So much for a vacation...
This was the first real day of my vacation. No school, no work...it was suppose to be a nice relaxing day. I had envisioned a day of blissfulness and productivity. I was going to clean and knit and work on my devotional speech...I was going to catch up with friends and make Yuletide ornaments. I was going to read and listen to music. I was not suppose to wake up in a puddle of my own snot, followed by a 30 minute stint of time spend with my head in the toilet.
I feel like shit. I feel like shit that's been stepped on. I was hoping that the fever that I had yesterday would magically disappear....instead it's just gone up.
Today sucks. Yesterday sucked, and the days before that... and you get the picture. I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. I'm tired of everything that's been happening and what's suppose to keep happening and I'm tired and I want to just stop. I don't even know where to begin, so I'm not even going to go there. People wouldn't believe it or understand if I even bothered so what's the fucking bloody point? All this shit... it's bullshit, every last piece of it. I would say that I can't wait for this year to be over, but I can't because I know that next year will be worse...so much worse. It's not me being pessimistic, simply realistic. I'm not saying it's going to be all bad, but there's going to be a lot of things going on in my life that I'd just rather not have to deal with. In fact, I REALLY don't want to deal with them, but at this point, it doesn't seem as if I have a choice.
You know, I don' t even know why I have this journal sometimes. What's the point of having it if I don't feel right about talking about the things that I've been dealing with? But it's personal stuff, the really weird, someone's going to think that you need meds, kind of private things... I feel the need to just erase all of this, but I can't bring myself to, because even this cryptic ass venting helps a little. If anything, I can blame it on the fever.
Screw this, I'm going back to bed.
I feel like shit. I feel like shit that's been stepped on. I was hoping that the fever that I had yesterday would magically disappear....instead it's just gone up.
Today sucks. Yesterday sucked, and the days before that... and you get the picture. I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. I'm tired of everything that's been happening and what's suppose to keep happening and I'm tired and I want to just stop. I don't even know where to begin, so I'm not even going to go there. People wouldn't believe it or understand if I even bothered so what's the fucking bloody point? All this shit... it's bullshit, every last piece of it. I would say that I can't wait for this year to be over, but I can't because I know that next year will be worse...so much worse. It's not me being pessimistic, simply realistic. I'm not saying it's going to be all bad, but there's going to be a lot of things going on in my life that I'd just rather not have to deal with. In fact, I REALLY don't want to deal with them, but at this point, it doesn't seem as if I have a choice.
You know, I don' t even know why I have this journal sometimes. What's the point of having it if I don't feel right about talking about the things that I've been dealing with? But it's personal stuff, the really weird, someone's going to think that you need meds, kind of private things... I feel the need to just erase all of this, but I can't bring myself to, because even this cryptic ass venting helps a little. If anything, I can blame it on the fever.
Screw this, I'm going back to bed.