Short Story: Shatter
Shatter
Summary: No matter how hard she tried not to let her father's behavior hurt her, her heart broke into pieces every time.
Shatter
She sat quietly on the porch of her house, watching the sun fade into the earth as it did at the end of every day. The heat clung to her skin, moved sluggishly in her lungs. The air smelled thickly and sweetly of summer rain and thunder boomed around her. Some people feared the lightning storms; she welcomed them, especially tonight. Tonight they matched her mood and the ferocious thundering in her heart better than any simple soothing sunset could.
Damn him.
How he managed to do this to her - raise her hopes and then let them blow away with the wind - she would never know. It didn’t take much…a word, an unexpected phone call. It had been happening for years and yet every time she thought she had a handle on it she realized she was wrong. Every time she thought she couldn’t be hurt any longer, thought she’d moved on, he proved her wrong and left her feeling as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Left her with the same hollow questions and doubts. Every time.
She would never understand how a father could be so selfish. How he could, time and again, make his daughter feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy.
There were, of course, those in her life who loved her; who showed her every day. Her husband, who called her Princess and supported her in everything she did; her mother, with fierce protectiveness; her grandparents and friends. Yet it was his love that she still so desperately wanted, and though she was certain that her father loved her, she was also certain that he didn’t understand the meaning of the word sometimes. That he didn’t realize love meant putting someone else’s welfare above his own - or keeping them in consideration at the very least.
As she sat on the porch, warm, fat raindrops began to fall as if in sympathy. They wet the ground around her, sending up the aroma of wet desert earth that would always remind her of childhood. Memories stirred, and she thought back on the first time he’d ever left her; the first glimpse she had of the rest of her life. She had only been six or seven at the time; she hadn’t understood anything other than that he wouldn’t take her with him.
Although the event was imprinted in her memory because it was the first time he had torn a hole in her vulnerable heart, it was far from the most painful. Those times came later in her life, in high school and college and beyond when she finally understood that he left and ignored her because he didn’t want her or didn’t care. Times when he’d call just to let her know that he had been in town but was leaving again without stopping by to see her, when if she’d known he was there she’d have gladly hitchhiked to get to him. Times when the only conversations they had all year were on birthdays and Christmas.
Slowly she had begun to realize that she was only his daughter when it was convenient for him. Sometimes they would talk and things would seem normal between them, and she’d convince herself that he had changed and that she was no longer just an obligation. That now, since they were both adults, things would be different somehow. But they never would and that’s when she fell hardest of all, hurt with the same terrible hurts and angry, so angry with herself for allowing it to happen once again.
Tears mixed with the rain as old familiar feelings washed over her. She was tired, so tired of getting her hopes up and having them crushed on the rocks that were her father. She was twenty-five years old and she couldn’t live like this any longer. She didn’t want her own children to be affected by the scars she carried. She was tired of crying over a man who would never change; of feeling guilty and angry because she couldn’t make him change.
The rain fell steadily, soothing and healing as lightning illuminated the sky and thunder crackled through the clouds. It was a long, long time before she rose and went inside.
Summary: No matter how hard she tried not to let her father's behavior hurt her, her heart broke into pieces every time.
Shatter
She sat quietly on the porch of her house, watching the sun fade into the earth as it did at the end of every day. The heat clung to her skin, moved sluggishly in her lungs. The air smelled thickly and sweetly of summer rain and thunder boomed around her. Some people feared the lightning storms; she welcomed them, especially tonight. Tonight they matched her mood and the ferocious thundering in her heart better than any simple soothing sunset could.
Damn him.
How he managed to do this to her - raise her hopes and then let them blow away with the wind - she would never know. It didn’t take much…a word, an unexpected phone call. It had been happening for years and yet every time she thought she had a handle on it she realized she was wrong. Every time she thought she couldn’t be hurt any longer, thought she’d moved on, he proved her wrong and left her feeling as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Left her with the same hollow questions and doubts. Every time.
She would never understand how a father could be so selfish. How he could, time and again, make his daughter feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy.
There were, of course, those in her life who loved her; who showed her every day. Her husband, who called her Princess and supported her in everything she did; her mother, with fierce protectiveness; her grandparents and friends. Yet it was his love that she still so desperately wanted, and though she was certain that her father loved her, she was also certain that he didn’t understand the meaning of the word sometimes. That he didn’t realize love meant putting someone else’s welfare above his own - or keeping them in consideration at the very least.
As she sat on the porch, warm, fat raindrops began to fall as if in sympathy. They wet the ground around her, sending up the aroma of wet desert earth that would always remind her of childhood. Memories stirred, and she thought back on the first time he’d ever left her; the first glimpse she had of the rest of her life. She had only been six or seven at the time; she hadn’t understood anything other than that he wouldn’t take her with him.
Although the event was imprinted in her memory because it was the first time he had torn a hole in her vulnerable heart, it was far from the most painful. Those times came later in her life, in high school and college and beyond when she finally understood that he left and ignored her because he didn’t want her or didn’t care. Times when he’d call just to let her know that he had been in town but was leaving again without stopping by to see her, when if she’d known he was there she’d have gladly hitchhiked to get to him. Times when the only conversations they had all year were on birthdays and Christmas.
Slowly she had begun to realize that she was only his daughter when it was convenient for him. Sometimes they would talk and things would seem normal between them, and she’d convince herself that he had changed and that she was no longer just an obligation. That now, since they were both adults, things would be different somehow. But they never would and that’s when she fell hardest of all, hurt with the same terrible hurts and angry, so angry with herself for allowing it to happen once again.
Tears mixed with the rain as old familiar feelings washed over her. She was tired, so tired of getting her hopes up and having them crushed on the rocks that were her father. She was twenty-five years old and she couldn’t live like this any longer. She didn’t want her own children to be affected by the scars she carried. She was tired of crying over a man who would never change; of feeling guilty and angry because she couldn’t make him change.
The rain fell steadily, soothing and healing as lightning illuminated the sky and thunder crackled through the clouds. It was a long, long time before she rose and went inside.