. “I KNOW you have twenty Wiis in your car, my friend told me so!”
The man stormed out, Mike and Chip laughed hard as they saw around thirty people follow him outside. Chip turned to him and shook his hand. “That was awesome, I’ll buy you a beer after work.”
“Thanks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go Wii.” Mike said, making his way towards the men’s room.
“Hello, this is Ring Routers, how can I help you?” Greg said dully, already ready to eat a gun. “Hi.” a woman said testily. “I want to know why my service was shut off.”
“Can I have your cell number please?” Greg typed it into the computer and saw what he had already expected: the woman in question had not been paying her bill on time. In fact, she was a few weeks late. “Ma’am, your service was shut off because your monthly bill has not been paid.”
“I’m only three weeks late! I can’t afford to pay it right now!”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you do not pay for your service, we are forced to shut it off until you do.”
“THIS IS A RIPOFF!” The lady screamed. “I pay through the nose for this phone, and as soon as something like this happens, you screw me over!”
Greg felt all the blood rushing to his head, and he fought to stay calm. “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to transfer you to collections to start a payment plan?”
“No! I want you to turn my damn phone back on! I need that phone!”
“I’m afraid I cannot do that, ma’am.”
“You’re useless!” She shrieked. “All you care about is what money your company gets!”
Greg thought he was about to burst a blood vessel, and so he transferred her over to Josie without another word. He kept his headset on to hear the show. They technically weren’t supposed to do this, but he was absolutely furious at this woman. He hoped Josie didn’t cave in and give this anal probe what she wanted.
His anger was increased when he heard the lady’s tirade on the phone. She kept rambling on about how he cursed at her, how he demanded her driver’s license number and full social, and other lies. She also finished with demanding that he be fired. Josie listened patiently to the woman’s rant before replying:
“Ma’am, I have been closely monitoring that entire call, and I know for a fact that none of those things ever happened. Greg is one of our most experienced techs, and the fact that you would lie to get someone fired is reprehensible. We do not want your business anymore. Have a nice day.”
The resounding click and dial tone were beautiful music to Greg’s ears.
“You can hang up now, Greg.”
Greg fumbled quickly and shut off the headset. He grinned nervously and thought it was just about the time for a cigarette break.
Ryan saw a few kids walk into Cloud 9 and he could tell from the way they were walking around and looking over their shoulders that they were about to rip them off. He kept a close eye on them, which wasn’t difficult as they were the only ones in the store.
One of them grabbed a six pack of beer and he picked up a mop to get a better view under the guise of cleaning floors. His eye glinted as he saw money casually exchange hands. It was in full view of the security cameras, too. He put up the mop and waited at the register for the show.
One of the older-looking kids put the six on the counter while the rest browsed the aisles. “Hey, can I get some I.D., please?”
The kid shifted his eyes, but presented it. Ryan looked at it. “So, birthday soon, huh?”
“Yeah.” The kid said. “Really close.”
Ryan smiled, since his trick had worked. “Yeah, because July is so soon to October.” The kid looked confused. “What?”
“This I.D. has a July birthday. It’s October 14th.” Ryan said. “Plus, this picture looks an awful lot like the guy who just slipped a bag of chips into his coat.”
The kid in question bolted along with the rest, and the guy at the register snapped back the I.D. and ran. Ryan shrugged and put the six back. He knew the security cameras could nail those kids, but felt it was stupid to risk jail time for a 99 cent bag of chips.
Wayne felt like beating his head against the wall. He just spent the last half hour apologizing his heart out to an irate mother and now-confused daughter. A free $25 gift card finally made her go away, and he was now wishing horrible deaths on the man who left the pop-up Karma Sutra in the children’s section.
Jeff was behind the desk, working as a clerk for once. A man approached the counter.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Don’t be a smartass, don’t be a smartass, don’t be a smartass… “You mean a second one?” Damn.
“Ha ha. What’s your rate for a room tonight?”
“Smoking or non-smoking?”
“Non-smoking, please.”
Jeff looked it up and told him. The man looked upset. “Are you certain that’s the best rate you can give?”
“Yes.” Said Jeff, not at all in the mood to argue.
“But it’s Halloween!”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
“It’s the season for giving!”
Jeff sighed.
Brad was having a seriously busy night at Anderson’s Bar and Grill. Luckily he didn’t have to serve, just bartend. Everyone seemed to understand that it was busy and showed him sympathy, and good tips.
