(no subject)
Something had been bothering me lately and I couldn't quite put my finger on it until just a minute ago. Recently I've been fully engaging myself in.... well.. everything. School, my relationship, myself... life. I'm happier than I've ever been, though not any of it has become especially easy , it's just better. Because I want to be doing it.
I realized for the first time that I have a huge regret. I wasted what could have potentially been some really great years of my life. Seriously... what the fuck was I doing around the time I was in high school. I wasted my life being angry, being in a relationship that didn't make me happy, doing self destructive things because I was angry, thinking about being mad, writing about being mad, being mad. I got involved in nothing and I did pretty much nothing other than drive myself borderline insane. Of course there was fun, but I feel like a vast majority of that time was hindered because of the underlying angst and discontent.... and it freakin kills me because during a period of my life where I really had no adult responsibility yet much adult freedom I basically handicapped myself and squeezed out only a quarter of the awesomeness that was potentially available to me. Anyway, the point is that we wasted our time... we really did. Someone should have told us to get over ourselves and stop being so dramatic... and we all should have listened.
And now that I figured out what was bothering me I feel better.
I realized for the first time that I have a huge regret. I wasted what could have potentially been some really great years of my life. Seriously... what the fuck was I doing around the time I was in high school. I wasted my life being angry, being in a relationship that didn't make me happy, doing self destructive things because I was angry, thinking about being mad, writing about being mad, being mad. I got involved in nothing and I did pretty much nothing other than drive myself borderline insane. Of course there was fun, but I feel like a vast majority of that time was hindered because of the underlying angst and discontent.... and it freakin kills me because during a period of my life where I really had no adult responsibility yet much adult freedom I basically handicapped myself and squeezed out only a quarter of the awesomeness that was potentially available to me. Anyway, the point is that we wasted our time... we really did. Someone should have told us to get over ourselves and stop being so dramatic... and we all should have listened.
And now that I figured out what was bothering me I feel better.