So close.. So far..
This may sound silly, but I always look forward to playing GW2 with my friends. Tonight it was cut short because they all live out in Texas and there is a storm brewing. I dont even remember the last time it rained here. I think it was back in September. I keep thinking that if I were there, I would have a place to go.. not like a place to stay, but just a place to go where I could curl up on the chair, watch movies, help make dinner.. just be part of a normal every day life. When I game with them.. and I am on vent and I hear their voices, it takes me away from my reality. And right now, for the past few days.. it's all I can do to keep from crying. I don't let him see me cry.. I refuse to let him see me cry. But at times when I am all alone.. like now.. i just cant help myself.
I asked him today.. being as he has a degree in psychology (that he never uses), what he would say if a girl came to him and told him what happened to me had between her and her husband. What would he say to that girl as she sat crying, pouring her heart out, feeling like filth and so devestated.. and his response was "I would ask her if her husband showed remorse".
Why the fuck should it matter if the offender "shows remorse"?!
I know if I leave, my chances of keeping my daughter are completely screwed. I know that, at this moment, without having a place rent-free to go, there is no way I can support myself. I know that, all things considered, I am stuck. I also know that there are women out there who are dealing with worse.. and I think that is part of the reason I am hesitant to leave. I have been those women.. and in their eyes, this would be nothing but a little mishap. Something that could easily be over-looked for the sake of having someone who "loved" them. Even if it continued.. I know that they would see the fact that I am "allowed" to move into my own bedroom and have a privacy lock on my bedroom door is much better then what I know most people in my situation have. It makes me sick when I realize that I have it easy as far as that is concerned. It makes me feel like I really don't have a right to leave. Like I should stay here and let those women have the space in the shelter I would be taking up because they needed it more.
Of course that all could change... He may snap and then I would really be fucked.
I asked him today.. being as he has a degree in psychology (that he never uses), what he would say if a girl came to him and told him what happened to me had between her and her husband. What would he say to that girl as she sat crying, pouring her heart out, feeling like filth and so devestated.. and his response was "I would ask her if her husband showed remorse".
Why the fuck should it matter if the offender "shows remorse"?!
I know if I leave, my chances of keeping my daughter are completely screwed. I know that, at this moment, without having a place rent-free to go, there is no way I can support myself. I know that, all things considered, I am stuck. I also know that there are women out there who are dealing with worse.. and I think that is part of the reason I am hesitant to leave. I have been those women.. and in their eyes, this would be nothing but a little mishap. Something that could easily be over-looked for the sake of having someone who "loved" them. Even if it continued.. I know that they would see the fact that I am "allowed" to move into my own bedroom and have a privacy lock on my bedroom door is much better then what I know most people in my situation have. It makes me sick when I realize that I have it easy as far as that is concerned. It makes me feel like I really don't have a right to leave. Like I should stay here and let those women have the space in the shelter I would be taking up because they needed it more.
Of course that all could change... He may snap and then I would really be fucked.