i'm scared you've forgotten
title: i'm scared you've forgotten
rating: pg
genre: angst
pairing: sunye&donghae
/ i wrote this awhile ago x__x i adore sunhae and i promise the next sunhae update i have will be happier than this one <3
'hi! this is sunye! sorry i'm not here to answer the phone right now, but please leave a message and i'll be sure to call you back.'
even though this is the thirty sixth message he has left in the past two months, the process isn't habitual.
beep.
'hi,' donghae pauses for a minute before he decides it's okay to breath, 'i miss you, please call me back soon.'
he tries to forget her voice each time he hangs up, just so it's some surprise when he calls again hours later.
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he'll call twice in the morning and four times at night, but he only leaves a voice mail once a week. he wonders if she's laughing at him, looking at her phone log and pitying the guy who can't forget her back in korea while she creates scandals with an american.
donghae pushes the thought out of his mind as he watches the news:
'the wonder girls are back in korea!'
he sees yeeun and sohee and yubin and hyelim, but the frown stays upon his face when he realizes that sunye simply decided she liked american better. that she decided to stay there.
-
3:42 a.m.
'why'd you decide to not come back? i honestly don't get you, you said you would come back, that you wouldn't stay there - and .. i .. you're ridiculous. what the hell do you think you're going to get there in america? nothing! nothing! the fame you have there, it all means nothing. you were better off in korea because you're just wasting your time over there. it won't be long until you're just another has been.'
4:48 a.m.
'sunye .. i'm sorry. i didn't mean what i said in that last message, i'm just frustrated. it hurts to see sohee around and know that you just decided to stay in america. just please call me back, let's talk. i'll say anything, i'll do anything to have you back here with me.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
donghae watches as the wonder girls promote these new songs, they're ballads. ballads on heart break and sorrow and the loss of one's presence, the mourning and weeping of it all. he feels this clenching in his throat as he looks at his phone. still no calls, still no texts, and it's only been three months but his patience isn't wearing thing.
'sunye .. this is for you,' he hears yubin choke out on the broadcast before he flips the channel.
'she'll call me back when she's ready,' he tells himself as he turns the television off.
-
2:30 a.m.
'i really wish you'd just come back all ready,' he whispers into the phone, wiping his eyes from the stinging tears. donghae swallowed his pride a long time ago, only to be the one who locked himself in his room this talk to some voice recording machine thousands of miles away.
'days like these without you here are the hardest. when leeteuk can't tell us it'll be okay .. when sungmin stops smiling. i think just being able to take a glance in your direction now a days would suffice for all this pain. just .. call me back when you can.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he still remembers the look on her face. the smile of her cheekbones that ran miles high. his lips lingering against hers for a few seconds longer than usual because it wasn't their good bye, but more of a i'll see you later.
-
three months ago
'is this our final good bye?' he pouted, pressing his forehead against hers. 'good bye? more like see you later. when i get back, you, me, karaoke, and some dduboki,' she whispered in his ear before pressing her lips against his cheek. 'i'll see you soon,' her fingers slowly pulled away as she turned and walked through security.
-
donghae wakes up with a gasp and clenching in his throat. he'll see her soon, he has too.
(sometimes he wonders why he holds onto her so tightly, and he'll always remember why a split second later. because he loves her, because he isn't willing to let go.)
(it's the same nightmare. the same dream. the same fantasy. it's all slipping through his fingers and he isn't fast enough to catch them.)
-
3:56 a.m.
'why did you leave?'
bare. broken.
'why did you decide that america was better than what we had back here? why don't you answer my calls .. talk to me .. tell me you miss me? why did you forget about me? was i not good enough for you?'
he's a little boy with his earth crumbling beneath him. it's one piece than the next and he bites down on his final breaths just so his heart doesn't explode from these emotions, because if his heart does he thinks he could simply die.
'sunye .. i love you, but i can't wait for you to call back anymore.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
yeeun comes to visit him one day, some day in the winter.
