Each betrayal begins with trust.
I keep having this insane urge to be anywhere but where I am. I feel as though I am trying to run from myself. Heh, not going to get very far I know.
I have been censoring my journal due to going against my personal "rule" and adding someone who lived close by and I thought I could trust to keep their mouth shut. This, like so many other times in the past, was a mistake. So they have been removed. I am not too worried. I filtered many entries so that they would not see, but I left one unfiltered just to see if I was right in taking these precautions, and low and behold, the very next day I was aware of the betrayal by this person.
~sighs~
Perhaps I am being a bit over-dramatic when I say that I put a lot of trust in my LJ friends. Maybe it's silly, or maybe I just feel "safe" because none of you (well mostly none of you) even know who is who when I am writing about them. I don't know.. All I know is that I have my journal "Friend's Only" for a reason. These are my thoughts, my feelings and often times, my naked soul. I would Never share what is any of your journals to anyone. Especially if they are "FO" entries. I expect the same respect in return. I don't hold anything that is written in a journal against anyone that has written it. Once again, this is because it is a journal. And though I know that at times it may be a little much to ask, again, I expect the same respect in return. I have had my share of LJ drama in the past and it has caused me a great amount of heartache as well as lost memories because I felt driven to delete everything. I don't want to do that this time. And I hate feeling like I have to hide portions of my journal from only one person. It's annoying. So I am doing now, what I should have done in the past, and I am just deleting anyone who crosses these boundaries.
I may have lost a good friend partly due to this (though I know not wholly, it just would have been easier had the lj friend kept their mouth shut.) I don't know, only time will tell. If this is the case, I will certainly be upset. But I will also recognize it for what it is and I will move on.. albeit a bit slowly.
In truth, I feel like an idiot letting this person into my private thoughts when I didn't know them well enough. Especially when I knew they were pretty close to those that have hurt me in the past. I was silly to believe them when they said I could trust them, that they held the same beliefs I do when it comes to friendships.. Looking back on it, I've no idea what I was thinking. Especially when I knew deep down that they only wanted to get into my pants. -_- Oh well, at least I found out quickly before too much damage was done.
"Lately,
Nothing passes by me.
And every hand is pulling me down -
And praise is just an unfamiliar sound, to me."
~Unfamiliar-The Birthday Massacre
I have been censoring my journal due to going against my personal "rule" and adding someone who lived close by and I thought I could trust to keep their mouth shut. This, like so many other times in the past, was a mistake. So they have been removed. I am not too worried. I filtered many entries so that they would not see, but I left one unfiltered just to see if I was right in taking these precautions, and low and behold, the very next day I was aware of the betrayal by this person.
~sighs~
Perhaps I am being a bit over-dramatic when I say that I put a lot of trust in my LJ friends. Maybe it's silly, or maybe I just feel "safe" because none of you (well mostly none of you) even know who is who when I am writing about them. I don't know.. All I know is that I have my journal "Friend's Only" for a reason. These are my thoughts, my feelings and often times, my naked soul. I would Never share what is any of your journals to anyone. Especially if they are "FO" entries. I expect the same respect in return. I don't hold anything that is written in a journal against anyone that has written it. Once again, this is because it is a journal. And though I know that at times it may be a little much to ask, again, I expect the same respect in return. I have had my share of LJ drama in the past and it has caused me a great amount of heartache as well as lost memories because I felt driven to delete everything. I don't want to do that this time. And I hate feeling like I have to hide portions of my journal from only one person. It's annoying. So I am doing now, what I should have done in the past, and I am just deleting anyone who crosses these boundaries.
I may have lost a good friend partly due to this (though I know not wholly, it just would have been easier had the lj friend kept their mouth shut.) I don't know, only time will tell. If this is the case, I will certainly be upset. But I will also recognize it for what it is and I will move on.. albeit a bit slowly.
In truth, I feel like an idiot letting this person into my private thoughts when I didn't know them well enough. Especially when I knew they were pretty close to those that have hurt me in the past. I was silly to believe them when they said I could trust them, that they held the same beliefs I do when it comes to friendships.. Looking back on it, I've no idea what I was thinking. Especially when I knew deep down that they only wanted to get into my pants. -_- Oh well, at least I found out quickly before too much damage was done.
"Lately,
Nothing passes by me.
And every hand is pulling me down -
And praise is just an unfamiliar sound, to me."
~Unfamiliar-The Birthday Massacre