Essay: Looking back
Essay: Looking back
I came in to school today to give a tour to the med school applicants. They are such a contrast in thought in their clone-like black suits, all of them dressed nicely and trying to be confident but deeply worried underneath. I know, because I've been there. I know the hesitancy, the worry; the frustration of trying to show you know what you want to do - and that you could be really good at it - without coming across as a jackass.
Does it make me a bad person that I take great pleasure in seeing them walk through the halls, this group of hopeful, would-be medical students? That while completely stressed out studying for exams, all it took was the nervousness of the interview group to put a smile on my face and relax me a little? I don't think so. No, I think it's a very valuable tool that keeps me centered. It reminds me that the interviews were only the beginning of a long line of scary things built to make me confident, certain, and adept at what I'm doing - even when I feel hesitant, unsure, and clumsy inside. It's the beginning of the 'baptism by fire' that is medical education.
And so it reminds me. Sure, I may be stressed and pushing myself like never before in my life - but at least I'm not there, not even at the beginning of the journey but still trying to be allowed to start it. It's another exercise in remembering how far I've come, a talent that I need to work a little bit harder to cultivate. Because it's remembering how far I've come that helps me see that I don't really have that far to go - a while, yes, but not nearly forever. And not nearly unconquerable.
I came in to school today to give a tour to the med school applicants. They are such a contrast in thought in their clone-like black suits, all of them dressed nicely and trying to be confident but deeply worried underneath. I know, because I've been there. I know the hesitancy, the worry; the frustration of trying to show you know what you want to do - and that you could be really good at it - without coming across as a jackass.
Does it make me a bad person that I take great pleasure in seeing them walk through the halls, this group of hopeful, would-be medical students? That while completely stressed out studying for exams, all it took was the nervousness of the interview group to put a smile on my face and relax me a little? I don't think so. No, I think it's a very valuable tool that keeps me centered. It reminds me that the interviews were only the beginning of a long line of scary things built to make me confident, certain, and adept at what I'm doing - even when I feel hesitant, unsure, and clumsy inside. It's the beginning of the 'baptism by fire' that is medical education.
And so it reminds me. Sure, I may be stressed and pushing myself like never before in my life - but at least I'm not there, not even at the beginning of the journey but still trying to be allowed to start it. It's another exercise in remembering how far I've come, a talent that I need to work a little bit harder to cultivate. Because it's remembering how far I've come that helps me see that I don't really have that far to go - a while, yes, but not nearly forever. And not nearly unconquerable.