'donghae oppa,' she greets with this small smile as he opens the door. he looks at her and forces his lips to pull into something passable, something that can disguise the hurt of simply seeing her. 'yeeun, what're you doing here?'
'i .. i .. just ..' yeeun inhales because her chest is about to explode with agony (but she bites her lip and sucks back the tears because she's park yeeun, strong and confident, and she' only missing this large chunk of her heart after what happened five months ago.)
'i thought it would be better to invite you in person than send some text. sunye's family is holding a five month remembrance for her since .. well, the accident back in new york,' she tells him.
'i just thought you and i should go together since the other girls are busy,' he isn't sure if he hears her or even sees her, but he feels her; the pain, the sorrow, the hurt. there was no really other way to describe it, it was just this hurt .. and it was enough to bring both of them to tears as they stood there.
'right,' he whispers.
'of course i'll go.'
(it's this rush of reality that he has been avoiding for awhile.)
-
they stand there, fingers laced, yeeun holding white roses and donghae holding red ones. he still feels it, his world breaking around him. (but in the distance he also felt something else. the feeling of slowly rebuilding oneself.)
'min sunye, a beautiful girl whose life was taken in a tragic car accident in america. we will always remember her in our hearts, in our souls. min sunye, we truly do miss you.'
-
'why did you decide that america was better than what we had back here? why did you forget about me? was i not good enough for you?'
'sun ye .. i love you, but i can't wait for you to call back anymore.'
10:00 a.m.
donghae looks down at his phone before scrolling down to her name. options. delete.
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he's walking on this fragile line of being in love and having been in love, and he can't help but fall a couple of times. it's been ten months now and even though he deleted her number, he knows he has it engraved in his heart.
-
12: 27 a.m.
'sunye,' donghae whispers to the night air, looking up at the stars.
'i hope you're okay out there.'
(he wants to tell her he loves her, but he thinks she can hear his heart screaming out those three words from the sky above. he looks at the shining skyline and wonders if the stars that light up the sky are simply just a way of her pouring out her happiness through the brightness. he wonders if she knows that for once, he'll be okay.)
rating: pg
genre: angst
pairing: sunye&donghae
/ i wrote this awhile ago x__x i adore sunhae and i promise the next sunhae update i have will be happier than this one <3
'hi! this is sunye! sorry i'm not here to answer the phone right now, but please leave a message and i'll be sure to call you back.'
even though this is the thirty sixth message he has left in the past two months, the process isn't habitual.
beep.
'hi,' donghae pauses for a minute before he decides it's okay to breath, 'i miss you, please call me back soon.'
he tries to forget her voice each time he hangs up, just so it's some surprise when he calls again hours later.
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he'll call twice in the morning and four times at night, but he only leaves a voice mail once a week. he wonders if she's laughing at him, looking at her phone log and pitying the guy who can't forget her back in korea while she creates scandals with an american.
donghae pushes the thought out of his mind as he watches the news:
'the wonder girls are back in korea!'
he sees yeeun and sohee and yubin and hyelim, but the frown stays upon his face when he realizes that sunye simply decided she liked american better. that she decided to stay there.
-
3:42 a.m.
'why'd you decide to not come back? i honestly don't get you, you said you would come back, that you wouldn't stay there - and .. i .. you're ridiculous. what the hell do you think you're going to get there in america? nothing! nothing! the fame you have there, it all means nothing. you were better off in korea because you're just wasting your time over there. it won't be long until you're just another has been.'
4:48 a.m.
'sunye .. i'm sorry. i didn't mean what i said in that last message, i'm just frustrated. it hurts to see sohee around and know that you just decided to stay in america. just please call me back, let's talk. i'll say anything, i'll do anything to have you back here with me.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
donghae watches as the wonder girls promote these new songs, they're ballads. ballads on heart break and sorrow and the loss of one's presence, the mourning and weeping of it all. he feels this clenching in his throat as he looks at his phone. still no calls, still no texts, and it's only been three months but his patience isn't wearing thing.
'sunye .. this is for you,' he hears yubin choke out on the broadcast before he flips the channel.