It was just him and Caroline behind the bar, and they were both too busy concentrating on customers to notice anything else. He saw a shape fly past him and start making cocktails on the back of the bar. He didn’t look directly at this figure; because he was too busy making his own drinks. Next thing he knew, he heard Caroline scream. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!”
He looked, and it was a customer. The customer had walked behind the bar, and started making his own drinks right beside him! They were so busy it had taken them about twenty seconds to notice. “Oh my God!” Brad screamed. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Well, it’s crowded, so I thought I’d make my own! I have money! Here!” The customer tried to shove money into his hand. Brad was too scared to care about the money at that point, the man could be crazy for all he knew. “GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!” He yelled.
The man ran away, but he had an accomplice. A friend of his started running down the bar, stuffing the bar snacks into his pockets, and he stupidly decided to run in Brad’s direction. Now, Brad did not condone violence against customers, but he was truly afraid at that point. Someone he didn’t know was behind the bar, and the registers were open and everything, he just did the first thing that came into his head.
He kicked the man, hard. He got him right below the knee and he went down, crushing all of the poor bar snacks. Caroline had already fled to the get the manager, who came running. The manager ended up “escorting” the men off the premises, and by that, he meant throwing them through a set of closed doors. She was a pretty small lady, but she was very strong. In fact, she used to be an Army drill sergeant.
The manager sent Brad and Caroline home and had two servers take over the bar. They were too shaken up to serve anymore.
By the time everyone had gotten home, everyone was in a very scared, upset, or sour mood. Ryan and Colin were the only ones who got away unscathed from that Monday. Brad burst into the living room and Colin stood up, his brown eyes wide with alarm. “Brad, you’re white as a sheet!”
“Where’s Chip?” He asked shakily. As if on cue, Chip walked in and Brad ran up and held him tightly. Wayne came in with an exasperated look on his face and yelled, “You would not BELIEVE the day I have had!”
Jeff and Greg followed suit and Greg kicked the wastebasket out of the way in frustration. Drew walked in quietly and the entire living room was in chaos, everyone trying to make themselves heard above the din. Drew placed a hand on Greg’s shoulder and Greg spun on him like a small fury. “What?!” He snapped.
Drew, still upset from previous events, burst into tears and fled the room. Greg had a fit of remorse and chased after him, and the rest of them managed to make their way up to their rooms to figure out what the hell happened to them today.
After a little while, everyone came back down to the kitchen to calm down over tea and cake. “Looks like we all had the Monday from Hell.”
Everyone nodded. Drew took a sip of his tea. “Does anyone want to play the bad day game?”
The bad day game was a game they all played after a lot of them came home very frustrated from work. Someone would start by telling their story, then they would go in a circle until they all got it out, and the winner got something nice like picking the TV show or the last soda or something like that. But it really worked for everyone because it let them get their frustrations out.
The whole group agreed to that idea and Colin began. His helped lighten the mood because it was rather funny, then they also laughed at Ryan’s because of the stupid kids. Chip’s story helped to further lighten the mood, then they got to Greg.
“Wow, good for Josie!” Drew said. “Good thing she was monitoring.” Greg nodded. “I know; it was karma at its finest.”
After that, Drew told his story, and everyone was very indignant over the fact the woman would say such a thing, and sympathetic for their friend. “I can’t believe that, what a bitch.” Jeff said. Drew nodded. “I normally don’t care about my weight, it’s just…you know.” Greg nodded, rubbing his leg under the table. Drew smiled and then it was Wayne’s turn.
Colin’s eyes went wide, and Greg burst out laughing once he was done. “Wow! That must be one confused kid right about now!” Wayne couldn’t help but laugh too, because it did strike him as funny now that it was several hours later. Jeff told his, and they were just as confused as he was.
“Halloween is the season for giving now?” Drew asked confusedly. “Maybe he wanted to pay with candy.”
Then finally they got to Brad, and everyone was shocked to hear it. Chip took his hand comfortingly from under the table as Brad told everyone what had happened. “Wow, I’m really glad you aren’t hurt.” Ryan said, everyone nodding agreement. “I think you win, Brad.”
Everyone agreed and they celebrated by giving Brad the last slice of cake and letting him pick the Tivo recording. He chose an old rerun of Match Game and everyone stayed to chill out and watch.
As they ate, drank, and laughed, they thought that work really wasn’t that bad when you had friends like this to come home to. Everyone there knew each other, trusted each other, loved each other. And they would gladly put up with those jobs for the rest of their days as long as they could stay like this.
It was one crazy, happy family. And they couldn’t be happier.
End of Chapter Four