oo2; action; cafeteria

[subjuggloco]

[Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA, and you are finding yourself faced with the biggest miracle you have ever caused in your life

Comments

[needs_weird]

Hi!

['SUP, alien buddy?! Out of nowhere comes a curious Haruhi, and let's just say Haruhi does not investigate things at a distance. Nope, she's right up close, greeting with a smack on the shoulders and then grabbing Gamzee's horns and checking out if they're genuine or not.]

Whoa! Is this normal for your planet? They're so big!

[Yes, whatever Gamzee is doing is officially irrelevant.]

1/2

[subjuggloco]

[oh

oh my god

who is this person and why are they grabbing his horns?? this does not upset him but he is VERY CONFUSED

yet all he does is look lazily up at her.]

All motherfucking natural, motherfucker. Genuine, one-hundred-and-a-hundred percent Alternian shit right here.

2/2

[subjuggloco]

And... man, that feels good. Give 'em a nice rub or something, sister, 'cause that's the fucking tits right there.

[... welp. He's gone from startled confusion to mellowed enjoyment now.]

[needs_weird]

[Someone normal might be skeeved out and take it as some sort of innuendo. Haruhi, however, doesn't even register the possibility.]

Like this?

[RUBRUBRUB stop bored now HUG FROM BEHIND INSTEAD. Except the intention is more "YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY" than anything else. Alien.]

There you go! Now! Tell me about this "Alternia!"

[subjuggloco]

[Aww, this sister was really, really enthusiastic, but you know what? That's all good. Yeah, he can roll with this motherfucker. She's pretty nice, not to mention she's some fucking cuddle crusader, so he's gotta get to returning that right now.]

No motherfuckin' problem. What's a chick gotta know about it? I can tell you aaaall this brother knows.

[needs_weird]

EVERYTHING.

[subjuggloco]

Aw shit, that's a lot, sis. Lemme start from the top here. It's all dark and shit, and it's how we motherfucking like it. We don't like sun, 'cause that stuff's all gotta burn like a mofo.

And man, we got hives all over and it's just... man. They all fucking good. Nothing's better than a motherfucking cozy hive and all this slime in our 'coons and... shit.

Nothing like it.

[He dips his hand into one of his pies and takes a nice, slow lick from it.]

[needs_weird]

[Clings onto his every word, like this is the most fascinating thing ever. See, if this were a TV show or something boring like that, Haruhi would be pretty uninterested. With an actual alien, it's way better.

Unfortunately, Gamzee's descriptive talents aren't entirely up to her satisfaction and she soon gets distracted.]

What's that, then? Alien food? What's your diet like?

[subjuggloco]

My other brothers don't get to eat this shit. I dunno why, 'cause man... nothing else makes a motherfucker feel better than this.

I eat this and a whole motherfucking bunch of fruit and shit, but it's mostly my sweet-ass sopor. I sleep in this shit and eat it. S'all good.

And I drink this sweetnasty swill.

[He holds up a bottle of Faygo that just magically appeared in his hands. What.]

[needs_weird]

Slime?

[Unappetising, even to Haruhi. She's not entirely sure if she's willing to try that. It's probably poison.

And that looks like a normal bottle of soda to Haruhi, who eyes it critically.]

Aliens have soda?

[PULLS on those horns, just to make absolutely sure they're not secretly glued on.]

[subjuggloco]

[Gamzee was about to reply to her questions, but that tug on his horns wasn't very good. Troll horns can be pretty sensitive.

So what does Gamzee do? React accordingly, of course.]

FuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk!

[He holds onto the bases of his horns tightly, as if they were going to fall off. Owww. That hurt.]

[needs_weird]

Hmm... well, they're definitely real. I didn't think aliens would have soda! I thought they'd have... well, alien drinks.

[subjuggloco]

Naw, we got the same shit you got with that, but I don't motherfucking know. We probably got different drinks somewhere.

[He rubs his horns gently.]

Man, that all motherfucking hurt...

[needs_weird]

[Don't expect her to apologise.]

Okay! I'm getting the picture, now! It's like an alter-Earth where a different, nocturnal species gained human-like sentience!

[subjuggloco]

[Okay, the pain is beginning to dull, so his doofy smile is returning.]

Sounds a lot motherfucking like it, sister, haha!

[needs_weird]

Excellent!

I'll have to write a report about it!