... even if you'd been looking you wouldn't have seen me around

[withnailpolish]

i still haven't grown up yet. I'm not sure when it's going to happen, i am, however, looking forward to it. {he has six new songs that i had not any idea of} when will i get on with my life the one that seems to be getting on with or with out me... these kids are crazy, with their forefinger/thumb grasp on reality. I almost forgot about built to spill and neutral milk hotel... i was listening to built to spill yesterday and this kid at harrison hall said "sounds like modest mouse" i said sure... why argue... i've never wanted an ipod more than i do now. my baby wants an ipod... to listen to it's illegal mp3s... what a world i don't think it's getting better... but i came home from a long night at work to my husband playing loudly/singing louder and that's better slightly better i wonder if he'll remember what a beautiful guitar player he can be and is... i also wonder if i'll remember what i wanted to do with this life... {i think i like timeslow the best... but i'm conflicted cause it's the most "typical" of the songs} so how's this for a half assed rant after two months of silence... i don't have anyone to just go get coffee with and to just talk about shit with and that makes me disgruntled... there is something wrong with me that i can't make friends... and now it's too late to make friends... and when i'm alone i just feel so tired and uninspired and ready to give up the ghost... if i knew what i was doing where i was going when i would get there... {pretty girls are just just i'll think of it hang on}... {are you as sad as all this makes you sound} on november tenth i get to find out the sex of the mansberger baby i am carrying around... my latest accessory=the mansberger baby ha maybe i need to be in a better mood... bring myself to this machine a little more often... write in this disappointing diary about how disappointing the world has turned out to be... even when things couldn't be better... i'm off drugs smokes drinking even caffeine mostly... healthiest mentally and physically that i've been in a long while and and well just left wanting... wanting a cigarette and to see the world through hazy glazed over eyes that felt they could find beauty in the cracks in the concrete... my baby will be beautiful and hopefully, even with as unhappy as its parents have been known to be, will be happy... i can't imagine what reason in the world it will be able to find for unhappiness... i will see to it that it has to look long and hard for anything disappointing or dismal or destructive. [a simple way to change the world just bring it into focus] i'm still tired after sleeping a long time... the fall back of an hour has me rising before noon, the darkest of seasons is upon us and i want to go out and see something happening dressed in my warmest clothes i have three days off from work and am unsure of how to spend them... one of them is halloween... tonight is devil's night right isn't that what they call it... {actually timeslow is more than my favorite it is now officially the best song ever} god i'm tired... i think i'm going to go... stop wasting webspace... stop breathing
victoria