Caution: Self Pity May Be Prevalent
I'm really sad and I'm really hurt. Sara knows why and so does Loida and that's probably about it. Melisa can probably piece it together.
I did not think I would be this upset over this teensy bit of info but I'm really really upset and I actually want to *gasp* cry over the fact, but I will not. Shit happens, right? I just hate it when I'm walked all over my entire life and then a blow like this on top of that....ouch. I'm jealous in so many ways that I cannot begin to name them. i just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't really have that. I shouldn't even be upset about the entire situation, but yet I am. I don't know if anyone could even understand, though Loida said she did. I just make jokes about it and try to laugh it off, but anyone who knows me, knows that's how I try to handle bad situations and underneath, I'm this vulnerable person who's dying inside. I should stop copmlaining. I'm turning into that which I hate.
So...onward to better news:
I went to a kegger last night...in Kentucky. I didn't get drunk but I did manage to get a lapdance and dancing lessons, which was intersting. It was all cool until the stupid high school bitches came and started some drama. I really enjoyed seeing some old friends and talking and chilling out. That was really fun.
It's always interesting to see how many people remember you, for whatever reasons. Dee, Josh, Aaron, Sarah, Candace, Tiffany, Korey and Cooter. Wow. And my friend April is married and pregnant now. So much happens in such a little time. It's amazing. Dee didn't even know that I moved, which is really amazing to me, b/c the way I heard it, there was an article published in the county newspaper about it (not really but it was that big a deal). I guess I really should get over myself and stop thinking that I'm such big news. I was glad that I wasn't. I was also glad to cut loose with some people and have a good time. I don't think I could ever live here, but it was great to be with friends again. And I feel like right now, I just need to forget a lot of things and move past a lot of others and in some weird way, that helped.
I walked into our Walmart yesterday with my head held high and I wasn't afraid of anyone who saw me. I wasn't timid and I wasn't running. I would have looked the worst person in the eye and said hello. For this, I am proud of myself. I think I'm pseudo growing up. That comes with pros and cons, but I think it's good.
I'm scared of regrets. I think that's why I don't get drunk at parties...that and I don't really like alcohol that much. Maybe I should just cut loose more often and stop caring what other people think of me, stop caring what I think of myself. Maybe if I do this, I won't have regrets afterall, maybe I'll hurt one of my supposedly good friends and reap the rewards. I don't think I've really done this, but everyone else seems to enjoy it, so maybe I will, too (no I'm not bitter). Sorry...really shouldn't have broken like that. I just wish I could see a ray of sunshine right now.
So to all my friends in Murray reading this (I guess that might be Sara and Jesse): I'll be there on Tuesday. Let's have some fun.
Adios all!
I did not think I would be this upset over this teensy bit of info but I'm really really upset and I actually want to *gasp* cry over the fact, but I will not. Shit happens, right? I just hate it when I'm walked all over my entire life and then a blow like this on top of that....ouch. I'm jealous in so many ways that I cannot begin to name them. i just want to cry on someone's shoulder but I don't really have that. I shouldn't even be upset about the entire situation, but yet I am. I don't know if anyone could even understand, though Loida said she did. I just make jokes about it and try to laugh it off, but anyone who knows me, knows that's how I try to handle bad situations and underneath, I'm this vulnerable person who's dying inside. I should stop copmlaining. I'm turning into that which I hate.
So...onward to better news:
I went to a kegger last night...in Kentucky. I didn't get drunk but I did manage to get a lapdance and dancing lessons, which was intersting. It was all cool until the stupid high school bitches came and started some drama. I really enjoyed seeing some old friends and talking and chilling out. That was really fun.
It's always interesting to see how many people remember you, for whatever reasons. Dee, Josh, Aaron, Sarah, Candace, Tiffany, Korey and Cooter. Wow. And my friend April is married and pregnant now. So much happens in such a little time. It's amazing. Dee didn't even know that I moved, which is really amazing to me, b/c the way I heard it, there was an article published in the county newspaper about it (not really but it was that big a deal). I guess I really should get over myself and stop thinking that I'm such big news. I was glad that I wasn't. I was also glad to cut loose with some people and have a good time. I don't think I could ever live here, but it was great to be with friends again. And I feel like right now, I just need to forget a lot of things and move past a lot of others and in some weird way, that helped.
I walked into our Walmart yesterday with my head held high and I wasn't afraid of anyone who saw me. I wasn't timid and I wasn't running. I would have looked the worst person in the eye and said hello. For this, I am proud of myself. I think I'm pseudo growing up. That comes with pros and cons, but I think it's good.
I'm scared of regrets. I think that's why I don't get drunk at parties...that and I don't really like alcohol that much. Maybe I should just cut loose more often and stop caring what other people think of me, stop caring what I think of myself. Maybe if I do this, I won't have regrets afterall, maybe I'll hurt one of my supposedly good friends and reap the rewards. I don't think I've really done this, but everyone else seems to enjoy it, so maybe I will, too (no I'm not bitter). Sorry...really shouldn't have broken like that. I just wish I could see a ray of sunshine right now.
So to all my friends in Murray reading this (I guess that might be Sara and Jesse): I'll be there on Tuesday. Let's have some fun.
Adios all!