(no subject)
I don't know how long it has been, the time just seems to fly by, events happen on the scale of weeks now, I remember being young and every hour held something new.
I could talk at length tedious details of happenstance--- maybe I will do that later as it clears the mind.
My feelings at the moment, I guess I am back to being contemplative, else why would I post! Recently I've been up and down, lots of down. I was kinda just meandering day to day, week to week and suddenly a month passed without anything meaningful happening. I realize that Bri and I both don't know what to do about anything, and everything feels like a waiting room--especially our current appartment.
Back in college, we looked forward to assignments, tests, projects, finals, breaks, new quarters, seasons and in the distance graduation and then whatever life is. Now at that last part, it is just a vast sea of possibilities and we are constantly being dragged under by stresses of modern living. We feel good for making progress towards our goals, but without the latter this mechanism fails. Hobbies often make us feel good by this mechanism, but apathy often overwhelms. So without direction, we loose things, and our lives corrode until we loose something that we want again which gives us direction. Thus a sort of pseudo stability will always be achieved-- but wouldn't it be better not to loose a thing.
So this is where it ends, I need some overwhelming dream or ambition that is possible to work towards, I need a direction for my life. Hell, this applies to relathionships too, we need a direction for our relationship.
Right now.. lots going on, maybe I will find a way to fulfill myself.
Last notes..
...I hate this holiday, it is damn depressing to me as always. Security Theatre (brought to us by BB) is rather amusing, but eventually I'd like the curtains to drop, if we move on to every faucet of life that a terrorist could threaten (aeroplanes, trains, buses, shoping centers, theatres, downtown farmer's markets etc.), we'd find that we're only safe in small secure boxes six feet under ground where nobody disturbs. In this arms race of secret weapons and detections measures, the secret weapons will always win, they're secret and will always surprise us, our measures are purely reactionary and we are running in circles like scared children.
...my car: Bri has reminded me that it would be a good idea to list out everything I've done to repair my car, it would be an expansive list and quite a story, in short my car is a strange hobby that has left me with a good working knowledge of a modern fuel injected engine that I should write about later (besides, I need to put vital engine components back in my car after cleaning the gunk out of them).
I could talk at length tedious details of happenstance--- maybe I will do that later as it clears the mind.
My feelings at the moment, I guess I am back to being contemplative, else why would I post! Recently I've been up and down, lots of down. I was kinda just meandering day to day, week to week and suddenly a month passed without anything meaningful happening. I realize that Bri and I both don't know what to do about anything, and everything feels like a waiting room--especially our current appartment.
Back in college, we looked forward to assignments, tests, projects, finals, breaks, new quarters, seasons and in the distance graduation and then whatever life is. Now at that last part, it is just a vast sea of possibilities and we are constantly being dragged under by stresses of modern living. We feel good for making progress towards our goals, but without the latter this mechanism fails. Hobbies often make us feel good by this mechanism, but apathy often overwhelms. So without direction, we loose things, and our lives corrode until we loose something that we want again which gives us direction. Thus a sort of pseudo stability will always be achieved-- but wouldn't it be better not to loose a thing.
So this is where it ends, I need some overwhelming dream or ambition that is possible to work towards, I need a direction for my life. Hell, this applies to relathionships too, we need a direction for our relationship.
Right now.. lots going on, maybe I will find a way to fulfill myself.
Last notes..
...I hate this holiday, it is damn depressing to me as always. Security Theatre (brought to us by BB) is rather amusing, but eventually I'd like the curtains to drop, if we move on to every faucet of life that a terrorist could threaten (aeroplanes, trains, buses, shoping centers, theatres, downtown farmer's markets etc.), we'd find that we're only safe in small secure boxes six feet under ground where nobody disturbs. In this arms race of secret weapons and detections measures, the secret weapons will always win, they're secret and will always surprise us, our measures are purely reactionary and we are running in circles like scared children.
...my car: Bri has reminded me that it would be a good idea to list out everything I've done to repair my car, it would be an expansive list and quite a story, in short my car is a strange hobby that has left me with a good working knowledge of a modern fuel injected engine that I should write about later (besides, I need to put vital engine components back in my car after cleaning the gunk out of them).