(no subject)
This is the beginning of so much. I am taking so many steps, in so many directions, with so many people, and so many by myself. And half of it I can't even grasp, so the way I should be feeling about things I won't even get around to until weeks later and I am crawling into my bunk, and I realize how sad I really am, and then it'll probably be all I can do to not embarrass myself. This monday it will have been 15 months. That's 450 days give or take... it's a long time, and here is our next biggest hurdle, and all we're thinking about is how hard it is going to be without each other, without everything we have been clutching so tightly these past few days, and we can never stop long enough to sit and think about how great this is going to be. God I feel so many different things, and I have been on the verge some intense emotional burst since yesterday, and right now all I want is to be able to sit for a moment and feel some peace, and I can't. My heart is ringing in my ears, and my stomach is in knots, and my eyes are watery, and I am packing for school, so I can't tell if I am excited for what a great year I am going to have, or if I am afraid of how alone I am going to feel when I embark on this path. It's not a long time... but it is a good amount of time, with only a few phone calls, and tentative email situations, and this is a full fledged relationship we're working on, and in this time we're going to go through so much, it is only a fool's hope to think we won't come through extremely different. But I'm still crossing my fingers for different and together because that's really the only way I can picture my life sometimes. Together, and it's scary, and comforting, and it makes this scary and comforting. And it is always good to be comforted when you are scared.
Sept. 26- I move back to UCLA, I am in line for a research position on the effects of morphine on neurotransmitters, looking for work (possibly with Bonus, which would be fun, or at the H. Video there, which is meh), a very nice class schedule (taking into account that I am premed), an awesome roomate, and room, hopefully with a bar (which me and Zak are working on).
Sept. 26- Katie leaves for Spain. I suppose I said all I really need to earlier.
Oct- I see Mason.
There's this scene in my head from Monterey where Mason, Katie, and I are at a beach on the 17 mile drive, and Katie's walking with only her feet in the water, and Mason and I are sitting watching her, and these little birds chase the tide. And the world is beautiful, and everything is perfect and the only thing I know is happiness. That's what everyday should be... perhaps with a burrtio or two as well.
Sept. 26- I move back to UCLA, I am in line for a research position on the effects of morphine on neurotransmitters, looking for work (possibly with Bonus, which would be fun, or at the H. Video there, which is meh), a very nice class schedule (taking into account that I am premed), an awesome roomate, and room, hopefully with a bar (which me and Zak are working on).
Sept. 26- Katie leaves for Spain. I suppose I said all I really need to earlier.
Oct- I see Mason.
There's this scene in my head from Monterey where Mason, Katie, and I are at a beach on the 17 mile drive, and Katie's walking with only her feet in the water, and Mason and I are sitting watching her, and these little birds chase the tide. And the world is beautiful, and everything is perfect and the only thing I know is happiness. That's what everyday should be... perhaps with a burrtio or two as well.