'she'll call me back when she's ready,' he tells himself as he turns the television off.
-
2:30 a.m.
'i really wish you'd just come back all ready,' he whispers into the phone, wiping his eyes from the stinging tears. donghae swallowed his pride a long time ago, only to be the one who locked himself in his room this talk to some voice recording machine thousands of miles away.
'days like these without you here are the hardest. when leeteuk can't tell us it'll be okay .. when sungmin stops smiling. i think just being able to take a glance in your direction now a days would suffice for all this pain. just .. call me back when you can.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he still remembers the look on her face. the smile of her cheekbones that ran miles high. his lips lingering against hers for a few seconds longer than usual because it wasn't their good bye, but more of a i'll see you later.
-
three months ago
'is this our final good bye?' he pouted, pressing his forehead against hers. 'good bye? more like see you later. when i get back, you, me, karaoke, and some dduboki,' she whispered in his ear before pressing her lips against his cheek. 'i'll see you soon,' her fingers slowly pulled away as she turned and walked through security.
-
donghae wakes up with a gasp and clenching in his throat. he'll see her soon, he has too.
(sometimes he wonders why he holds onto her so tightly, and he'll always remember why a split second later. because he loves her, because he isn't willing to let go.)
(it's the same nightmare. the same dream. the same fantasy. it's all slipping through his fingers and he isn't fast enough to catch them.)
-
3:56 a.m.
'why did you leave?'
bare. broken.
'why did you decide that america was better than what we had back here? why don't you answer my calls .. talk to me .. tell me you miss me? why did you forget about me? was i not good enough for you?'
he's a little boy with his earth crumbling beneath him. it's one piece than the next and he bites down on his final breaths just so his heart doesn't explode from these emotions, because if his heart does he thinks he could simply die.
'sunye .. i love you, but i can't wait for you to call back anymore.'
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
yeeun comes to visit him one day, some day in the winter.
'donghae oppa,' she greets with this small smile as he opens the door. he looks at her and forces his lips to pull into something passable, something that can disguise the hurt of simply seeing her. 'yeeun, what're you doing here?'
'i .. i .. just ..' yeeun inhales because her chest is about to explode with agony (but she bites her lip and sucks back the tears because she's park yeeun, strong and confident, and she' only missing this large chunk of her heart after what happened five months ago.)
'i thought it would be better to invite you in person than send some text. sunye's family is holding a five month remembrance for her since .. well, the accident back in new york,' she tells him.
'i just thought you and i should go together since the other girls are busy,' he isn't sure if he hears her or even sees her, but he feels her; the pain, the sorrow, the hurt. there was no really other way to describe it, it was just this hurt .. and it was enough to bring both of them to tears as they stood there.
'right,' he whispers.
'of course i'll go.'
(it's this rush of reality that he has been avoiding for awhile.)
-
they stand there, fingers laced, yeeun holding white roses and donghae holding red ones. he still feels it, his world breaking around him. (but in the distance he also felt something else. the feeling of slowly rebuilding oneself.)
'min sunye, a beautiful girl whose life was taken in a tragic car accident in america. we will always remember her in our hearts, in our souls. min sunye, we truly do miss you.'
-
'why did you decide that america was better than what we had back here? why did you forget about me? was i not good enough for you?'
'sun ye .. i love you, but i can't wait for you to call back anymore.'
10:00 a.m.
donghae looks down at his phone before scrolling down to her name. options. delete.
-
seconds turn into minutes which turn into hours which turns into nights and days.
he's walking on this fragile line of being in love and having been in love, and he can't help but fall a couple of times. it's been ten months now and even though he deleted her number, he knows he has it engraved in his heart.
-
12: 27 a.m.
'sunye,' donghae whispers to the night air, looking up at the stars.
'i hope you're okay out there.'
(he wants to tell her he loves her, but he thinks she can hear his heart screaming out those three words from the sky above. he looks at the shining skyline and wonders if the stars that light up the sky are simply just a way of her pouring out her happiness through the brightness. he wonders if she knows that for once, he'll be okay.)